To be Weds and Newly Weds

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I’m getting married February 2nd to a man I met on Catholic Match, then moving to live in England! (Where he’s from.)

I’m going to have a very small wedding - maximum 30 guests. A friend is hosting the reception at his house as a gift. So, no catering fees, no worries about paying for food, music, decorations, etc. Just the cake and I’ll buy the wine and beer, too.

My parish church is soooo beautiful - the oldest in Cincinnati, and very ornately decorated - that flowers and such won’t be neccessary.

My friend is the organist, so no need to pay for music at the ceremony, either!

I’m scared, but excited!
 
I’m not getting married, but perhaps in the future…I just wanted to ask a question, or two. 🙂
Does a Catholic wedding have to be such a big deal? Or would it be valid and possible to have a wedding with just immediate family attending? What about just the two who are getting married (and witnesses, if there need be)?
I’ve only been to 1 Catholic wedding, and that was my parents’. They had been “married” by the state since I was two, but when my mother entered the church, she wanted to have a Catholic wedding, and it was really simple, there couldn’t have been more than 12 of us attending.
The reason I ask why it could be such a small, simple wedding, is because I am a very shy person, who doesn’t like to draw attention to myself, and would just like to have this done without such a big commotion, and all the nervousness and stress a big wedding could cause. 🙂
Thanks for taking the time to read this (I’m rather niave about catholic weddings.:o )
 
Yes! It can be as small as you like. The only thing to remember is that there’s no such thing as a private Mass, so, technically, ANYBODY can attend a nuptual Mass. Of course, if you don’t announce it to a whole bunch of people, it’s unlikely anybody will even know about it.
 
Hi Everyone,

Thanks for all the advice.

We went to see the priest last night and it couldnt have gone any better. I only new the priest from spending only year six in his parish primary school, so i only new him for a year when i was just 11 or 12. This is why i was worried about it, but i shouldnt have bothered getting worried.

Somehow, i dont know how he did it but even after 8 years he still remembered me, he still knew my personality, my ways and everything, he put both me and my fiancee at ease as soon as we walked through the door. Him and my Fiancee got on like a house on fire, as if they had known each other all their lives, even though they had never met before and my fiancee isnt even catholic!!

He only asked us about our age to confirm that we would both be over 18 at the time of the wedding, and he showed us round the church and we actually set the date, 19th August 2006!! Its so wonderful to have a date, now we can really start planning, im so happy and the smile still hasnt left my face!

We have been told that nothing else needs to be done now until after xmas (well on the church side of things anyway, lol!) so im really quite relaxed and at ease. Im so relieved!

Will post again soon to let you all know how things are going,

🙂 :love:
 
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MikeH:
I do have a question though. We have already picked the readings except for the responsorial. Anyone know where I could find some ideas or how to go about choosing one?
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I know many responsorials in different styles. Tell me your tastes and your readings, and I can probably offer a few ideas.

About Together for Life, we got a copy from our parish. Fiance wants unity candle, both of us want devotion to Mary, fiance wants a post-vow self-authored prayer. I would like to include it all, but we already picked rather lengthy readings… I dont’ want everyone watching their watch instead of me (that sounds intentionally conceited for humor) er… paying attention to Mass;-).

As for long distance planning, I am in Augusta, fiance is in Raleigh, my parents are in Houston, my fiance’s parents are in Birmingham… and the wedding is in Wilmington (my home town). It’s such a headache trying to come to an agreement on things and book all the different vendors when none of us are together.

Gypsy, congrats on setting a date. You’ll want to get started planning right away- you will need every minute of it to keep at it and stay sane!!
 
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MikeH:
I do have a question though. We have already picked the readings except for the responsorial. Anyone know where I could find some ideas or how to go about choosing one?
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If you are having a cantor, contact the music minister and they can suggest a Psalm that is already set to music for the cantor to sing it.

Here are the Psalm readings recommended for the nuptial mass:

Psalm 33:12, 18, 20-21, 22
Psalm 34:1-9
Psalm 103:1-2, 8, 13, 17-18
Psalm 112:1-9
Psalm 128: 1-5
Psalm 145:8-10, 15, 17-18
Psalm 148: 1-4, 9-14

But, I hope you know you can pick ANY psalm or reading you want… anything from the bible is OK. The recommended readings and psalms are obviously thematic and speak to love, marriage, etc, but you are not limited to them. So, if you have a favorite psalm that seems appropriate then you can choose that.
 
