Thread for Women Discerning Religious Life

[Cosette]

Pro Domina, that was really not well thought out. If a 58 year old is being called by God Himself to be a nun, who are we to stand in their way? I’ve known 60-year-olds with no health problems whatsoever, so to say that a woman with a late vocation is going to be a burden, that is not for us to say.

The Visitation order, when it was formed, was made with widows in mind. They were actually not supposed to be nuns, but women consecrated to God. Most of the time it was because they discovered late vocations. A late vocation is better than not responding to His call at all.

I couldn’t agree more. God uses us as He will at whatever time of our life He wills it.

Don’t forget, too, the wonderful community of the Daughters of Mary, Mother of Israel’s Hope, founded by Rosalind Moss who herself is a 65-year old convert to the Faith. Ros has been inspired (by Whom, I wonder?) to extend an invitation to women of all ages provided they can do the work of the community.

 

[1234]

I couldn’t agree more. God uses us as He will at whatever time of our life He wills it.

Don’t forget, too, the wonderful community of the Daughters of Mary, Mother of Israel’s Hope, founded by Rosalind Moss who herself is a 65-year old convert to the Faith. Ros has been inspired (by Whom, I wonder?) to extend an invitation to women of all ages provided they can do the work of the community.

All true, but the DMMIH is in its very founding stages, and as far as I know doesn’t even have a website yet.

In addition to this group, there are many other orders who will at least consider older candidates, to their 60’s; this includes non-habited and habited groups, contemplative and active. I think that one’s chances are greater if one establishes a relationship with an order early on, even in the earliest stages of discernment. This and acquiring a spiritual director will help any discerner determine her vocation and where it lies.

Focusing on the orders popular with the youthful set doesn’t help. There are many others out there looking for candidates.

 

[Poor_Clare_tobe]

my husband and i both feal we are being called to the religiouce life (but there is one rather obviouce obstical in that we are married)
so far we have found a middle ground . we pray the hours and travel round england teaching about diferent orders we have done a lot of reaserch into the orders we reprisent (including staying a weak with them) in order to give the fullest picture possible. but its not the same.

i realise it is a long shot but is there an order that would except married couples ?

seeking light,
The short answer is no.( talking about religious orders as a Sister taking vows and a man taking vows as a priest or brother for religious here [as marriage is a sacrament]
The good news is that St Francis [and then others such as St Dominic for instance and to name just two] saw that many married couples wanted to belong to a religious order, but being married that would not have been an option, which then led to the beginnings of the Secular Franciscan Order. You and your husband might investigate one of the many orders.There is a great thread in this forum on secular Franciscans
[This was a short answer so not as detailed as it perhaps ought to have been but hope it helps you in your investigation on how God is working in both of your lives. Other options for ministry in the Church of course exist]
Blessings of Peace and all Good!

 

[Pro_Domina]

Just to clear up, I am a man, I was born in America and I am writing here because I jump in random vocations threads.

I know all about vocations from all around the world because Rome is just my recent stop, so I guess I could say I have some insight. Also, I know the American mentality all to well, so I am measuring my comments accordingly, because I know the typical strengths and weaknesses of many countries and can tell you what the US has and doesn’t and should and shouldn’t have in relations to vocations.

 

[CarmeliteGirl25]

Just to clear up, I am a man, I was born in America and I am writing here because I jump in random vocations threads.

I know all about vocations from all around the world because Rome is just my recent stop, so I guess I could say I have some insight. Also, I know the American mentality all to well, so I am measuring my comments accordingly, because I know the typical strengths and weaknesses of many countries and can tell you what the US has and doesn’t and should and shouldn’t have in relations to vocations.

However, that doesn’t make you an expert in who is called and who isn’t. Only God can call someone to the religious life or priesthood, and NO ONE should step in the way. If you want to do something worthwhile, offer up your prayers! We need worthy priests and religious to carry on the Catholic Church.

