To live with Catholic roommates in co-ed house?

[twf]

“Stuff just happens” is absolute rubbish. Stuff never “just happens”. I find the notion that simply being in the same house as the member of the opposite sex is likely to lead to sexual sin silly. Two people who are not in a romantic relationship don’t sufdebly throw social norms to the wind and end up in each other’s bed. It would be different if we were talking about a very secular “progressive” group who believe in open sex with pretty much anyone… But with CAtholics who are committed to sexual purity, I can’t see a near occasion of sin arising outside of a committed, romantic relationship.

 

[llenadegracia]

I lived in a co-ed house of young adult Catholics. We had a lot of bedrooms…enough for all 14 of us to have our own and then even a few spares. The most we ever had at one time was 17 people.

My stay there was good and bad. There was one girl who lived there during the first portion that I did… her boyfriend would spend the night. It just was not good for anyone. Lots of drama there. Another girl that we lived with had some sort of physical relationship with him. It just was a mess.

That aside, the people who took their faith seriously… oh, it was so beautiful and neat. The men met separately as did the women for some prayer. I liked that separation. We divided up household chores… the men often liked the outdoor chores whereas the women didn’t mind the dusting and such. Not trying to play into gender roles or anything… but it just worked out really well.

The top floor of the the house happened to be all women. My room neighbored a man’s. Probably the oddest moment was when he entered my room when I was unpacking my belongings when I first moved in! He offered to help, but I was seriously right in the middle of unpacking lady-related things like bras/underwear and personal care items and it was just like…uh…no thanks! Haha.

We all shared a bathroom. It had two toilets (with wooden doors surrounding them for privacy) and two showers. So we had a little figure on the outside of the bathroom door that indicated if it a male was occupying it or a woman. If a man was in the bathroom, I simply went to a different bathroom in the house. There was a single-person bathroom elsewhere in the house, so I never found myself in a pinch. That said, I always grew up just walking from the bathroom to my bedroom in a towel. But in a coed house, it really wasn’t the best idea. I usually did it anyway when I had an idea of who was home as our bathroom did not exactly have room to dress… it was additionally sort of weird to just being wearing shorts and a tshirt to bed (we had no air conditioning and it was HOT!) and then walk to the bathroom. I don’t know. It just felt really intimate.

All in all, I really liked living in the coed house. I had formally either lived with family or with all women. There are certainly some things I would change (such as very explicitly barring overnight guests of the opposite gender from staying in the same room!! eek!!). Since all of us were unmarried and not linked to a religious order, it was neat kind of progressing through life as a community. We lived in a rocky neighborhood, so the men’s presence truly was beneficial, I think… I gained so much insight into the lives of these men (and women) and really love them so much. We were all doing similar type work throughout the city (though we weren’t linked together formally at all nor from the same employer… we all just happened to primarily work in the same field), so it was fun to be able to come home and sit on the porch. I don’t know. It was fun. Nothing too far different than what some people experience if they go to college and live in a dorm.

Ok, I’m done with my long post!

 

[llenadegracia]

“Stuff just happens” is absolute rubbish. Stuff never “just happens”. I find the notion that simply being in the same house as the member of the opposite sex is likely to lead to sexual sin silly. Two people who are not in a romantic relationship don’t sufdebly throw social norms to the wind and end up in each other’s bed. It would be different if we were talking about a very secular “progressive” group who believe in open sex with pretty much anyone… But with CAtholics who are committed to sexual purity, I can’t see a near occasion of sin arising outside of a committed, romantic relationship.

I second that!

We had awkward moments when I lived in a big co-ed house, but it never was anything sinful.

 

[Xantippe]

I have also lived long enough to know that housing with only women does not magically protect me from the temptations of the world.

Right.

