To work or not to work?

  • Thread starter Thread starter Little_Katie
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
L

Little_Katie

Guest
Hello, I am a stat at home mom and house wife. I have one son who is going to be 6 months old next week.

I love being a stay at home mom and it means a lot to me that I get to be the one raising my son and not a day care. I really do not want him to be raised by strangers.

But w/ the dropping economy I feel pressured to get a job. But the bigger pressure is that I looked at my bank account and noticed I have 800 dollars overdrafted. I have not spent money from my account in nearly 6 months. At first I thought that it might be identity theft, but after closer examination I realized that I had gone under by a few dollars when I was pregnant while buying my son’s car seat. Well… 6 months later the over draft fees became 800 dollars. I know that when I tell my husband this he will never trust me w/ spending the money he earns. So I don’t see myself as being able to continue staying home w/ my son.

I am very worried about telling my husband about what happened. He will be very angry. Part of me wants to just get a job so he will never know. Part of me wants to tell him and get a job anyway because of the dropping economy. But, in truth I really want to continue to watch over my son at home.

I really don’t know what to do in this situation.

I am praying on it and would appreciate any advice. 🤷
 
Little_Katie said:
Hello, I am a stat at home mom and house wife. I have one son who is going to be 6 months old next week.
Congrats!!
I love being a stay at home mom and it means a lot to me that I get to be the one raising my son and not a day care. I really do not want him to be raised by strangers. 👍

But w/ the dropping economy I feel pressured to get a job. But the bigger pressure is that I looked at my bank account and noticed I have 800 dollars overdrafted. I have not spent money from my account in nearly 6 months. At first I thought that it might be identity theft, but after closer examination I realized that I had gone under by a few dollars when I was pregnant while buying my son’s car seat. Well… 6 months later the over draft fees became 800 dollars. I know that when I tell my husband this he will never trust me w/ spending the money he earns. So I don’t see myself as being able to continue staying home w/ my son. Yup. He will be mad, maybe even furious. But you need to Do what is best with your child. I thin the way to approach this is by working tough it together. For a while he will (right or Wrong) make you pay for it but that will pass. Also DEFINATELY talk to the bank. Go as high as you have to. They will drop a big portion of those fees. Get some finacial advice from a trusted freind or realitive that is good with money. And above all love your family.

I am very worried about telling my husband about what happened. He will be very angry. Part of me wants to just get a job so he will never know. Part of me wants to tell him and get a job anyway because of the dropping economy. But, in truth I really want to continue to watch over my son at home. Tell him, easier said than done I know but I have kept things like this too, it never works out.

I really don’t know what to do in this situation.

I am praying on it and would appreciate any advice. 🤷
Click to expand...
 
Oh sweetie,

It sounds like talking to your husband about the overdraft is a much bigger issue than getting a job. If you are getting a job to avoid telling your husband about the situation, then the answer is definitely no! We all have sticky situations, especially with money. Do talk to the bank (both about dropping the overdraft charges and switching to an account that won’t repeatedly charge you these fees), and speak with your husband. You can frame the conversation in an “I made a mistake and I need help” kind of way. Men love it when they can solve problems, especially on behalf of the little woman 😉

On the subject of getting a job, only you and your husband can know what’s best for the family and you should discuss it. Knowing only what you’ve said, I would try to avoid it as much as possible and cut expenses if you need to. Question every expense, even those you consider necessities. When I considered the idea that my husband and I could own a house if I went back to work, I realized that kids don’t know the difference between owning or renting and they can’t tell inexpensive meals from filet mignon, but they know the difference between Mom and a daycare center. If you truly need to bring in some income, try to do it from home (while considering that there are lots of bogus companies who want you to do their multilevel marketing, etc.), and if that doesn’t work, work as few hours as possible.

