Tirelessness and Vocation

[iwillrisenow]

I’m struggling a lot lately with the need for tirelessness…not only in today’s society (people manage families with several children and work and friendships and leisure activities and social media and are active in parish ministries at 10000 MPH…oy!) but in the spiritual life. For instance, I was just watching a talk given by a priest about relationships where he talks about the traits of strong committed Catholic couples that he’s known through the years. There’s a strong emphasis on how much they give and how socially open they are-- not only to each other and to their children, but to others (he uses the phrase “radical availability”), to their parishes, to society.

I’ve struggled a lot with the extroverted emphasis on what a “good Christian” looks like since entering the Church. I’ve had people question my faithfulness because I’m quite introverted, single, and truly find spiritual connection, groundedness, growth, and honesty in quiet moments in life (e.g.- Adoration, going on retreats). I work hard and have managed to be involved more in some periods of my life, less in others, but I’ve never, **ever **been that person who can be social for several hours at a time, work 12 hours a day on a job and spend all weekend at a soup kitchen, having the kind of personality it takes to be 100% upbeat and positive on a mission trip, charm several people and have strong relationships and be “well liked”, etc. When I’m overwhelmed with a million little tasks, relationships to manage, having to be upbeat and outgoing for long periods of time, and deep work that involves anything other than long periods of isolation (e.g.- research) I feel drained, miserable, and strongly tempted towards sin. Isolation recharges me…but to hear the priest and others speak, this is “holding back”; un-Christian and possibly even sinful!

As many folks on here are married and/or have children, I thought I’d ask…do you see tirelessness as part of your vocation? Is it something that you ever struggle with? If so, when you’re called to it, do you just let it go and find that God picks up where your human limitations end? And how do you manage the fine line between fruitful tirelessness and sloth (the priest describes it as a “distaste for boredom” aka hyper-busy-ness)?

And to introverts out there doing all these things…can we be good Christians too and still be ourselves? Is our quietness and need for breaks and saying “no” to manage our energy sinful? Does God really call us all to this “radical availability” and hyper-presence with other people?

 

[jmjZelie]

That is quite hurtful that people would question your faithfulness and imply that introvertedness is potentially sinful. This notion of radical availability you describe does not sound at all like the concepts laid out in the spiritual classics I love to read like The Imitation of Christ or The Way of Life or The Imitation of Mary. People in modern society often tend to overvalue extroverted traits, but these have nothing to do with faithfulness or holiness.

FWIW, I am an introvert, a wife and mother, a convert, and I find it is possible to pursue my vocation without becoming like an extrovert. I am only “radically available” to my husband and children. They get the best of me. If there is nothing left over for the parish, well so be it. I will only work tirelessly for the people and duties that God Himself gives to me, not for the ones other people try to guilt me into (and people will try to). I don’t really care for those terms though, and prefer to use the actual virtues to describe it to myself and others. Virtues such as generosity and perseverance are examples.

I am sorry that people have attempted to manipulate you into becoming more involved than you are ready and able to. God made you with your temperament, and His plans for you are the ones that count!

 

[ClearWater]

You can be a good Christian, or Catholic, and be introverted. You can be yourself. You also can get enough rest so as not to be tired and miserable. That’s not only allowed but recommended. It’s not sinful. Be who you are.

 

[Xantippe]

I’m struggling a lot lately with the need for tirelessness…not only in today’s society (people manage families with several children and work and friendships and leisure activities and social media and are active in parish ministries at 10000 MPH…oy!) but in the spiritual life. For instance, I was just watching a talk given by a priest about relationships where he talks about the traits of strong committed Catholic couples that he’s known through the years. There’s a strong emphasis on how much they give and how socially open they are-- not only to each other and to their children, but to others (he uses the phrase “radical availability”), to their parishes, to society.

I’ve struggled a lot with the extroverted emphasis on what a “good Christian” looks like since entering the Church. I’ve had people question my faithfulness because I’m quite introverted, single, and truly find spiritual connection, groundedness, growth, and honesty in quiet moments in life (e.g.- Adoration, going on retreats). I work hard and have managed to be involved more in some periods of my life, less in others, but I’ve never, **ever **been that person who can be social for several hours at a time, work 12 hours a day on a job and spend all weekend at a soup kitchen, having the kind of personality it takes to be 100% upbeat and positive on a mission trip, charm several people and have strong relationships and be “well liked”, etc. When I’m overwhelmed with a million little tasks, relationships to manage, having to be upbeat and outgoing for long periods of time, and deep work that involves anything other than long periods of isolation (e.g.- research) I feel drained, miserable, and strongly tempted towards sin. Isolation recharges me…but to hear the priest and others speak, this is “holding back”; un-Christian and possibly even sinful!

