Toddlerhood is just awful

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PhiloMed said:
I don’t have any specific advice for the OP other than to say I’ve been there.

I’d also say that the difficult times probably come more in waves than you realize, but it’s hard to notice how many good times there are because the rough ones are so much easier to remember and leave us with the lasting PTSD (Post Toddler Stress Disorder).

I’ve been reading on CAF long enough to know that whenever someone posts with a kid problem there will almost always be someone who feels the need to post with “Well I raised 27 children, the youngest is 6 months and the oldest is peri-menopausal and I’ve never had any of these problems.” I don’t know why. Maybe it’s self-righteousness. Maybe it’s a need to prove to others that the perfect family can be achieved if you just pray hard enough. I’ve also read enough posts to know that eventually they come here with their own plea for help when there is either a child who needs therapy, a spouse with a porn addiction, texting an old fling, someone is verbally abusive, an alcoholic-in law who moved in or some other inevitable life trauma.

All that glitters…
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Thanks for this comment. PTSD! That kind of humor is just what I needed right now. 🙂
 
OP,

I agree with the other posters in that you are not giving yourself credit for your successes. You see the battles you lose, but it sounds like you won some too! I will remember your intentions at Mass tonight.
 
1990Domer said:
OP,

This may offer little comfort, but I remember the toughest toddler days of my son and thought, “God, I know you want me to see Heaven.” But there were stretches that were really horrible.

I found that noise canceling headphones saved my sanity when my child would continually carry on. He soon got the connection that he was not going to break my will with his noise. Also, I quite walk outside to garden for 10 minutes with my favorite music blasting was a nice little reprieve.

Now I am in a little different situation because we were only able to conceive twice (one was a stillbirth) and one was DS who ended up with an autism diagnosis (trust me, things are so much better now). However, if your DD stands her ground now, you may be very proud of her when she is subjected to unsavory peer pressure and could stand her ground in those situations. This may be a foreshadowing of great things to come!
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Sometimes I wonder if God gave all my kids their iron wills so that they can stand up against the Culture of Death that Pope St. John Paul II spoke of. The world is so crazy and backwards these days that the younger generation of Catholics have quite the battle to face. So while toddlerhood is sometimes infuriating, and sometimes exhausting, perhaps it is God answering my mother’s prayer for their faith and wellbeing. He is simply equipping them for the future.

I am so sorry to hear of your loss of a stillborn baby. I have followed your other threads regarding your son with autism. I admire your advocacy and determination as a mother with a child with an invisible disability.

I think that God gives to each parent the type of child(ren) the parent needs to make us holy. Our love for our children and their unique temperaments and challenges draw us out of ourselves and force us to confront our shortcomings. I know that this is a good thing, but in the middle of the process, it can be really painful and confusing, and sometimes I need help to see the bigger picture (especially when my perspective might have been malformed to begin with).
 
1990Domer said:
OP,

I agree with the other posters in that you are not giving yourself credit for your successes. You see the battles you lose, but it sounds like you won some too! I will remember your intentions at Mass tonight.
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Thank you! I really appreciate that. I couldn’t go to Mass today as my whole family is sick with a bad head cold. Since I am missing out on the graces of the Mass, I could really use prayer.
 
I know what you are going through with the sleep! My son is 2.5. If he gets a nap, he takes over an hour to go sleep at night. If he doesn’t, he falls asleep playing or is a screaming terror an hour or so before bedtime. We currently have a short, timed nap on days we go out. On days we have less excitement, we don’t nap. It still doesn’t work well.
 
Every toddler needs to learn that screaming and throwing tantrums is not the way to get what you want in this life. It sounds like you are doing an excellent job of teaching your toddler this.

The rest of it - especially eating and sleeping - seems to differ very much from one child to the next, but will resolve itself somewhat with time. The transition from napping to no napping can be a particularly hard time as they will become more irritable later in the day without a nap. There’s not much to do but ride it out. As for food, as others have said, keep offering choices and make them good choices. No child will die of starvation while there is nutritious food in the house. (PS same rule can be applied to cats)
 
jmjZelie said:
Sometimes I wonder if God gave all my kids their iron wills so that they can stand up against the Culture of Death that Pope St. John Paul II spoke of. The world is so crazy and backwards these days that the younger generation of Catholics have quite the battle to face. So while toddlerhood is sometimes infuriating, and sometimes exhausting, perhaps it is God answering my mother’s prayer for their faith and wellbeing. He is simply equipping them for the future.

