To Change Your Last Name or Not When Marrying?

[mPR]

How does that work after a few generations? For example if your name is Mary Smith and you marry Bob Jones your kids become Jane Smith Jones and David Smith Jones? Then what happens when Jane marries John Akers? Do their kids became John Jr Smith Jones Akers? Or do they grab just one of mom’s last names to become John Jr Smith Akers?

The mother’s last name ultimately disappears. Here’s how it works:
Mary Smith marries Bob Jones, their child will be Jane Jones Smith (father’s surname always first). The family is known as “familia Jones Smith.”
Jane Jones Smith marries John Akers, their child becomes John Akers Jones (no “Jr” - there is no need, as the mother’s surname makes the names different). If Jane is a high class woman, she might sign as Jane Jones Smith de (“of”) Akers or Jane Jones de Akers.

Does anyone think that hyphenated names are just tacky? What is it about it that people don’t like? The looks?

Hyphenated names just repulse me, for some reason. It’s just awkward, it could only have come from a feminist’s imagination. My two non-hyphenated surnames are much more cool and natural

If I were to marry, say, an American, and were to move to the U.S. with him, I think I would take my husband’s family name but keep mine as a middle name. I believe in adapting to the culture of the country you have moved to, and I think preserving my surname as a middle name is a nice compromise.

 

[Guitar]

They’re both doing the clinging. And God made man first. The man is the head of the family both spiritually and physically. Or it should be that way, anyway.

Did I mention “the two become one”?

If the man that wanted me to cling to him for life was incapable of understanding what my own name means to me … I’d be-a-findin’ another man to cling to because there could be no unity with a man who could not (or chose not to) understand my view on this, especially once I had explained to him where it came from - and that is indeed a long story. If he didn’t “get” that, I would know right up front he was not a man for me to share the rest of my life with for better or worse, in sickness or in health. Just as women who choose to change their names get used to it, men whose wives choose not to can also get used to it. (That said, I think it is nice when a woman rejoices in a change of name on marriage because of what it means to her, and it is a lovely thing to see … but just don’t project those attitudes onto the rest of us and don’t presume to put thoughts and attitudes in our heads because we do not make your choices.)

People from cultures where name change is the relatively recent norm should IMO be a little careful in making sweeping statements on this matter, bearing in mind all the other cultures, many of them strongly Catholic/religious/otherwise family-oriented that have never changed surnames on marriage.

 

[Ponyguy]

I personally prefer a woman to assume her husband’s name, but I have no problem if she chooses to keep her maiden name…

When I hear of people who are recognized as a “couple,” say, perhaps “Bill Jones and Sally Smith;” I often wonder if they are actually married, or are they “living together.” Is Bill actually Sally’s husband, or is he her “girl friend” or “partner,” or just what? Can I refer to Bill as “Sally’s husband” or what?

Maybe their “personal arrangements” are none of my business, but situations like that in our current society can become awkward, when addressing them in social engagements, like at a PTA meeting at school, or some similar, especially when children are involved.

Frequently, a professional woman will use her Maiden Name professionally, (particularly if she is a published scientist, author, or professor, or…) but use her husband’s surname in social situations, simply for conformity. She retains her professional identity, but descends into the social anonymity otherwise.

 

[ac_claire]

I’m all for taking the husband’s name because it’s an American tradition, and as previous poster’s mentioned, having the same last name is a way of showing family unity. One family, united under a common surname.

I do have a really cool maiden name though, and hated to see it go. So we’ve decided to incorporate it into one of our future children’s names, probably as a middle name.

 

[StJudePray4Me]

I have no objection to other peoples choices on this – however, as a former Human Resources professional, I would ask people to pick a name and STICK WITH IT!

So a women would fill out her paperwork, half with Mary Smith-Jones, half with Mary Jones-Smith, and then use just Mary Smith on her business cards, but refer to herself as Mary Jones in her personal life – it would drive me crazy – I could never figure out who she was – or whether to file her under the J’s or the S’s!!!

 

[LookingForFaith]

I respect every woman’s decision to change her name or keep it. It’s her and her husband’s decision. But if I get married someday, I would love to take my husband’s name. It’s what’s right for me.

 

[dixieagle]

Interesting thread!

My maiden name is a fairly uncommon Irish one, often mispronounced, and I never really liked it (sorry, Dad!) I was more than happy to take my husband’s name, though - wouldn’t you know it - I married into an Eastern European family with an unusual name. I go by “Susan Jones Smith”.

Both of our daughters married young men with very normal last names. One daughter goes by “Susan Smith Jones” and the other “Mary Jane Black”; as she has always been called by both her first and middle names, sticking the maiden name in there would be too much of a mouthful.

Here (deep South) most women seem to take their husband’s surnames.

 

[shannyk]

When I got married I was most definitely NOT looking forward to changing my name. My husbands last name is akward to spell and say. My maiden name just seemed like…me. It was what I was used to and who I was. It was also special to me because my dad legally adopted me and gave me his last name.

But when I brought up keeping my maiden name to my then fiancée, I could see the disappointment in his face. His name was something he wanted to give me out of love for me and out if wanting us to be a family to the world. I decided to accept his name and change it. I could not have imagined how important taking his name would become for my children and I after my husband died. The fact that even without him here we are still HIS wife and children and we are a family. Im very glad I put pride aside and accepted my husbands gift of a name.

Having said that it’s a personal not church dictated decision.

 

[Guitar]

I’m all for taking the husband’s name because it’s an American tradition, and as previous poster’s mentioned, having the same last name is a way of showing family unity. One family, united under a common surname.

A way.

Another equally valid way of showing family unity is by being a united family.

Those who choose to change their surname as a way of showing this should not assume that those who do not choose to do so make this choice because they are not a united family.

(Not for a minute suggesting you personally do, you’re just expressing your view, but plenty here seem to make that assumption.)