Threading the needle on LGBT issues

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This is mostly a venting post, but just bear with me.

I’m bisexual. A bisexual with a low sex drive and medical issues that make intercourse extremely unlikely and who therefore finds church teaching easier to obey than most, but a bisexual nonetheless. I’m increasingly frustrated by being caught between people who don’t believe me when I say that yes we are still afraid of being physically abused and thrown out of our homes by family or being fired from nonreligious jobs, that these things do still happen and friends who honestly seem to believe people should be required to provide goods and services for a sacrilegious ceremony and that we are honest-to-goodness called to chastity. I feel like no matter how I advocate, I’d give scandal to somebody because authentic Church teaching is such a fine line to walk.
 
I understand. I’m bi as well (most people dont’ know and I don’t care to tell them) but yeah it’s frustrating b/c I don’t think society in general gets it at all…they look at us like freaks who will “do it” with anyone. sigh.
 
This post is very authentic and sensitive and deserves a reply. We’ve interacted in another thread.
First of all, it can’t be easy in this day and age to have ssa feelings and still be a committed Catholic Christian. It probably feel like you are surrounded by conflicting voices telling you what to do and all sorts of opinions coming at you?
Although the Church distinguishes between feelings and choices, not every rank-and-file Christian does. But you joined this forum anyway, and that takes courage because you probably didn’t know what to expect.
I don’t know how old you are, so I don’t know if you were around for the change in the gay and lesbian narrative that went from “please be kind to us because we suffer a great deal” to “approve of our sexual activity or else you’re a hateful bigot”.
A lot of Christians are a bit shell shocked. They don’t understand why disapproving of premarital sex or divorce-and-remarriage is seen as okay (if maybe a bit old-fashioned), but disapproving of homosexual acts means they’re full of hate. They’ve watched the cake and florist lawsuits roll in and have seen children who haven’t even been through puberty yet “coming out” and being supported by powerful lobbying groups.
Any intelligent person realizes that not all LGBT are some monolithic entity where everybody thinks alike and acts alike. Most of the gays and lesbians I’ve known were nice and we got along fine. A couple were jerks, but any group will have its jerks.
And, although I keep hearing about this widescale discrimination, I simply haven’t seen it.
You have every right to tell your testimony.
And I have every right to tell mine.
I absolutely did not set out to hurt your feelings :confused:
I believe you are walking a difficult path. I certainly don’t want to make it more difficult for you. And in this day and age there are a lot of people on both sides walking a difficult path.
FWIW, peace.
 
And seriously, if all I’ve done is to add gasoline to the fire, let me know and I will delete the post
🕊️
 
Just out of curiosity (and please understand I’m asking in good faith, this isn’t an attempt to set you up or anything), but if you are celibate/not dating, whether for religious reasons or because you have a low libido, why identify as bisexual? Like, what does the term mean for you practically?

I get that it means you are capable of feeling physical attraction to women, but everyone probably feels some attraction to people throughout the day that they have no intention of acting on. Just seems kind of inconsequential in your day to day life.
 
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0Scarlett_nidiyilii said:
They don’t understand why disapproving of premarital sex or divorce-and-remarriage is seen as okay (if maybe a bit old-fashioned), but disapproving of homosexual acts means they’re full of hate.
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Perhaps it is because very few people alienate themselves from their children over the first two issues? If people just took homosexuality in stride, it wouldn’t be a culture war issue.
 
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But again, back to what I’ve actually seen–I know families who got into pitched battles over all three issues and even stopped talking for awhile…but in every case reconciliation eventually occurred.

People who don’t have any hate in their hearts whatsoever get really tired of being called “hater” after a while. They get bruised and weary. Eventually they don’t want to be around people who might call them names anymore.

Of course, this makes it unfair for somebody who has ssa but wants to be chaste. They didn’t do anything wrong, and are even trying to reach out, but they feel lumped in with the name callers.

There are so many hurt feelings on both sides. 🙁
 
You are not bi sexual, you are a child of God. Having unwanted thoughts, or being tempted to same sex acts or desires doesn’t mean you are bisexual, you are being tempted like all of us. Its when you give into evil thoughts, desires, or do same sex acts that you sin. And if this is the case you are called to repentance like all of us.
 
I’m somewhat bi as well, although I have a preference for the opposite gender. I would consider myself a 60 percent/ 40 percent split. I was never involved with a same-sex partner when I was younger and less religious, for a variety of reasons, including the circumstances just never being right for it to happen. It’s now a moot point because I don’t see myself having any sort of sex with either gender going forward. I am recently widowed and have other priorities in my life right now; I don’t want to fornicate, I don’t want to marry again, I feel like I spent enough time in my past life on romantic relationships, and my sex drive is currently a minimal factor in my life and I like it that way (less hassles, more space to focus on current non-sexual priorities).