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1ke:
If you are having a cantor, contact the music minister and they can suggest a Psalm that is already set to music for the cantor to sing it.
But, I hope you know you can pick ANY psalm or reading you want… anything from the bible is OK. The recommended readings and psalms are obviously thematic and speak to love, marriage, etc, but you are not limited to them. So, if you have a favorite psalm that seems appropriate then you can choose that.
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Speaking with your music minister is a good idea- they will do a much better job with something they are more familiar with, since the wedding is coming up fast. I highly prefer sung psalms, but it’s YOUR wedding.
As far as picking the reading, it is highly preferable from a liturgical standpoint to use a call and response format, rather than just another reading. For example, if you had a reading that was a close second, you could pick out the main idea as the response, and have the lector recite additional verses in between. Talk with your priest to make sure you aren’t violating any liturgical or scriptural norms, though.
 
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vluvski:
Speaking with your music minister is a good idea- they will do a much better job with something they are more familiar with, since the wedding is coming up fast. I highly prefer sung psalms, but it’s YOUR wedding.
As far as picking the reading, it is highly preferable from a liturgical standpoint to use a call and response format, rather than just another reading. For example, if you had a reading that was a close second, you could pick out the main idea as the response, and have the lector recite additional verses in between. Talk with your priest to make sure you aren’t violating any liturgical or scriptural norms, though.
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Of course the psalm would be in a responsorial format. I never meant to imply otherwise. I was simply trying to convey that they can choose any psalm they want. They are not limited to the examples provided in the marriage prep books.
 
Anyone have ideas on how to tactfully make some requests of our guests?
  1. Only practicing Catholics in good standing my receive.
  2. Take restless children to the back if they become disruptive (we have speakers and a large window, so no hearing/seeing issues).
 
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vluvski:
Anyone have ideas on how to tactfully make some requests of our guests?
  1. Only practicing Catholics in good standing my receive.
  2. Take restless children to the back if they become disruptive (we have speakers and a large window, so no hearing/seeing issues).
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For #1:

We put a statement in the program about what non-Catholics should do during the mass. We invited them to kneel or sit during the parts of the mass that call for kneeling-- whatever they felt comfortable. We then included instructions of staying in the pew or coming forward with arms crossed for a blessing.

Then have the priest give instructions just prior to inviting the congregation up for Communion.

For #2:

I don’t believe that there is a tactful way to say this. First of all, those with common sense and courtesy will do this without being asked to do so and you will insult them by making some sort of announcement. Secondly, those without sense will not heed any announcement you make. Personally, I’d be insulted by something like this. If you really think it necessary, then have the ushers mention it to families with small children as they are escorting them to their seats.
 
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Firebug:
I’m not getting married, but perhaps in the future…I just wanted to ask a question, or two. 🙂
Does a Catholic wedding have to be such a big deal? Or would it be valid and possible to have a wedding with just immediate family attending? What about just the two who are getting married (and witnesses, if there need be)?
I’ve only been to 1 Catholic wedding, and that was my parents’. They had been “married” by the state since I was two, but when my mother entered the church, she wanted to have a Catholic wedding, and it was really simple, there couldn’t have been more than 12 of us attending.
The reason I ask why it could be such a small, simple wedding, is because I am a very shy person, who doesn’t like to draw attention to myself, and would just like to have this done without such a big commotion, and all the nervousness and stress a big wedding could cause. 🙂
Thanks for taking the time to read this (I’m rather niave about catholic weddings.:o )
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My fiance (now DH) and I did exactly this. We started out with the big wedding, but two months beforehand decided against it. We are both shy and hate being the center of attention. We also felt like the day could easily become too centered on the details and not on the sacrament and the marriage. So, after talking it over on a Saturday, we called our priest and told him we wanted to move up the ceremony and have one in private. He was a little surprised, but agreed. First it was just going to be us and our witnesses, but then we decided to include parents, siblings, his grandparents, and my “surrogate” gparents.

