Told Wife I Wanted to Become a Catholic- Angry Reaction

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Hello all,
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 I wanted some advice and/or insight into my marriage.  I told my wife this morning that I wanted to attend RCIA and become a Catholic.  She freaked.  She accused me of going behind her back, messaging you guys and sending you emails.  She said that the Catholic Church is evil, that they house pedophiles.  They demand money and attempt to milk you for everything.  She also mentioned that Catholics demand you kneel and kiss a man’s hand.  I think she was referring to the Pope, but she didn’t know.  She also threatened to divorce me over this.  Then again, she’s always threatening divorce when she doesn’t get her way.

 I turned it around, asking her where she would like to go to church, and then offered to go with her to church.  She was raised JW, and then converted to fundamentalist Christianity after she met her first husband (I’m her third).   I don’t expect her to follow up with this.  I’m not sure if I should cater to her in this.  I want to go to a Catholic Church.
I’m seeing some very serious writing on the wall. I have every reason to take her seriously when she threatens to divorce me. I don’t want to get a divorce. I didn’t get married just to have a cheap and easy out. As someone whose life was impacted when I was young by divorce, this is not something I believe in, especially for the flimsiest excuses today.
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 I think God is calling me to a Catholic Church.  I have no doubt that there are spirit-filled believers in other denominations as well, but I’m really not interested in going to a fundamentalist church again.
Thanks,

CRC
 
You don’t have to become Catholic immediately after going through RCIA. Maybe invite her to go to class with you and actually learn about the Church and what she actually teaches instead of forming opinions over heresay. You will not regret attending RCIA at least to learn and become more knowledgeable of Christianity
 
When a person has been brought up believing the Catholic Church is evil, some re-education is necessary.

In the Catholic Church we have saints and sinners. The sinners do not eclipse the truth that the Church teaches.
Pray and continue to learn, make an appointment with a priest to talk with.

This is one circumstance of what our Lord Jesus Christ was talking about when he said that he had not come to bring peace, but a sword.

Jesus comes first before our spouse.

Hopefully you can have some fruitful conversations with your wife. She should not hold you hostage by the important decision you are making by saying she would divorce you.

May the Lord lead you on your journey.
 
MJCamp said:
You don’t have to become Catholic immediately after going through RCIA. Maybe invite her to go to class with you and actually learn about the Church and what she actually teaches instead of forming opinions over heresay. You will not regret attending RCIA at least to learn and become more knowledgeable of Christianity
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I might add, that you will become Catholic as your journey reveals the truth, and so will your wife if she opens her heart and decides to at least support you and attends the classes
 
It’s a shame that people talk about the Catholic faith yet they know nothing about it, except what they hear. I was raised Protestant and my family was very upset over my conversion. I was taught by a very conservitive priest who was also a convert, and knew in my heart that Catholism was the way to Christ for me. My yougest sister and I got in some very heated arguments over this. I finally told her that we both need to examine our faith, because I don’t believe that Jesus wants us to argue over which denomonation we serve Him under. That being said, You need to follow Your heart in which path leads to salvation. Because in the end, it’s all that matters. My prayer are with you.
 
I am so sorry that you are having such difficulty with your wife.

If you feel that you are called by God to become Catholic then I believe that is what you should do.

Your wife misunderstands Catholicism. In order for you to preserve your marriage and your calling could you provide your wife with some websites and books that could explain Catholic faith to her so that she would be less hostile? Maybe she would be willing to attend a couple classes with you? Maybe she would be willing to speak with your priest and ask any questions she has and clear up misconceptions?

On a side note, the Church’s teachings on marriage may be a very big problem for you. Marriage is a Sacrament. Unbreakable. A Catholic who is divorced and remarried or who is married to a person who has been divorced is living in a state of mortal sin (adultery). They cannot receive the Sacraments until this is rectified.

Because your wife has been married twice before your marriage will not be recognized by the Church unless she were to apply for and receive Decree’s of Nullity for each previous marriage. A Decree of Nullity is issued after a tribunal investigates the marriage to determine if it was a Sacrament or not. If the marriage was a Sacramental marriage according to Church teachings, it is valid until one spouse dies. If the Church determined there was no Sacramental marriage, a Decree of Nullity is issued. This process usually takes about a year. I’d talk with your priest about this situation as soon as possible. Call your parish office and schedule an appointment.

Afterward, she would have to agree to marry you according to Catholic form or you would have to apply for Radical Sanation to have your marriage recognized.

I am going through an annulment as we speak. I was married and divorced. I remarried a wonderful man who was raised Catholic but had fallen away. When he decided to return to the Church I decided to also attend Mass. My first Mass was such a moving experience I decided to convert to Catholicism. I am currently in RCIA and awaiting a Decree of Nullity so that I can receive the Sacraments and have my current marriage convalidated. The waiting is hard. I long for the Sacraments. But I know that when the waiting is over it will be that much sweeter.

