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nana3
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My daughter is not passive though in the car, but tries to tell me not to say anything at all so that, “daddy won’t get angry.” Afterward, we discuss everything before bedtime and she tells me how she wished her father did not get so angry. She also thinks he drives crazy, and it is not because she hears me, but because he has had to slam on those brakes and her head goes forward and tells us her neck hurts. I have been in 6 car accidents and my daughter has been in the car for 4 of those. I was driving most of those and only one was my husband’s fault. All the others were the other drivers fault. I have this bad lot with people hitting me while I am at a red light stopped and then telling me they did not see my car. As a result of those accidents, my daughters’ neck has been hurting off and on, but not to bad. My body is not good either and all the medical problems I had prior to all the accidents with the exception of the first, is worse due to each accident aggravating the medical problems. This is another reason I am so cautious when I drive and wish my husband would be with me in the car. He says he is and that he is a safe driver and would not want us in an accident, but he takes a lot of chances with us and one day he will get into an accident. I hope I nor my daughter are in the car.
One of the things he keeps repeating is that I am criticizing him, when all I do is correct him. I have tried separate cars and we did that for two months before and that was when we did not know he had Parkinsons and his reaction was very slow. Since he is on medication for that, he is better and back to driving too fast again. He is an over confident trier.
I don’t know if age has anything to do with our problem, but I am 7 years older than him and have been driving since the age of 15. When I met him in his late twenties, he had no car and had very little driving experience. The most driving he has done has been since our marriage 8 years ago. After high school, he did not drive for his mother drove him everywhere or he rode his bike. When I met him, he was still riding a bike to and from work. He was in a seminary before meeting me and did no or little driving there for he did not have a car. Sometimes, he said he helped the elderly priest and drive them around to do errands. Sometimes, I think he drives as a teenager and will learn as he matures. He is 34 now, so I don’t know when men stop taking so many chances and drive a little slower than as if they were driving away from a fire.
I forgot also to mention that when I do drive the family, he can’t sit still in the car. He is a way to nervous person. He gets so restless. He has tried music and talking and he can’t seem to relax, so then he gets angry at me and blames me for he could not feel this way, if he could be driving for his legs and arms would be doing something.
It’s a problem, it’s a problem and maybe I don’t have any solution until his anger gets under control and he gets peace in his heart from his childhood traumas.
One of the things he keeps repeating is that I am criticizing him, when all I do is correct him. I have tried separate cars and we did that for two months before and that was when we did not know he had Parkinsons and his reaction was very slow. Since he is on medication for that, he is better and back to driving too fast again. He is an over confident trier.
I don’t know if age has anything to do with our problem, but I am 7 years older than him and have been driving since the age of 15. When I met him in his late twenties, he had no car and had very little driving experience. The most driving he has done has been since our marriage 8 years ago. After high school, he did not drive for his mother drove him everywhere or he rode his bike. When I met him, he was still riding a bike to and from work. He was in a seminary before meeting me and did no or little driving there for he did not have a car. Sometimes, he said he helped the elderly priest and drive them around to do errands. Sometimes, I think he drives as a teenager and will learn as he matures. He is 34 now, so I don’t know when men stop taking so many chances and drive a little slower than as if they were driving away from a fire.
I forgot also to mention that when I do drive the family, he can’t sit still in the car. He is a way to nervous person. He gets so restless. He has tried music and talking and he can’t seem to relax, so then he gets angry at me and blames me for he could not feel this way, if he could be driving for his legs and arms would be doing something.
It’s a problem, it’s a problem and maybe I don’t have any solution until his anger gets under control and he gets peace in his heart from his childhood traumas.
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JezuUfamTobie
Guest
IMHO, you’re very right about this. It has nothing to do with his age or anything else, but everything to do with the lack of peace in his heart. (Please forgive me if I assume too much… this is just my little opinion.)
I also just wanted you to know that you and your family have been in my prayers for a while. This is an issue that really hits home for me. I don’t know what can be done to help people who suffered in childhood and ended up angry adults… but I have faith that anything is possible with the Lord (and with the cooperation of the soul He longs to shower with a thousand comforts and graces). God bless you!
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Pug
Guest
I’m so sorry your daughter’s neck has been through several accidents! I hope she doesn’t end up with neck problems, as that can be so annoying. I’ve been rear-ended while waiting at a light as well.
My neck is very vulnerable to injury now. What would not hurt someone else can really hurt me.I meant passive as in later on in life she might go on a date with someone and passively accept bad driving, when she really should be refusing to get into the car with the guy once she knows he drives dangerously. I’d worry she might end up being passive like that. I ended up too passive that way, and your daughter sounds like me in that she will talk to you about how her Dad drives too fast with anger.
The parkinson’s, will it get worse? It sounds like you two have a heavy cross to bear! Men (and women) do seem to change with age, so perhaps he will slow down with time. My fella has. Is the nervousness partly because of parkinson’s? Can the doctor help with it?
Maybe you don’t have a solution right now, but I’m sure the people here are praying for you.
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mrs_abbott
Guest
Wow! :bigyikes:
I am sorry that your husband is THAT bad of a driver. I was going to post something about my husband tailgating every now and then but that’s minimal compared to what you’re dealing with.
I would definitely talk to him when you are at home and not going anywhere at the moment. If he gets defensive, refuse to ride with him if he’s going to drive like that. He’s putting everyone’s lives in danger through his reckless driving.
