Tips for a Newly Engaged Catholic Couple?!?!

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VeroNihilVerius said:
I just got engaged!!! Thanks be to God, she said “Yes!”

I was hoping that some of the marriage veterans here might be able to share with us some of the tips they have, both for the engagement/wedding/honeymoon planning, and for thereafter.

Please note: I only wish to hear things that coincide with the views of the Catholic Church, so if you plan to stir things up, I would just appreciate if you start your own thread elsewhere.

God bless! 🙂

+VNV+
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CONGRADULATIONS!

The key is She’s always right 😃 WRONG!

The real keys are two:

Allow God to be in CHARGE PERIOD!

Marriage MUST change “Me to WE!” and “I to US” for BOTH parties. Always WWJD and whats BEST FOR US!

Pray togeather; frequent of the Sacraments and do things as a TEAM…"WE" ❤️

GOD Bless you both!
Pat
 
I think the best thing we did in terms of marriage prep was to attend a weekend (Friday night - Sunday afternoon) Engaged Encounter. It forced us to talk about a lot of stuff that was very important - and taking an entire weekend out to focus entirely on each other made that possible. There were no distractions for us.

In terms of the wedding - let her have her way. She has probably been hoping for this for some time and has many ideas about what she’d like.

In terms of marriage itself - it’s not about what your spouse does for you but about what you do for your spouse. Sometimes you will be the only one giving and she will just take…but some other time you will need to receive and she will need to give 100% to you with no reciprocity. Don’t even try to keep score or count rights and wrongs - just give, give, give.
 
What a wonderful thread. I am not married nor engaged…

But I think that maybe you can read a marriage prep. book together and talk about the
different issues therein. Sometimes its good to have an excuse to talk about something which is not so easy, like expectations about homemaking, number of children, finances etc.

By the way,
NANNY PK Paula… You picture is so lovely!
 
VeroNihilVerius said:
I just got engaged!!! Thanks be to God, she said “Yes!”

I was hoping that some of the marriage veterans here might be able to share with us some of the tips they have, both for the engagement/wedding/honeymoon planning, and for thereafter.

Please note: I only wish to hear things that coincide with the views of the Catholic Church, so if you plan to stir things up, I would just appreciate if you start your own thread elsewhere.

God bless! 🙂

+VNV+
Click to expand...
Congratulations!

My wife and I have been married for ten years, so I’m not sure if that qualifies me as a veteran or not, but I’ll put in my two cents anyway. I haven’t read any of the other replies yet, so I may be repeating advice that others have already given. Also, please be aware that I’m just writing off the top of my head, and so I may forget and leave out something important. But here are some things that occur to me at the moment, in no particular order:


  1. *]For wedding planning, don’t spend a small fortune (or a large fortune!) on your wedding.
    *]For wedding/reception planning, let your fiancee do whatever she wants on at least 90% of the details, maybe even 100%.
    *]I know that the two items above may be mutually exclusive, depending on how large and fancy your fiancee wants the wedding and reception to be. I’ll just tell you that my wife and I (and my wife’s mom) spent at least $15,000 on the wedding and the reception, and in retrospect even my wife says that she would spend much less if we had it to do over again. However, I would say that it’s OK for you to let #2 trump #1, within reason.
    *]Make sure that the two of you are on the same page with money – especially long-term goals regarding debt, spending, and saving. If you have time, it might be good for you to read through a book like “Financial Peace” by Dave Ramsey, and discuss it. In many marriages, one spouse is more of a spender and one is more of a saver, and this can cause a huge amount of stress.
    *]After you are married, do a monthly budget, where the two of you agree TOGETHER at the beginning of each month how much you will spend on categories such as food, entertainment, housing, clothes, transportation, etc. Throughout the month, don’t spend any money that you haven’t both agreed on beforehand – even if it means the two of you together making some emergency budget adjustments in mid-month. Dave Ramsey’s books have good advice on how to do this.
    *]Make sure that the two of you are at least generally on the same page about NFP, openness to life, and family size.
    *]Make sure that the two of you are at least generally on the same page about educating any children whom God may bless you with (e.g., public school vs. Catholic school vs. home school).
    *]Are both of you serious Catholics, who practice your faith and accept the teachings of the Church? If yes, then you should be able to avoid a large number of potential problems. However, if your fiancee is not Catholic, then I would recommend some type of pre-marriage counseling to make sure that you are both very well aware of potential issues, and that you have a chance to begin working through them prior to the wedding.
    *]Read what St. Paul says in Ephesians about loving your wife as Christ loves the church. Live it. Every day.
    *]Unless one of you already owns a house that you both plan to move into, strongly consider not buying a house until you have been married for at least a year. This will give you a chance to save a larger down payment, and it will save you from having the huge stress of buying a new house right on top of the huge stress of the wedding.
    *]Don’t live together before the wedding, even if you are abstinent, and even if it is only for a short time, and even if it avoids some difficulty with one of you having an apartment lease running out prior to the wedding date. I speak from experience of having learned from this mistake.
    *]Consider being open to life immediately, even on your honeymoon.
    *]Learn an NFP method prior to the wedding. This way your wife can chart at least one full cycle as “practice” while you two are hopefully still being abstinent.
    *]Go through whatever marriage preparation is mandated by your parish and/or diocese. And if this marriage preparation seems very lightweight (either in time or in content), then you might consider going to a good Catholic counselor for a few pre-marriage counseling sessions. You can go to www.exceptionalmarriages.com and use their telephone counseling service, if you can’t find someone good in your area. The idea here would be to catch any red flags that you might have missed, prior to the wedding. However, DON’T push this if your fiancee is not receptive, unless you have some serious concerns.
    *]If your wife becomes pregnant, try your best to find a pro-life, pro-NFP OB/GYN doctor. Or at least try to find a doctor who will push hard for avoiding a c-section. If your first baby is delivered by c-section, then there is a good chance that all of them will have to be delivered that way, and then you may find yourself having to limit your family size due to risk factors from multiple c-sections.
    *]Re-read point #9 above. Live it. Every day.
 