Two weeks from the day we talked to the priest, we were married in a private ceremony (no Mass). There were 15 people present (16 with the photographer). No music, no “nuthin’”. It was PERFECT! Luckily everyone had their wedding clothes, so we dressed up and had a few flowers, but that was it. Our photographer agreed to split her time with us, and she took some beautiful shots. It was very relaxed and stress free. His parents hosted lunch and MIL made a cake. The day was truly about our love and commitment to each other.

This route is not for everyone, and I don’t begrudge anyone their big wedding. We did have a larger reception a month and a half later with all our friends. It was nice, but I almsot wish we hadn’t done it. A wedding with a big ceremony and reception is really like throwing two parties at once, and it’s stressful. I don’t think everyone loses sight of what the day’s about, and I don’t think we would have either, but I hate pomp and circumstance. I just wanted to be married!

My wedding pictures are posted here.
 
Hello All, Wondering if anyone can tell me anything about the Pre-Marriage Seminar, Basically all I know is That we have to attend, and that it is 2, 6 Hour Classes. Any Info at all will be appreciated. Thank You.
 
My wife and I use to be Pre-Cana coordinators. What information are you looking for specifically?

K
 
I am really just wondering what types of things will be covered. My fiance’ seems to think that they are going to try and teach us the proper way to have sexual relations and that it is nothing but a “brain washing”. Only because we can not find out any info about it. Our priest is not even sure what is covered. so any info at all is better then what i have. Thank You
 
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she_he:
I am really just wondering what types of things will be covered. My fiance’ seems to think that they are going to try and teach us the proper way to have sexual relations and that it is nothing but a “brain washing”. Only because we can not find out any info about it. Our priest is not even sure what is covered. so any info at all is better then what i have. Thank You
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When we were involved with Pre-Cana we had our couples take the FOCCUS questionnaire. Some call it the marriage test. Not true. It is a system to help you determine your strengths and weakness in your relationship now and in your marriage.

We also, go over the in’s and out’s of marriage life. This is covered in 4 areas. Communication, Spirituality, and Sexuality. Each area we shared with the engaged couples our experiences and the Church’s teachings. We tried to make the couples talk to each other; especially those areas they may have avoided.

The 4th area was more like a general “question and answer” session where the couples ask the coordinators any question they want. This is usually very informal and relaxing for the couples.

It may seem like a long time, but well worth the time. When I got married my Pre-Cana was OK. It wasn’t until I was a coordinator that I realized what a wealth of information the married couples had for the engaged couples.
 
Thank You for the Information, I really appreciate it. We have already taken the FOCCUS test, and gone over the areas of disagreement with our priest. My fiance’ has really been stressing out over the seminar, only because we couldnt get any information about it. We are scheduled to go on Feb 25 for our first one. I will pass this Information on to him and hopefully he will relax about it. I personally am looking forward to going, Marriage is a big step and the more info I can absorb the better. Again Thank You for answering …
 
I just got married last Saturday!

We had a very nice, traditional Mass. It was lovely. I am so glad we did it “right.”
 
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katybird:
I just got married last Saturday!

We had a very nice, traditional Mass. It was lovely. I am so glad we did it “right.”
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Congratulations on your marriage! May you be blessed with many wonderful years together. At least 50 plus!🙂
 
I just returned from a weekend of Marriage Prep. It contained exactly what people in this forum said it would - Growin Together, Communication, The Sacrement of Marriage and Sexuality.

The only mind blower for me, and really truly it was, was learning about the Billings Method of Natural Family Planning. I was shocked that I had never heard of it before! A lot of people received it well.

The rest of the course was what I thought it would be about. I am really thankful that they had it and my non Catholic fiance completely dug it all- even the Billings Method. I heard some places don’t even talk about Natural Family Planning and I think all Churches should at least tell people to have an open mind about it, and teach it.
 
well I have come to a conclusion at least esspecially after that last post,

I am not going to attend this class, I gave them the large amount of money and they can keep it,
Ill just get married in a chapel,courthouse, or a different church,
if she is still willing.

The “sacramental” part of the marriage was already destroyed when we took the foccus test when they made us give each other permission to have an affair.not very sacramental when your going into a marriage knowing that if you or your future spouse have the urge to sew an oat that the church got you permission from your future spouse.
not that either of us would act on it,but still takes away the Value of the sacrament,
Overly stressed out
 
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