To old to marry?

[Jala]

Why would I have to be unhappy with my current life to get married?
I’m very happy with my life, I have friends and work and church and lots of good things. If I met a man who I fell in love with and he fell in love with me, it would only serve to make my life even better if we decided to get married.
I just don’t see marriage as anything near crazy!

Marriage and companionship is a good thing to have at any adult age.

First, my apologies to the OP; in re-reading my post, I realize I should have been more clear, and I’m sorry. I didn’t mean you, specifically, were looking for marriage as a path to happiness (I meant “you” in the generic sense, or as we would say in the South, “you all”). But a lot of people do. There’s also a mindset (mostly in women, but I’ve seen it in men too) that one “should be” married by a certain age, which is ridiculous.

If marrying would make you happier, then I say go for it!

I too am very happy without a man in my life. However, having been married before, I also know that having a man in my life would mean huge changes in my lifestyle, sacrifices of my time and money, and no amount of companionship that he might bring me will make up for what I would be giving up. But that’s just me. I’m old and set in my ways.

Jala

 

[mdleagedguy]

Hmm. This make me wonder. I’m 45 right now. If 45 is too old to marry, one can conclude it is because one is too old for marriage. If 45 is too old for marriage, I’m going to have to break things off with my wife. This is going to be an awkward conversation with her and the kids. Sorry everyone, I’m just too old.

Seriously, if you’re not too old to be a married person, you’re not too old to marry. Personally, your question is vaguely insulting to 45 year old guys like me. My wife thinks I’m still hot. And she says to remind you that guys can procreate into their eighties. I’d hate to think I need to throw in the towel now that I’ve become so ancient.

Also, if something were to happen to her, I think that eventually I’d want to remarry. Like after three to five years of mourning her. I like being married. My wife has accustomed me to that way of life. We have a great marriage, and I would miss that. She’s trained me to be a good husband, and so I think I’d be useful to some other woman in that regard. The trouble would be finding a marriageable Catholic woman. But luckily I don’t need to worry about that.

 

[pure_angel]

Should people in their 80s really get married? How about age 44. Shouldn’t the case that at a certain age, since people can’t have kids, they really shouldn’t get married? Or, maybe if they are willing to adopt, getting married at age 53 is okay?

Marriage 101

They can get married even if they don’t want children. Whatever age they decide to marry doeesn’t matter to them. It’s fine with them as long as they can grow old together.
I know someone who is 46 and getting married late next year.

 

[Luvz2travel]

Personal opinions aside, the Church has not declared that couples above 44 cannot get married.

Good I was worried as I’m 42…lol

 

[Aggie414]

As a 42-year-old, never married woman I say it’s a little insulting to intimate that we are too old to marry. I still have hope that I will meet the one for me, but I’m quite content with my life the way it is. I am not one who thinks I have to get married just for the sake of being married. And while I’d be open to the idea of children, the cold-hard facts are that biological children are probably not a realistic option. And to be quite honest, I’m not sure I’d want them to be. I’m at the stage of my life where I always thought I’d be sending them off to college and not just starting out. That being said, I would not do anything artificially to prevent them I just wouldn’t necessarily do anything to conceive them. That all could change if I met Mr. Right tomorrow, though. It’s kind of hard to wish for something that you know is not realistic – it’s kind of depressing.

 

[leonie]

I think to the average 22 year old, mid-40s seems very old, indeed.

so funny.

I think marriage is always to be discerned in God’s Will. St. Paul encouraged widows to stay single if possible, but only if it didn’t hamper their ability to get to Heaven.

 

[silicasandra]

You know, I’ve been reading your posts for a while and it’s patently obvious to me you need to take up skydiving. Or possibly mountain climbing. Maybe surfing. For the luvva mike, go DO something. Srsly. You life is to be lived. Sell everything you own, buy a big motorscooter and start traveling around the country.

23

sheesh

That thyroid suggestion is an excellent one, BTW.

Julia, we do not always agree on other threads…but on this, I absolutely do!

(And while I may only be 25, I know that 40…50…60…even 70 isn’t “old”! My mom’s parents will both turn 80 next year and they are some of the most active, involved people I know. They are building their dream house next year! My parents, on the other hand, are 50 and 48 but they fit a lot of “old people” stereotypes about how they spend their time. My husband has several great aunts and uncles who are in their late 80s and 90s who still go to parties and live quite independently. Some of them have more medical issues than others, but that hasn’t stopped them from enjoying life! In many ways, age really is “just a number.”)

 

[89ARIES]

What I mean’t folks, was that if marriage is primarily for the raising of children, is it wrong to get married at an older age if it is physically impossible for a child to be conceived. We are called to purity in marriage, and I heard it can be harder to remain pure in marriage. I would think that in marriage, there still needs to be set boundaries between spouses, i.e. whatever they are comfortable with. Also, being too active can harm the partners. I also find it odd in reading some of the discussions that people are tempted to divorce or break-up just because one partner doesn’t wish to be “active” more than once a month. Can of worms, I digress, and no I am not married, never have been, and never had any serious relationship.