 

[Bebekoualy]

I don’t feel myself as “old” person, but I was put into sadeness that many congregations have age limit around 30-35. And my “dream one” had age limit of 28!
The communities I’m discerning now, don’t have such harsh age limits; one has limit of 30, but they allow people to enter on individual basis, and they would like to meet with me.
This congregation is large and flourishing, and they have two missions in Russia - in very distant cities, though, so visiting these would be not easier than visiting the motherhouse in Poland
From one point of view, it would be nice to be able to stay in “home” country, but I have many worries about catholic apostolate in a country that is “officially” orthodox (Russia is secular state by law, but in fact, Orthodox church has all the government support and catholics are always shunned for mythical “prozelyting orthodox people”.)
A lot of people here are baptized, but not practicing christians; Orthodox church considers them to be “her sheep” anyway, and always views joining catholic church by such people as something negative.
Just recently I saw the info that about 300 russian orthodox priests, deacons and seminarians requested to join Catholic Church, but they were not welcomed due to these diplomatic issues. When catholics open an orphanage, or visit prison or hospital, there always some orthodox will come up with “Prozelytism!” alarm banner So… evangelization here may be troublesome.
So I need to know what exactly sisters here can do… and how do they settle things with Orthodox and Buddhist people (in Siberian mission…) It’s important for me, because I feel drawn to active life, not to being cloistered “prayer warrior” =) I always wanted to preach, teach, spread the Good News by any way I can (though I’m definitely not best apologist for now

I would definitely want to visit more communities, but money needed for travels is the problem… I’m working hard to get rid of debt (not as big as student loans in US happen to be, but it’s annoying anyway), and then, I will need to gather enough money to support myself during these discernment travels. I would have to quit a job, because the official vacation is very short, and I need more time to stay with the sisters.
Well, I hope this all will work. I try to put my hopes in God and let the time work for me.

I didn’t know there was proselytism in Russia, especially from the Orthodox.
What you need is money and time then, for your discernment. I think that if God really wants you to become a nun, He’ll provide you that all, in quite an unexpected way.
Reading that you live in Russia makes me think about Abbess Thaisia (orthodox), and the difficulty she had before entering a convent.
I will pray for you. God bless you and help you!

 

[Pro_Domina]

However, that doesn’t make you an expert in who is called and who isn’t. Only God can call someone to the religious life or priesthood, and NO ONE should step in the way. If you want to do something worthwhile, offer up your prayers! We need worthy priests and religious to carry on the Catholic Church.

Expert is word I would not use, but you do gain experience, and above all time in the Blessed Sacrament is what makes experience fruitful. Remember that the vocation is given to the person, but their superiors are the ones that guide them as well. Cursed is the one who leads a vocation astray, but worst one who leads one into one wrongfully. That is why Hell is full of masters of novices and superiors. Imaginse *St. *John Bosco, a saint. I repeat as saint, was shown a vision of many boys he did not reckognize. Upon asking who they were, he was told they are souls he would have saved had he been more faithful.

And us miserable sinners?

 

[CarmeliteGirl25]

Expert is word I would not use, but you do gain experience, and above all time in the Blessed Sacrament is what makes experience fruitful. Remember that the vocation is given to the person, but their superiors are the ones that guide them as well. Cursed is the one who leads a vocation astray, but worst one who leads one into one wrongfully. That is why Hell is full of masters of novices and superiors. Imagine *St. *John Bosco, a saint. I repeat as saint, was shown a vision of many boys he did not recognize. Upon asking who they were, he was told they are souls he would have saved had he been more faithful.

And us miserable sinners?

I try to spend as much time as I can in front of the Blessed Sacrament and going to daily Mass. It really does bring you back to reality, but you also feel as though as you are transported to Heaven and you are surrounded by Angels. That’s how I felt today when I attended Mass. The Lord makes His Presence known when you pray. I’ve discerned the most in Mass and Adoration.

I really love St. John Bosco’s writings. They scared me straight and made me think more carefully. It’s interesting to me how many people have described hell in the same way. That, to me, signifies that is how hell truly is.

