Toddler with OCD...how to teach him the faith?

[LaSainte]

My 3-year-old has pretty severe OCD tendencies. The other day I peeked in on him in the tub. He was spinning in a circle, then he would move up to the front, paddle the water on the right, paddle on the left, and then burst out crying and repeat the whole thing over and over. This is one of MANY behaviors. He also has to do things in a particular order and if he doesn’t, he melts down. If his towel falls off before he takes it off, or if he forgets to ask me if it is ok to take it off, he has a fit and has to do it again until he gets it “right”.

I also had OCD and still do to a degree, although not quite this bad so young.

My question is this: I have seen TONS of people on this site with OCD and it seems like Catholicism only makes it worse. They become extremely scrupulous and are tortured by always thinking that they have committed a mortal sin be ause some random thought popped into their head. They go to confession twice a week and are on here constantly asking questions like “I stepped on a flower in the shape of a cross. Am I going to hell?”

I do NOT want this for my son!!! I want to ALLEVIATE his anxiety, not make it worse. The rules and regulations of Catholicism are a breeding ground for OCD in even a person with NO tendencies towards the condition whatsoever. I shudder to think what I could do to my son mentally and emotionally by raising him as a practicing Catholic with mortal and venial sins and confession and examinations of conscience and such.

I don’t know how to raise him Catholic without screwing him up

 

[1ke]

The best thing you can do is to get your child under the care of a qualified thearpist for the OCD and reach out to your diocese to find a spiritual director trained to deal with scrupulosity.

 

[Christy_Beth]

Don’t rush the OCD diagnosis. Being that age, it may be normal. Just let him be a child, but be ready for the help should it become necessary.

 

[SonSearcher]

Don’t rush the OCD diagnosis. Being that age, it may be normal. Just let him be a child, but be ready for the help should it become necessary.

Agreed. Also you should get a diagnosis before projecting a possible disorder on your child.

 

[90Domer]

I would agree with the advice to not assume a diagnosis before having your child seen by a qualified developmental pediatrician. The behaviors your are describing could be an indication of other developmental issues. I do not want to name any, as I do not want to upset you.

If you would like to PM, I can tell you how we taught our son. He presented a lot like your son at the same age.

 

[paperwight66]

Don’t rush the OCD diagnosis. Being that age, it may be normal. Just let him be a child, but be ready for the help should it become necessary.

Absolutely! My son used to do similar things at that age, and younger, but it stopped when he went to school and had other things to get interested in.

 

[Kensho]

I thought all little kids were OCD.

OP, I don’t think Catholicism causes OCD symptoms in otherwise normal people. I think we just hear a lot about the OCD people whose OCD manifests in bizarre scrupulosity. If they weren’t Catholic, it would manifest in other ways: “O no! I have been relying too much on works-righteousness! Am I really saved?”

I don’t mean to be flippant. Goodness, I’m a former compulsive handwasher myself, and I have tendencies toward scrupulosity, you’d better believe. I’m also a former Protestant, so, dear OP, know that it could be worse. I think Catholicism can also be comforting to people with OCD because so many things are laid out clearly. You don’t have to make up rules as you go along.

 

[mountee]

Nothing to add but I want to tell you I am praying for you and I care. If I lived around the corner I would invite you over for coffee and let you take a break from your concerns. So, take a few minutes to quiet your spirit and rest your mind. Meditate on your favorite prayer or bible verse or think about your guardian angel wrapping their arms around you and protecting you. Remember that God will take care of you and your son, pray for His guidance.

 

[LaSainte]

Thank you ALL so much for your kindness and prayers and love and reassurances

I am trying to not assume any diagnosis-I just know the signs as I have OCD and I know it can be hereditary. I’m just being really casual with him and reassuring until his 4-year doctor’s appointment, at which point I will mention it to the pediatrician if it is still an issue. OCD is progressive, and if he DOES have it, I want to be prepared to nip it in the bud. I am fairly certain it is not autism at least. He has never shown any other signs of it, is extremely social, etc.

I just worry because I know how much anxiety OCD causes and I don’t want him to go through that. Catholicism has a lot of rules, and if a person already has OCD, those rules can be a prison.

 

[LaSainte]

Nothing to add but I want to tell you I am praying for you and I care. If I lived around the corner I would invite you over for coffee and let you take a break from your concerns. So, take a few minutes to quiet your spirit and rest your mind. Meditate on your favorite prayer or bible verse or think about your guardian angel wrapping their arms around you and protecting you. Remember that God will take care of you and your son, pray for His guidance.

Thank you! I needed that

 

[LaSainte]

I would agree with the advice to not assume a diagnosis before having your child seen by a qualified developmental pediatrician. The behaviors your are describing could be an indication of other developmental issues. I do not want to name any, as I do not want to upset you.

If you would like to PM, I can tell you how we taught our son. He presented a lot like your son at the same age.

I would love a PM from you about your experiences and your thoughts on this

 

[Xantippe]

“OP, I don’t think Catholicism causes OCD symptoms in otherwise normal people. I think we just hear a lot about the OCD people whose OCD manifests in bizarre scrupulosity. If they weren’t Catholic, it would manifest in other ways: “O no! I have been relying too much on works-righteousness! Am I really saved?””

Yes, indeed. I remember that sort of thinking when I was a Protestant. Or you could get over-scrupulous about recycling or personal finance. Or just plain old germs and housecleaning. Or hoarding.

Our middle child has always had OCD tendencies. This is not officially diagnosed, but his sister is an Aspie and a relative who is a psychologist has mentioned the possibility to us a number of times. (By the way, there’s a fair amount of overlap between a number of psychological conditions–autism, OCD, Tourette’s, ADHD, etc. It’s not a one-per-custometr thing–it is possible to collect a full set.) On the positive side, he’s very conscientious and thorough with his homework, school work, room cleaning and putting away laundry. I gave him one of those toilet brushes with disposable heads and he keeps the inside of his toilet clean. This is a 7-year-old boy!!! His teachers love him.

The negative side is what you are so painfully familiar with. I understand how you could think that being Catholic could exacerbate OCD issues. That is a possibility. I would definitely steer the kid away from OCD-exacerbating box-checking flavor of Catholicism (you know what I mean). Also, (and this is something we do with our son when it becomes an issue), when your child gets bigger and can understand this, remind your child that unless authority figures are ordering him to sin, he is bound to obey them. We have pointed out to our son that his duty to obey us trumps other obligations (for instance if he is compulsively insisting on completing homework at a time that is inconvenient to the family). This is where being Catholic can be a help–we believe in obeying legitimate authority. A good confessor will be important for him in future.

I don’t know a lot about the treatment of scrupulosity, but my impression is that scrupulosity involves the temptation to obsess over things that nobody else would think of as being your sins. To give an example from my own life, I might be thinking of a $1 plastic jug that I forgot to return to a landlady 15 years ago, while the people who live with me would have a long, long list of much more serious and recent moral failings. So the problem is not so much the concentrating on sins, but being lured into ignoring your real sins by an obsession with peccadiloes.