To go or not to go? Wedding question

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Do we publicly do what the Church teaches or just do what we want? The Church tells us not to attend such weddings. I don’t know where you or anyone else thinks they’ve the authority to tell people to do otherwise.

All free will is, by the way, is our God given opportunity to make the right choice. The friend here has made the wrong choice.

Jesus would attend this wedding now would he? Give us a break.
 
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DignumEtJustum said:
The Church tells us not to attend such weddings.
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I don’t think I’ve ever read this anywhere, except in opinion pieces perhaps. But I’ve read opinion pieces that advise the opposite as well.

So is there a definitive directive that says we are only to attend weddings where the marriage can be presumed to be valid?
 
kbwriter said:
You’re too caught up in dogma, not God’s grace. There is no point in being a Christian if we can’t see a God bigger than the box we put him in.
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This is a Catholic site, the OP is Catholic, you aren’t. Non-Catholics can do whatever they want, and they obviously do. I’d hope the OP would consider her Catholic faith and not attend (support) an invalid marriage. And it pains me to see Catholics advising people to do something against our faith.
 
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It’s not valid, because she is a “fallen away Catholic”.

If you are conflicted about going, I’d suggest you discuss with your priest and see what he says. Catholics tend to be all over the map on questions like this and you won’t get consistent answers here.
 
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Gertabelle said:
So is there a definitive directive that says we are only to attend weddings where the marriage can be presumed to be valid?
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To my knowledge, there isn’t. There may have been at one time, as I remember my mother telling a story about herself when young planning to attend a wedding of a fallen-away Catholic friend to a divorced (not annulled) man and being told it would be a sin if she went.

I think in this day and age the Church recognizes that people’s immediate family as well as close friends may be involved in all kinds of marriages that aren’t necessarily valid, and doesn’t want to lay down a hard line where people might not be able to attend the weddings of their own children or parents or siblings. That is why I suggested the OP talk to his priest.
 
Thanks. I didn’t recall ever seeing anything definitive, but I have been wrong more times than I’ve been right about some things. Speaking with one’s pastor is always a good idea, and I wonder how many people on this site actually take that advice.
 
It’s also questionable whether merely attending a wedding as a guest (as opposed to officiating, or being in the wedding party) is truly “supporting” it or “agreeing” with it. Even in the world of valid weddings, there are dozens of instances where people attend a wedding out of love for one of the persons involved (maybe not even the couple, but one of the parents of the couple) or out of a sense of social etiquette, but do not agree with the choice of a spouse or with the couple’s decision to marry or with any number of other aspects of the union.
 
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Jesus would attend the wedding. The bride is estranged from the church. She does not want to be Roman Catholic. She has her reasons. He would attend the wedding, just as he ate and drank with sinners in the gospels. He would show her compassion, mercy, and love. He would talk to her. If and when she returned he would reconcile her to himself. He would not say, "Canon Law says you must get married in the Roman Catholic Church; be Catholic or else, and by the way I’m not attending your ilicit wedding, you sinner!
 
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Some fuzzy Jesus you’ve come to know there. Nice to know people today put so much faith into what the very institution established by Jesus has to say on such matters. So much ambiguity today perpetuated by those even claiming to be members of that Church!

In reality this person lacks sanctifying grace and can’t get it back until she returns to the Church. Without it she can’t be accessed by God to be used by Him for His will in the same way one in a state of grace could be.
 
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When you say " fallen away " -

Does that mean she was having pre-marital sex - and living together with him - etc ?

All because she has helped you in " theater " ?

I’d make up an excuse - a good excuse, if she gets suspicious !
 
Jesus ate with tax collectors and prostitutes and was called a sinner for doing so.

Do as Jesus would do, go to the wedding for you don’t know how God will speak to the couple in the future. If they see you there, they may hear God’s voice calling them to the Church. If they know you rejected them out religious dogma, they’ll probably reject your religion.

Jim
 
DignumEtJustum said:
Nice to know people today put so much faith into what the very institution established by Jesus has to say on such matters.
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May I ask you again, please, if there is such a definitive statement on attending marriages which cannot be presumed to be valid?

Tis_Bearself replied that she didn’t think there was such a document, and to be honest, I don’t recall having seen anything definitive – in the Catechism, in canon law, or even from the USCCB. But as I replied to her, I am often wrong about a lot of things.

You seem very confident on the Church’s stand on this, so I was hoping you could point me in the right direction for a source of definitive teaching.
 
JimR-OCDS said:
Jesus ate with tax collectors and prostitutes and was called a sinner for doing so.
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He may have been called s sinner but He was not a sinner. He did not take part in the sins they were committing.
 
Although we were both baptized Catholic, neither my wife nor I were practicing our faith when we got married, and we got married outside the Church. Many Catholic family members came and no one encouraged us to get married in the Church, but who knows if I would have reconsidered.

This became an obstacle to my coming back into the Church for a long time, because my wife was uncomfortable with meeting with priests and getting the marriage convalidated. She finally agreed, but for several years before that I was attending Mass while unable to receive the Eucharist.

I don’t have a great answer for you, but I wish I had been married in the Church in the first place.
 
And attending a wedding as the OP is not taking part in the sin, but showing respect for the couple, who are lost and will be found through the love of Christian friends, not enemies.

Jim
 
Not participating but our actions need to not show approval either. To me it depends on how close you are to the person and if not showing would ruin a relationship.
 
Okay. I’m not going to the wedding. I’m not very close with her and so I don’t think it’ll have any effect on our relationship. I will RSVP as a “no” and definitely wish her the best in her new life as well as pray for her and her new husband.
 
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