Tired and Worn Down by our ****** Social Life

[Captain_America]

. . . by this I mean America, circa 2013.

A woman down the block gets a divorce; the local neighborhood kids thus lose the friendship of her child (who is now shifted and moved hither and thither).

Another woman I know has a husband who gets into an affair, and thus breaks everything up.

Yet another woman I know has a husband who gets into an affair, and thus breaks everything up, with more repercussions, since she has young children.

Divorce is the nasty stuff; it’s something involving far more than one person!

I’m also tired of people on drugs messing up the town. Get a life!

People with Messy Lives not only mess up their lives, but also affect the people around them.

 

[styrgwillidar]

Divorce and serial marriages, its amazing kids aren’t more messed up.

My son’s friends parents divorced, mom left dad for a woman… His Dad remarried and had kids. His mom moved in with another woman who had kids. My sons friend bonded with both his step-moms and their kids from prior marriages. He actually says he likes his step-parents better than his own parents.

Now mom has broken up with that first woman and moved in with another woman… My sons friend now has to attend a different high school, lost his step mom, far less contact with his step-siblings on that side, too far to see his old friends from the neighborhood/high school… He has a pact with his older step brother that when both are old enough, they’re getting an apartment together and ‘getting away from the madness’.

My son is bummed he’s lost a good friend, although they get online to skype and game.

New book out I’ve been intending to read, by Dr. Helen Smith “Men on Strike: Why Men Are Boycotting Marriage, Fatherhood, and the American Dream - and Why It Matters”

 

[EasterJoy]

“Men on Strike: Why Men Are Boycotting Marriage, Fatherhood, and the American Dream - and Why It Matters”

The idea that somebody out there might think it doesn’t matter is what is really astonishing about that title. How the general public has allowed themselves to swallow the lie that homosexual couples are interchangeable with heterosexual couples, that whether or not you are raised with both of your biological parents when is of no concern to you (the child, that is) is beyond me.

. . . by this I mean America, circa 2013.

A woman down the block gets a divorce; the local neighborhood kids thus lose the friendship of her child (who is now shifted and moved hither and thither).

Another woman I know has a husband who gets into an affair, and thus breaks everything up.

Yet another woman I know has a husband who gets into an affair, and thus breaks everything up, with more repercussions, since she has young children.

Divorce is the nasty stuff; it’s something involving far more than one person!

I’m also tired of people on drugs messing up the town. Get a life!

People with Messy Lives not only mess up their lives, but also affect the people around them.

OTOH, the two marriages you cited that broke up for a reason broke up because the husband was unfaithful. If you’re in a strong marriage, count your blessings. It doesn’t happen by accident, but a lot of faithful people out there are having the rugs pulled out from under then, and they haven’t done a thing to deserve it. Their marital breakdown is an inconvenience to you, but hell on earth to them, thrust into their laps against their will. It happens to both men and women, and it is heart-breaking. Yet it is being treated as one of those unfortunate things that “just happen”, and can’t be helped. This is where no fault divorce got us…

 

[Bonnie]

Divorce and serial marriages, its amazing kids aren’t more messed up.

The odd thing is, it’s not just the non-Christians, but Christians. I recently read that Christians (don’t remember if it was Christians in general or just Protesants or just Catholics) divorce and remarry at the same rate as non-Christians.

Can’t really blame “society” because we are supposed to get our moral teaching from the Church.

 

[7armyrugrats]

The odd thing is, it’s not just the non-Christians, but Christians. I recently read that Christians (don’t remember if it was Christians in general or just Protesants or just Catholics) divorce and remarry at the same rate as non-Christians.

Can’t really blame “society” because we are supposed to get our moral teaching from the Church.

