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onegreenclover
Guest
Haha I’m not a bigot either!!
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Joseph629
Guest
When we got married, my wife wanted to keep her name hyphenated to mine. I didn’t like the idea, but went along with it. Now, almost 30 years later, she ONLY uses my name and is happy with that. The hyphenated name gave (and continues and continues to give) her problems with many different gov’t agencies, financial institutes and the like. Though she hasn’t used the hyphenated name for many years now, she continues to be sorry she went for it in the first place.
We were younger, not as wise, and she now feels that one name means ‘one’ family. I’m sure our kids are happy about it too.
We were younger, not as wise, and she now feels that one name means ‘one’ family. I’m sure our kids are happy about it too.
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sanctamaria17
Guest
Not changing mine.
It makes me no less one with a husband if I keep my name. Not changing my first name, why would I change my last?
I don’t need a valid reason to keep the name I was born with. Yeah, I know, it was my dad’s name, but still. It’s my name. I give of myself when I marry but my identity doesn’t change.
It makes me no less one with a husband if I keep my name. Not changing my first name, why would I change my last?
I don’t need a valid reason to keep the name I was born with. Yeah, I know, it was my dad’s name, but still. It’s my name. I give of myself when I marry but my identity doesn’t change.
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dashso40
Guest
I couldn’t wait to change my name to my husband’s 14 years ago when we got married. It made me feel closer to him sharing his name. I can barely remember what it felt like with my maiden name.
Not taking your husband’s name is more of a new generation thing.Like a feminist thing.
Just my opinion
Not taking your husband’s name is more of a new generation thing.Like a feminist thing.
Just my opinion
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Seatuck
Guest
I’ve been married for almost 25 years. I couldn’t wait to wear my wedding ring and change my name to show the world that I was one with my husband. Never thought otherwise. I was 22.
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chevalier
Guest
Surnames are not a religious matter. One can only worry about associated attitudes if they carry any negative moral weight of their own. This said, let’s join the off-topic discussion now. 
Legal name is one thing, but people don’t suddenly stop being Johnsons when marrying a Wilson and in a certain sense, one counts as a Smith if his mother was one. Please note all the many surnames at a single family’s reunion. All those folks belong there because of blood ties!
Then there are people who don’t use all of the names they legally have and sometimes people use names they legally don’t have (e.g. aristocrats when they go full-on).
In Poland, the maiden name has generally always stayed prominent because the connection with the woman’s family was important. Nobles would do something like this:
Jane of Wilsons (John) Smith
Graves and sometimes documents would say:
Jane Smith of house (i.e. nee) Wilson
(But women would sometimes give their name this way during presentation. In fact, sometimes they’d say, “Jane Wilson, Smith by husband.”)
After WW2, they’d hyphenate, but they would typically not use both names at the same time in normal parlance. Sometimes even corporate officials or even civil servants will not use both of the names when signing a decision.
These days, however, there seems to be a return to single surnames for women, including among professionals who work for their names.
And I’ve recently seen two surnames used together without a hyphen.
Legal name is one thing, but people don’t suddenly stop being Johnsons when marrying a Wilson and in a certain sense, one counts as a Smith if his mother was one. Please note all the many surnames at a single family’s reunion. All those folks belong there because of blood ties!
Then there are people who don’t use all of the names they legally have and sometimes people use names they legally don’t have (e.g. aristocrats when they go full-on).
In Poland, the maiden name has generally always stayed prominent because the connection with the woman’s family was important. Nobles would do something like this:
Jane of Wilsons (John) Smith
Graves and sometimes documents would say:
Jane Smith of house (i.e. nee) Wilson
(But women would sometimes give their name this way during presentation. In fact, sometimes they’d say, “Jane Wilson, Smith by husband.”)
After WW2, they’d hyphenate, but they would typically not use both names at the same time in normal parlance. Sometimes even corporate officials or even civil servants will not use both of the names when signing a decision.
