As I look back, it was God’s mercy entirely that this experience of pain and confusion came to me so early in my priesthood. It forced me to do much praying and much searching of Scripture, begging the Lord to send light into my darkness. Psalm 30 proclaims, “I will praise you, Lord, you have rescued me, I will praise you, Lord, for your mercy!” That psalm became my prayer, for the Lord did come to rescue me from my confusion through simply praying over, reading over the Gospel accounts of Jesus’ Last Supper. All of a sudden the light went on – I saw what I had never seen before.
This is what I mean. As I read the Gospel accounts, I tried to envision myself there with the disciples and Jesus at the Last Supper. It’s the night before Jesus died. As he reclines at table, he takes the bread, says the words and it becomes his Body. He takes the cup, says the words, and it becomes his Blood. As I prayerfully watched Jesus do this, I found myself saying (or maybe it was the Spirit of Jesus saying within me): "Remember, this was the night before Jesus died. Do you suppose when he said “This is my body which will be given for you,” that he was referring only to what he was holding in his hands? Of course not! It was the night before he died! In addition to what was in his hands, the very real flesh and blood body standing right there in front of the disciples – *this *body was going to be broken, given out of love for them the very next day.
As I continued to pray, I asked myself the same question with what Jesus did next. He took the cup in his hands and said, “This is the cup of my blood of the new covenant. It will be shed on behalf of many for the forgiveness of sins.” Again, the Spirit prompted me to ask: "Do you suppose that on the night before he died Jesus was referring only to the cup in his hands when he said, ‘This is my blood which will be poured out for you?’ Of course not! The real blood flowing at that moment through his veins and arteries: *this *blood was going to be poured out the very next day for the disciples – and for everyone!" He was not referring only to what was in his hands, nor only to his actual body and blood: it was both!
After my prayerful reflection, the “clincher” quickly came with Jesus’ final words at the Last Supper. After saying the words over the bread and cup, he told the disciples, “DO this in memory of me!” Again the Spirit confronted me: "Do you suppose when Jesus said, ‘Do this,’ that he was referring only to what he was holding in his hands? Is that all he wanted us to “do in memory of him”? Of course not! That’s doing only 50%! Jesus was saying, “Do the WHOLE thing that I’m doing! Yes, like me, take the bread and say the words. Yes, like me, take the cup and say the words. But also like me, take your own body and let it be broken out of love for others. Like me, take your blood and let it be poured out in love for others, especially for those who do not like you, who betray you and even kill you. Do the WHOLE thing in memory of me, not just 50%!” Don’t make my Body and Blood in the Eucharist simply an object of devotion; I’m giving it to you so that you BECOME what you eat. I’m giving it to you so that you can be drawn into an entirely new way of living – into my way of living: DO this in memory of me!
Finally, the light of Christ was shining brightly into my darkness. What a gift that was – and what a gift it continues to be. This experience in the first months of my priesthood marked my own conversion to the FULLNESS of the Eucharist. I can honestly say that ever since then, the Eucharist has never been boring; it has never been magical, and it IS definitely skin off my back! Incidentally, when I tell you about these three feelings I had while celebrating Eucharist early in my priesthood,** isn’t the Holy Father saying basically the same thing when he tells us that too many of our Eucharistic celebrations are “formal and empty, lacking in heartfelt participation”? I** KNOW what he’s talking about. I’ve been there, done that!
What the Lord was teaching me during those hours of prayerful reflection on the Last Supper is the same thing our Holy Father begged us to do in his Corpus Christ homily of 2009: Don’t just go to Mass, don’t just celebrate Eucharist: “Become the Eucharist!” He pleads with us: “May this be our constant desire and commitment, so that the offering of the Body and Blood of the Lord which we make on the altar may be accompanied by the sacrifice of our own existence.” If we have a conversion to the full meaning of Eucharist, how can we ever celebrate Eucharists that are “formal and empty, lacking in heartfelt participation?”
I wish this smiley was bigger, and more sarcastic.