time is running out

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hornpout

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hope this was the right place to post this ,i have been married for 40 years and i still love my wife very much and stand by her and help her all i can ,but for 18 years now she has given up and doesn’t want nothing to do with sex at all she will not meet my needs at all i feel i been put out to pasture she wants no counseling at all .The problem that i have now is i have become addicted to porn and masterbation ,i been fighting this and i’s getting the best of me i tried to quit this dirty addiction a million times i go to confession all the time but i’m always letting my Lord down ,i have been talking to so many priest maybe 20 and i just can’t stop it .I have ask the Lord to help me jus to let him down again .I had a drinking addiction all my life but proud to say i have quit going on 6 years and 3 months .I had a very bad accident a the mill where i was working and had to be on pain pills for years which i became addicted but was able to quit that also ,but this porn and masterbation thing it’ taking the best of me .I 'm afraid that someday the lord will call for me and i will not be ready for him because i live in mortal sin a lot ,if my wife and i could have continued in our sexual relationship i would not be fighting this addiction .I have been going through so much in these past years ,i had to sell my home because i could not afford it because i lost my job due to this injury ,i’ts very discouraging at times ,i know i would be so happy if i could be free forever of this addiction after i do this sin i feel quilty and i know i have hurt my Lord very much ,i am a catholic and go to mass every Sunday with my wife .When a person has been married that long and suddenly has to live a life with no more sex i’ts devastating why must we have to fight off this devil all of our lives why can’t he leave us alone .I think ways i can overcome this addiction all the time but nothing works i pray and say the rosary and ask for help but nothing works ,i have ask my family doctor to give me medication to help lower my sex drive but they say it’s not good good for my health ,if i could become free of this i would make it up to the Lord for all the years i have done him wrong please pray for me as i have no more answers to this addiction
 
Would you consider counseling for yourself to get through this rough patch?
Catholic Social Services has Catholic counselors if you would like to go that route.

Praying for you and your family.
 
Married 40 Years and the last 18 has been a Problem ?
Your doing well my friend,
Now what you need todo is both of you pack the car and go on a big road trip together ,
So many fantastic people around,you both need to discover how beautiful the world is together, you both should be in your 60’s ,got out and about,and this nonsense that’s holding you back will slowly fade away,
Oh,and don’t forget to take faith in Jesus with you,
 
You are in my prayers. I know the pain you are going through is overwhelming. I pray God grant you the strength to fight this evil in your life. I am also, praying for your wife that she will come to realize the gift God has given us in the marital bond. Dear Lord I pray for this couple that you will bring them back together to experience the gift you have given to us in marriage. Show them the love that is between all married couples. Show them the strength that we are given when we embrace. Show them how giving yourself freely to your spouse can bring them closer to you. You have given us this gift in marriage to show us what binds a husband to his wife so the 2 become one. Allow his wife to see the blessing you have given her to be able to realize her body is a gift she can lovingly give to her husband That no one else can give.

In your name we pray.
 
You are hard on yourself aren’t you? You sound as if you have an easily addictive nature, drink, drugs and illicit self abuse. Sometimes it has been suggested that with an addictive history of self abuse the full components of mortal sin may be lacking in every failure. I would get to confession on a regular basis to gird you to the unremitting task. Our Lord may well understand your failure, given the sterility of your marriage. Pray for a change of heart in your wife, but do not condemn as she has obviously been through a lot and is still beside you. Try to find ways to make her life easier as a form of penance. Humility is valuable as it avoids bitterness.
If you fail and are contrite and try not to fall again, is this not something to put before the King? Persistent failure has often been the history of a successful man.
Don’t worry about anti-libido drugs, they are nasty and given your nature, you would probably become addicted. LOL.
I personally see a very brave man who has carried on in the face of some hard knocks.
You worship the right God. He loves people like us. (I know there is only one God, just to forestall the pedants…)
I would suggest starting to say the rosary. Our Lady is a great comfort to the diehard sinners like us. May Jesus see your pain and remorse and take you easily into His arms. There are a lot worse people than us in this world.
 
There is a 12 step anonymous group called Sex Addicts Anonymous for anyone who wants to stop addictive sexual behavior. They also reach out to those who compulsively avoid sex like your wife. There is a website where you can read about it to see if this could help you.

It sounds like your wife could use a full physical to rule out medical causes for her condition as well as psychological causes.

I will pray for you. Keep close to God and Mary. Pray for them to help you. Use the Sacrament of Confession. Keep on trying.
 
Your wife has probably gone into menopause, which, as I understand, causes all kinds of physical and hormal changes that doesn’t really include conjugal relations.
 
Thank’s to all of you you are all being so helpful in the advice you gave i will keep trying even harder and read my bible faithfully and pray to Mary and Jesus and get porn blockers on the computer ,i want to be very strong in my faith and religion i miss the days when i was not a prisoner to this addiction i was always happy and felt like doing a lot of things ,i want that again ,i want Jesus on my side and not the devil .I feel inside of me that i can fight and win it
 
hornpout said:
Thank’s to all of you you are all being so helpful in the advice you gave i will keep trying even harder and read my bible faithfully and pray to Mary and Jesus and get porn blockers on the computer ,i want to be very strong in my faith and religion i miss the days when i was not a prisoner to this addiction i was always happy and felt like doing a lot of things ,i want that again ,i want Jesus on my side and not the devil .I feel inside of me that i can fight and win it
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I dont know about you, but when I was on prescription opiate based painkillers, I noticed they nearly stopped my sex drive altogether, even today, I take Suboxone due to a heroin problem and I have zero sex drive.

I guess it comes down to which sin/addiction is worse in Gods eyes, if Opiates keep your sex drive in check, maybe its better then delving into sexual sins?
 
I don’t get “time is running out”. My wife and I have been married almost 40 years. The sex is almost nonexistent and has gotten less and less over the last 8-10 years. She is quite agitated because she really has no or almost no desire(menopausal reasons). I assure here it is not an issue for me. I’ve learned over the years to become quite unattached to that aspect of our life together. We still enjoy each others’ company and cuddle/snuggle, hold hands, in other words still enjoy physical contact with each other. I’ve learned to become unattached to the way things were because I believe it would cause her much stress if I was always pestering her for sex or taking care of things on my own-which used to be a real nasty habit of mine. I also let go of porn a couple of decades ago. Not easy but doable brother. Let go and let god.
May you be filled with loving kindness. May you be well. May you be peaceful and at ease. May you be happy.
 
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