To Cross, or not to Cross, that is the question?

[HisFaithful]

Hello,

Can anyone shed a little perspective on this issue? We’ve recently converted to the Catholic Church and we have a question about doing the sign of the cross while in the company of our very anti-Catholic mother-in-law. When we told her of our conversion she was quite upset and told us never to do the sign of the cross around her and her other grandchildren. Fine, we agreed not to do it in front of her and her other grandchildren. The problem we are running into lately is at our kids birthday parties, when we are inviting our kids Catholic friends to the parties. We’ve told our kids that some people are uncomfortable with the sign of the cross and out of love we refrain from doing it. But, when there are other Catholic children around with us, are we not being responsible to them and their parents if we don’t do the sign of the cross? Even when the anti-catholic mother-in-law is in our midst?

Can you please help?

 

[pippin]

I don’t know the ages of your children, but if they are old enough, you could ask one of the Catholic guests to lead the prayer. Since this child is not related to your mother-in-law, perhaps she will not be offended if you and your children follow along. If the children are too young you might ask one of the other parents to lead the prayer.

 

[HisFaithful]

Never thought of that!

That’s a great idea. That takes the burden away from us. Or maybe we could ask my father ( who converted at the same time as us ) to lead in prayer.

Thanks for your (name removed by moderator)ut!

 

[bilop]

I think that if it’s your house or your party and you want to say grace or pray, that’s your right and you should go ahead and cross yourself. If she doesn’t like it, she can leave, and she will be the unreasonable one.

God Bless

 

[BayernAnhaenger]

I think that if it’s your house or your party and you want to say grace or pray, that’s your right and you should go ahead and cross yourself. If she doesn’t like it, she can leave, and she will be the unreasonable one.

God Bless

I fully agree.

If it’s your house, your gathering, your friends, etc, I’d say you’re in the right to make the Sign of the Cross and pray… She’s completely unreasonable in forcing this upon you… She’s got to live with it. That, and you two are obviously old enough to make competent decisions

 

[water]

Be patient, and show your in-law with love. You can take your time and find the appropriate time to hand her some information and at the same time explaining to her what it means when we make the Cross sign.

My sister who is a non-Catholic and now has no problem making a Cross sign herself after she has a better understanding about it. Of course, my mom had taken quite few months ( about 1/2 year ) talking and sharing with her about their both common faith in Christ before she explain to my sister about the sign of the Cross.

 

[pippin]

I agree that the mother-in-law is being unreasonable, but where did Jesus say we don’t have to obey unreasonable parents, or that we only have to obey our parents up to a certain age? By behaving in a loving manner toward your mother-in-law and respecting her wishes, you model Christian behavior to your children.

 

[bankerdavid]

Try explaining what making the sign of the Cross means to you-that it reminds you of your baptism. I think you should worry more about whether you’re offending or pleasing God than your mother-in-law.

 

[water]

Try explaining what making the sign of the Cross means to you-that it reminds you of your baptism.

That is one of good reasons.

I think you should worry more about whether you’re offending or pleasing God than your mother-in-law.

Many times we realize that pleasing God is to please others, and Pleasing others is to show love. Showing love can also mean being patient. Who knows that with the OP’s patience, the in-law can someday become a good Catholic. If OP and the in-law build a “brick wall” between their relationship, it is hard for OP to show Christ’s love to the in-law.

 

[deb1]

I agree that the mother-in-law is being unreasonable, but where did Jesus say we don’t have to obey unreasonable parents, or that we only have to obey our parents up to a certain age? By behaving in a loving manner toward your mother-in-law and respecting her wishes, you model Christian behavior to your children.

Due to the fact that some people take things to extreme-I am not suggesting that you are Pippin-I thought I would post this verse.

"If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple.

Luke 14(can’t remember the verse)

We are called to respect and honor our parent. We are not called to put them ahead of our faith. If an atheist parent, for example, forbade an adult child to be a Christian, their child can not obey them in this regard.

Also, we are told that a man is to leave his parents and cleave to his wife. If the parents are asking the adult child to do something that is going to hurt his wife and children then he isn’t expected to obey either.

I have mixed feelings about not crossing yourself in front of the mother-in-law but I think that the op’s desire to respect her is wonderful.

 

[bankerdavid]

That is one of good reasons.

Many times we realize that pleasing God is to please others, and Pleasing others is to show love. Showing love can also mean being patient. Who knows that with the OP’s patience, the in-law can someday become a good Catholic. If OP and the in-law build a “brick wall” between their relationship, it is hard for OP to show Christ’s love to the in-law.

But if it’s not how God wants us to act, then we should have no part in it. If the in-laws see how devout we are in our ways, then it may be an opportunity to evangelize. I wouldn’t be so in-your-face about it, but still, this is how we start our prayers to our Father…

 

[water]

But if it’s not how God wants us to act, then we should have no part in it. If the in-laws see how devout we are in our ways, then it may be an opportunity to evangelize. I wouldn’t be so in-your-face about it, but still, this is how we start our prayers to our Father…

I know what you mean, but it is not always the case.
The best way to evangilize without hurting anyone is love. Through love, people will see more in you.

I once was eager to debate with my biological sister - a non-Catholic. What did I do? I kept talking about my Catholic faith, and that turned her off. How do I make my relationship stronger between her and me? it is love and common faith. For now, I pray for her and try to live a good Catholic without talking much with her about my Catholic faith. I am taking my first step first.

