Too close for comfort?

[on_the_hill]

A man and woman are walking together. They are coworkers, but are also friendly and enjoy each other’s company, although they have never socialized outside of work. Both are married.

The sidewalks and streets are slippery and slushy. The woman has difficultly with her footing.

Is it appropriate for her to reach out to steady herself on his arm? Is it appropriate for him to offer his arm? Or would that be an “iffy” crossing of a line?

 

[Millie123]

At the risk of her falling and facing a potential injury I don’t see anything wrong with him offering his arm to help help her safely ambulate. His intent is not romantic but to help prevent injury. I’m a nurse I’ve offered my arm many times to help people safely ambulate and I’m married

 

[ClearWater]

At the risk of her falling and facing a potential injury I don’t see anything wrong with him offering his arm to help help her safely ambulate. His intent is not romantic but to help prevent injury. I’m a nurse I’ve offered my arm many times to help people safely ambulate and I’m married

Agreed.

I would, in that case, help someone slipping, married or no.

 

[KendraDZ1902]

If I were falling, I would be grabbing anything to keep me from falling.

I think a proper gentleman should certainly offer his arm to a lady slipping.

 

[Rose71]

Nothing wrong with being a gentleman. It’s sad that there are so many fornicators in the world today with such low expectations of other people’s and their own behaviour, that a kind gesture like this could even be questioned

 

[LongingSoul]

The scenario you gave warrants the solution proposed of course but it is also true that simple prolonged human touch can be powerful when the circumstances are right. I think that if you are a person that is not naturally tactile, simple touch can provoke a heightened sense of awareness and curiousity than for someone familiar with touching others as part of normal communication.

 

[Tarpeian_Rock]

Actually I would think it would be sinful to let her fall. Slushy streets do not make for a romantic environment.

 

[odhiambo]

The scenario you gave warrants the solution proposed of course but it is also true that simple prolonged human touch can be powerful when the circumstances are right. I think that if you are a person that is not naturally tactile, simple touch can provoke a heightened sense of awareness and curiousity than for someone familiar with touching others as part of normal communication.

Agreed!
Nothing wrong with a helping hand under the circumstance outlined. The friendship is however fraught with spiritual danger. We are all physical beings and certain feelings are at a level beyond our control. Best to avoid being alone with such a person, more so if one is married.
I once read of a male who avoided looking at women directly. The only females he looked at in the eye were his close family members. That is going too far you might say; to him though, he was just making sure…

 

[Barish]

What is his intent in touching her? That decides whether it is wrong. If it is finding an objective excuse to do something you (wrongly) want to do, it is wrong.

If it unexpectedly turns into something wrong, run screaming away. Then stay away because now you know.

 

[on_the_hill]

I think that if you are a person that is not naturally tactile, simple touch can provoke a heightened sense of awareness and curiousity than for someone familiar with touching others as part of normal communication.

Ah. Yes. This is pretty much me. I’m not a touching person, and I do feel a very heightened sense of awareness when someone touches me, whether it would be a female coworker leaning on my arm or one of the guys slapping me on the back. And for unknown reasons, people rarely touch me (aside from my wife and kids).

Blame it on some social & personal anxieties, but the fact is although I want to be a more tactile person vis-a-vis interpersonal communications, I’ve always felt too restrained to do it. (I was in my 20s before I felt comfortable initiating a hug with my own mother )

And this is why I fret over these questions. For a tactile person, it probably means nothing. For others of us, it carries too much uncertainty.

 

[Luvz2travel]

An occasional arm offer to help steady her is not a problem but if they are continually holding hands or do it for an extended period of time consistantly it could be miscontrued.

 

[Hobbes42]

Wait a moment, did I switch accidentally to an Islamic forum? Still CAF, just checking.

Helping someone to avoid falling isn’t exactly something which can be construed as a romantic gesture… I don’t see anything wrong with it, unless you’re a Muslim or Puritan.

 

[MSGirl]

Wait a moment, did I switch accidentally to an Islamic forum? Still CAF, just checking.

Helping someone to avoid falling isn’t exactly something which can be construed as a romantic gesture… I don’t see anything wrong with it, unless you’re a Muslim or Puritan.

I can’t believe that someone would even question this. Letting someone fall would be totally rude and not very Christ like!!

 

[on_the_hill]

I can’t believe that someone would even question this. Letting someone fall would be totally rude and not very Christ like!!