God Bless!!
-S-
 
I would just be frank with your husband…and you know what? If this is a first time event with your bank, simply call them and ask for their help…they should work with you, if this is your first time, and bring your account back to zero. Didn’t you receive any overdraft notices in the mail? I remember when I did this during the first year of my marriage…hubby was mad, but he got over it. Yours will too.

As far as the job situation. It’s hard to say…offer advice, without knowing your finances. I think that if you can swing living on one income (husband’s), it would be in everyone’s best interest for you to stay home. If things are gravely tight for you guys, then maybe working parttime would be an option…where you could work some evening hours, when your husband is home? (providing that is his schedule)

I will keep you in my prayers, that things will work out…and that the bank allows you this one slip! :o God bless!
 
Thank you everyone, for your advice. I’ll pluck up some courage to admit my mistake see what the bank can do. I think we are more than ok financially as my husband is in the military and that alone covers most of our expenses, w/out even considering the pay check. I just really didn’t want to admit I lost 800 dollars… My husband doesn’t trust anyone w/ money and I had to work hard over the last two years to earn that trust and this is going to blow it… >.<
 
Sorry to say but don’t have any idea to give you any kind of suggestion.
 
Well, first call-- or better go into the bank in person-- and ask them to waive some or part of the fees. Insist on talking to the manager.

State that you are a loyal customer and that you only went under by a few dollars. Unfortunately, at the time you were pregnant/delivering your son and did not know about the error. If they continued to charge you fees after the initial overdraft, they should be willing to waive those fees. I don’t know why they would charge you more fees if you did not bounce any additional checks.

It cannot hurt to try. If they won’t waive them-- get them paid off ASAP and then close the account and go elsewhere with your business.

You should still be honest with your husband. Maybe you can have a garage sale, do some selling on eBay, etc, to earn the money needed to make it whole. Or, take some babysitting jobs-- school will be out soon and people will need someone to watch their kids. You don’t have to get a full time job to earn some money and you don’t have to give up time with your son either if it is that important to you.

You shouldn’t take a job to punish yourself-- you will actually punish your co-workers because you will not be 100% committed to the job.
 
Also… When I have made mistakes in the past. ie. the Gas bill gets lost in the shuffel, or I am late with a credit card bill. Or the bank actually screws up. (they do you know) My wife is actually very understanding and is on my side. BUT if I hide it she freaks out. Wondering what else I am hiding.
 
Matt33 said:
Also… When I have made mistakes in the past. ie. the Gas bill gets lost in the shuffel, or I am late with a credit card bill. Or the bank actually screws up. (they do you know) My wife is actually very understanding and is on my side. BUT if I hide it she freaks out. Wondering what else I am hiding.
Click to expand...
This is exactly true. You do not want to do anything to erode the trust in your marriage. I have been married for 37 years and I have made mistakes and feared my husband’s wrath, too. But he loves me and I love him and we worked it out. You do not EVER want to lie or hide things. (Well — maybe that pair of shoes in the back of the closet…hahaha).😃

Also, the idea of speaking to the bank manager is correct. My daughter did just that and they totally forgave the late fees. Do this perhaps before you talk to your husband (in other words - do it TODAY) and then when you tell your hubby, he can be impressed with how maturly you handled the whole thing. God bless you, honey!
 
I agree with all the responses for being up front with your husband. It doesn’t help anything to try and hide something and let it fester.

As far as getting a job, I was in your shoes 20 years ago when our first child was born. I didn’t want anyone else to raise her, but we also needed the extra income. I started providing childcare in my home, and six children later, I am still doing it. It has been a blessing to me to be able to be home with our kids, and still be able to help with an additional income. Now that our youngest is in school, however, I am thinking of doing something else. But I have never regretted the years I have been able to be home with our own kids.
 
KathyP said:
I agree with all the responses for being up front with your husband. It doesn’t help anything to try and hide something and let it fester.