The great example: Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcuta.

 

[bankerdavid]

I know what you mean, but it is not always the case.
The best way to evangilize without hurting anyone is love. Through love, people will see more in you.

I once was eager to debate with my biological sister - a non-Catholic. What did I do? I kept talking about my Catholic faith, and that turned her off. How do I make my relationship stronger between her and me? it is love and common faith. For now, I pray for her and try to live a good Catholic without talking much with her about my Catholic faith. I am taking my first step first.

The great example: Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcuta.

I agree about not pushing your faith down their throat, that’s not love, that’s just being pushy. But I find the demand to never cross yourself in front of her to be over the top, and if I was trying to indoctrinate my children properly in the faith, I would want them to cross themselves at the beginning of any prayer, and to set a good example, would do so, even in the presence of the mother-in-law. I guess you could do it mentally, but…
I would expect that anyone who is devout to their faith would practice it, no matter what. My whole family is Baptist, but when we’re together, and praying before a meal, I do cross myself. At any rate, the OP should follow his/her conscience.

 

[water]

My whole family is Baptist, but when we’re together, and praying before a meal, I do cross myself. At any rate, the OP should follow his/her conscience.

how did your family repsond when you cross yourself?

When I and my family were over at my brother’s house, we crossed ourselves, but He never had problem with that. He even went to Catholic Mass.

 

[bankerdavid]

Also, the original question was whether to ‘allow’ other children at parties to do so. I don’t think you can tell them not to cross themselves without their parents’ knowlege. To do so may mean that your parties are frequented less and less. To flip the coin, what happens when your kids don’t cross themselves, and their peers do, and then your kids get asked why they didn’t do it? The answer would show that they aren’t committed to their faith, wouldn’t it? Better to not invite the MIL or let her know that there will be other Catholics there, and if she doesn’t like their shows of faith, she should come late or another time.

 

[kell0618]

Hello,

Can anyone shed a little perspective on this issue? We’ve recently converted to the Catholic Church and we have a question about doing the sign of the cross while in the company of our very anti-Catholic mother-in-law. When we told her of our conversion she was quite upset and told us never to do the sign of the cross around her and her other grandchildren. Fine, we agreed not to do it in front of her and her other grandchildren. The problem we are running into lately is at our kids birthday parties, when we are inviting our kids Catholic friends to the parties. We’ve told our kids that some people are uncomfortable with the sign of the cross and out of love we refrain from doing it. But, when there are other Catholic children around with us, are we not being responsible to them and their parents if we don’t do the sign of the cross? Even when the anti-catholic mother-in-law is in our midst?

Can you please help?

I think you have a responsibility to your children to teach that we don’t hide our beliefs or faith because it may offend others. My son and I went out to lunch the other day and I said a brief blessing before we ate. He made the sign of the cross and looked to me, his eyes seeming to say, “was that okay, Mom?” I told him that was wonderful. On another occasion, he was wearing a t-shirt with a picture of the Eucharist on the front and on the back in big bold letters it says, “To know Jesus we must first get on our knees” and he was about to take it off before we went to the movies. He said that he didn’t want to upset any atheists. Honest to God, that is what my 9-year old said! I told him to keep the shirt on and never be ashamed of Jesus. He smacked himself on the head and said, “You’re right, Mom!”

Do it for the kids if no one else. You’re running the ‘domestic Church’ and it is the most important ‘job’ you’ll ever have.

Peace be with you,

Kelly

 

[water]

The OP’s problem is not just about faith alone but also an in-law relationship’s. I have to say this is not an easy case to deal with.

 

[bankerdavid]

how did your family repsond when you cross yourself?

When I and my family were over at my brother’s house, we crossed ourselves, but He never had problem with that. He even went to Catholic Mass.

I don’t really know because I bow my head and close my eyes as I cross myself, but there was never any comment. I know my Mom doesn’t like that I converted, and I don’t talk religion with her, though she does send me books by Dr. Stanley, as though to try and bring me back.

 

[bankerdavid]

I think you have a responsibility to your children to teach that we don’t hide our beliefs or faith because it may offend others. My son and I went out to lunch the other day and I said a brief blessing before we ate. He made the sign of the cross and looked to me, his eyes seeming to say, “was that okay, Mom?” I told him that was wonderful. On another occasion, he was wearing a t-shirt with a picture of the Eucharist on the front and on the back in big bold letters it says, “To know Jesus we must first get on our knees” and he was about to take it off before we went to the movies. He said that he didn’t want to upset any atheists. Honest to God, that is what my 9-year old said! I told him to keep the shirt on and never be ashamed of Jesus. He smacked himself on the head and said, “You’re right, Mom!”

Do it for the kids if no one else. You’re running the ‘domestic Church’ and it is the most important ‘job’ you’ll ever have.

Peace be with you,

Kelly

 

[water]

I don’t really know because I bow my head and close my eyes as I cross myself, but there was never any comment. I know my Mom doesn’t like that I converted, and I don’t talk religion with her, though she does send me books by Dr. Stanley, as though to try and bring me back.

It is good thing that you don’t have to deal with the situation such as the OP’s. The OP has kids who have grandparents. If OP is not careful enough, his/her kids might end up not seeing the grandparents often - not to mention the OP works with the in-law.