Here are some link that may help regarding marriage and annulment.
americancatholic.org/newsletters/cu/ac1002.asp

catholicism.about.com/od/beliefsteachings/p/Sac_Marriage.htm

aboutcatholics.com/beliefs/divorce-annulments-and-remarriage/
 
First of all, congratulations on your decision to come home! Secondly, to address the concerns that your wife has raised:
  1. While it is true, sadly, that there have been some priests who have committed pedophilia, this is not true of the vast majority of priests. In my life, I have met a number of priests, and never once have I met a priest who has been (to my knowledge) engaged in this practice. Statistically, young people are more likely to be molested by a teacher or a coach than by a member of the clergy.
  2. As far as the money thing goes, the Catholic Church does not “demand” that people give money. One of the chief precepts (commands) of the Church is to contribute to the material support of our pastors. However, that does not mean that the Church is trying to “milk” people for money. The thing to remember is that diocesan priests, or those under the command of the local bishop, receive their salary from the money provided by their parishioners. That said, no one is required to give more than they can afford. You should never be looked down on for not putting anything in the basket during offertory, particularly because it is becoming more common now for people to subscribe to “planned giving” programs, where they authorize the parish to debit a specific monetary amount from their bank account each month, rather than putting an envelope in the basket during offertory.
  3. In terms of kissing a person’s ring, she may be referring to the Pope and the local bishops. It is customary to demonstrate respect for these holy offices by kneeling and kissing the ring. However, the thing to remember is that you are demonstrating respect for the holy office, not just the man himself. You are demonstrating respect for the man who has been appointed by God to be a shepherd of the Church. As an example, let’s say that you have a supervisor who is always in a foul mood and verbally abuses people, including you, all the time. You’ve petitioned the higher-ups for months, as has everyone else working there, and nothing has been done. Does that give you the right to disrespect your supervisor and not listen to what he asks you to do, simply because of his bad behaviour? No, rather, you listen to what he has to say, respectfully assert your opinion if you disagree, and demonstrate respect for his office.
You might indicate to your wife that you are not going to require her to become Catholic as well. In addition, you might ask her (once she’s calmed down) about what her specific concerns are and address those. You might also suggest that she come with you to meet the parish priest, as he may also be able to address some of her specific concerns.

I will keep you and your wife in my prayers.
 
I think you should explain that RCIA is for people who are wanting to learn more about the Church. Offer for her to attend with you. I’m not saying that this will make her want to join the Church, but it might make her more comfortable with your decision. Either way, I think you should consider marraige counseling because it is abusive for her to threaten divorce everytime she doesn’t get her way. Do you have children? Please do not allow your children to hear her say that. It is abusive to them as well.
 
Honestly, you would have a few barriers to becoming Catholic anyway. You stated that you were your wife’s 3rd husband, correct? Catholics must be married in the Church - but with regards to non-Catholics, the Church contends that their non-Church marriages are valid (as long as they are not homosexual or incestuous). As such, your wife would need to apply for an annulment from her 1st marriage in order for you to enter the Church, as the Church would consider you to be living with her outside of marriage. Yes, the Catholic church contends the “marriage is until death” principle applies to all, even non-Catholics.

However, Jesus is calling you to the Church - He calls everybody that is willing to hear His voice to His Church. But - and this is a big but - if I were you, I would start by praying with your wife (if she doesn’t want to pray with you to begin with, start by praying for her and your marriage, and for her to be open to believe).

When you and she are ready, read the Bible together - get a Catholic version, and also read about the early Church together. Read from the Church Fathers together. Remember, the Catholic Church is 2000 years old, while no Protestant sect is older than 500 years old, and many are much younger than that. Before the Protestant Reformation, the words Catholic and Christian were used interchangeably in Western Europe (and, before the Great Schism of the 11th century, in the entire world). After reading from Paul, Clement, and others, ask her if she believes the same thing that they did. Then read from Christian writings from the Middle Ages, and finally some of the writings of Popes John Paul II and Benedict XVI along with some of Francis’s homilies. But always pray together to the Holy Spirit first that you will be able to listen to what is said, understand it, and take it to heart.

And do this with love. Remember, she grew up in a virulently anti-Catholic home and culture (yes, our culture is virulently anti-Catholic, though it tries to be pretty covert with its virulent anti-Catholicism). It may take her years to agree with you, but until she does, you need to be loving and faithful. But the wait will be worth it, because it would be better if both of you convert together. Until then, serve Jesus and His people in the best way that you can.
 
MJCamp said:
You don’t have to become Catholic immediately after going through RCIA. Maybe invite her to go to class with you and actually learn about the Church and what she actually teaches instead of forming opinions over heresay. You will not regret attending RCIA at least to learn and become more knowledgeable of Christianity
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She told me on our walk today that she would never set foot in a Catholic Church, because she thinks they’re evil. Maybe she’ll get curious. Until then, I’m gonna go and just do it.
 
Dorothy said:
When a person has been brought up believing the Catholic Church is evil, some re-education is necessary.