As far as getting a job, I was in your shoes 20 years ago when our first child was born. I didn’t want anyone else to raise her, but we also needed the extra income. I started providing childcare in my home, and six children later, I am still doing it. It has been a blessing to me to be able to be home with our kids, and still be able to help with an additional income. Now that our youngest is in school, however, I am thinking of doing something else. But I have never regretted the years I have been able to be home with our own kids.
Click to expand...
Good point, it would be a shame to sacrifice the well being of a child for 800 dollars and economic worry. Probably more expensive too. what with the cost of daycare.
 
It seems odd that your husband is the sole breadwinner for your family and yet “wouldn’t trust you” with “his” money. Isn’t it for the family as a whole?

If there really is a huge blowup over it, you could remind him of the benefits of your staying home, and that you, by doing the work you do, are contributing to the family just as much as he is, though in a different way. I’m guessing that if he’s been willing so far for you to stay home, he will be willing to let you keep at it.

One piece of advice to have one bank account. That way, if he’s the more money-minded person, he can take care of checking the accounts regularly and making sure there is no problem with them.
 
Uh…just want to say, that whether you are a working mom or a SAHM, you will still be raising your child(ren). The daycare providers will be helping you. Sorry but that whole line about others raising the children in daycare bugs me.

I agree with everyone about telling your DH ASAP.
 
First of all, you need to tell your husband and you need to tell him ASAP. The sooner the better because those bank fees will continue to add up. And since it’s been six months, I am very very very surprised you haven’t gotten any collection calls.

You have to tell you husband and you have to be 100% honest. Money problems are the number one reason people divorce in the US. Don’t let it happen to you.

Work with your husband and call the banks to ask to have some fees dropped and pay your debt off.

As far as a job, what would you do with your child while you worked? Would you be able to make enough to pay for child care and bring home extra money? (the average cost of childcare for an infant is 700-800/month) And why would you get a job in order to hide this debt from your husband? That seems like a lot of work to cover up something you should tell him anyway.

I do have a question for you. Why do you have your own account? Most married couples, especially one income families, share accounts. If you can’t trust your spouse completely with your money, there is something wrong in the marriage. When I was married to my husband, we shared all of our money. When my boyfriend and i get married, we will also share accounts. We have talked about it and both of use feel very strongly. AND, he has a ton of saving and makes twice as much as I do so I know he trusts me implicitly.

And I still don’t know how you went six months without knowing this. Did you not have to spend any money during those six months? Did you not receive bank statements? I really don’t understand.
 
JanetF said:
Uh…just want to say, that whether you are a working mom or a SAHM, you will still be raising your child(ren). The daycare providers will be helping you. Sorry but that whole line about others raising the children in daycare bugs me.

I agree with everyone about telling your DH ASAP.
Click to expand...
I didn’t see anything for you to take offense to. Maybe it is a touchy subject for you.🤷 Anyway, this is part of the Op’s Question and I think we would all like to see her stay home with the kids if at all possible. Everyone should be supportive of that.
 
1ke said:
Well, first call-- or better go into the bank in person-- and ask them to waive some or part of the fees. Insist on talking to the manager.

State that you are a loyal customer and that you only went under by a few dollars. Unfortunately, at the time you were pregnant/delivering your son and did not know about the error. If they continued to charge you fees after the initial overdraft, they should be willing to waive those fees. I don’t know why they would charge you more fees if you did not bounce any additional checks.

It cannot hurt to try. If they won’t waive them-- get them paid off ASAP and then close the account and go elsewhere with your business.

You should still be honest with your husband. Maybe you can have a garage sale, do some selling on eBay, etc, to earn the money needed to make it whole. Or, take some babysitting jobs-- school will be out soon and people will need someone to watch their kids. You don’t have to get a full time job to earn some money and you don’t have to give up time with your son either if it is that important to you.

You shouldn’t take a job to punish yourself-- you will actually punish your co-workers because you will not be 100% committed to the job.
Click to expand...
I agree. Plus you can also tell the bank you wish they would have some how contacted you to let you know what was going on all these months, I mean they just sat there charging you fee over fee.
 