Pro Domina, I don’t believe you mean any harm. I’m sorry if some of my previous posts were rude or anything. May God bless you, and you have my prayers.

 

[Pro_Domina]

I am glad you read St. John Bosco’s life and writings.
I am direct because I know well the way people in the US discern. Many always wanted too, but their senior year arrives, their first year of college, graduation, etc, and they are still “discerning”. And discerning for them means still having all the friendships that you probably shouldn’t, the prayer life of a precious moment statue, going to the beach and dating.
Is that supposed to help you have the state of soul and mind to hear God’s call to whatever it may be? I mean to get married people are quite rash. Sure, getting married is the common vocation. Easier in a sense, as the higher the vocation the harder it is, albeit all are a cross. And they date and what not.

But for a religious vocation, oh no. That requires LOTS of time and listening and reflection. Reflection in the movie theater, in the chapel, with their friends. Because God wants you to lead a normal life.

The normal thing is to experience what your vocation is. That is why there are novitiates. Where your soul and mind is truly in contact with God. Because I’ve never heard of a temptation to remain celebate. I’ve never heard of a temptation to take up a Cross. I have heard of the opposite.

And as I said before, it is not about reading and seeing what is what. It is about *vocation. *A call that you feel in your soul that makes you not even think that it is a Cross. If a novice enters with doubts and worries, then it is doomed to fail.
No real vocations enter with a foot behind.

What does this all eco? Enthusiasm. Without enthusiasm, what can be expected if the sweet beggining is already a sour drink.
What is this if it is a call to an execution before a call to the greatest adventure?

Were the apostles persecuted before the time? Did Our Lord not spend 30 years in prayer and 3 proclaiming before the agony?
Our Lord came to this world and as a child already was contemplating His mission. He had the full compenetration of the Cross, yet it was not yet an agony.
And we are called to imitate. Yes, stupid is he who paints a silky picture of any vocation. It is a Cross, but it starts with a total desire for the glories and tribulations of it, and the latter almost hidden at the beggining. If we start by thinking of the falls, of the whips and thorns, then what call is this?

God gives any true vocation a taste of the glories and sensible graces that they will receive during their battles and ultimately in Heaven. This is to give an impulse to the soul.
But then, as even He suffered, it seems that the very God abandons. He doesn’t, but it certainly seems like it.

Have no fear, pray and

…Si quis vult post me venire, abneget semetipsum, et tollat crucem suam, et sequatur me …

 

[Bebekoualy]

Expert is word I would not use, but you do gain experience, and above all time in the Blessed Sacrament is what makes experience fruitful. Remember that the vocation is given to the person, but their superiors are the ones that guide them as well. Cursed is the one who leads a vocation astray, but worst one who leads one into one wrongfully. That is why **Hell is full of masters of novices and superiors. **Imaginse *St. *John Bosco, a saint. I repeat as saint, was shown a vision of many boys he did not reckognize. Upon asking who they were, he was told they are souls he would have saved had he been more faithful.

And us miserable sinners?

I’m really touched by your sentence (the one in red)… And i didn’t believe I would be told such thing one day. You’re completely right. I had never thought about that before.
I had great sufferings because of a Superior who tried to guide me to her own community whereas I was immature (17 only, and a 1 year old convert) and she did me harm without realising it.
I believe there are “evil superiors” eager for vocations… That gives me the shivers because it’s so far from some humble Superiors listening to God’s voice, ready to let a beautiful soul go because she be called elsewhere.

 

[CarmeliteGirl25]

I’m really touched by your sentence (the one in red)… And i didn’t believe I would be told such thing one day. You’re completely right. I had never thought about that before.
I had great sufferings because of a Superior who tried to guide me to her own community whereas I was immature (17 only, and a 1 year old convert) and she did me harm without realising it.
I believe there are “evil superiors” eager for vocations… That gives me the shivers because it’s so far from some humble Superiors listening to God’s voice, ready to let a beautiful soul go because she be called elsewhere.

