To confess or not?

[Sancta_Caecilia]

In a first confession (or any confession really) I understand that someone should confess ‘sex before marriage’ as it is a sin. Similarly, an ‘impure act’ (an act of a sexual nature, but not intercourse) as it is a sin.

However, if the sex/violation was forcibly undertaken it is not a sin (not accountable to the victim anyway). It does however, render the victim of this encouter ‘unchaste’, ie, not a virgin and not ‘untouched’. Virginity and purity are highly valued to the catholic church and to myself. While this is no fault of the person and not a sin or theirs, it is not an ideal situation to be in for the persons welfare or their faith/beliefs.

The question i am getting at is this: Should a person confess this state? while not directly in a position of sin it is definately a position that is undesirable to be in not just as a believer of faith but as a human being. The person is in a situation which requires healing and absolving of another persons sin which they have put onto you and put you into the position of feeling guilty/shame for what has happened, even though it is not the victims fault.(re-inforcing that so as not to confuse anyone.I am not suggesting the victim be ‘sorry’, but rather, sorry that it happened to them and a desire to remove the feeling of sin and shame) Confessing the event could provide closure and remove anothers sin from youself, couldnt it? And assure yourself that this is a state you do not desire to be in that you want to ‘get it off your chest’.

Also, could it be considered to be a breach of the confession sacrament if you were to withhold these facts? the fact that you have had sex before marriage.? that you are not a virgin or pure? How about taking communion?

My main question is this: Is it appropriate to confess this incident to a priest? Or is it awkward? how could he respond to this?

 

[Sancta_Caecilia]

Would really appreciate any help

 

[laszlo]

Feel free to include it in your confession, not as sin, but as part of the status pf your soul. Most priest would know how to respond it, but if you do not get appropriate attention do not pursue it.

 

[Spirithound]

However, if the sex/violation was forcibly undertaken it is not a sin (not accountable to the victim anyway). It does however, render the victim of this encouter ‘unchaste’, ie, not a virgin and not ‘untouched’. Virginity and purity are highly valued to the catholic church and to myself. While this is no fault of the person and not a sin or theirs, it is not an ideal situation to be in for the persons welfare or their faith/beliefs.

Dear sister, being raped is not a sin in any way. It does not make you unchaste. In my view, it does not even make you a non-virgin.

Please feel free to talk to the priest about it, and he can recommend a good counsellor, but there is nothing there to absolve. Purity and chastity are not simply about physical states, but the interior disposition and then the physical states that result from that.

 

[puzzleannie]

In However, if the sex/violation was forcibly undertaken it is not a sin (not accountable to the victim anyway). It does however, render the victim of this encouter ‘unchaste’, ie, not a virgin and not ‘untouched’. Virginity and purity are highly valued to the catholic church and to myself. While this is no fault of the person and not a sin or theirs, it is not an ideal situation to be in for the persons welfare or their faith/beliefs.

The question i am getting at is this: Should a person confess this state? ?

of course not it is not a sin
yes virginity is an invaluable gift that once taken cannot be regained, but that does not mean if one was victimized by this type of assault it follows that the victim is somehow to blame. And it in no way compromises their chance to achieve virtue, holiness and sainthood. Losing one’s virginity through rape does NOT render one unchaste. The only thing that can do that is one’s own deliberate wilfull actions.

 

[Sancta_Caecilia]

Feel free to include it in your confession, not as sin, but as part of the status pf your soul. Most priest would know how to respond it, but if you do not get appropriate attention do not pursue it.

Thankyou!

 

[Sancta_Caecilia]

of course not it is not a sin
yes virginity is an invaluable gift that once taken cannot be regained, but that does not mean if one was victimized by this type of assault it follows that the victim is somehow to blame. And it in no way compromises their chance to achieve virtue, holiness and sainthood. Losing one’s virginity through rape does NOT render one unchaste. The only thing that can do that is one’s own deliberate wilfull actions.

Thankyou for you reply. yes i completely agree that the victim is blameless, however they are left with the consequences and ‘feel’ guilt, unchaste etc and they may feel they want healing from a priest as their state of purity has been compromised so they may want some relief from this state. They can still feel the burden of the other persons sin which has been imposed on them and wish to be relieved of it. There belief system has been compromised and they now find themselves in a state of feeling violated and ‘feeling’ sinful as acts they do not condone and sins they do not condone have been imposed on them. Maybe a one on one confession situation would be more appropriate.

