Too busy to date?

[BadTurkey]

Is it possible to be too busy to date? I didn’t use to believe that, but now I’m starting to. I’m already super busy now, and will be even busier the next couple of years. Sure, I will have some free time, but probably not enough to maintain a healthy relationship. And I guess Catholics aren’t supposed to date for the sake of dating, so what exactly does that leave me with? I would like to settle down and get married, but that just seems really hard for the next couple of years. And really, what girl would want to be with a guy - even though he’s good-looking, successful, and devout (shameless self-plug) - when he doesn’t have any time for her, can’t be there for her, and breaks promises to her? I guess I just feel a little frustrated. OK, I’m done venting. Thanks for listening.

Peace.

 

[takers]

Yes, I think someone can be too busy to date but like everything else it’s where and how you set your priorities. I don’t know how old you are which may be important to this conversation but if you’re wanting to get married in a few years then I wouldn’t push back on dating for too long. Relationships don’t develop overnight as it takes time to learn about people and to see if you and they are compatible or not. If you’re in a relationship for a while and then it doesn’t work out it takes time to be able to move on to where you’re ready to date again. This isn’t to say that you need to be on the prowl every night, but making a determination that you’re going to be too busy to date for the next few years seems a little self-fulfilling prophecy.

In both my relationships and my friends I’ve seen people go from being super busy to finding the necessary time to cultivate a relationship. The more important someone is the more likely you’ll sacrafice and work at being with them. As an example, when I first met my DH I knew that I liked him (work ethic, family ethic, cute, etc) but it took another year for us to get to the point where we started dating. Then it took another 18 months before we became engaged. So almost 3 years from our first time meeting to the point where we said yes to marriage. Even if you found someone tomorrow it may be years before you get to the marriage point.

My advice, keep yourself available for dating but don’t go out of your way to date if you feel you’re really busy. As time goes by reassess and see if you still feel the same.

 

[BadTurkey]

I know what you mean. But there have already been several cases where my career and busy schedule have gotten in the way of my dating life. In terms of priorities, it’s really hard to put off something that could have an impact on my career for a stranger that I’m going to have coffee with for the first time. I think what I’m going to have to do is be friends with her first, and if anything develops, then I can invest more time and energy into it, which is probably the way it should be, anyway. So I guess I’ll need to meet a few more Catholic female friends after my move, eh?

 

[horselvr]

Bad Turkey:

You sound just like my kid. He works at a radio station and is also finishing up his degree. He complains every now and then that he doesn’t have a girlfriend but then always ends the conversation with, “but I don’t have time for that right now”.

And he really doesn’t. He blows in from works, slams a sandwich down, and blows out of here for school and doesn’t get home until 9:00pm. He has to get up at 5 the next morning to fire up the station so that doesn’t leave a lot of time in between for romance.

By the way, there are plenty of girls out ther complaining about the same thing. They too have to travel for work and getting their careers going you’ll probably bump into one of them on an airplane----having coffee.

 

[Jay82]

Is it possible to be too busy to date? I didn’t use to believe that, but now I’m starting to. I’m already super busy now, and will be even busier the next couple of years. Sure, I will have some free time, but probably not enough to maintain a healthy relationship.

I think this is possible. Right out of college I began a good job that required me to travel for work on a regular basis. There was absolutely no way I would be able to start a relationship under those circumstances. That lasted for almost three years and I went on maybe one date during that time span because I was so busy with work, travel, family stuff, volunteer work, and trying to make time to maintain friendships. Besides that, there was very little free time at all.

For the last few years I haven’t traveled for work, but still travel quite often for leisure/recreation activities, but nothing that would impact dating. I still have a ridiculously busy schedule and in addition to a demanding job, I usually have about 1-2 free nights per month. I do however get to meet a lot of women through the activities I am involved in and if I find someone I really like, I will prioritize things a bit differently so I could see her more. Never the less, it is really tough and requires a lot of ‘balancing’ to be able to do it all.

In my mind, I’ve been ready for a serious relationship/marriage for quite a while now, but unfortunately I haven’t met the right girl. Despite that, in the meantime I’ve had some amazing experiences and wouldn’t trade any of it for the world.

 

[Bataar]

I’m not too busy to date, but I’m too busy to meet people. At my current job, I work swing/second shift so it makes doing any kind of activity/class/etc during the week impossible. My weekends are usually free, but I just don’t even know anyone I’d want to ask out.

 

[Miserys_Fence]

Dating would cut into my Internet time!!

I actually, I don’t date because…I don’t like people.

Miz

 

[mh2007]

There will be times in life when it seems that work trumps everything.
Each one of us needs to develop some ‘introspection’ on this subject.
Obtaining, and living a balanced life is wonderful. To everything,
turn turn turn,
there is a season…and a time for every purpose under heaven.

 

[Bataar]

Dating would cut into my Internet time!!

I actually, I don’t date because…I don’t like people.

Miz

Hehe. Sometimes I feel that way. In the end, I’ve decided that I like knowing people and having friends, but I hate the process of meeting people. Yeah, I know it’s counterproductive, but that’s just the way I am.