Not to mention living together, having children together, and never really marrying. I was invited to a Catholic wedding last year by a couple that had lived together for 10 years and had 4 children. I had no idea that they weren’t already married as they had been going to Mass weekly, receiving communion, sending their kids to Catholic school. Only after they “needed to marry” for benefits from the woman’s job (he had lost his and so he no longer had insurance) did they deem it important to marry. Also, a friend of mine has lived with her boyfriend for 10+ years. They both have kids from previous relationships–no marriages–and say they can’t get married because financially it would tie them to each other. She doesn’t want to help pay his child support for his two or three kids and if she counted his income in hers she would no longer get the same amount in Social Security for her son

 

[Angel_Gabriel]

Not to mention living together, having children together, and never really marrying. I was invited to a Catholic wedding last year by a couple that had lived together for 10 years and had 4 children. I had no idea that they weren’t already married as they had been going to Mass weekly, receiving communion, sending their kids to Catholic school. Only after they “needed to marry” for benefits from the woman’s job (he had lost his and so he no longer had insurance) did they deem it important to marry. Also, a friend of mine has lived with her boyfriend for 10+ years. They both have kids from previous relationships–no marriages–and say they can’t get married because financially it would tie them to each other. She doesn’t want to help pay his child support for his two or three kids and if she counted his income in hers she would no longer get the same amount in Social Security for her son

I know sooooo many people who cohabit before marriage. In fact I don’t think I can recall anyone who does/did not do it before they married. It’s really unfortunate b/c it totally diminishes the importance of marriage and why it should be defended.

And yes, OP, divorce really does stink . My parents divorced when I was 14.5 and my mom remarried about 1.5 years later but was seeing my stepdad while the divorce was going on. It was a really bad situation and has caused lots of issues (both past and present). My dad got horribly depressed and it took him forever to bounce back. He got remarried 5 years ago and seems way happier than before.

 

[Captain_America]

I agree, the living together generates some pretty bad stuff.

I also think kids being indoors too much, squeezing video game buttons rather than doing diverse activities, hobbies, sports, crafts, etc., really hurts us in the long-term: we’re all getting de-skilled.

The big Man Failure problem is huge and true. Men are told to be boys and just worry like crazy about the big spectator sports; couch-sitting.

 

[Captain_America]

and all this social weirdness is a strain. . . WHOSE side do you take in a divorce? etc., etc.

 

[Nimzovik]

. . . by this I mean America, circa 2013.

A woman down the block gets a divorce; the local neighborhood kids thus lose the friendship of her child (who is now shifted and moved hither and thither).

Another woman I know has a husband who gets into an affair, and thus breaks everything up.

Yet another woman I know has a husband who gets into an affair, and thus breaks everything up, with more repercussions, since she has young children.

Divorce is the nasty stuff; it’s something involving far more than one person!

I’m also tired of people on drugs messing up the town. Get a life!

People with Messy Lives not only mess up their lives, but also affect the people around them.

yes indeed…

Deeep Sighhhhhhhhh

Here. Have a platitude: Don’t get angry. Get prayerful.

 

[Nimzovik]

Or… we could just think like this: “If you see a blind man in the street - Kick him! Who are* you* to be kinder than the deity? ”

(please note the irony)

 

[EasterJoy]

and all this social weirdness is a strain. . . WHOSE side do you take in a divorce? etc., etc.

Yes. What we have now is far better than the social ostracism that used to accompany all parties to a divorce, but the replacement needs serious improvement. Some social consequences for adultery (outside of people in politics, who sometimes get put on public opinion probation when they cheat on a spouse, especially one that is well-liked or rearing the children) are appropriate, because there are so many opportunities to cheat. There needs to be some idea that there are consequences to infidelity against a spouse with whom you’re discontented within the circle of your shared friends, and not just that all your actions are your own business and no one ought to say a word, no matter what you do. That is less support for difficult-but-right behavior over easier-and-wrong behavior than right behavior deserves.

 

[edwest2]

. . . by this I mean America, circa 2013.

A woman down the block gets a divorce; the local neighborhood kids thus lose the friendship of her child (who is now shifted and moved hither and thither).

Another woman I know has a husband who gets into an affair, and thus breaks everything up.

Yet another woman I know has a husband who gets into an affair, and thus breaks everything up, with more repercussions, since she has young children.

Divorce is the nasty stuff; it’s something involving far more than one person!

I’m also tired of people on drugs messing up the town. Get a life!

People with Messy Lives not only mess up their lives, but also affect the people around them.