 

[puzzleannie]

you could also ask for the sacrament of anointing, since the assault has left the victim with physical, spiritual and psychological scars. Above all lift up your suffering to the Lord’ in the Eucharist, the extreme healing sacrament.

 

[Sancta_Caecilia]

Dear sister, being raped is not a sin in any way. It does not make you unchaste. In my view, it does not even make you a non-virgin.

Please feel free to talk to the priest about it, and he can recommend a good counsellor, but there is nothing there to absolve. Purity and chastity are not simply about physical states, but the interior disposition and then the physical states that result from that.

Thankyou for your reply. I know it is not a sin nor does it make you unchaste or make the victim at fault. I agree it does not take away someones virginity as they did not choose for it to go. However, this does not stop someone from feeling upset about it orwishing it hadnt happened. The point i am getting at is that the victim can ‘feel’ as if they would like to be absolved of this imposition. Not absolved in the traditional sense of a sinner, but absolved of the burden; the feeling of uncleanliness and to be internally healed/cleansed.

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

Thankyou for you reply. yes i completely agree that the victim is blameless, however they are left with the consequences and ‘feel’ guilt, unchaste etc and they may feel they want healing from a priest as their state of purity has been compromised so they may want some relief from this state. They can still feel the burden of the other persons sin which has been imposed on them and wish to be relieved of it. There belief system has been compromised and they now find themselves in a state of feeling violated and ‘feeling’ sinful as acts they do not condone and sins they do not condone have been imposed on them. Maybe a one on one confession situation would be more appropriate.

If this is the case then yes, tell the priest what happened and what the consequences are in terms of how you feel about yourself. Confession does heal so it makes sense to bring it up.

 

[Sancta_Caecilia]

you could also ask for the sacrament of anointing, since the assault has left the victim with physical, spiritual and psychological scars. Above all lift up your suffering to the Lord’ in the Eucharist, the extreme healing sacrament.

Hmm. I didnt think of that. Good option to explore. Thankyou for your contribution

 

[Barbkw]

Even if this rape occured weeks ago, you should consider reporting this person’s actions against you - to the police.

And I’m sorry, I know that this will be difficult for you.

However, it can also provide you will a form of healing, knowing that you assisted in drawing police attention toward this individual as he will probably reoffend, harming another person.

Police investigators, well trained in interigation, use taped over-the-phone conversations between you and the rapist to get confessions that can be used in court.

 

[Jedimonk]

I would like to echo everything the above commenters have said. Also, I think it would be advantageous to seek cousel with your priest, or if you aren’t comfortable with that, with some sort of Catholic counselor.

The victim has committed no crime. If confession helps them heal, then confess it! I would strongly encourage any victim of such a crime to seek help beyond that, though. Trama like that can haunt a person. Be well, friend.

 

[Sancta_Caecilia]

Even if this rape occured weeks ago, you should consider reporting this person’s actions against you - to the police.

And I’m sorry, I know that this will be difficult for you.

Thankyou for your advice. I wasnt raped but felt it was easier to let those who assumed this earlier in the thread go on assuming and i was interested if that would make a difference to peoples answers/opinnions. It was sexual assualt/attempted rape and 3 years ago. There is no evidence and no point reporting it.

 

[Barbkw]

They assumed rape as you made reference to the sexual attack and your virginity.

I’m confused.

 

[Sancta_Caecilia]

The victim has committed no crime. If confession helps them heal, then confess it! I would strongly encourage any victim of such a crime to seek help beyond that, though. Trama like that can haunt a person. Be well, friend.

Thankyou

 

[Sancta_Caecilia]

They assumed rape as you made reference to the sexual attack and your virginity.

I’m confused.

yes. my mistake. It was a sexual attack and i guess i meant a feeling of virginity/purity in general as it was an attempt at penetration also. without going into detail i dont know how to explain what happened, but i did not mean to mislead anyone with my ‘sex before marriage’ comment, i guess i feel as if it was close enough. To me it counts as sex before marriage; not penetrative sex, but sex.

 

[Sancta_Caecilia]

So back to my original question. I think the majority of you think it is appropriate and legitimate to talk about it with a priest. Should it be done in confession? should i just slip it in at the end? Or an appointment? thoughts?

 

[Spirithound]

So back to my original question. I think the majority of you think it is appropriate and legitimate to talk about it with a priest. Should it be done in confession? should i just slip it in at the end? Or an appointment? thoughts?

I still don’t think this is really a matter for confession. Still, make an appointment, and tell him what happened. I’m sure he can advise on a counsellor, and decide whether the Sacrament of Anointing is appropriate for your situation, and at the very least give you a blessing.