 

[Aggie414]

What I mean’t folks, was that if marriage is primarily for the raising of children, is it wrong to get married at an older age if it is physically impossible for a child to be conceived. We are called to purity in marriage, and I heard it can be harder to remain pure in marriage. I would think that in marriage, there still needs to be set boundaries between spouses, i.e. whatever they are comfortable with. Also, being too active can harm the partners. I also find it odd in reading some of the discussions that people are tempted to divorce or break-up just because one partner doesn’t wish to be “active” more than once a month. Can of worms, I digress, and no I am not married, never have been, and never had any serious relationship.

I don’t know that the primary reason of marriage is the raising of children. I don’t see what being pure in marriage has to do with not being able to bear children. If for some reason a person cannot have children – I personally know one woman who was diagnosed with breast cancer at a very young age; and because of the medications she was on, she should not get pregnant. Should she stay single the rest of her life because of that? I personally don’t think so. There are other ways of being open to children.

As far as older people who are past the child-bearing stage, I think it’s great if they find someone to share their life with in the latter part of their life. It can be quite lonely when you’re alone – especially if you’ve had a very loving marriage and you’ve lost that due to death.

 

[silicasandra]

What I mean’t folks, was that if marriage is primarily for the raising of children, is it wrong to get married at an older age if it is physically impossible for a child to be conceived. We are called to purity in marriage, and I heard it can be harder to remain pure in marriage. I would think that in marriage, there still needs to be set boundaries between spouses, i.e. whatever they are comfortable with. Also, being too active can harm the partners. I also find it odd in reading some of the discussions that people are tempted to divorce or break-up just because one partner doesn’t wish to be “active” more than once a month. Can of worms, I digress, and no I am not married, never have been, and never had any serious relationship.

Infertility is not an impediment to marriage. Permanent, incurable impotence is, but not everyone who is old is impotent (far from it!)

I also think you may have it backwards about it being more difficult to be chaste while married than not. Doesn’t St Paul say that marriage is a great good for those not called to a consecrated celibate life?

 

[EasterJoy]

I know of Catholic couples into their late 60s who married, at any rate. It is certainly allowed.

 

[Andre1000]

If someone was alone the until 45 years or older, why marry and trow celibacy away. Celibacy is higher than marriage, so it is better to stay alone when you did it so long and learned to do so. However, if someone is a widow or convert or just cannot (or is not used to it) stay alone for what ever reason, there is no problem with doing it.

 

[Aggie414]

If someone was alone the until 45 years or older, why marry and trow celibacy away. Celibacy is higher than marriage, so it is better to stay alone when you did it so long and learned to do so. However, if someone is a widow or convert or just cannot (or is not used to it) stay alone for what ever reason, there is no problem with doing it.

I disagree. I don’t know if I’m called to be single for the rest of my life. Part of the reason I’m single is I’ve not always chosen wisely in my dating life. I would hate to think that God taught me that lesson and gave me some time to realize my choices were wrong and then gave me time for self-reflection only to say, “Oops. You waited too long. You’re over 45. No chance of you realizing that dream.”

It may very well be that I’m not meant to be married, and I’m okay with that; but I don’t think that there’s a magic number where one should “throw away celibacy.”

 

[fpt]

If someone was alone the until 45 years or older, why marry and trow celibacy away. Celibacy is higher than marriage, so it is better to stay alone when you did it so long and learned to do so.

***Are you serious? Is it a dogma? Is it a moral obligation to agree with that? Are you sure and certain of that? What is the level of certainty of this statement?

---

However, if someone is a widow or convert or just cannot (or is not used to it) stay alone for what ever reason, there is no problem with doing it.

 

[Lucky7]

I wouldn’t say that there is a hard and fast rule regarding marriage age; however, I do think that as one gets older one needs to really discern whether marriage is for them. As we get older we get more set in our ways and that can make married life more of a challenge for yourself and/or your spouse. If you are older, you will probably need to work harder at being flexible and making changes to better yourself and your marrriage. Adjusting from single to married life is harder the older you get/the longer you have been single.

 

[Aggie414]

I wouldn’t say that there is a hard and fast rule regarding marriage age; however, I do think that as one gets older one needs to really discern whether marriage is for them. As we get older we get more set in our ways and that can make married life more of a challenge for yourself and/or your spouse. If you are older, you will probably need to work harder at being flexible and making changes to better yourself and your marrriage. Adjusting from single to married life is harder the older you get/the longer you have been single.

On that we can totally agree!!! But it also can make the decision to marry a bit easier. What I mean is right now I have a great life – I’ve traveled to some fabulous places, I have a great job. I am secure in myself. I’ve lived a lot so when I do settle down, I can do it with a knowledge that I am not “missing anything.” I’m also not willing to settle – and I’ve seen a lot of my friends get desperate and get married and they’re miserable. When I’m ready to change my life around for a man, I’m going to know he’s the right one.

 

[Lucky7]

On that we can totally agree!!! But it also can make the decision to marry a bit easier. What I mean is right now I have a great life – I’ve traveled to some fabulous places, I have a great job. I am secure in myself. I’ve lived a lot so when I do settle down, I can do it with a knowledge that I am not “missing anything.” I’m also not willing to settle – and I’ve seen a lot of my friends get desperate and get married and they’re miserable. When I’m ready to change my life around for a man, I’m going to know he’s the right one.

This is true as well!