I’ve had a Prioress that did the same thing to me! She was a Carmelite Prioress, which I feel called to, but I knew in my heart that her community wasn’t right for me from what I was witnessing from afar. She kept pushing to come and visit them. I didn’t feel comfortable at all because none of the prayers about whether I was called to this community were answered. I asked the Holy Spirit to give me a sign, either internally or externally, but I got no such sign. I desired to wait, then. I told her as such, and she tried to get me to promise to visit. Another thing that made me very uncomfortable! They’ve not had a postulant in over 20 years, and all their current sisters are MUCH older than me. I would feel uncomfortable with that. I could live with it, though, if I felt God was calling me there, but He wasn’t. When I told her that I didn’t feel called there, and I was looking at other orders, and told her which ones so she wouldn’t think I was lying, she tried to get me to go to other orders within the association her Carmel was a part of. I hated that. I kept wondering why she was being so pushy instead of letting me decide at my own pace. I decided, after much prayerful consideration, to end my relationship with the community. I emailed her (the only correspondence I decided to keep with her), and told her that I was thankful for her help, but I had decided that I was not called there, and I would contact her if things changed. I blocked her email address after that. I haven’t heard from her since.

It was crazy! I felt that something was wrong because she was trying her hardest to email me when she was on vacation, even after I told her I was no longer interested in her community. I just knew that God was not leading her anymore. I felt controlled in my discernment by her because she was trying to control which community I discerned with. That didn’t make me feel good at all. I asked Jesus in prayer for the courage to cut off my relationship, and He responded by saying, “Yes.” I feel really good now that I don’t have her emailing me everyday asking when I’m coming there.

 

[Yearning_Heart]

Hi All,
I’m kinda new, in that I haven’t posted for a while. I’ve been discerning for about two years, seriously for the last year and went to do an aspirancy recently with the order I feel I’m called to.
I had a terrible time with jet lag for most of my time there, travelling half way around the world to get there, and I found it really difficult to discern being so tired and got quite confused about my vocation. I loved the life, the honarium, the work, prayer, study, though some of the people, who were the nicest people really, I had some personality clashes/personal dislike with. I understand a call is to a community and not because you get on with the people there. I loved the life but felt woefully inadequate about it and found it quite challenging in that alot of it I’d never done before and had to really swallow my pride that I knew nothing. I had such a difficult road listening to God there. I had loads of talks with sisters and really felt the jetlag etc got in the way of presenting what I truely felt and thought. I guess they have seen me at my worst!
Now, I’m home, all rested and feel like I did before I left: convinced I am called to that community. I’ve spoken to my sd about it and he supports it, but I’m a bit hesitant to contact them again for a while to see if I still feel the same in a month or so.

*thoughts/comments/your own experiences welcome.

 

[ClareTherese]

Hi All,
I’m kinda new, in that I haven’t posted for a while. I’ve been discerning for about two years, seriously for the last year and went to do an aspirancy recently with the order I feel I’m called to.
I had a terrible time with jet lag for most of my time there, travelling half way around the world to get there, and I found it really difficult to discern being so tired and got quite confused about my vocation. I loved the life, the honarium, the work, prayer, study, though some of the people, who were the nicest people really, I had some personality clashes/personal dislike with. I understand a call is to a community and not because you get on with the people there. I loved the life but felt woefully inadequate about it and found it quite challenging in that alot of it I’d never done before and had to really swallow my pride that I knew nothing. I had such a difficult road listening to God there. I had loads of talks with sisters and really felt the jetlag etc got in the way of presenting what I truely felt and thought. I guess they have seen me at my worst!
Now, I’m home, all rested and feel like I did before I left: convinced I am called to that community. I’ve spoken to my sd about it and he supports it, but I’m a bit hesitant to contact them again for a while to see if I still feel the same in a month or so.

*thoughts/comments/your own experiences welcome.

