Tithing Disagreement between Husband and Wife

[purplesunshine]

This does not really help me, because based on what your saying, I could take a couple different approaches, neither of which are beneficial:
I could keep bringing the topic up to my husband, even though he has already expressed the desire to determine the amount we give. I might rapidly turn myself into the queen of the harpies.
I could give 10% of my stipend, which would reduce my grocery money significantly. It is possible that I could find a way to spend a lot less on necessities through coupon use and sales shopping, I suppose.
I think your response misses the point of this thread. I already feel very convicted about tithing, but I do not want to harp, I do not want to undermine my husband. I will not do these things because he is a good man whom God has blessed me with and I trust God to show him what is right. My question is about what actions I should take in the meantime. Should I add more to the offering envelope from my own budget, or would that be like a slap in the face to my husband? Should I just pray about it? Should I give to a charity (quietly, while still ensuring I can provide for the food and necessities) out of my budget? There are, I am sure, many ways in which the non-wage earning spouse can give to the Lord without hurting their spouse. So any ideas on that?

Another question, what does ‘first fruits’ mean practically speaking?

Undermining your husband to tithe seems good but, I think it not only falls under obedience but under respect. It can be a slippery slope. It can start a wave of self righchiouness that can accidentally “leak” into other aspects of your thinking. This is why God never punishes obedience.

Your stipend isn’t your fruits at all! You did nothing to earn it. Giving from that (especally to the detriment of your family) wouldn’t really be within the point of tithing…even if it followed the letter of the law.

What are your fruits?
Are you a good painter? A musician? are you a good teacher? are you good at cleaning?

Could you help another mother out by watching her child from the time they get off the school bus until their parents arrive home from work?
Could you help an elderly man keep his home by going over weekly and cleaning?
Could you cook two casseroles insted of one and bring one over to a family who (nevermind a tithe) can’t afford food?
Could you teach your children little songs and have them “perform” at a nursing home?
So many people are in desprite situations. Talk to the priest and express a desire to help one person. Weither it be with a couple hours of free child care so the person can keep their job, or to clean, or even to just listen to an elderly person who needs an ear.

Also keep in mind at this point in your life your children ARE your fruit. Just as Jesus was fruit of Mary’s womb, they are the fruit of your womb. THEY are your most important gift you can bring to God. God has entrusted them to you. Fill their lives with God, insted of Barney or Wiggles or whatever nonsence they have today. Teach them to love nature and be in awe of God’s work insted of Super Nintendo.

That is your fruit.

 

[Randi]

Your stipend isn’t your fruits at all! You did nothing to earn it. Giving from that (especally to the detriment of your family) wouldn’t really be within the point of tithing…even if it followed the letter of the law.

What are your fruits?
Are you a good painter? A musician? are you a good teacher? are you good at cleaning?

Could you help another mother out by watching her child from the time they get off the school bus until their parents arrive home from work?
Could you help an elderly man keep his home by going over weekly and cleaning?
Could you cook two casseroles insted of one and bring one over to a family who (nevermind a tithe) can’t afford food?
Could you teach your children little songs and have them “perform” at a nursing home?
So many people are in desprite situations. Talk to the priest and express a desire to help one person. Weither it be with a couple hours of free child care so the person can keep their job, or to clean, or even to just listen to an elderly person who needs an ear.

Also keep in mind at this point in your life your children ARE your fruit. Just as Jesus was fruit of Mary’s womb, they are the fruit of your womb. THEY are your most important gift you can bring to God. God has entrusted them to you. Fill their lives with God, insted of Barney or Wiggles or whatever nonsence they have today. Teach them to love nature and be in awe of God’s work insted of Super Nintendo.

That is your fruit.

Now here is the meat of it! I completely 100% agree that undermining one’s spouse to follow a teaching is NOT acceptable. I am glad to see we are in agreement on this.
Your clarification on what my first fruits might be as a non-wage-earning spouse was so helpful. I think that I am going to speak with my husband about this, because this really got me excited. I really like the idea of making offerings of my first fruits - my children, my talents, my time/service. This understanding was what I needed to get to. God has been leading me over the past few years to rely more upon Him and upon my trusted husband, and not feel anxiety or lack of control. Being a stay-at-home mom really tests your ability to trust, I tell you. But I have had a very narrow understanding of how God wants me to give of myself in various areas. This thread has really opened my eyes.

 

[Cristiano]

This does not really help me, because based on what your saying, I could take a couple different approaches, neither of which are beneficial:
I could keep bringing the topic up to my husband, even though he has already expressed the desire to determine the amount we give. I might rapidly turn myself into the queen of the harpies.
I could give 10% of my stipend, which would reduce my grocery money significantly. It is possible that I could find a way to spend a lot less on necessities through coupon use and sales shopping, I suppose.
I think your response misses the point of this thread. I already feel very convicted about tithing, but I do not want to harp, I do not want to undermine my husband. I will not do these things because he is a good man whom God has blessed me with and I trust God to show him what is right. My question is about what actions I should take in the meantime. Should I add more to the offering envelope from my own budget, or would that be like a slap in the face to my husband? Should I just pray about it? Should I give to a charity (quietly, while still ensuring I can provide for the food and necessities) out of my budget? There are, I am sure, many ways in which the non-wage earning spouse can give to the Lord without hurting their spouse. So any ideas on that?

Another question, what does ‘first fruits’ mean practically speaking?

That was my point. You cannot get a practical answer from us. You have to develop your conscience. Just because we suggest something, that does not mean anything. Just do things out of love and accept that you may not be successful. The only practical suggestion is to pray about it, give to the Church and try to work with your husband on a plan to increase the donation to the level that you think appropriate. God wants your honest effort not guaranteed results.

Giving to the Church is not only treasure but also time and talent. If you cannot fulfill what you think is your financial obligation, use your time and talent. We must use the three of them. “First fruits” means giving priority to God with your treasures, time and talent. You must give back while still remembering that He gifted you with those for your joy and so do not make yourself miserable out of a sense of duty. In the back of your head you know what is right for your family and you do not need our approval. Your best solution at this time, if not optimal, can be improved later. Do not try to be perfect just try to be loving.