These days, however, there seems to be a return to single surnames for women, including among professionals who work for their names.
And I’ve recently seen two surnames used together without a hyphen.
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kyria
Guest
I took my husband’s name. Even though we are now divorced I still kept it including the title of Mrs. I didn’t want people to assume my husband and I were not married nor have anybody try and address me as Ms. I was happy to take my husbands surname as a sign that that not only was he my husband, that we were married. Plus I didn’t want my children having a different surname to myself. Taking my husbands name didn’t take away who I was. The only problem was my first degree was in my maiden name and my post grads are in my married.
I do know one girl that refused to take her husband’s name only because it was not a very attractive sounding surname.
I have also come across some shocking surnames that I would not take as my own either. One name I came across is Cockhead. It is a bona fide surname, so I am not writing a swear word. There is no way I’d be known as Mrs C head. I could not marry someone with that name. Also my dad knew someone with the name Henchit. You can imagine what people called her. I know one family that the wife kept her maiden name and the kids had both maiden and father’s surname hyphenated, but it was such a mouthful as both had long surnames.
When I was married we were a family, and I was happy to be known by my married family name. And I’d only think twice if I had the misfortune to fall in love with someone who had a yukky surname. And if they had a yukky surname I don’t think I could brand my kids with that name either. So thankfully I was never in that position.
I do know one girl that refused to take her husband’s name only because it was not a very attractive sounding surname.
I have also come across some shocking surnames that I would not take as my own either. One name I came across is Cockhead. It is a bona fide surname, so I am not writing a swear word. There is no way I’d be known as Mrs C head. I could not marry someone with that name. Also my dad knew someone with the name Henchit. You can imagine what people called her. I know one family that the wife kept her maiden name and the kids had both maiden and father’s surname hyphenated, but it was such a mouthful as both had long surnames.
When I was married we were a family, and I was happy to be known by my married family name. And I’d only think twice if I had the misfortune to fall in love with someone who had a yukky surname. And if they had a yukky surname I don’t think I could brand my kids with that name either. So thankfully I was never in that position.
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saveusfromhell
Guest
personally i have no opinion on it, my wife took my last name but her choice i don’t believe it’s even something we ever discussed. I was just thinking when someone posted about Ireland what actually happens a lot in rural areas, where you might have a lot of Murphy’s or Maguires McCarthy’s in order to distinguish between them, up to 3 generations could be know as the posty Murphy’s as opposed to the bricky Murphy’s, or the Sean Henry Maguires rather than the big crosses Maguires. or just as likely someones first name gets changed in their tennage years from Thomas to George or whatever and the only time they are reffered by their real first name is by their mother or in the mail they recieve,
so taking someone else name do/don’t it’s all about what your comfortable with.
so taking someone else name do/don’t it’s all about what your comfortable with.
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CB_Catholic
Guest
My maiden name, which I will not reveal, was one of those which caused me a great deal of embarrassment, esp. as a child and teenager, although in a non-English speaking country it would not have. Both my brother and I were teased about it throughout our young lives. I was more than glad to get rid of it when I married, and my brother later went to court and changed his surname legally to another ancestral surname. He said he wasn’t going to hang that moniker on any of his kids. When I was young I often wished I could change my name to my mother’s maiden name, which is a beautiful Italian name. If I were her, I would not have given it up, but that was not the custom then.
My daughter did not hyphenate her last name. She just took her maiden name as her middle name and signs all her correspondence and legal documents like that. The kids just have their father’s surname, and the family is known by that surname, since the maiden name is now her middle name.
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Joseph629
Guest
Well I have the solution. I have a friendship with 2 married couples where both husband and wife had the same name. So a Mr Smith married a Miss Smith, and a Mr White married a Miss White. (names changed to protect the privacy of the individuals -LOL) – So there you go Ladies; just find a guy with “your” last name, and voila, c’est donc parfait.
Or, how about first names. I also knew a Terry who married a Terry. And a Eugene who married Eugenie (The latter being French).