In the Catholic Church we have saints and sinners. The sinners do not eclipse the truth that the Church teaches.
Pray and continue to learn, make an appointment with a priest to talk with.

This is one circumstance of what our Lord Jesus Christ was talking about when he said that he had not come to bring peace, but a sword.

Jesus comes first before our spouse.

Hopefully you can have some fruitful conversations with your wife. She should not hold you hostage by the important decision you are making by saying she would divorce you.

May the Lord lead you on your journey.
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Thank you. You carry my wife’s first name. 😃
 
Invite her to attend RCIA (a good RCIA) that way she can learn more about Catholicism and not live with misconceptions from people who are probably not Catholic.

Oh yeah former baptist preacher Michael Cumbie now Catholic also in seminary could help out if you get some of his videos from his website The Micah Project ( Google it) and you can find some DVD’s he made over the years.

He can probably help because he grew up fundamentalist and never thought he’d become Catholic and he is funny and joyful.👍
 
Once your hand is turned to the plough there is no turning back, those that do aren’t fit for the Kingdom of God !
 
That is so different from Protestant fundamentalism. They never make an issue about divorce that I remember. It’s easy-cheesy say a prayer and you’re in. The again, I don’t remember them getting divorced at the first time there’s trouble either. The couples I knew had been married for years, and were loving.
 
CRC72 said:
That is so different from Protestant fundamentalism. They never make an issue about divorce that I remember. It’s easy-cheesy say a prayer and you’re in. The again, I don’t remember them getting divorced at the first time there’s trouble either. The couples I knew had been married for years, and were loving.
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Right. But the Catholic teachings on marriage come straight from Jesus Himself and St. Paul.

Jesus: “Any man who divorces his wife and marries another (unless the marriage is unlawful)* commits adultery (and any woman who divorces her husband and marries another commits adultery)**”

*Found in the Gospel of Matthew only
**Found in the Gospel of Luke only

St. Paul: “If you are married to a nonbeliever, and the nonbeliever leaves, be at peace.”

Jesus clearly states that marriage is not only a sacrament, but for life. The “Annulment” process is to determine whether a marriage actually was a marriage - in other words, if it met all the qualifications (not done in pretense, both intended it to be lifelong, both understood the commitment, freely entered, no mitigating circumstances, etc. (for example, the Church believes that a pre-nup nullifies a marriage)) or not.

St. Paul’s rule, the “Pauline Priviledge” is still used, but was used more in the past, as spouses were not often freely chosen, and Christians were in the minority.
 
In your shoes, I wouldn’t yet get into an RCIA program.

I’d try to find non-threatening, mellow ways of getting information to her. . . perhaps there’s a History Channel movie about the church or Vatican or church art, etc. I’d also see if we had a friend in common who is Catholic and invite him over and bring up the subject a bit.

It really sounds like she’s been fed a lot of malarky about the church. (I’ve kind of suspected some non-denominational Protestant ministers to do this, just to keep up the divide).

At any rate, take baby steps. I wouldn’t write her off by any means. But remember, it’s so easy for your average non-Catholic citizens to see the funny garb, the bells and whistles, and freak out. To some extent, this depends where you live. I’m in a pretty Catholic area, so people in passing conversation might make a Catholic reference.
 
I went to RCIA for the first time last night. She was not happy.

When I got home, she started being snarky, and asked me if I brought home any literature. She said she doesn’t want any Catholic literature in “her home”.

Shortly after that she went on a long tirade telling me that if I pursue this, then she was going to kick me out of the house and divorce me. Being a house husband who has been unsuccessfully looking for work, I would then become homeless. She said that if I was so adamant on pursuing this, then I could go to the church and tell them about my predicament after she kicks me out of the house and then see if they will help me.

She uses these types of threats regularly every time she gets angry.

Unfortunately, she has an extreme amount of leverage on me, and I have decided that I will not pursue this any further. She’s already guilt tripping me enough for NOT having a job. I don’t need any more strife in the home right now with no place to go if she initiates divorce.

One more thing: in the past she has consulted with psychics, and in fact put a curse one of her former bosses. This boss ended up getting fired months later. I have no idea if she has an entity following her around and advising her or not. Just a thought.

I have also investigating things like Witchcraft and Satanism in the past when I was an atheist. I’m not sure if this has anything to do with my situation, either.

She has a pretty good sense of intuition. She knew I was talking to you guys without saying anything about it. She was also questioning me one time why I wanted to attend both a catholic church and a protestant church with her. She thought that was strange. She questioned me on that after I typed that out in this thread. I have no idea if this is a coincidence or something else.
 
Jesus said, “Anyone who loves father, mother, husband, wife, son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.”

So, don’t let her or her threats stop you from joining the Body of Christ.
 
Don’t stop praying, and it would be good if you would get some counsel from a priest.

It is problematic that she has gone to psychics in the past, but remember, that nothing is impossible with the Lord.

Priest may advise you to renounce your former interest in such things as well.

May the Lord and his Blessed Mother be with you!
 
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