As many folks on here are married and/or have children, I thought I’d ask…do you see tirelessness as part of your vocation? Is it something that you ever struggle with? If so, when you’re called to it, do you just let it go and find that God picks up where your human limitations end? And how do you manage the fine line between fruitful tirelessness and sloth (the priest describes it as a “distaste for boredom” aka hyper-busy-ness)?

And to introverts out there doing all these things…can we be good Christians too and still be ourselves? Is our quietness and need for breaks and saying “no” to manage our energy sinful? Does God really call us all to this “radical availability” and hyper-presence with other people?

I think there are a lot of issues with the priest’s talk.

1. I think that this “radical availability” to the community is more a single person’s charism than a married person’s charism. If my husband made himself “radically available” to go help a lot of other people without checking in with me first, I’d be ticked off, and rightly so. And vice versa. Married people need to be first of all radically available to each other and their children. (When we first moved to TX, we made an appointment with our new pastor, a wise older priest to ask what we could do for the parish. Our pastor told us, “The most important thing you can do for the parish is to do a good job with your children.” So, that’s another priest’s opinion and it’s worth just as much as the talk by the priest you listened to.)
2. At the same time, married people and parents do need community and community support and to support the community and support others. But if things are falling apart at home, they’re not going to be effective in providing support to others long-term. It’s not unknown for those perfect church couples (whether Protestant or Catholic) to have a big “surprise” divorce because they were taking care of everybody but each other and their children.
3. You’re quite right to be paying attention to the extrovert versus introvert issue and you’re correct to note that the priest’s talk was heavier on the extroverted virtues. There are different kinds of good Christians.
4. “I’ve never, **ever **been that person who can be social for several hours at a time, work 12 hours a day on a job and spend all weekend at a soup kitchen, having the kind of personality it takes to be 100% upbeat and positive on a mission trip, charm several people and have strong relationships and be “well liked”, etc.” Good heavens, what a nightmare!!! Do what YOU can do well, not what other people can do well.
5. “Isolation recharges me…but to hear the priest and others speak, this is “holding back”; un-Christian and possibly even sinful! ” Keep looking for some more introvert-savvy spiritual advice.
6. “As many folks on here are married and/or have children, I thought I’d ask…do you see tirelessness as part of your vocation?” No. Tirelessness is a GIFT. It’s not a duty.
7. “Is our quietness and need for breaks and saying “no” to manage our energy sinful?” No, it’s prudence.

Best wishes!

 

[pensmama87]

I think there are a lot of issues with the priest’s talk.

1. I think that this “radical availability” to the community is more a single person’s charism than a married person’s charism. If my husband made himself “radically available” to go help a lot of other people without checking in with me first, I’d be ticked off, and rightly so. And vice versa. Married people need to be first of all radically available to each other and their children. (When we first moved to TX, we made an appointment with our new pastor, a wise older priest to ask what we could do for the parish. Our pastor told us, “The most important thing you can do for the parish is to do a good job with your children.” So, that’s another priest’s opinion and it’s worth just as much as the talk by the priest you listened to.)
2. At the same time, married people and parents do need community and community support and to support the community and support others. But if things are falling apart at home, they’re not going to be effective in providing support to others long-term. It’s not unknown for those perfect church couples (whether Protestant or Catholic) to have a big “surprise” divorce because they were taking care of everybody but each other and their children.
3. You’re quite right to be paying attention to the extrovert versus introvert issue and you’re correct to note that the priest’s talk was heavier on the extroverted virtues. There are different kinds of good Christians.
4. “I’ve never, **ever **been that person who can be social for several hours at a time, work 12 hours a day on a job and spend all weekend at a soup kitchen, having the kind of personality it takes to be 100% upbeat and positive on a mission trip, charm several people and have strong relationships and be “well liked”, etc.” Good heavens, what a nightmare!!! Do what YOU can do well, not what other people can do well.
5. “Isolation recharges me…but to hear the priest and others speak, this is “holding back”; un-Christian and possibly even sinful! ” Keep looking for some more introvert-savvy spiritual advice.
6. “As many folks on here are married and/or have children, I thought I’d ask…do you see tirelessness as part of your vocation?” No. Tirelessness is a GIFT. It’s not a duty.
7. “Is our quietness and need for breaks and saying “no” to manage our energy sinful?” No, it’s prudence.

Best wishes!

Yes, I agree with all of this.

I do have small children, and I do volunteer at our parish, but I tend to do things that are behind-the-scenes and frankly with a minimal time commitment. My favorite is that I have a weekly hour of Adoration. I could be with 15 other people that hour or it could just be me and Jesus. But I don’t have to talk to anyone, I can spend that time engaged in prayer, and I’m still being of service to the parish and to God.

