Quaere Verum:
My husband is considering the idea of becoming a deacon. We’d love to have the opinions of any deacons or deacon’s wives re: what is required of the man, his wife, his family during the educational phase, as well as when the man finally becomes a deacon. What have been your experiences and what does one need to consider before taking on such a commitment?
Hi Quaere Verum.
My husband is in formation.
He began taking classes the year he applied. The following year he was officially able to enter formation, after the application was accepted. I was required to fill out a questionaire which was designed to gain information about my support for my husband’s pursuit of the diaconate. This was in the fall.
In the spring, he did several multiple choice style psychological evaluations. It seemed they were attempting to at least weed out anyone who was not psychologically well grounded. We also each independently filled out a very personal multiple choice questionaire that seemed designed to determine the stability of our relationship. We then brought all of those completed tests to the psychologist’s office. There, we answered questions about our family lives growing up, as well as our life together, and questions about our children. I was asked to leave and DH was questioned by himself, and completed more psychological tests. I was not questioned by myself. The archdiocese paid for these tests.
Later in the spring, a deacon came to our house to interview us. I was excited to finally have an opportunity to ask questions and have some of my concerns addressed. Sadly, because his wife was completely uninvolved in his formation, and life as a deacon, he very much downplayed my concern. Really, ultimately, I don’t need to be involved in anything, as long as I give my consent and show up for the yearly ceremonies, that would be fine
His did have a concern though. Because we have a very young family, he seemed incredulous that DH would be willing to be celibate should I predecease him. I thanked him for reminding us what a difficulty this would pose, and I promised to increase my life insurance, so that DH could be a stay at home dad should that ever come to pass.
The formation process itself is about 4 years. It involves a yearly couples retreat, and one meeting a month. The wives are strongly encouraged to attend the monthly meetings. Classes are typically two nights a week. The wives are also encouraged to either audit or take the classes with their husbands. Again, sadly, I am unable to do this as we have young children. We have paid for all books and tuition to date. I understand that once one has attained a certain number of classes, the archdiocese will pay for the classes, though not the books.
There is a service project of 40-60 hours every summer as well.
I can’t speak to what it is to be a Deacon’s wife, as he is still in formation.
I would like to hear from Deacon’s wives as well as to their experiences.
Congratulations to you and your husband for investigating this wonderful ministry. If this is the Lord’s Will for your lives, then you will find greatest happiness following Him. I would suggest doing as much as you can with your husband. If you have small children, you might ask that he take the “slow track”, so that you might be able to be involved in more classes, or consider if the Lord is in fact calling him
now, or simply planting seeds for later.