 

[twf]

You’d need to pray about it. We can fool ourselves into thinking we are safe in these situations so I’d be inclined to take the safer route and do the first. If I were a woman. As a Catholic who doesn’t know you or these people this can be my only suggestion - veering towards keeping the soul in tact no matter what - but ultimately it is up to you. It is a subtle temptation that has us edging towards areas that are more ‘up-to-date’ and ‘modern’ when actually these temptations are just edging us into “spirit of the world” thinking. I’d say that if these guys were really such great Catholic young men then they’d possibly be thinking about the future well-being of the young ladies. Seems a ‘beneficial’ arrangement for young males, IMO. Safety first, in all respects - internal and external.

Beneficial for the men but not for the women? What are you implying? The men won’t be able to help themselves and will undoubtedly pressure the women to share their beds? This seems a very odd comment…

 

[friardchips]

Beneficial for the men but not for the women? What are you implying? The men won’t be able to help themselves and will undoubtedly pressure the women to share their beds? This seems a very odd comment…

Hardly “odd”. Realistic. Of course, this can go both ways. But I think the OP has made up her mind so I fail to see the benefit of arguing for the sake of it. But seeing as you wish to go here, briefly then: no, these sorts of things are rarely as extreme as you wrote them, but yes, males and females are made physically to fit together, and yes, males, though things also come down to the individual, and so not to put into strictly labelled boxes, tend to be the ones to hunt, due to something called testosterone, we are the ones who feel that extra impetus to be in more intimate situations. This is simply acknowledging biology. It is because, as a general rule, women are thinking about the emotionally supportive future setup, and men tend to be more about personal goals - future and present. It is a will versus emotional empathy thing. Again, to avoid further pointless argument, this is not across the board as it varies massively upon the individual but while this is true there are some fairly gender specific patterns that statistically seem to apply, which is why I was swaying on the side of caution.

 

[LuciaPacifici]

Hardly “odd”. Realistic. Of course, this can go both ways. But I think the OP has made up her mind so I fail to see the benefit of arguing for the sake of it. But seeing as you wish to go here, briefly then: no, these sorts of things are rarely as extreme as you wrote them, but yes, males and females are made physically to fit together, and yes, males, though things also come down to the individual, and so not to put into strictly labelled boxes, tend to be the ones to hunt, due to something called testosterone, we are the ones who feel that extra impetus to be in more intimate situations. This is simply acknowledging biology. It is because, as a general rule, women are thinking about the emotionally supportive future setup, and men tend to be more about personal goals - future and present. It is a will versus emotional empathy thing. Again, to avoid further pointless argument, this is not across the board as it varies massively upon the individual but while this is true there are some fairly gender specific patterns that statistically seem to apply, which is why I was swaying on the side of caution.

I actually understood your point about benefiting the men and not the women and I took it as a point to pray on. As a generalized rule it makes sense. There is after all the reality that women who are too close to men can be judged more than men with many women around.

This situation was so tailored, for example the women in that house and who have lived there are all some of the most respected women in my entire community for being holy and fun, nice people. Truly. That is part of why I felt good about the choice. Also, as I mentioned, I did not grow up with brothers, and I went to a single sex high school. Being friends with men in religious life has taught me a lot about chaste male friendships and handling them, and I think I am prepared for this–plus, I feel I will learn good things from having brothers in Christ around. Because the situation does not seem to cause scandal for anyone I know or in general, I feel alright. But I do understand your points, and I wouldn’t assume a situation like this was always good. I do feel confident that my experience with many chaste friendships with men will help. God bless.

 

[friardchips]

I actually understood your point about benefiting the men and not the women and I took it as a point to pray on. As a generalized rule it makes sense. There is after all the reality that women who are too close to men can be judged more than men with many women around.

This situation was so tailored, for example the women in that house and who have lived there are all some of the most respected women in my entire community for being holy and fun, nice people. Truly. That is part of why I felt good about the choice. Also, as I mentioned, I did not grow up with brothers, and I went to a single sex high school. Being friends with men in religious life has taught me a lot about chaste male friendships and handling them, and I think I am prepared for this–plus, I feel I will learn good things from having brothers in Christ around. Because the situation does not seem to cause scandal for anyone I know or in general, I feel alright. But I do understand your points, and I wouldn’t assume a situation like this was always good. I do feel confident that my experience with many chaste friendships with men will help. God bless.