Here’s a question for all the ladies that have posted so far and for those who might join us later: Have any of you felt equally called to life as a religious and a life of marriage and children? I used to be quite certain that God would lead me to marriage and a family (especially pre-conversion). During the time that I was studying Catholicism and post-conversion, I began to feel fascinated by and drawn to the life of the religious and a life of Christian service as a sister or nun. One moment I think that I want a husband and children and I want it with all my heart. The next I think that I want to devote myself to religious life and I want that with all my heart. I suspect that one of these desires will turn out to be the desire of my own heart and not God’s true calling, but how do I find out which is which? At this point in time, neither holds greater sway over the other and so I’m feeling rather confused. Have any of you ever felt equally pulled in opposite directions? Any insight/advice you might have to offer is greatly appreciated. I do so hate uncertainty.
I saw this question and I wanted to answer it. When I much younger I was seriously thinking about becoming a nun. I knew the nuns that taught at the Catholic school at my church in California at the time (St. Joseph of Cupertino). They were wonderful ladies. I even attended convent school. I was 19-21. I was certain that God was calling me to enter the convent.
You might asked what changed that. In 1979 my family took a trip to Europe. We were in the Black Forest and I prayed to God to show me what he wanted for me as that whole trip I saw myself married and with children. I prayed for wisdom because I thought if God was really calling me to be a nun, the urge to marry and have children as a vocation wouldn’t be so strong.
When we came back to the states, I decided to attend a Catholic girls school in Boston where I could still practice my Catholic Faith but at the same time be more social and just a normal girl. My time and experience there was such that I left not wanting to be a nun if it meant I was going to turn into a nasty person like the nun there who took such delight in telling me how stupid I was. It was really a very terrible experience being told I was so ignorant that I couldn’t learn anything. I left at Spring time as I got very ill there.
The funny thing is that God never did being a husband in my life, so there wasn’t the children. At 51 I am still single I can look back and say did I blow it by not entering the convent after coming back from Europe and going to Boston? Sure, there are times that I feel like I made a mistake by not entering the convent, but the truth is that the Catholic Church was always a safe place for me. I felt safe from the world outside that has not always been a happy place for me. It was my place to hide from the bad and the terrifying. I think I wanted to be a nun for the wrong reasons. I think I was running away from the bad in the world and not running to something. I don’t know if what I am saying is making sense.
I think that I was right in thinking that God’s vocation for me was marriage and family. I just think that something happen that hindered that from happening. Who knows it still might happen, lol. I am open to whatever path opens up to me in life.
We as women can serve God in whatever place we are in. I would encourage you to go on a retreat. At Convent school that I went to they had retreats for the girls/women who were considering the religious life. If you feel in your heart the desire for a husband and children than it may be that God is calling you to serve him through marriage and motherhood. The most important thing is to talk over your feelings with the sisters who you are close to. I know that they will be a great help in helping your discern God’s Will for your life.
I wish you the best as you are praying and discerning what God’s Will is for you. Who knows where the Lord will place us, but I believe he will show us where he wants us to be.
Best Wishes
Chrisy