Well…there was no actual falling involved. It was a possibility, but didn’t occur.

Had she actually started to go down I would’ve grabbed her arm.

 

[Lorelei12]

My husband is a gentleman, and I love him for it. I am sure that he would not let a female coworker slide around on the ice without helping her- and of course this is no problem for me. I don’t think it crosses any lines. And I think he would hope that if I was having trouble, someone would help me too, male or female. It’s not the same thing as just strolling down the street arm in arm.

 

[KCT]

Think of it this way-- if a man sees a woman stumbling, should he help her?

 

[LongingSoul]

Ah. Yes. This is pretty much me. I’m not a touching person, and I do feel a very heightened sense of awareness when someone touches me, whether it would be a female coworker leaning on my arm or one of the guys slapping me on the back. And for unknown reasons, people rarely touch me (aside from my wife and kids).

Blame it on some social & personal anxieties, but the fact is although I want to be a more tactile person vis-a-vis interpersonal communications, I’ve always felt too restrained to do it. (I was in my 20s before I felt comfortable initiating a hug with my own mother )

And this is why I fret over these questions. For a tactile person, it probably means nothing. For others of us, it carries too much uncertainty.

I am pretty much the same. My sphere of personal space seems to be wider than most peoples is. When someone touches me I get a jolt of electricity through my body and feel on high alert until they let go. I marvel at people like nurses and massage therapists who spend all day touching others for a living.

 

[EasterJoy]

Well…there was no actual falling involved. It was a possibility, but didn’t occur.

Had she actually started to go down I would’ve grabbed her arm.

There is nothing wrong with steadying her before you know you have to. It wouldn’t matter if she were a prostitute, and had let her designs on you be clearly known. Good grief, I hope you’d do it for a male co-worker! The only red flag in this situation is that you felt it was a red flag.

If this situation is causing a red flag to go up in you, do yourself a favor and listen to it. Spend less time with her until you know where this scruple is coming from. Sometimes, when you’re wary about offering even a remotely intimate gesture, there is a reason for that. I don’t know what it is, it could be all sorts of things, from the tempting to the innocent to the scrupulous, but I think you probably ought to do some realistic thinking about it.

 

[EasterJoy]

Ah. Yes. This is pretty much me. I’m not a touching person, and I do feel a very heightened sense of awareness when someone touches me, whether it would be a female coworker leaning on my arm or one of the guys slapping me on the back. And for unknown reasons, people rarely touch me (aside from my wife and kids).

Blame it on some social & personal anxieties, but the fact is although I want to be a more tactile person vis-a-vis interpersonal communications, I’ve always felt too restrained to do it. (I was in my 20s before I felt comfortable initiating a hug with my own mother )

And this is why I fret over these questions. For a tactile person, it probably means nothing. For others of us, it carries too much uncertainty.

Ah…you are not a touchy person, and you’re not sure that this is OK. That makes sense.

It is OK to not be a touchy person. You don’t have to blame it on anything; there is just a continuum of comfort among people. We are in a “touchy” cultural time, so people who aren’t “touchy” can feel as if they are odd, but the evidence that there is touch that you are comfortable with would make that seem unlikely. (And even those who can’t take any kind of touching aren’t “odd.” They just need to know themselves and why this is.)

You’re not touchy, this was outside of your comfort zone. Fine. Don’t let her fall. Don’t let anybody fall. Don’t punish yourself for not being in a big hurry to jump in and catch them, though. That is just as OK as not being a guy who would rather work out his problems by finding a friend to play a game of basketball with than a guy who wants to talk things over. It is just a way of being, nothing to worry about too much. Get out of that comfort zone when someone else’s need calls for it. Otherwise, your comfort zone is just fine.

 

[Crown_of_Stars]

I am pretty much the same. My sphere of personal space seems to be wider than most peoples is. When someone touches me I get a jolt of electricity through my body and feel on high alert until they let go. I marvel at people like nurses and massage therapists who spend all day touching others for a living.

I’m not a “touchy” person either. But I certainly see nothing wrong with catching someone, or trying to, to keep them from falling. I would want someone to try to catch me if I were slipping! These days, however, teachers can no longer hug their students, yet they allow those airport X-ray machines and pat-downs. It may be for security, as they claim, but you have to wonder. I don’t feel it’s necessary to be that invasive. Thankfully, I haven’t had to go through any of that. I wouldn’t really like it at all, to be honest.