To Date or Not to Date?

[thunderboom]

About a year ago, I promised Jesus that I wasn’t going to date until I got out of high school. Two months after that, I started to discern the religious life.

My friends want me to date. They think I will change my mind if I start dating. My dad and grandma see nothing wrong with dating before the convent. But the thing is, why date and (in a way) trick a bunch of guys into thinking I want to get married one day and then enter the convent and leave a trail of broken hearts? For another, I’m with St. Therese of the Child Jesus. “Once I love, I love forever.” Why leave bits of my heart behind?

Should I, or should I not date before becoming a sister?

If it helps at all, I have a similar situation. I didn’t date for a couple of years while discerning priesthood, because I didn’t want to hurt a woman who might get attached to me. However, as soon as I put in my application to the seminary, I developed a very strong attraction to the married vocation and have since become much more interested in the female sex. I brought this issue to my director, and he told me that while maybe I shouldn’t actively look for a date, it wouldn’t hurt to date a good woman if the opportunity were to arise and I was up-front and open about my interest in the priesthood. As he told me, merely applying to the seminary puts no obligation on my shoulders, and I shouldn’t feel all cooped up until I get there 12 months from now. You might look at this the same way, as you’re not even in application yet? It wouldn’t hurt to date a nice guy if you meet him, if you’re clear with him that you are discerning a vocation, so he doesn’t get too much hope up. I know that for a good Catholic guy, a woman like you, so interested in following God’s will, would be a dream come true. The women and men who discern vocations often make the best wives and husbands because of their maturity and dedication to God. You might want to keep that in mind.

 

[thunderboom]

Also you need some serious spiritual direction in your life when you are discerning a vocation, not opinions, as well meaning as they are, on a website.

I second this strongly. Until you have direction, you’re being pulled back and forth by the waves of your alternating zeal and dryness. Just go to your parish priest, ask him for regular direction and confession. That’s what I did: so easy and simple, and so absolutely helpful for your discernment. Please do it! It will help form you for the convent, and if you find that is not your calling, then you will be more fit spiritually for being a wife and mother.

 

[bobballen_18]

In your situation, you seem to be pretty sure of your calling, so it’s understandable if you don’t want to date. I personally think it’s silly to say you have to date before you enter. Either way, if you are truly open to God’s will, which it seems you are, then you will be perfectly fine.

I guess this doesn’t relate specifically to the OP’s question, but some people on here seem to think that dating in high school is a bad idea or as one person stated, “unchaste”. I think there are many examples of couples who met in high school (or earlier) and began dating and eventually got married. I believe it really depends on the person. Some people find their spouses quite early on and it seems to be obvious that God brought them together and was calling them to marriage. Of course, I don’t really know this, but if two strong Catholics feel that that’s the direction they’re being led, then imho it is perfectly ok to begin dating in high school.

 

[MPSchneiderLC]

A distinction, my experience and a recommendation.

Distinction: one on one dating is different from group dating - if a group of you go bowling, to the movies, etc. that is healthy (assuming the movie is). The question of one on one dating is the sticky point here which there is not one-size-fits-all solution.

I am a religious (and priest in 18 months). When I was in high school, I decided to stop doing the one one one dating because I needed to be able to support a family before I could get married. That meant 4 years of college since I am too clumsy for a trade. I figured I could start going out with a specific girl in 3rd year since then I would be close enough to a family-supporting job. I figured this was the best way to be fair with my and the girl’s emotions. God used this and sent my call in 2nd year (it was only a vague possibility when I decided not to date).

My advice: date different orders and once you decide on one to try out more seriously (a 3 month to one year discernment program) ask the vocation director to help you out. Don’t ask them their policy, ask them what they think is best for you given who YOU ARE.

 

[Peanut7949]

OP, listen to your inmost heart… Jesus put what you need there and He will answer you. I highly doubt you will get anything purer and truer than a what He will give you during your own prayer.