I hadn’t been inside a Church of any kind for years, just living wild and free, so to speak. Actually I found it was more wild than free. There was never any question in my mind about God although I flirted with new paganism in the organized sense, Druidism to be exact.
But I finally was convinced that I had be Christian. So I methodically set out on an intellectual journey to find the true Church. Coming from an evangelical Baptist background I had not really explored the wide range of denominations out there, although I had a sense of where they stood on most of the disagreements.
I started out from where I was and worked backward, in a sense and it wasn’t long before I ended tracing everything back to Luther, Calvin and Zwingli. That seemed as though it was the very beginning. At the time it wasn’t immediately obvious that I had followed my upbringing to its natural conclusion, and it was my prejudices that caused me to stop there.
Oddly, looking then at the Reformation I began to look at the causes, and eventually got to the response to the Reformation from the Catholic Church, the Council of Trent. I was shocked to find that the Church was unapologetic and unmoving on the great “pillars” of Protestantism as we had come to know them. All the “sola’s” that were so ingrained in me were challenged by the Church without any mincing of words.
Curiosity? Perhaps. But I began to look at the issues that were the line between Protestant/Catholic and listened to the Catholic arguments. At the same time I started to pay attention to the Early Fathers, and to notice that the Church had been around 1500 years before Luther. A nephew became Eastern Orthodox and that caught my eye for a time until I began to read some of the vitriolic arguments between some of those churches and I recognized something familiar from my Protestant upbringing.
One day it hit me kind of like an earthquake, shaking the ground under me. The Church of Acts, the Church of the Apostles, the Early Church was indeed very Catholic, not only structurally but more importantly, Catholic in theology, through and through. I felt as if I had been let down, scammed, sold a bill of goods for all of my youth. It hit hard for a time but eventually I recognized that the blame for the error was less that of my parents, but was shared by all their ancestors back some 500 years.
It became obvious to me that the true Church was indeed the Catholic Church, warts and all, inconsistencies, scandals, half-heartedness, the whole enschalada. I discovered that I would rather be in the true Church in a state of shambles (which it is in some ways) than in a vibrant and successful state of error. I came in at the height of the Boston sex abuse scandals and it has been hit after hit since then it seems.
That was the intellectual journey, about one year. In my mind I was Catholic. My heart came later.