Hi! You are not the only one that feels this way, if going to visit a community, or to go to do a live in, with a community. I did a 3, then another 3 months live in, with a Poor Clare community and felt a very deep desire in my heart, telling me that indeed, this was my “home”. I was indeed happy…until I asked Mother Vicar, if I may apply to this community as a Postulant. “No, I’m Sorry, we can not accept you here. We have nothing against you, and the 6 months here, you have proved yourself worthy, that indeed you should enter. However, in our constitutions, we can not accept anyone with a history of epilepsy. Even though yours is extremly mild. I’m very sorry” I ran to the chapel, sat in my stall, staring at the Blessed Sacrament, and asking god, “Why???”

When I came home, I did not wish to write , call or take thier calls from them. Mother Clare still wanted me to keep in contact, but I said NO, because I felt I was led on. this was back in 1998-99. I know longer go to there monastery (near Santa Cruz, CA).

Now I am in my final stages of discernment. I am very interested, and drawn to the Visitation Nuns in Toledo, OH. A very beautiful community of contemplative nuns, that wear the traditional, full habit, of St.Jane de Chantel, co-foundress of the order.
Also a small community of Dominican, contemplative, nuns, that wear the dominican habit also. they are in Ortonville, MI.
And thier are two others. One is a more active order,with the modified habit/veil, the other is a contemplative/active community.

I have always felt drwn to wear the full, traditional, habit/veil, in giving God my total self, and to the, contemplative order. I do know one thing, prayer, and alot of it works. But I pray my rosary, offer up myself to Him, and say" I will lay down my life, for His, at the foot of the cross. Here I am, Lord. You died for our sins, let me die for you now, for all the sins in the world. I will die for you, at the foot of the cross" Mind you, I did not know this was a Franciscan saying, until a sister told me over the phone.

Just stick in there and you’ll be okay. There are pushy, very pushy, monasteries and convent, that are hurting for vocations. I am not called to be a Carmelite, nor the burning in my heart to be in the secular world.

May the peace of Our Lord and Our Lady protect you, under her mantle, always

ClareTherese J+M+J :nun1: :console:

 

[Bebekoualy]

I’ve had a Prioress that did the same thing to me! She was a Carmelite Prioress, which I feel called to, but I knew in my heart that her community wasn’t right for me from what I was witnessing from afar. She kept pushing to come and visit them. I didn’t feel comfortable at all because none of the prayers about whether I was called to this community were answered. I asked the Holy Spirit to give me a sign, either internally or externally, but I got no such sign. I desired to wait, then. I told her as such, and she tried to get me to promise to visit. Another thing that made me very uncomfortable! They’ve not had a postulant in over 20 years, and all their current sisters are MUCH older than me. I would feel uncomfortable with that. I could live with it, though, if I felt God was calling me there, but He wasn’t. When I told her that I didn’t feel called there, and I was looking at other orders, and told her which ones so she wouldn’t think I was lying, she tried to get me to go to other orders within the association her Carmel was a part of. I hated that. I kept wondering why she was being so pushy instead of letting me decide at my own pace. I decided, after much prayerful consideration, to end my relationship with the community. I emailed her (the only correspondence I decided to keep with her), and told her that I was thankful for her help, but I had decided that I was not called there, and I would contact her if things changed. I blocked her email address after that. I haven’t heard from her since.

It was crazy! I felt that something was wrong because she was trying her hardest to email me when she was on vacation, even after I told her I was no longer interested in her community. I just knew that God was not leading her anymore. I felt controlled in my discernment by her because she was trying to control which community I discerned with. That didn’t make me feel good at all. I asked Jesus in prayer for the courage to cut off my relationship, and He responded by saying, “Yes.” I feel really good now that I don’t have her emailing me everyday asking when I’m coming there.

CarmeliteGirl25, she has done you much harm! So it’s true. There are really cases like that.

I’ve got a community which is getting quite old. They wouldn’t behave like that with me. They use the sweetest,the best way to keep me free. Once, the Superior told someone: “We wouldn’t pick her and keep her with us. She will go where God wants so.” I shed tears afterwards, but she doesn’t know. I’m touched by such good spirit!

