Time to cut losses?

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Seeksadvice

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I have a significant other that, well, kind of basically said it’s either her or the Church. I’ve tried convincing her to go to Mass, or just visit the church in her hometown. Things between us changed when I began my journey to the Church, but feel like I bear a good chunk of responsibility because I encouraged/went along with certain things that I now understand the Church’s teaching one, but still bear a chunk of responsibility for even suggesting when I knew better.

I don’t understand how someone could say no to the Catholic concept of love/marriage. I have struggled with thoughts of whether I should keep trying to get her to convert from the “Unified Church of Christ,” or if I should cut my losses.

Had been praying about things, and my heart started crying about a woman in the parish who had been widowed and left with four kids as a result. The concept of going from a bachelor for all of my adult life to having four kids rattling around is sort of alien.

I am really confused. Matters of money, etc., don’t really make issues, but social matters are another story.
 
My wife is non catholic and non religious. But she agreed to get married in the Catholic Church. And she lets me follow my own faith. it seems to work and has for 27 years.
 
Seeksadvice said:
I don’t understand how someone could say no to the Catholic concept of love/marriage. I have struggled with thoughts of whether I should keep trying to get her to convert from the “Unified Church of Christ,” or if I should cut my losses.
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She goes to church, why would you let a difference in which church you attend break up a relationship? If you are a recent convert, many people in your situation (and it’s not just religious) who have found recent, all encompassing answers to life can be fairly blind to a few of its downsides. Yes, I have found myself in such a situation once or twice too. The Catholic concept of marriage also includes not getting divorced and, I’d add, certainly respect for where each other is at.

If I understand your characterization of the situation, it sounds like you have been badgering her about converting to Catholicism for some time. If so, you’ve probably turned her off big time on the subject and, whether you have the better answer or not, this is the nature of humans. You’re going to have more impact through the example of what you do and how your personal life grows. If she does attend a UCC church, go with her without comment. It maybe a very liberal church that might contravene some of your beliefs, but it is still a recognized christian church. If you feel God working through you to bring her into the Catholic church, then let it start whit mutual respect.
 
Seeksadvice said:
I don’t understand how someone could say no to the Catholic concept of love/marriage. I have struggled with thoughts of whether I should keep trying to get her to convert from the “Unified Church of Christ,” or if I should cut my losses.
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My advice on this is usually the same: if it bothers you, then yes, cut your losses.

You are being wise and cautious. And you are right. Marriage is a love covenant. If it cannot oversome huddles such as differences in belief and religious, it will not go away and most likely will metastasize in some form later on.

There are many fishes in the ocean. Choose the ones which are more agreeable to you now.

On the other hand, if the differences do not matter to both of you, then by all means try to take a shot at it and see if the relationship works or grows to a point where you’d think marriage will be the obvious outcome.

God bless.
 
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Sorry to hear that your going through some turmoil with your wife. Truly.
It does sound like she’s a believer …
though I’m not sure what her denomination’s about.
  1. Do you have kids?
  2. How long has it been since you’ve been attending Catholic church ?
  3. What are the matters of money about . . . ?
 
PJH_74 said:
She goes to church, why would you let a difference in which church you attend break up a relationship?
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Because it sounds like the woman involved is demanding just that with her “me or the Church” ultimatum.

I too was married to a non-Catholic for over 2 decades and altogether we knew each other for 33 years until he died, and not once did I ever get a “it’s me or the Church” remark or suggestion from him. If somebody is going to make you choose like that, it may be time to pick one or the other.
 
Seeksadvice said:
have a significant other that, well, kind of basically said it’s either her or the Church. I’ve tried convincing her to go to Mass, or just visit the church in her hometown. Things between us changed when I began my journey to the Church, but feel like I bear a good chunk of responsibility because I encouraged/went along with certain things that I now understand the Church’s teaching one, but still bear a chunk of responsibility for even suggesting when I knew better.
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Continue to go to the Catholic Church and force HER to be the one to leave you.

Then you will be totally innocent and not guilty of either forsaking Christ or your spouse (I assume you’re married).

Are you two married, and do you have kids?
 
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For the non religious the concept of marriage can seem silly.

I dated a girl for 3.5 years and she left me for 2 reasons. I didn’t believe in God at the time and I refused to get married.

I was a fool and she made the right decision for herself.

Make the right decision for yourself.
 
These people are not married. The OP man says in his first post he has been a “bachelor all his life”.

Why would you pick a spouse who is giving you grief about your chosen religion even before you are married to her? She’s just going to keep it up. I presume you would want to get married in the church and if so, she’d have to agree to raise the kids Catholic.

This is a dead end unless the lady becomes more tolerant.
 
CD45 said:
eems to be a little religious addiction going on in this thread.
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This board is called “Catholic Answers”. The people who post here tend to be devout Catholics.
A person who makes an effort to convert to the Catholic faith, which involves going through a whole process and is not something where someone would just show up, declare themselves a member, and then not bother going to Mass, is likely looking to be a devout Catholic.

You calling this “religious addiction” is bizarre. Would you go onto a forum for Porsche enthusiasts and tell them that they’re too into their cars and most people don’t really care what car they drive?
 
CD45 said:
Seems to be a little religious addiction going on in this thread. How about a little live and let live? In my diocese, 1 in 5 Catholics attend church twice a month or more (the other 80 percent are CEO’s if even that) and over 60 percent in my state have no religious affiliation. Not that many people use the Catholic litmus test for marriage anymore. They have moved on. Some here might consider letting go and letting god. Just a thought.
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  1. There are huge factors working against marriages always, today more than ever. Sure, some ecumenical marriages do work out (God bless the ones mentioned in this thread!). But why add one more potential problem factor to those which are unavoidable?
  2. Religion means more than church attendance, it’s an orientation that influences people in many ways, some more, some less.
  3. The United Church of Christ is one of the most incompatible denominations with Catholicism. If she is saying, “it’s me or the Church”, well…It will be a much bigger obstacle in your marriage, and your faith, than you realize.
 
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Never, ever, “cut your losses”…pray without ceasing. Pray to St. Monica for intersession, knowing that had she “cut her losses” we would have missed all the good that St. Augustine brought to the Church and the world.
 
It is a charity to help others in this regard.
If someone were blindfolded and about to walk over a cliff, would you help him or her? In such a world of noncaring, individualist tendencies, then such acts of caring and community may be even more important.
 
Hereiam said:
Never, ever, “cut your losses”…pray without ceasing. Pray to St. Monica for intersession, knowing that had she “cut her losses” we would have missed all the good that St. Augustine brought to the Church and the world.
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St. Monica was praying for a spouse she was already married to, who she probably had little choice in marrying. She also prayed for her children. But prayer is no substitute for the virtue of prudence. Prayer guides prudence.
Sometimes prudential decisions lead us to be a friend to someone, rather than a spouse to them. Of course, prayer is valuable, even after a relationship has ended, or changed from courting to “just friends”.

Sometimes God calls us to let one door close, temporarily or permanently, so we can see another door open. This does not in any way mean the prior relationship was “a loss”.
 
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I think, that by creating this thread you already know what you have to do.
My condolences to you. It’s difficult, I’m sure. But an ultimatum such as this is not going to go well.
God bless you.
God will lead you to someone who is right for you.Trust in God.
 
commenter said:
But prayer is no substitute for the virtue of prudence. Prayer guides prudence.
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Oh, not so…there is no substiture for prayer…even the most righteous cannot forsake prayer. If this were so, the saints would not lift their prayers to God.
 
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If Christ is not Lord of every aspect of your life, He is not Lord at all.
 
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