We got freedom, man. Do your own thing. Marriage don’t mean much anymore. It’s all good. And the kids. That’s life, ya know? You should embrace Accidental Living and Selfishness. And remember the words of those Hippies: “Hey man. If it feels good, do it.” Or just pick up a copy of One zillion things you can do to ruin your community.

And remember - all laws against pleasure are oppressive. Ya know what I’m sayin’ man? Radical Individualism means you get to do whatever you want, whenever you want with whoever you want. You’re not responsible for nuthin’ unless you get caught. Besides, women gotta be liberated from their maternity.

Face it. Right and wrong are up to you. Only your pleasure matters. Nuthin’ wrong with smokin’ dope if you wanna. Know what I’m sayin’? And if somebody tells you different, just tell 'em to shut up and mind their own business!

The above is Anarchy. It is not good for individuals or families but it was promoted in gradual steps over a 40 year period to get to this point.

“Modern individualism, which is divorced from the moral foundations of Christianity and surrounded by a hedonistic society, has produced a way of life that is neither beneficial to individuals nor productive to society at large. Individualism used to be expressed positively within the context of the family, the community, the church and the government. Personal rights were subjected to the overall good of society. But individualism today no longer observes such boundaries. The cry is, ‘I want what I want when I want it!’ Such selfish individualism weakens the very underpinnings of a nation built on strong moral foundations.” From the book, Holiness and the Spirit of the Age by Floyd McClung as quoted in Storm Warning by Billy Graham.

Peace,
Ed

 

[stephe1987]

People need to learn to control themselves… adultery and all these kids born out of wedlock?!

Also, young people are A LOT more messed up than we realize… my generation is part of the no-fault divorce parents and so many people are afraid of commitment. They have kids together and are still not willing to get married. They break up and have different kids by different fathers. All these half-siblings but very few full siblings. It’s very sad.

Kids today have it even worse because these sinful lifestyles that their parents live in are getting more and more acceptable and the fallouts will get worse and worse. At least my classmates had full siblings… kids today seem to be mostly half-siblings, shuffled from mom’s house to dad’s house.

I wonder when secular society will finally notices that no-fault divorce is a bad thing, and children born out of wedlock hurt the economy and people need to learn self-control? I guess that for the time being they are too stubborn/proud to admit the Church is right and they are wrong.

 

[colmywaykurtz]

The odd thing is, it’s not just the non-Christians, but Christians. I recently read that Christians (don’t remember if it was Christians in general or just Protesants or just Catholics) divorce and remarry at the same rate as non-Christians.

Most Protestants believe that divorce is justified by the Bible, I think.

 

[edwest2]

We need:

1. Dating without sexual intercourse, where you actually get to know each other BEFORE the ceremony. Sex means nothing if you don’t really care about each other and like each other as whole persons BEFORE the ceremony. You find out what she expects from marriage. You plan. You commit. And you learn good ways to work out problems BEFORE the ceremony. You are to be partners.
2. Put your time into doing clean, wholesome things. Teach your kids crafts and how to make things and you can do the same. (There are a lot of books that teach crafts.) Play board games with them. Do simple things as a family, like sledding in the winter and playing ball just for fun when the weather is warmer. It’s good exercise and fun. We need clean fun, not the filth pouring out of our TV. Pick up a hobby or take a painting class.
3. Buy a cross with the body of Christ and hang it up in your home.
4. Help start or join a Catholic social group at your Church. Meet some of those strangers that you see in Church and get to know them.
5. Do something to help the poor. It could be putting money in the poor box at Church or donating to the local soup kitchen.
6. I know some Churches have groups to evangelize the local community. This could be handing out pamphlets to people or setting up a sign and card table at a local public place, and inviting people to talk about and get to know Jesus Christ.

We cannot afford to be invisible.

Peace,
Ed

 

[Bonnie]

We got freedom, man. Do your own thing.

Good ol’ Fritz Perl! “I do my thing, and you do your thing. I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine. You are you, and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, it’s beautiful. If not, it can’t be helped.”

I don’t know - do you think the Victorian era with all the hedonism behind closed doors (aka hypocrisy) was better? Then most of the innocent victims were born into the lower classes, so they didn’t matter.