Yearning Heart, maybe you just need to get accustomed to such life… Or you might be called elsewhere. Pray and try again. You might know after a while.

ClareTherese, the way these Poor Clares rejected you (I know this word is quite rude) shocks me a bit. It’s like rejecting the poor, or the leper… I don’t understand why in the US they’re so strict with details like that. I know in Europe (we lack so much vocations!!!) they wouldn’t be so harsh…

This thread is amazingly interesting!!

 

[Inity]

Just a little note - my discernment is doing fine - and I hopefully
will be visiting several communities in Italy and UK this year, all
Dominican of course! And, I hope to celebrate St.Dominic’s feast
day in basilica S.Domenico in Bologna (wouldn’t that be great…)

And, of course I want proper dominican outfit during my journey

(I have almost real dominican habit, created for live role-playing game, but of course I won’t wear it in other circumstances than RPG - I don’t want to confuse people
But, I’m making for myself some Dominican T-Shirts. =)

(If you want to make one for yourself, check this thread:
forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=331455 )

 

[Bebekoualy]

Just a little note - my discernment is doing fine - and I hopefully
will be visiting several communities in Italy and UK this year, all
Dominican of course! And, I hope to celebrate St.Dominic’s feast
day in basilica S.Domenico in Bologna (wouldn’t that be great…)

And, of course I want proper dominican outfit during my journey

(I have almost real dominican habit, created for live role-playing game, but of course I won’t wear it in other circumstances than RPG - I don’t want to confuse people
But, I’m making for myself some Dominican T-Shirts. =)

(If you want to make one for yourself, check this thread:
forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=331455 )

Italy and =the UK are so different. Why not decide between these two places where to remain for ever? (unless you’d chose a non-cloistered congregation?)

 

[Inity]

I’m going to non-cloistered congregations only. I neverwanted to be a cloistered nun, in turn, I admire travelling with missions, and I’m most interested in communities which have many houses around the world, so there would be a chance to serve in different places.
My choice is now limited because of the language. I can’t join a community in France or Germany, because I don’t know the languages. And, learning any eastern european language for me would be areal nightmare. I love english, so I would discern UK (US is out of question, to get visa there is almost impossible!); and, I love Italy as a country, and italian language is easy to learn for me, because I have experience in Latin. There would be also chance for Spain - I might start studying Spanish if needed. After all, missions in Latin America are also very attractive
I alwayswanted to live a life of a preacher, and I never wanted to be locked forever in one place. But of course some experience of cloistered life during the novitiate isvery useful.

May be the sisters I’d join, would later want to establish a foundation in Russia. Russia really needs catholic communities for women, without harsh age restrictions. And if such apostolate would be someday established, I’d be ready to serve, to spread the Dominican charism in Russia! (dreams, dreams )

 

[lzuluaga89]

Hello!

My name is Lina and I will be 20 this Saturday! I’ve been discerning religious life since I was 16. I’m looking into Franciscan Contemplative but Active communities. Any ideas?

God bless!

 

[Sesame]

Lina,
There are several in the Midwest that are worth a look:

Sisters of St. Francis of Perpetual Adoration in Mishawaka, Indiana
Sisters of St. Francis of the Holy Eucharist in Independence, Missouri
Sisters of St. Francis of the Martyr St. George in Alton, Illinois
Sisters of St. Francis, Peoria, Illinois

I believe they all have websites–good luck!

 

[barbmur1]

I converted last easter. I’ve very recently felt a discernment for a religious life. It happened very fast, in just a few seconds. This is something I never looked for. Never sought. I’ve been confused and resistant to the idea. Yet I want God more than anything and I want to follow God’s will for my life. I’ve been reading some of the earlier entries made here and its good to know that other people have been confused and/or resistant. Part of me wishes that I have have some of this convert zeal, while the other part rejects this idea. I don’t know whether to hope that’s the case or not. I’ve decided to just to wait and see for now, while I become more confortable with the possibility. I am glad that I’ve found this forum. Its good to see that what I’m feeling right now isn’t odd; that others have felt this.