Tips on how to forgive myself?

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GospelOfMatthew

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I was exposed to masturbation at 8YO and pornography (images not videos) at 12YO and used both multiple times a day until 19YO when I had a real conversion experience and tried as hard as I could to quit both. Now two years later from that experience, I am 20YO and I don’t masturbate or use porn at all and at my college I even give talks at a pro-life club I run on how to overcome porn and impurities. I also try to pass on my advice here on this forum in the hopes of helping someone.

I go to confession weekly and have confessed these sins when I used to do them so I know God has healed me and I also confess self-pity because I know I’m waiting for my future wife but I my sinful past makes me feel broken.

I have had guys tell me I’m helping them and I know I’ve been forgiven in confession but I feel like a broken toy nobody ever wanted, it’s why I turned to masturbation all the way back as a 8YO, no girls ever wanted to talk to me as a young kid so I turned to self-pleasure. Then as I got older in middle school, certainly I had male friends but no girls ever talked to me because I was too nervous around them.

So I turned to pornographic pictures as a 12YO because those females never judged me. So I decided around that time that I was tired of feeling sorry for myself because no girls liked me so I decided to become the class clown. I would become a person girls would find annoying so that way I rejected them instead of them rejecting me. Long story short I did this until 19YO.

Now I don’t do these sins like I said but I have a really hard time accepting what I used to do. I really do believe God is calling me to the vocation of marriage, with the ultimate goal of helping my future wife get the heaven but how would this person ever respect me knowing what I did. People respect me know because I’m very intelligent, very religious, active on campus ministry, don’t party, and am funny. But if people knew how much I used to objectify women in pornographic images and do impure things with myself, how could anyone respect me? I’m very extroverted, very active, and a very funny guy. But deep down I feel like if people knew my past they would hate me because I’m just a piece of trash.

Can someone offer me advice please? I have very high self-esteem and do not have depression, this isn’t the issue. I just have a hard time forgiving myself for what I used to do and I don’t know how anyone else could forgive me either. I talked with a priest and he said I’m being too hard on myself and our past doesn’t define us. But I know God has forgiven me and I don’t want to be prideful like I’m better then God’s mercy
 
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GospelOfMatthew said:
But I know God has forgiven me and I don’t want to be prideful like I’m better then God’s mercy
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I think you’ve already diagnosed the problem.

God has forgiven you but you haven’t. So your standards are higher than God’s standards. I do the same thing. I think most Catholics do. But we have to stand back as you’re doing and look at what we’re actually saying. And then what I did was ask for humility not to have higher standards than God for myself.

For me a lot of it was perfectionism that came through because my parents would always tell me “not good enough!” whether it was school, work, etc, so that tape just got recorded and kept playing in my head. So even when I’d confess sins like yours, I’d still feel like I wasn’t forgiven. Plus, let’s be honest - our CHurch has an incredible high level of mercy. Its unparalleled and I think at times its hard to fathom that our sins can be forgiven through merely confessing them and doing penance.
 
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Hey there,

I think this is a common phenomenon amongst Catholics who have a major faith reawakening.

First of all, stop dwelling on the past. It’s called the past for a reason. It’s over. It’s not who you are now. If you’re driving a car and only looking in the rearview mirror, you’re going to miss what is in front of you and crash into it. Similarly, if you spend too much time thinking about the past, you’re going to miss some of the opportunities that God is trying to give you in the present.

Sometimes God allows people to fall because it will end up helping that person in the long run, either by helping him or her not to become prideful or by allowing him or her to be able to understand people and help them because of his or her own experiences. Think of saints like Augustine who had sinful pasts and were able to teach others because they understood what people struggle with. Think of how God might put someone in your life one day that you could help because of your own past struggles.

Please do not worry about whether anyone would respect you if they knew about your past. First of all, they don’t need to know because it is not who you are now. Second of all, if you do chooose to tell anyone, your story should appear to them as a testament to the wonderful grace of God. And if anyone judges you, why would you want to be friends with that person anyway?

I know it’s hard to accept these things sometimes. I suffered from scruples for a while and agonized very much over my past failings, so I know firsthand that advice from other people doesn’t always help. I will tell you, however, that one weekend while on retreat, per the advice of a friend, I begged Our Lady in prayer to be free from scruples, and I truly think she interceded for me and helped me to be cured. So I strongly suggest that you pray to Our Lady and beg her for her help in forgiving yourself. I also recommend praying the Divine Mercy every day.

I’ll be praying for you. I hope you have a truly joyful Christmas.
 
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You need to sit down, perhaps multiple times, either with your pastor or someone capable of spiritual direction.

Strangers on the internet do not qualify.
 
