To work or not to work?

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JanetF said:
I can totally support her in her desire to stay at home with her young children. But the truth is, if she needs to go back to work, there are very good day care options available, where children thrive.

Yeah it’s a touchy subject for me :shrug. I wanted to make the point that even working mom’s are raising their children, they just have additional adults in the child’s life who help out. If she does have to go back to work, she shouldn’t feel guilty as long as she finds a daycare that she and the children like. I wasted way too many years feeling guilty!
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Janet, the truth is that if it is at all possible she needs to stay home with her kids. If you want to debate daycare there are threads for that. this thread is about a (i think) military mom possibly living in another country strugglling to make ends meet who kind of srewed up a little. That is no reason to put the kids in an institution at least until all options have been explored. And it should be our job to help her explore them.
Yes there are daycares that are good, benificial and necessary. But the best situation here is desired. Don’t you agree? I am interested in any advice you may have for her as well. Lets try to keep this on the task at hand and about the OP.

I too have strong feelings about this. I am a stay at home dad. We are not rich. We struggle. But on the plus side, I have no guilty years to waste.
Remember that just because it should be a priority to stay home with the kids, it isn’t necessarily feasable or even best for each child depending on the ability of the parents to give care. Those of us who fight for a change in our society on this issue are in no way attacking those who for good reason cannot or are not afforded this opportunity. However, too often kids are put in institutions for convienience. We could go rounds about this, in fact feel free to start a thread, but here, lets try to give advice to the op. K
 
I agree that getting a job to hide this isn’t a good idea at all, and saw that the OP replied to those ideas.

So, on to the topic of being worried about the economy: You can be a SAHM and still contribute to your family’s financial stability. You probably already do a lot by conserving the hard-earned dollars from your DH and providing your family with the value of your daily work as a SAHM. Your DH probably has greater job security because he can rely on you. However, you can also start cracking open doors into the work world to keep your options a bit more open without sacrificing your current vocation.

For example:
  • Brush up your resume and/or portfolio and look for weak spots and strengths.
  • Do some volunteer work to network or take a job with only a few hours a week while your husband is home.
  • Do babysitting on the side
  • Start a small home business doing something you love - just make sure you don’t invest more than you make
  • If you can afford it and are interested, look for training or certifications you could work on while you are at home as “unemployment insurance” in case your DH is out of work in the future - so you have a chance of getting a job if he can’t find one, since you’ll have recent training instead of just a big ol’ gap.
  • Use LinkedIn to network with anyone you know in your job field. You want to network before you are looking for work, if reasonable.
Note that I am NOT saying that you “ought” to do any of these things, just that they are less drastic options that will give some additional level of financial security. It doesn’t have to be all-or-nothing.

My DH is a SAHD and will be returning to work once he completes his certification. This is both a response to me losing 25% of my income and the first step towards us switching roles (I am a breadwinner-WOHM at the moment - but really, who wouldn’t rather stay home? Besides my wonderful DH, that is, and I am *so[/o] glad he’s ready for a change at the same time as me ;)).

Here are some of the thoughts we’ve gone through while discerning on becoming a two-income family for a while:
  • If you do take a job, try to have an exit plan. Consider contract work, which will have a natural deadline. If you have an exit plan, you are more likely to recall that the two-income thing is temporary and are less likely to become dependent on the second income.
  • Look at shift work, but have a marriage-maintenance plan in place before starting - regular time together, meetings to discuss concerns, maybe seek out a mentor couple or budget for a marriage retreat. Make sure you have a solid plan so that everyone gets enough sleep.
  • Work out the cost of employment BEFORE you get the second income. DH quit originally because the cost of being a two-income household exceeded his income.
  • Discuss how necessary sacrifices from the career for the family (like someone staying home with sick kids) will be handled - if one parent is the primary income, then the other often makes all the sacrifices from their career as the primary parent - this is likely to be your situation, but it doesn’t hurt to ensure that you are both on the same page on this.*
 
LongingForLight said:
I agree that getting a job to hide this isn’t a good idea at all, and saw that the OP replied to those ideas.

So, on to the topic of being worried about the economy: You can be a SAHM and still contribute to your family’s financial stability. You probably already do a lot by conserving the hard-earned dollars from your DH and providing your family with the value of your daily work as a SAHM. Your DH probably has greater job security because he can rely on you. However, you can also start cracking open doors into the work world to keep your options a bit more open without sacrificing your current vocation.

For example:
  • Brush up your resume and/or portfolio and look for weak spots and strengths.
  • Do some volunteer work to network or take a job with only a few hours a week while your husband is home.
  • Do babysitting on the side
  • Start a small home business doing something you love - just make sure you don’t invest more than you make
  • If you can afford it and are interested, look for training or certifications you could work on while you are at home as “unemployment insurance” in case your DH is out of work in the future - so you have a chance of getting a job if he can’t find one, since you’ll have recent training instead of just a big ol’ gap.
  • Use LinkedIn to network with anyone you know in your job field. You want to network before you are looking for work, if reasonable.
Note that I am NOT saying that you “ought” to do any of these things, just that they are less drastic options that will give some additional level of financial security. It doesn’t have to be all-or-nothing.

My DH is a SAHD and will be returning to work once he completes his certification. This is both a response to me losing 25% of my income and the first step towards us switching roles (I am a breadwinner-WOHM at the moment - but really, who wouldn’t rather stay home? Besides my wonderful DH, that is, and I am *so[/o] glad he’s ready for a change at the same time as me ;)).

Here are some of the thoughts we’ve gone through while discerning on becoming a two-income family for a while:
  • If you do take a job, try to have an exit plan. Consider contract work, which will have a natural deadline. If you have an exit plan, you are more likely to recall that the two-income thing is temporary and are less likely to become dependent on the second income.
  • Look at shift work, but have a marriage-maintenance plan in place before starting - regular time together, meetings to discuss concerns, maybe seek out a mentor couple or budget for a marriage retreat. Make sure you have a solid plan so that everyone gets enough sleep.
  • Work out the cost of employment BEFORE you get the second income. DH quit originally because the cost of being a two-income household exceeded his income.
  • Discuss how necessary sacrifices from the career for the family (like someone staying home with sick kids) will be handled - if one parent is the primary income, then the other often makes all the sacrifices from their career as the primary parent - this is likely to be your situation, but it doesn’t hurt to ensure that you are both on the same page on this.*
👍👍👍 Excellent post! Great suggestions.
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Little Katie: I second LongingforLight’s post wholeheartedly. I understand that the idea of leaving your little ones with others is tough, if you have some skills that you can put to work while staying home, that might be ideal. If you are overseas (I didn’t catch that part in the OP), then I’m not sure about the options available.

I hope you were able to talk to your DH and find a plan to resolve the $ issue! Good Luck!
 
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