Tips for surviving mass with a very active two yr old

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AggieCatholic22

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First off please no judgements here I need advice on how to get through mass with a super active two yr old little boy who loves loves to run and does not like to sit still or be held for too long:/ I have struggled so much recently with my son in mass that it’s frustrated me a little to the point where I’ve stopped bringing him( now here’s a back story: I suffer from Si joint dysfunction and my back is weak I’m doing my PT exercises and such but holding my son for super long periods hurts my back badly) I feel like a horrible mom for all this:: I want to start bringing him again but don’t know how to make it through mass with him always wanting to run etc:/ this is mine and my husband’s first child so We are still navigating the parenting waters and figuring out what works and what doesn’t etc…
 
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This is going to sound really weird but before first communion a child is not required to attend.

Your medical issues aside for instance if your child was autistic or had their own medical issue get a sitter or swap church times with someone else.

My God father for the longest time had his eldest watch the young ones then she would go to church when everyone else got back.
 
I honestly think that if you can arrange to not bring him to Mass until he gets a little older and is more settled, at least to the point where he doesn’t need to run during Mass, that would be the best plan.

My parents did not bring me to Mass as a child until I was old enough to know not to cry out, run around etc during the Mass. In those days, it was normal for one parent to stay home with the child while the other went to Mass, and vice versa, until the child had reached an age where s/he behaved in the pew.

My earliest memories of attending Mass with my parents are around age 4. I have very few memories of anything before age 4 - a couple of especially dramatic or exciting events, like birthday party or the time a bat got into my room while my mother was changing my didie, is all I recall. So I don’t think a two-year-old is going to be missing much if he doesn’t attend Mass. Just my opinion.

As the other poster said, the kid does not have a Mass obligation at age 2 and when I do see parents bringing their very active small children to Mass, it generally ends with the child in tears and having to be removed from the church, either because he was finally restrained by the parent after doing some particularly extreme thing, or because he ran or climbed to the point where he fell and started to scream.
 
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I agree with the others that if you are unable to bring him then you aren’t able to. I just wanted to ask if there are any masses near you where there is a child liturgy? Perhaps this isnt relevant as you only have one church near you. At my parish once a month they (catechists) take all the children off to the parish rooms at the start of mass for child club which is child biblical type of activities and then bring them back shortly before the end of mass. I just wondered if you could find out if a parish in your area has this and attend that mass with him, even if it’s only once a month like it is in my parish. That way he’s included and learning and used to attending with you, but not causing you any issues with your medical problems or disrupting your mass experience. I personally think the younger the child comes to mass the better, but if he is very active he is likely upsetting you and ruining your day too. You both need mass too. God bless
 
Honestly, there were periods during toddlerhood, when my husband and I didn’t attend mass together and thus we tag teamed. One of us attended mass while the other stayed home with the toddler. Once they get to an age where they can behave better (it’s never gonna be perfect for some of the parishoners), then you’ll be able to include them again. Children this young are not required to attend. Having said that, I’d try this for a while, and then I’d bring him back after a few weeks and see if you notice a difference. They grow so quickly.

Additionally, you may be able to dangle the carrot such as “if you behave you can go with me, if you don’t you’ll have to stay home” (my dad was not catholic, so staying home with him was the only other option). This worked on me as a child, because I had older siblings and NEVER wanted to be left behind" LOL. By the time little ones are in school they should be able to quietly sit during Mass, unless there is another issue.

Good Luck to you!
 
Two year old may be a bit young. Sorry to hear about your back! You are a good mother trying to do the right thing.

My wife isn’t Catholic so the children stayed home until they were 5 and 6. My 5 year old son was hyper active and strong willed and it took all my efforts to keep him under control.
After a few weeks of that I told my wife I needed her to come to mass and help me. She did and with two of us, I actually got some praying done.

At some point your tiger is going to have to attend. You husband has to help you. I recommend you sit up front so he can see what is going on. He must behave and with two of you he will if you are firm and United. My son now 49 behaves very well at mass!
 
We’d take ours to church from birth–and would take them out into the vestibule whenever they’d fidgety and make noise. Every week. (Two times my middle daughter got SO LOUD that I literally took her outside. 😄 )

Guess what? Eventually they learned to settle down and behave.
 
Thank You all! 🙂 I appreciate y’alls advice! He normally has been staying home with my husband, because we’ve tried to take him and it’s just always a war with trying to discipline him and making him understand to sit still etc…and of course he wants mommy to hold him and I simply can’t always:/
 
If your parish doesn’t have a nursery for any of the masses, could you find one that does? At my parish most young families go to the 10:00 mass because that’s the mass with the nursery. 2 is really such a difficult age and it’s hard for any parent to try to get them to sit and be quiet for a full hour.
 