 

[Captain_America]

I don’t mean to just be kvetching. I just think FACTUALLY and PRACTICALLY there has been a real cost to me of having to deal with all the various problems and parties. (It’s smaller than the costs many of these folks bear, to be sure).

I agree with the above comment that today’s kids have felt some heavy negative impacts. But heck, when those who lead our social policies take stock, them kids don’t count none, nohow. Nor do relatives, friends, neighbors, co-workers, etc.

I’m not just talking about divorce here. I’m talking about many things, including such arcane stuff as school policies, suburban development design, transportation arrangements, childcare, as well as other mix-and-and-mess-up stuff like drugs, pornography, Women Acting Dangerously (i.e., like stupid men).

 

[CRC72]

New book out I’ve been intending to read, by Dr. Helen Smith “Men on Strike: Why Men Are Boycotting Marriage, Fatherhood, and the American Dream - and Why It Matters”

Google Mens’ Rights Activists. There are men out there that are tired of getting jacked around by selfish women and the court system that supports them. Many of them have been given the royal flush and don’t want to have anything to do with it anymore. Many MRAs describe themselves as “Alpha Males”.

 

[CarolNoel]

Not to mention living together, having children together, and never really marrying. I was invited to a Catholic wedding last year by a couple that had lived together for 10 years and had 4 children. I had no idea that they weren’t already married as they had been going to Mass weekly, receiving communion, sending their kids to Catholic school. Only after they “needed to marry” for benefits from the woman’s job (he had lost his and so he no longer had insurance) did they deem it important to marry. Also, a friend of mine has lived with her boyfriend for 10+ years. They both have kids from previous relationships–no marriages–and say they can’t get married because financially it would tie them to each other. She doesn’t want to help pay his child support for his two or three kids and if she counted his income in hers she would no longer get the same amount in Social Security for her son

That is so sad to hear. I feel like they are insulting our faith.

 

[edwest2]

I don’t mean to just be kvetching. I just think FACTUALLY and PRACTICALLY there has been a real cost to me of having to deal with all the various problems and parties. (It’s smaller than the costs many of these folks bear, to be sure).

I agree with the above comment that today’s kids have felt some heavy negative impacts. But heck, when those who lead our social policies take stock, them kids don’t count none, nohow. Nor do relatives, friends, neighbors, co-workers, etc.

I’m not just talking about divorce here. I’m talking about many things, including such arcane stuff as school policies, suburban development design, transportation arrangements, childcare, as well as other mix-and-and-mess-up stuff like drugs, pornography, Women Acting Dangerously (i.e., like stupid men).

Cap,

You will note that the vast majority of the problems revolve around women and men having zero real relationships, sex before marriage, and the ONLY AFTER THE CEREMONY, finding out that they married someone who they don’t know and don’t like much, except for the sex. So, without all the planning and REAL RELATIONSHIP BUILDING that happened in the PAST - all that happens after the ceremony now, which increases the odds for divorce greatly. And since the bond is mostly about sex, and communication is way down on other matters - disagreements turn into calling 800-DIVORCE.

People need to get it through their heads. Sex has been turned into a toy. Which means guys don’t have to worry about messy things like relationships, which means communities can’t exist because your neighbors are only doing their thing. And if you are a practicing Christian - odds are, their thing cannot be your thing. Their lifestyle has nothing in common with yours and so everybody just runs around in a hundred different directions.

And kids from divorce? In the past, marriage was a promise: TILL DEATH DO US PART. When divorce is nobody’s fault, no wonder kids are shacking up and doing dope. They’ve got a single mom who works and who is going to educate them? The TV? Their dope smoking friends?

And the worst thing is women acting like male chauvenist pigs. Shameless and I’ll pick a guy for sex with no strings attached or for his money.

With no moral compass, it will just stay this way. That is why WE need to go out and present Jesus to people. To present morality to people. Otherwise, the media will give all the wrong messages.

nbcnews.com/health/ongoing-severe-epidemic-stds-us-report-finds-1C8364889

Peace,
Ed