  1. Advise her to keep in mind that it is NOT worth it to saddle a marriage for years with debt to pay for a wildly extravagant wedding and/or honeymoon. Not nag, mind you, but pleasant charitable reminder.
  2. Learn how NFP works now. It’s remarkably easy and stress free when the pressure is not yet on! Even if you don’t need it now, you might someday.
  3. Presuming y’all are virgins, don’t sweat it beforehand. Just bring a bottle of ‘Astroglide’ (any pharmacy) along on the honeymoon and the rest you’ll figure out yourself. Wish somebody had told ME about that though!
  4. Resolve in your own mind to do MORE work in the marriage than she does, without ever bragging or complaining. That’s what love is. Commit to it and expect it, then you won’t resent it when it happens. (or more likely when your flawed human heart THINKS it’s happening…)
 
Here are a few more related points of advice that I thought of:
  • DON’T get drunk at your wedding reception. (Again, I’m advising you to learn from my mistake. And this is a VERY easy mistake to make.)
  • DON’T schedule a long wedding reception that ends late at night.
  • DON’T leave for your honeymoon on the evening of your wedding day, or even early the next morning. Wait at least until the following afternoon or evening.
  • DO have a hotel room reserved nearby, so that you don’t have far to travel after the reception.
  • DO have family and friends available to help with gathering up the wedding gifts and other post-reception activities, so that it’s not all on you and your wife.
The point of all of this advice is that you and your wife presumably want to have time and energy left for intimacy on your wedding night – unless you are using NFP to postpone pregnancy and she is fertile on that day – but that would be a heck of a tough time to abstain. 🙂
 
Congratulations!
  1. Try to get in quality alone time before the big day. It’s only natural for friends and family to be excited and plan events, parties, dinners, etc. in celebration. It’s also natural for them to give lots of advice. 😉 Alone time is invaluable for refocusing on your goals as a couple, both before and after the big day.
  2. Speaking of focusing on mutual goals: find a good Pre-Cana program. Our church requires it, and for good reason! Pre-Cana helps keep couples focused on the sanctity of their decision, and also brings up many discussion points that could possibly foment into something bigger if not worked through before the big day.
  3. My husband and I did not do this, but are now regretting it: take NFP classes way ahead of time! For the love of Pete, get that squared away! You will have a deeper understanding of the way God designed our bodies for marriage, you’ll be able to ‘schedule’ your honeymoon, and really become in tune with each other in regards to planning your future family.
  4. Keep perspective! My husband and I used to say, “well, no matter what happens, at the end of the day we’ll be married!” Decoration fiascos happen, people can be unreliable. But if you both are excited for what counts, everything else will be pittance.
  5. If you aren’t already members of a couples small group, or don’t have many “couple” friends, sign yourself up! It will be nice to have friends in common.
  6. PRAY TOGETHER. It brings you closer to each other and to God. What could be better?
That’s all I can think of for now. Blessings to you on your journey into marriage! 🙂
 
Wow!! I can’t thank those of you that have responded enough for your sincere and thoughtful (name removed by moderator)ut. I definitely learned many things that I will be taking notes on, and I sent her the link to this thread, as well.

Perhaps I will try to update a bit as things come together! It is amazing how fast the stress can accumulate from something that you always thought would be merely joyous and fun 😛

We are headed to a Good Friday service for a date tonight. God has been and will be the glue that holds us together!

+VNV+
 
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