Little_Katie said:
Hello, I am a stat at home mom and house wife. I have one son who is going to be 6 months old next week.

I love being a stay at home mom and it means a lot to me that I get to be the one raising my son and not a day care. I really do not want him to be raised by strangers.

But w/ the dropping economy I feel pressured to get a job. But the bigger pressure is that I looked at my bank account and noticed I have 800 dollars overdrafted. I have not spent money from my account in nearly 6 months. At first I thought that it might be identity theft, but after closer examination I realized that I had gone under by a few dollars when I was pregnant while buying my son’s car seat. Well… 6 months later the over draft fees became 800 dollars. I know that when I tell my husband this he will never trust me w/ spending the money he earns. So I don’t see myself as being able to continue staying home w/ my son.

I am very worried about telling my husband about what happened. He will be very angry. Part of me wants to just get a job so he will never know. Part of me wants to tell him and get a job anyway because of the dropping economy. But, in truth I really want to continue to watch over my son at home.

I really don’t know what to do in this situation.

I am praying on it and would appreciate any advice. 🤷
Click to expand...
Hi Little Katie!

I work in a bank, so I might know what I’m talking about. 😉

Every bank is different. Every bank has different overdraft policies. My bank has a department set up specifically for people whose accounts have been overdrawn for so long, so that we can work with them to cut down on the overdraft fees. Also, I am very surprised that your account has been overdrawn for this long and you did not know about it. Do you not get your statements? I am also surprised that your account is still open. After so long, my bank would close the account and send that amount over to a collections agency, who could report it to the credit bureau. Please get this taken care of ASAP.

Also, please tell your husband. It will be hard, but you would want him to do the same thing if he were in your situation.
 
JanetF said:
Uh…just want to say, that whether you are a working mom or a SAHM, you will still be raising your child(ren). The daycare providers will be helping you. Sorry but that whole line about others raising the children in daycare bugs me.

I agree with everyone about telling your DH ASAP.
Click to expand...
I’m sorry, JaneF, if it was my comments that may have irked you. I realize there are situations that require many moms to work outside the home and have a need for childcare, and I am very sympathetic to that. I am very blessed to have had the opportunity all these years to be of service to families in need of childcare. I was just relating to the OP what has worked for our family when faced with the dilemma of whether or not mom should work outside the home. I tried to work part-time for a couple of weeks after our first child was born, with my MIL watching her while I worked, but I just couldn’t stand being away from her even on a part-time basis. I just felt that God was calling me to be at home, and He provided a way for me to do so.
 
Matt33 said:
I didn’t see anything for you to take offense to. Maybe it is a touchy subject for you.🤷 Anyway, this is part of the Op’s Question and I think we would all like to see her stay home with the kids if at all possible. Everyone should be supportive of that.
Click to expand...
I can totally support her in her desire to stay at home with her young children. But the truth is, if she needs to go back to work, there are very good day care options available, where children thrive.

Yeah it’s a touchy subject for me :shrug. I wanted to make the point that even working mom’s are raising their children, they just have additional adults in the child’s life who help out. If she does have to go back to work, she shouldn’t feel guilty as long as she finds a daycare that she and the children like. I wasted way too many years feeling guilty!
 
KathyP said:
I’m sorry, JaneF, if it was my comments that may have irked you. I realize there are situations that require many moms to work outside the home and have a need for childcare, and I am very sympathetic to that. I am very blessed to have had the opportunity all these years to be of service to families in need of childcare. I was just relating to the OP what has worked for our family when faced with the dilemma of whether or not mom should work outside the home. I tried to work part-time for a couple of weeks after our first child was born, with my MIL watching her while I worked, but I just couldn’t stand being away from her even on a part-time basis. I just felt that God was calling me to be at home, and He provided a way for me to do so.
Click to expand...
Not at all. I understand totally. Each familiy needs to do what works best for them. I’m glad you were able to work things out for your family!
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top