Take the boy. Jesus said bring the little ones to me. Do not stress the boy not sitting still. He is a toddler and acting his age. Simply walk out when you consider it prudent to walk outside.

Keep an eye to the celebration of the Mass, and go in when you need to. Tag team receiving the Eucharist. The boy will do better in time.
 
FYI. I have older kids also. And sometimes I have to remind them that we are at Mass.
 
Mass with toddlers is not “survivor”. If your parish has a nursery, don’t be afraid to use it! If you and your husband can trade times so one stays home, don’t feel bad about that either.

On the other hand, if you really want your child in Mass, by age 4 ish (barring any disabilities), most kids can be quiet for 4 minutes. You begin at home with quiet time every evening. Sit in the living room and everyone keeps to themselves and sits to be quiet. No screens, a book is permitted, but start with 1 minute and work up.

When 4 minutes is mastered, add 30 seconds.

Once kids learn how to be still (our world is sooooooo full of distractions and noise, it is good to let kids be bored some part of the day!), they can be still for 10 minutes, you are ROCKING.

Learn the songs. Most parishes sing the same group of hymns. Download those songs and sing them around the house, in the car, kids learn songs so fast!! Find your “mass setting” on line (the tunes for the Gloria, etc.) and sing those around the house.

Same for said prayers, saying them at home helps kids learn them.

This way, Mass is not an hour of stillness, it is 10 minutes of stillness between times when they get to stand, sit, kneel, sing, pray out loud, shake hands, etc.

Also remember, 99% of the other parishioners LOVE to see your kids at Mass.
 
PatK63 said:
I recommend you sit up front so he can see what is going on.
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I forgot to mention that!. Yes, if they can see what’s going on, they’ll likely behave better (at least some times ). Think about it, what can they see when they aren’t in front except other people’s backsides. BORING! which leads to restlessness.

We used to sit in the front row! Of course it could be somewhat disruptive when we had to leave due to behavior, but I was also not opposed to letting her fall asleep (5pm sat night mass).
 
I agree with everyone who says to sit up front with the children. I don’t have children of my own but, any time my younger cousins are at Mass and they sit up front, they behave very well. One piece of advice I will give is to please not shush the child every time he or she babbles. I have a one year old cousin who babbles quietly to himself. During Mass on Saturday evening, he was just quietly babbling to himself, and his parents and grandparents kept shushing him. His babbling didn’t annoy me at all. It was the constant shushing that was getting on my nerves 😒 If the child is being extremely loud and screaming, then I think it’s okay to shush them or take them outside if needed. If it’s just quiet babbling, I believe there is no reason to try to keep them quiet. I don’t think it’s disturbing anybody. Some other things to help the child at Mass is to bring small quiet toys and books. That may help some. Sorry that this post is extremely long.
 
I remember this was a really hard time with my first born, since I also had a new baby. In my circumstance, not taking her would mean never getting to go myself, since my husband is the organist and choir director and has to be at all the Masses. For a while we let her color or look at books, but she was always trying to lay on the pew or the floor. Fortunately, she never tried to run, but she was squirmy and always asking questions loudly. Even now, her behavior isn’t great. Acceptable for most except the most judgmental, but she is easily bored and still thinks the world stops on it’s axis whenever she has a question or wants to say something. We’ve declared her too old for the coloring books (she’s 5), but she’s not quite old enough to read the hymnal. I’m trying to find some sort of prayer-meditation that might be appropriate for her age and attention span that she can do during the homily. That’s the part of Mass that she struggles with the most.
 
You’ll sooner stop the Columbia River from flowing than you will a toddler’s energy! I agree with the other suggestions - but don’t feel bad if all else fails and you have to stand in the Narthex and only catch the Eucharist. These years are shorter-lived than they feel in the moment.
 
Allegra said:
I’m trying to find some sort of prayer-meditation that might be appropriate for her age and attention span that she can do during the homily.
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I know it is in the “Adaptive” area, but, this is EXCELLENT for kids:


Some parents are no-screen and I understand, but, if you are a screen friendly parent, this one is also very good:

 
That book looks helpful! I wonder if they have it at the Catholic book store? We’re are not screen-friendly, especially in church. I would say we are screen-intolerant or have downright screen animosity.
 
I would imagine your local Catholic bookstore would order it.
 
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