Or, how about first names. I also knew a Terry who married a Terry. And a Eugene who married Eugenie (The latter being French).
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LilyM
Guest
Never thought about it, never having been married or even engaged.
On the one hand, I’m proud of my family, and being that my parents only had daughters it’d be a nice gesture for me to both keep the family name and pass it on to my own children in some form.
On the other, I’m not fond of the hyphen either, and would probably go the middle-name route if I did keep it. And being that my surname is unusual, if my beloved was a plain ol’ Smith or Jones it’d be tempting to go by his name.
On the one hand, I’m proud of my family, and being that my parents only had daughters it’d be a nice gesture for me to both keep the family name and pass it on to my own children in some form.
On the other, I’m not fond of the hyphen either, and would probably go the middle-name route if I did keep it. And being that my surname is unusual, if my beloved was a plain ol’ Smith or Jones it’d be tempting to go by his name.
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Phemie
Guest
My cousin Michel married Michelle A. and his brother Pierre married Michelle B. It sometimes makes for a confusing conversation.
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Marysann
Guest
Whether a woman changes her name upon marriage is a social and not a religious custom. When I married, 34 years ago this Saturday, I began to use my maiden name as my middle name, and took my husband’s surname. That is our family name. This is an old American tradition used by such prominent American women as Martha Dandridge Custis Washington and Mary Todd Lincoln. Anna Eleanor Roosevelt, of course, did not follow this custom!
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Kindness
Guest
It is also a common custom in Scotland to give the mother’s maiden name as a first name to one of the children. I knew a Scottish Lachlan that received his name this way. We are also godparents to an American Macnamara (known as “Mac”) who was named after his maternal grandmother’s maiden name.
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jamanne
Guest
I am off Scots/Irish origin and in our local cemeteries which go back several centuries its not uncommon, until recent years to see women buried under their own names ,For instance my mother is buried as "Mary McNally wife of Philip Curran
We were told the taking of the husbands name is quite a recent action in the scheme of things.It was brought in when the governments decided that income tax and other government practices like census taking were made easier by grouping families under one name .I still recall in the rural areas i came from many of the old women addressed thei r friends by their last maiden name I.E …McMillan ,Cunningham ,Curran ,reserving the Christian or given name like Anne ,Mary for children ,
We were told the taking of the husbands name is quite a recent action in the scheme of things.It was brought in when the governments decided that income tax and other government practices like census taking were made easier by grouping families under one name .I still recall in the rural areas i came from many of the old women addressed thei r friends by their last maiden name I.E …McMillan ,Cunningham ,Curran ,reserving the Christian or given name like Anne ,Mary for children ,
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Catholicdude92
Guest
I don’t see why the church would need to have a view on it
I’m not sure I agree with you though. I think it’s nice to change your name. “The two are one” sort of thing.
From my experience most of the women I know who didn’t change their names are radical feminists. Maybe that’s why I’m not sure I like it…Then again I have a friend from a good orthodox catholic family whos mom didn’t change her name.
Do you know if you could just add the other name and retain the maiden name as well? That might be a good way to keep the family name and recognize unity.
It wouldn’t stop me from marrying someone either way…
Mary_Gail_36
New member
See…in some countries the woman doesn’t even have the legal option to change her name.
I have duo citizenship with Italy and live in the US…
I changed my name when I was married.
But, my Italian passport (I don’t travel with it…) has my maiden name on it.
It’s cultural…not religious.
I have duo citizenship with Italy and live in the US…
I changed my name when I was married.
But, my Italian passport (I don’t travel with it…) has my maiden name on it.
It’s cultural…not religious.
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lil_flower_luv
Guest
That is why a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife,
and the two of them become one body…
If the man is doing the clinging, so should the woman.
They belong to each other…they become one. Shouldn’t their names be one as well?
IMHO.
and the two of them become one body…
If the man is doing the clinging, so should the woman.
They belong to each other…they become one. Shouldn’t their names be one as well?IMHO.
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