I am so sorry to hear of your loss of a stillborn baby. I have followed your other threads regarding your son with autism. I admire your advocacy and determination as a mother with a child with an invisible disability.

I think that God gives to each parent the type of child(ren) the parent needs to make us holy. Our love for our children and their unique temperaments and challenges draw us out of ourselves and force us to confront our shortcomings. I know that this is a good thing, but in the middle of the process, it can be really painful and confusing, and sometimes I need help to see the bigger picture (especially when my perspective might have been malformed to begin with).
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I really think you are on to something…actually I agree 100%. There is no way I would be half the person I am if it were not for my son. He embodies so many things I wish I could be–nonjudgmental, forgiving, pious, super sweet and very pious. He also never attacked another child physically or verbally all the times he got teased, laughed at, etc.

I too think he needs to be strong, as future generations are going to have tough sailing with the current moral and financial state of our country. I think you’re doing wonderfully! We prayed for your family yesterday.
 
On the food thing - my middle son was a super picky eater. He hated baby food, even the fruits, so he lived on refried beans, custard style vanilla yogurt, and peanut butter Ritz Bits for a long time (go ahead, natural foodies- pile on! :rolleyes:). He wouldn’t eat ANY type of meat until he was 2.5, then ONLY bacon. Wouldn’t eat ANY type of chicken until after 4 years old. At 5 or 6, I finally told him I was tired of being a short order cook, so I taught him how to scramble eggs and make grilled cheese sandwiches and told him any time I made something he didn’t like (or want-because he did THAT a lot too- I would make something I KNEW he liked but he wasn’t “in the mood” for it), he was in charge of making something for himself and cleaning up after himself. Worked out great - he’s very responsible so I knew I could trust him with a frying pan. He’s almost 18 and still picky as far as texture. Will NOT eat grapes. EVER. Will tolerate bananas if slathered in peanut butter. Doesn’t like beef gravy. :eek:

The other two of my boys I never had a food problem with; they’ve always been adventurous eaters, thank the Lord!
 
As an example of how hard things are right now, and why I might have legitimately said that things are awful, without being a terrible mother…

I haven’t slept in a couple nights now. Or rather, I fall asleep, only to be woken up immediately. My infant and toddler are tag-teaming me.

How long can a person last on no sleep before collapsing, I wonder? Guess I am going to find out soon enough.

Dealing with toddler antics sure would be a lot easier if my children would let me sleep.
 
jmjZelie said:
As an example of how hard things are right now, and why I might have legitimately said that things are awful, without being a terrible mother…

I haven’t slept in a couple nights now. Or rather, I fall asleep, only to be woken up immediately. My infant and toddler are tag-teaming me.

How long can a person last on no sleep before collapsing, I wonder? Guess I am going to find out soon enough.

Dealing with toddler antics sure would be a lot easier if my children would let me sleep.
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Could your husband perhaps tag team with YOU to deal with it, so neither one of you isn’t the only one getting up? When ours were young, I HAD to get up with the baby because I nursed, and none of them would take a bottle (believe me, we tried!). But once they weaned, I’d “let” my husband get up with them at least once, just so I could have an hour or two to actually sleep.
 
Sugabee43 said:
Could your husband perhaps tag team with YOU to deal with it, so neither one of you isn’t the only one getting up? When ours were young, I HAD to get up with the baby because I nursed, and none of them would take a bottle (believe me, we tried!). But once they weaned, I’d “let” my husband get up with them at least once, just so I could have an hour or two to actually sleep.
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We do this and it helps tremendously. Granted, I still wake up every time before my husband does and have to prod him awake (which I’m sure he loves :p), but not having to get out of bed every single time is a big help. Also, when I have one nursing, or when I’m pregnant (mostly first trimester when dealing with nausea and then third when getting out of bed is sometimes an adventure), he takes care of the older kids period.

We also have reached a point with our oldest child (4) where we have a limit with how many times we will get up for him (unless he’s sick). He gets a water bottle next to his bed, we keep a nightlight on in the bathroom all night, and he knows what time he is allowed to get up in the morning. We will take him back to bed twice. After that, he knows we won’t, and if he throws a fit, he is placed in our guest room to sleep so he can whine and cry to his heart’s content without bothering anybody else (which is usually not very long).

We did realize not long ago that he has seasonal allergies so he does get a dose of children’s allergy medicine in the spring and in the fall before bed, which helped a lot. And depending on the season we use a fan or humidifier to keep the room comfortable and provide some white noise.

But yes - there are still some awful nights. But they are fewer than they used to be!!
 
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