There are always people who are going to be upset with you no matter what you do. I would suggest focusing on your own behavior and your own relationship with Christ and the Church, rather than on others’ behavior or others’ opinions. (I suggest this whether the issue is sexual orientation or somebody listening to punk music or whatever - basically any issue that others get all “judgy” about.) And try to be kind to everyone. Being kind doesn’t mean you necessarily have to agree with them, it just means trying to understand where they’re coming from, and being kind.

Also, don’t feel you have to be the big advocate for any position or the “font of information” on this issue to everybody you meet. It’s personal business, after all, and what you choose to share or discuss is your business. I’ve found that a lot of people are not really interested in opening their minds on loaded issues anyway.
 
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BoomBoomMancini said:
why identify as bisexual?
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I identified as “bisexual” in my post because when I have had several incidents in my adult life of finding a particular woman to be very sexually attractive, it’s the correct word for what I am.

it doesn’t mean I adopted any particular “lifestyle”. It doesn’t mean I actually “did anything” with these women (one of them was my boss at the time so that would have been a real mess). It doesn’t mean that every pretty lady who walks by sets me off (I have a very defined taste). It means the capacity for swinging that way is there if I wished to act on it, which I don’t.
 
Yes this is how I feel as well. I love my husband but honestly I can’t see myself ever bothering with a romantic relationship again if (God forbid) something happened to him. And, although I never did have any sort of same-sex relationship either, I’ve discussed with my husband that had I not grown up in a home which taught that those things were wrong and had I not continued to believe it, I could have seen myself in a relationship with another woman.

Like I said before most people don’t know and I don’t care to tell them either…I do have to endure a few slights from people who make comments about how gross homosexuality/bisexuality is but mostly I shrug it off…it’s a cross to carry I suppose.
 
Yes, I reached that point with my husband some years ago. I had told him for years that if he passed away, I wasn’t going to go looking for anybody else. I had a number of other relationships with men in the past and I’m just so done with all of that, as with dealing with sexual attraction and sexual behavior in general.

Likewise, if I had come from a home where my father was abusive or my parents didn’t have a good marriage or any number of other circumstances that would make me shy away from men, I might have been more receptive to getting involved with women. I had a good dad, my parents had a good marriage, and I got along well with men and enjoyed their company more than women, as well as probably being slightly more attracted physically to men, so it was quite easy to go with the flow and have relationships with men. It also created less headaches with my mother and with the Church to be dating boys rather than dating girls, even if some of the boys showed up with more makeup on than I was wearing (they were definitely biological boys though).
Growing up on the tail end of the Bowie Kids era, there was certainly a lot of gender bending going on among the crowds I ran with and it was very normal for us, nothing shocking or even really needing a lot of discussion.
 
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Tis_Bearself said:
Growing up on the tail end of the Bowie Kids era, there was certainly a lot of gender bending going on among the crowds I ran with and it was very normal for us, nothing shocking or even really needing a lot of discussion.
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oh I get that for sure! I’ve always been attracted to the more “feminine” men…a lot of times they are gay…go figure lol!
 
jtavington said:
I feel like no matter how I advocate, I’d give scandal to somebody because authentic Church teaching is such a fine line to walk.
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Well, that is being a Christian. And I don’t mean that flippantly. Jesus was very popular with many, but he was also hated. Many would only follow him so far. They liked what he said about some things, but they didn’t agree with everything.
 
If they’d been gay in my case it would have saved me a lot of grief! (and sin!)
What’s really amusing is seeing how a lot of them look 20 or 30 years down the line…like lumberjacks or factory workers…not like David Bowie at all…
 
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Thanks guys.

I identify as bisexual because that’s the proper word for having attraction to both sexes and because I grew up in a very conservative home. My family still doesn’t know, and I have to grit my teeth when they make certain comments. It helps to be able to say “yes, this is part of who I am.” It also helps in discussion of some things to be able to explain something as someone who identifies as both LGBT and a faithful Catholic.
 
I think a question for you as an adult is, if you are not acting on your same-sex attraction, does your family really have a need to know?

There was a lot of stuff I just didn’t bother to discuss with my parents, especially after I turned 21 and moved out of the house. It would have just caused upset and there was no point to that (my parents already had enough on their plate because my father was in poor health), nor was there a good reason to bring it up.

I know comments can be teeth-gritting at times, but you really have to stop and think about whether this is a hill you want to fight and die on.
 
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I would think it’s better for people to see LGBT folks exist in all walks of life and not just invading their sitcoms and marching in pride parades. I don’t think the “us vs them” mentality is ever healthy and when people see it in their lives and homes they’re more likely to see them as people and not just a cultural phenomenon that makes them uncomfortable.
 
Oh, I’m not planning to bring it up (in my 30s, they’re elderly, etc). It’s just…I live with them and I have some anxiety about them finding out via reading news articles over my shoulder or wondering why I’m nuanced on discrimination bills. And I wish I wasn’t so jumpy.
 
This is more what I meant, OP. I didn’t mean to imply your identity is “wrong”; more like, if you are not actually going to act on your bisexuality, isn’t it more of an academic question? Not that it’s not “real”. More like is there a real need to have awkward discussions with family
 
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