Today's Gen Y society of 'dating'

[chevalier]

Being a Catholic, growing up a teenager in a 21st century society is a heavy cross that comes with ridicule, abuse and non-conformity. Growing up even in a Catholic school, people seem almost shocked when I tell them “No I haven’t had sex, no I want to wait until marriage, no I don’t sexually please myself.” So when it comes time for dating, it seems almost impossible to find people my age with the same views in my area. I know there are people out there but I can’t seem to find them. Not necessarily to date as of yet but to just be friends with. Even in my parish the demography is either children or adults/grandparents. So I’m a bit perplexed as to where to go. Anyone have any suggestions? Take in mind Australia doesn’t have much functions for Catholic teenagers.

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Kinda like getting shipped off down under for stealing a loaf of bread and then presto (well, more like 20 years forward but anyway) building a farm and eking out a nice, comfortable life.

You may need to arrange your own marriage in the end, but you sound intelligent and not socially unskilled, so you should be capable of handling that in a couple of years from now.

Concentrate on becoming the man you’d want to be for the woman you’d want, and she’ll find herself. Quaerite primum regnum Dei, et justitiam ejus: et haec omnia adjicientur vobis, alleluia.

 

[Try2BeHumble]

Being a Catholic, growing up a teenager in a 21st century society is a heavy cross that comes with ridicule, abuse and non-conformity. Growing up even in a Catholic school, people seem almost shocked when I tell them “No I haven’t had sex, no I want to wait until marriage, no I don’t sexually please myself.” So when it comes time for dating, it seems almost impossible to find people my age with the same views in my area. I know there are people out there but I can’t seem to find them. Not necessarily to date as of yet but to just be friends with. Even in my parish the demography is either children or adults/grandparents. So I’m a bit perplexed as to where to go. Anyone have any suggestions? Take in mind Australia doesn’t have much functions for Catholic teenagers.

I would tell the OP as a young adult woman I think #1 stay true to your convictions no matter what anyone says. I also think that before you date know yourself. Some great books I recommend are Captivating and No Sex in the City. As far as telling or not I agree with the other posters about not disclosing until very serious. Could you start a Bible study group or adoration night at church? Keep the faith it is worth it in the end.

 

[spunjalebi]

Right. I always get a sinking feeling whenever a young star (of whichever sex) announces their virginity. It’s like painting a big target on your back.

Sharing one’s virginity should only be for a serious relationship where marriage is in the imminent future, and both parties take it seriously. I don’t think anyone should be casually sharing this kind of information for many reasons-- celebrities and us “normal” folk.

In my experience, revealing one’s virginity causes a lot of men to pursue you for the wrong reasons. I’ve had men ask me if I was a virgin in my younger, incredibly more naive years and I stupidly told them. These were unwise decisions because the wrong people-- men and women-- will want to tempt you. We’re admonished as Christians to flee and avoid temptation, and broadcasting your virginity doesn’t help you with either.

It’s hard to be a teenager and live a chaste life when you know people don’t care about chastity. Even the younger Christians want to “sow their wild oats” in youth, because they figure they can always change their minds when they get older. Yes, I’ve come across these people before.

The best advice I have for a teenager is to find a good youth group and surround yourself with like-minded people. There is power in numbers. As you get older, whether you decide to stay with the same parish, go to college, or work, seek out a good young adults group and get to know those people. Have you tried using meetup.com in Australia to search for a Catholics group? Or a young Christian adults group? Seek out-- really look for others-- who share your values and beliefs.

I spent my teenage years through the 1990’s into the 2000’s and I thought things were hard then. Now teens have to deal with social media constantly bombarding them and people using technology for instant gratification. Things like snapchat, instagram, “sexting” and the like make it harder for chaste teens.

 

[Xantippe]

In my experience, revealing one’s virginity causes a lot of men to pursue you for the wrong reasons. I’ve had men ask me if I was a virgin in my younger, incredibly more naive years and I stupidly told them. These were unwise decisions because the wrong people-- men and women-- will want to tempt you. We’re admonished as Christians to flee and avoid temptation, and broadcasting your virginity doesn’t help you with either.

Yes.

If asked about one’s virginity, “I’m a practicing Catholic,” is a fine non-answer. It’s informative and not braggy. And it works just as well as an answer for people who have made mistakes, are trying to get back on track, and don’t feel like telling the whole world the gory details.

 

[spunjalebi]

Yes.

If asked about one’s virginity, “I’m a practicing Catholic,” is a fine non-answer. It’s informative and not braggy. And it works just as well as an answer for people who have made mistakes, are trying to get back on track, and don’t feel like telling the whole world the gory details.

I agree. I’d add to this by saying “I take my faith seriously.”

If people ignore that and start asking for details, they need a reminder on how intrusive those questions are. I think younger people are sometimes curious, but if you share details with the wrong people there’s a tendency for others to test your resolve.

Temptations are always put in front of our faces, no matter how much we express to others our diligence in avoiding it. Those who aren’t good at avoiding temptation sometimes want to see others fail.

 

[Xantippe]

I agree. I’d add to this by saying “I take my faith seriously.”

If people ignore that and start asking for details, they need a reminder on how intrusive those questions are. I think younger people are sometimes curious, but if you share details with the wrong people there’s a tendency for others to test your resolve.

Temptations are always put in front of our faces, no matter how much we express to others our diligence in avoiding it. Those who aren’t good at avoiding temptation sometimes want to see others fail.

In traditional Catholic thought on lying, there’s a concept of some people having a right to information while others don’t.

A casual questioner just isn’t entitled to our most intimate personal information.

Also, I feel like prudence with regard to speech is not unrelated to chastity and it’s almost a sort of practice for chastity–we don’t share private information with just anybody, just like we don’t share our bodies with just anybody.

 

[Naskor]

Well, while you’re a teenager, and not of marriageable age, there is no reason to date. I agree that it is frustrating to have so few opportunities to form relationships with others of your age, however.

I grew up where this kind of thinking was taught. Priest, bishops, nuns, pastors and the rare monk would tell us we had no purpose dating as teens. The problem is though that most Catholics didn’t follow this advice. So when those of us who were of marriageable age tried to enter the dating scene we harshly discovered that no one wanted to date someone who hadn’t had a girlfriend by 18-20. They were ready to look for their last, while we were still looking for our first.

And when you are 4-6 years behind at dating no one is willing to give you a chance.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

I grew up where this kind of thinking was taught. Priest, bishops, nuns, pastors and the rare monk would tell us we had no purpose dating as teens. The problem is though that most Catholics didn’t follow this advice. So when those of us who were of marriageable age tried to enter the dating scene we harshly discovered that no one wanted to date someone who hadn’t had a girlfriend by 18-20. They were ready to look for their last, while we were still looking for our first.

And when you are 4-6 years behind at dating no one is willing to give you a chance.

That depends on what you have to show for it:shrug:. Inexperience is often associated with lack of drive, charisma, and initiative. If you’re moving along quickly in your career, are pursuing your talents and hobbies in your free time, and have an active social life, you’ll put those concerns to rest before she even knows they could be concerns.

This also makes a serious case for “more mystery; less history”.

 

[Xantippe]

That depends on what you have to show for it:shrug:. Inexperience is often associated with lack of drive, charisma, and initiative. If you’re moving along quickly in your career, are pursuing your talents and hobbies in your free time, and have an active social life, you’ll put those concerns to rest before she even knows they could be concerns.

This also makes a serious case for “more mystery; less history”.;)

Right.

There’s no need to lead with, “I’ve never dated before.”