You are in my prayers

My advice, since your exposure was young and you are experiencing a lot of broken toy issues,
Is to seek out professional counseling
 
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GospelOfMatthew said:
I was exposed to masturbation at 8YO and pornography (images not videos) at 12YO and used both multiple times a day until 19YO when I had a real conversion experience and tried as hard as I could to quit both. Now two years later from that experience, I am 20YO and I don’t masturbate or use porn at all and at my college I even give talks at a pro-life club I run on how to overcome porn and impurities. I also try to pass on my advice here on this forum in the hopes of helping someone.

I go to confession weekly and have confessed these sins when I used to do them so I know God has healed me and I also confess self-pity because I know I’m waiting for my future wife but I my sinful past makes me feel broken.

I have had guys tell me I’m helping them and I know I’ve been forgiven in confession but I feel like a broken toy nobody ever wanted, it’s why I turned to masturbation all the way back as a 8YO, no girls ever wanted to talk to me as a young kid so I turned to self-pleasure. Then as I got older in middle school, certainly I had male friends but no girls ever talked to me because I was too nervous around them.

So I turned to pornographic pictures as a 12YO because those females never judged me. So I decided around that time that I was tired of feeling sorry for myself because no girls liked me so I decided to become the class clown. I would become a person girls would find annoying so that way I rejected them instead of them rejecting me. Long story short I did this until 19YO.

Now I don’t do these sins like I said but I have a really hard time accepting what I used to do. I really do believe God is calling me to the vocation of marriage, with the ultimate goal of helping my future wife get the heaven but how would this person ever respect me knowing what I did. People respect me know because I’m very intelligent, very religious, active on campus ministry, don’t party, and am funny. But if people knew how much I used to objectify women in pornographic images and do impure things with myself, how could anyone respect me? I’m very extroverted, very active, and a very funny guy. But deep down I feel like if people knew my past they would hate me because I’m just a piece of trash.

Can someone offer me advice please? I have very high self-esteem and do not have depression, this isn’t the issue. I just have a hard time forgiving myself for what I used to do and I don’t know how anyone else could forgive me either. I talked with a priest and he said I’m being too hard on myself and our past doesn’t define us. But I know God has forgiven me and I don’t want to be prideful like I’m better then God’s mercy
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Yes, how can you outdo God? And why would we? But those sorrows and regrets will raise their heads now and again throughout life. But that’s not necessarily bad. As we do accept forgiveness and move onward and upward, hopefully growing in holiness, the past will want to be readdressed at times, as we then become even more contrite about it. Not always comfortable, but good nonetheless.
 
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GospelOfMatthew said:
I know I’ve been forgiven in confession
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This is the key. You must will yourself to accept the facts. You must also not hold your own opinion of yourself higher than God’s. If He has already forgiven you, who are you to deny it? This is a form of pride.
GospelOfMatthew said:
my sinful past makes me feel broken.
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GospelOfMatthew said:
I feel like a broken toy nobody ever wanted
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GospelOfMatthew said:
But deep down I feel like if people knew my past they would hate me because I’m just a piece of trash.
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These are valid feelings, but the devil loves to capitalize on these and use emotion to make you turn away from the Truth that you have been absolved. You need to deal with these feelings so that you can move forward.
 
Yes I would and it’s something I’ve thought about before, because I know the pain of it and I think if someone could accept someone with this pain, that’s a really nice thing and helpful to the person
 
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If God has chosen a wife for you maybe she would be through His grace strong enough to handle your past even if she was a virgin who never masturbated.
 
I guess what I find tough is, a never really thought it was a big deal when I did these things for years. Now that I don’t I feel really sad that I did those things and very embarrassed about it.

I mean, if someone met me and knew about all my interests and beliefs and humor and being very religious and leading pro life group, people would think good things about me. But once they found out about my past sins from 8-19, wouldn’t they think different of me? Like I’m dirty or something? Even though I don’t any of these anymore at all and even the temptations are basically gone 🙂
 
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You might desist in that line of thinking.

God bless.
 
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This is pride talking.
GospelOfMatthew said:
if someone met me and knew about all my interests and beliefs and humor and being very religious and leading pro life group, people would think good things about me.
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Every single one of us is a sinner. We go to confession and keep working toward heaven. Do not think that people who lead pro life groups are without sin or people with humor are already at perfection.
 
I love conversion stories, stories of people who were so far away from God and now are transformed by Him! Wow!!!-!

So if I met you and found out about your past, I would be excited to see how God can move a person so far!

You could try thanking God for having forgiven you. Some of my problems are solved by realizing I should be grateful.
 
Yes I know, but think of Jason Evert. If we found out he was actually a very UN-chaste person, wouldn’t everything he does lose its credit? Like who would believe him?

That said, I know he had a major conversion as did his wife as did Matt Fradd, so the conversion is part to focus on, not the sin. Just hard to right now but I’m trying to work on it
 
I’d imagine that Mr Evert would be the first person to tell you he is not perfect, same for Mr Fradd and every Catholic speaker/author/“celebrity” I have ever met. Do not idolize these speakers.

Look at what happens when the speaker becomes more important than the message, look at Fr Corapi.
 
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