K
Kathrin
Guest
I often talk to people and try to help people in difficult situations, homeless people, beggars, addicts, etc. Sometimes I am not sure how far to go. Afraid to create dependencies (for example where somebody will expect me to come by and bring food and then still spend his own money on beer. But then again I am not sure if the person is mentally ill and thus needs the support. Etc)
Now here is a very difficult situation.
I would love to get some (name removed by moderator)ut on this. If anyone happens to have the time.
About two months ago I got involved with the story of a young woman street musician from an Eastern European country. Having been a street musician myself I can very much relate to the feeling of being out there playing music having to make money… Anyway, she must have felt something in my voice because she asked me if I had a place for her to spend the night. Since I live in my parents’ house and they didn’t feel comfortable letting a stranger in, I had to say no. I took her to a priest though who, since it was the weekend, couldn’t do much.
Somebody else and I paid for her for 3 nights at the shelter (isn’t free here. Quite expensive for non-residents). I got her a sleeping bag too in case she would have to sleep outside again.
The next week the church and I helped her get a bed at the salvation army for 3 nights. She said she wanted to go back to her country on the weekend. She told me about her children and her sick mother who lived in poverty and that she had come here to make money so she could send it home but it had turned out so difficult.
Finally I paid for her bus ticket back home. We exchanged phone numbers. I didn’t see her anymore, I guess she went home, even though some people tell me it might have been a trick.
Now, yesterday, about 2 months or so later, she is back here. Playing music. We said hello and she said she just got back here since she had no more social services in her home country. Her kids are with her Mom again.
Somehow I didn’t feel responsible to keep giving her so much money. I live very simply myself, don’t have a big income. I felt she had to be responsible for herself too, since she decided to come back even though she could anticipate the situation.
It was warm and so I didn’t worry so much about her having to sleep outside.
Now today I saw her again. It was rainy and chilly. I took her to a place at the train station where they sometimes give out tickets to sleep at the shelter for free for one night. They know me there, and so they gave her another one, for tonight. They also told her where to go tomorrow to ask for help.
Now I don’t know how much responsibility to take. If I see her again tomorrow at the station, which is likely. What if she says she didn’t get a place to sleep, they oculdn’t help her. In these last 2 or 3 days of course she made enough money to pay for another night (it is about 35 dollars a night for non-residents), but she also wants to send some money home.
I live on very little myself, but must also add here that I am leaving for a camping trip next month so it’s not like I have NO money right now. I am just used to living simple. I give quite a lot away too.
Am I obliged to help her again? What if she needs a ticket back again? I paid for it last time, it was quite expensive. Or is it ok to think, she decided to come back so it’s her responsibility?
How much responsibility to take for a near stranger?
Is it wrong of my parents to say no to letting her in their house? Part of it is, there have been a lot of stories about people making up these stories… so I understand their concern.
But if she had made up the story, would she have come to the priest with me and all that, that time?
I can’t be totally sure. So I am kind of wary of giving her a lot of money again.
But what is the Christian thing to do?
To say, I give her what I have and not worry about what is left for me?
But then, what about all the others who need help. With such a limited income, it is hard to try to help everybody… I want to say here,w ithout wanting to put myself above others, that I am very generous and give people the benefit of the doubt, and often end up giving a lot of food and/or money away when I walk around.
But what to do in an individual case like the above one? How much responsibility to take? Always give the benefit of the doubt? If she tells me she is stranded again, what do I do? The people around me, family and a very good Christian friend tell me not to give her money again. But wouldn’t that be cruel? Any (name removed by moderator)ut?
Kathrin
Now here is a very difficult situation.
I would love to get some (name removed by moderator)ut on this. If anyone happens to have the time.
About two months ago I got involved with the story of a young woman street musician from an Eastern European country. Having been a street musician myself I can very much relate to the feeling of being out there playing music having to make money… Anyway, she must have felt something in my voice because she asked me if I had a place for her to spend the night. Since I live in my parents’ house and they didn’t feel comfortable letting a stranger in, I had to say no. I took her to a priest though who, since it was the weekend, couldn’t do much.
Somebody else and I paid for her for 3 nights at the shelter (isn’t free here. Quite expensive for non-residents). I got her a sleeping bag too in case she would have to sleep outside again.
The next week the church and I helped her get a bed at the salvation army for 3 nights. She said she wanted to go back to her country on the weekend. She told me about her children and her sick mother who lived in poverty and that she had come here to make money so she could send it home but it had turned out so difficult.
Finally I paid for her bus ticket back home. We exchanged phone numbers. I didn’t see her anymore, I guess she went home, even though some people tell me it might have been a trick.
Now, yesterday, about 2 months or so later, she is back here. Playing music. We said hello and she said she just got back here since she had no more social services in her home country. Her kids are with her Mom again.
Somehow I didn’t feel responsible to keep giving her so much money. I live very simply myself, don’t have a big income. I felt she had to be responsible for herself too, since she decided to come back even though she could anticipate the situation.
It was warm and so I didn’t worry so much about her having to sleep outside.
Now today I saw her again. It was rainy and chilly. I took her to a place at the train station where they sometimes give out tickets to sleep at the shelter for free for one night. They know me there, and so they gave her another one, for tonight. They also told her where to go tomorrow to ask for help.
Now I don’t know how much responsibility to take. If I see her again tomorrow at the station, which is likely. What if she says she didn’t get a place to sleep, they oculdn’t help her. In these last 2 or 3 days of course she made enough money to pay for another night (it is about 35 dollars a night for non-residents), but she also wants to send some money home.
I live on very little myself, but must also add here that I am leaving for a camping trip next month so it’s not like I have NO money right now. I am just used to living simple. I give quite a lot away too.
Am I obliged to help her again? What if she needs a ticket back again? I paid for it last time, it was quite expensive. Or is it ok to think, she decided to come back so it’s her responsibility?
How much responsibility to take for a near stranger?
Is it wrong of my parents to say no to letting her in their house? Part of it is, there have been a lot of stories about people making up these stories… so I understand their concern.
But if she had made up the story, would she have come to the priest with me and all that, that time?
I can’t be totally sure. So I am kind of wary of giving her a lot of money again.
But what is the Christian thing to do?
To say, I give her what I have and not worry about what is left for me?
But then, what about all the others who need help. With such a limited income, it is hard to try to help everybody… I want to say here,w ithout wanting to put myself above others, that I am very generous and give people the benefit of the doubt, and often end up giving a lot of food and/or money away when I walk around.
But what to do in an individual case like the above one? How much responsibility to take? Always give the benefit of the doubt? If she tells me she is stranded again, what do I do? The people around me, family and a very good Christian friend tell me not to give her money again. But wouldn’t that be cruel? Any (name removed by moderator)ut?
Kathrin