I know that I would not climb in the car again with someone like that, nor would I allow our children to ride with him under ANY circumstances. :nope:
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jmcrae
Guest
I used to nag my husband about his driving, but then I realized that he seems to do just fine when I’m not in the car.
With us, it is a control issue - I like to be in the driver’s seat. Once I realized that, I was able to keep quiet. He sometimes does things that make me jump, but we’ve almost never been in an accident. (One time we got hit by an oncoming car while making a left turn - he didn’t see it coming because of the weather.)
One thing I did tell him, though - because I was asking him to wait for the oncoming traffic to get past before we crossed over the intersection, and he was so upset - he said, “but we don’t have time!” - I just said, “We are not in that much of a hurry. We did leave with lots of time to spare, remember? You have all the time you need.” He took that to heart, and I’ve noticed that he is much more patient, now - doesn’t try to dodge across intersections between the oncoming traffic, any more.
Most of the time, now, I don’t pay any attention to his driving. I just look out the window and admire the view. This is much better for my blood pressure.
But I think that if your husband is really such a dangerous driver, you should probably get him remedial driving lessons for Christmas - “from Santa Claus.”
With us, it is a control issue - I like to be in the driver’s seat. Once I realized that, I was able to keep quiet. He sometimes does things that make me jump, but we’ve almost never been in an accident. (One time we got hit by an oncoming car while making a left turn - he didn’t see it coming because of the weather.)
One thing I did tell him, though - because I was asking him to wait for the oncoming traffic to get past before we crossed over the intersection, and he was so upset - he said, “but we don’t have time!” - I just said, “We are not in that much of a hurry. We did leave with lots of time to spare, remember? You have all the time you need.” He took that to heart, and I’ve noticed that he is much more patient, now - doesn’t try to dodge across intersections between the oncoming traffic, any more.
Most of the time, now, I don’t pay any attention to his driving. I just look out the window and admire the view. This is much better for my blood pressure.
But I think that if your husband is really such a dangerous driver, you should probably get him remedial driving lessons for Christmas - “from Santa Claus.”
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pilot
Guest
It sounds like there are some trust issues. Do you think there may also be control issues, and I’m not talking about him. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying an occasional comment is wrong. But how often do you comment on his driving? Is it everytime you are out together? Could you handle his driving another way? Don’t be to criticle, especially with someone with an anger problem. You may be right or think you may be right, but I would ask if it’s worth it to fight over. Good Luck.:tiphat:
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pilot
Guest
Quote from Pug
“The parkinson’s, will it get worse? It sounds like you two have a heavy cross to bear! Men (and women) do seem to change with age, so perhaps he will slow down with time. My fella has. Is the nervousness partly because of parkinson’s? Can the doctor help with it?”
I am nana3 and for some reason which I can’t explain the top of my answers says Pilot. Anyway here is my answer to your question:
The Parkinson’s will get worse with age as the Pope John Paul’s got worse also, but the medications help him for now. We do have a heavy cross and both of us have medical problems. We both have chronic medical problems. WE are both on disability with the Veteran’s Affair as well as Social Security and we are still young. I have been on disability longer than he has so yes we do have some crosses and this also affects our daughter, but who of us don’t have crosses. The Lord gives us only what he knows we can handle.
His nervousness is not from the Parkinson’s for that causes him tremors. His nervousness is from some mental issues he has from an abusive childhood. He is just a very uptight person.
“The parkinson’s, will it get worse? It sounds like you two have a heavy cross to bear! Men (and women) do seem to change with age, so perhaps he will slow down with time. My fella has. Is the nervousness partly because of parkinson’s? Can the doctor help with it?”
I am nana3 and for some reason which I can’t explain the top of my answers says Pilot. Anyway here is my answer to your question:
The Parkinson’s will get worse with age as the Pope John Paul’s got worse also, but the medications help him for now. We do have a heavy cross and both of us have medical problems. We both have chronic medical problems. WE are both on disability with the Veteran’s Affair as well as Social Security and we are still young. I have been on disability longer than he has so yes we do have some crosses and this also affects our daughter, but who of us don’t have crosses. The Lord gives us only what he knows we can handle.
His nervousness is not from the Parkinson’s for that causes him tremors. His nervousness is from some mental issues he has from an abusive childhood. He is just a very uptight person.
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nana3
Guest
I agree there is some trust issues. I do not trust his driving. I do not consider myself controling. In fact, if his driving was better, I would prefer him to drive all the time. In my family also as in my husband, my dad did the driving when we went out as a family. I have this to my husband that I would prefer not to drive and sometimes my back hurts to much to drive and I want to take a muscle relaxant, but can’t if I drive. I would honestly prefer him to drive, but not like he drives. I can’t stand the tailgating. I can’t stand the slamming of the brakes or waiting for the last moment to brake. Several times to keep the peace, I pretend to be asleep while he is driving and at times I end up sleeping for real, but his braking moves my head forward and I wake up. The one who has the control issues is him. In his anger management class that the wives are asked to show up at times, the man who leads the group tells all of us wives that our husbands are “control freaks.” He is the one that has to be in control at all times while driving! I like to drive, but if we go out as a family and I don’t it is no big deal. It is a big deal if he drives badly with my life and my daughters.
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