Our pastor recently took a very long vacation. He works incredibly hard. But he needed that vacation and I’m glad he took it. He is the extroverted sort, which works very well in a parish as large as ours, but time for leisure and rest are critical. I don’t know if this is the case in every diocese, but I know in ours vacation and retreat times are absolutely mandatory for clergy.

I have a tendency to think that these messages are often meant for the people less likely to be moved by them. The people who hear them are the people who are probably already stretched too thin or easily guilted into taking on too much. For a while I remember I heard about almost every volunteer opportunity and thought, “Oh, I should be helping with that.” But after honestly assessing my family situation, my finances, etc, I realized that by and large I am actually not the one being talked to.

 

[pianistclare]

Lots of good thoughts there.
But I have to say…my parish is FULL of the #4 people Xan talks about.

I work at the parish for 12 hours on Sundays, and 8 hours other days.
And there are people that work circles around me. Not that many, but still.
I think if you are a can-do person it does help in ministry.

But there’s ALOT that others with less outgoing personalities can do. ALOT.
And those people are also highly prized for their “contributions” to the parish.
Some people just seek to be out front. They’re not better per se.
They’re busier.
You’d be amazed at how helping someone with a listening ear is to the person who is deeply troubled about a wayward child, for example.
Know your gifts. Use them. Share them.
There’s enough rats on the treadmill anyway. But even those, need a break now and then.

 

[AKDee]

And to introverts out there doing all these things…can we be good Christians too and still be ourselves? Is our quietness and need for breaks and saying “no” to manage our energy sinful? Does God really call us all to this “radical availability” and hyper-presence with other people?

You bring up a good question. I’m highly introverted and while I would rather just blend into the walls and go unnoticed, I’ve found that I get noticed quite often and am often asked to do this or that for the Church. Some I do, and some I don’t- I try not to feel guilty about when I say no. I don’t sleep well and I have low energy to start with, so I do have to be careful how much I commit to because I’m not one to break a commitment so once I say yes, it’s a done deal.

In answer to your last question, I think God calls us to do what we can. That doesn’t mean “radical availability” or “hyper-presence” in my opinion. I know there are people like that- a woman I work with is like that. She won’t say no to anyone for any reason, but she also is always frazzled, often ill, and I doubt she’s really happy either.

 

[Xantippe]

Y

I don’t know if this is the case in every diocese, but I know in ours vacation and retreat times are absolutely mandatory for clergy.

I have a tendency to think that these messages are often meant for the people less likely to be moved by them. The people who hear them are the people who are probably already stretched too thin or easily guilted into taking on too much. For a while I remember I heard about almost every volunteer opportunity and thought, “Oh, I should be helping with that.” But after honestly assessing my family situation, my finances, etc, I realized that by and large I am actually not the one being talked to.

Right.

Our college chaplain just came back from a mandatory yearly 5-day retreat.

And that’s right about the most responsive people being the already contributing. As my grandma says, “If you need help, ask a busy person.” (I have to confess to having been a serious shirker for the last 4+ years–but there have been good reasons for that…)

 

[UbiCaritas]

Something to bear in mind is that there are areas of service that don’t require very much interaction with people. And I say this as a fellow introvert.

For example, one could cook meals for someone who needs them, and then drop them off at their house. Perhaps 10 minutes of interaction, but you’ll have really helped someone who needs it.

Ditto lawnwork/fixing things for either the parish or an elderly/disabled person.

Or, should your talents lie in that direction, helping review finances for a church/institution/group.

Or doing paperwork for a group. It’s mindless, but my church needs packets of information assembled for their baptism classes every so often. I pick up the materials, and at some point pop in a DVD or something, and assemble 50-100 packets that I’ll then drop off at the church next week. The coordinator is delighted that she doesn’t have to handle it, and again, it doesn’t involve lots of in-person interaction on my part.

Basically, find your niche and then use it.

 

[EasterJoy]

If it is sinful to withdraw from the world into silence, what does that make the Carmelites? A saint does not have to live an extroverted life. That is nonsense!

As for “tirelessness,” it is a lot like “fearlessness.” The fearless person isn’t free of fear, and the tireless person isn’t free from fatigue. To be fearless is to remain faithful when you are confronted with something fearsome, and to be tireless is to faithfully press on past the point when you are tired. To remain faithful in spite of hardships such as fear or fatigue does not mean ruining your health with overwork or taking imprudent risks.

Eventually, sanctity will require the extrovert to learn when and how to be silent. Eventually, it will require the introvert to learn when and how to open up and reach out. Those things are not good things for their own sakes, however. They are good when fidelity to the call of God requires them. Learning those when’s and how’s requires discernment, and that requires prayer and at least a bit of pastoral guidance and feedback.