Too embarrassed

[acadian]

What if I have loads of mortal sins? Should I write them all down? I’m talking years and years of missing Mass, cursing, gossiping, disrespecting my husband, ignoring my duties, questioning the existence of God, attending invalid marriages, occasionally drinking too much… Birth control, self pleasure. I’m going to be in there forever!

The suggestion to make an appointments a good one,. But I was once in your shoes, and I know I would have sooner died (well not literally) than make an appointment. Though I DID go to a priest I knew. (he did not even bat an eye)

Take the list you have written above. If you can be more specific than “years and years” try to do so. And then read what you have written. You need not take forever, unless the priest wants to give you counsel or you are asking for counsel.

Go! I will offer a prayer to that end!

 

[Deo_Gratias42]

Just call it impurity. He is not interested in the details and only wants to know that you are sorry and will strive to not do it again. Agree he’s heard this one thousands of times, from every age that you can imagine.

This won’t suffice, as one must specify the lowest species of the sin. Impurity can be anything from self abuse to fornication, to impure thoughts, to adultery, to child molestation to practically anything. If the person says “impurity” the priest is going to have to ask “with yourself or others?” One might as well just say, “I committed an impure act with myself X number of times” and be done with it and move on to the next sin. Further, if you willfully try to hide a mortal sin in confession it invalidates your confession, and adds the sin of sacrilege to it, plus you have to re-confess all your other sins again. It’s really easiest to just spit it out.

 

[PatsWife922]

Thank you. I need to find a parish where confession is anonymous or at least can be. Last time I went (years ago) there was no option like in the movies where you could be behind a screen or drape. You walked in and the priest was just sitting there. It would definitely be better not to have to say these things face to face.

What if I have loads of mortal sins? Should I write them all down? I’m talking years and years of missing Mass, cursing, gossiping, disrespecting my husband, ignoring my duties, questioning the existence of God, attending invalid marriages, occasionally drinking too much… Birth control, self pleasure. I’m going to be in there forever!

May God abundently bless you in your return to confession. It is a true grace to have the contrition and the will to return to this sacrament.

When I came back to the church - I confessed seven years worth. And those included my college years - there was a lot and it wasn’t pretty. To get rid of the weight of that sin is worth it.

 

[Dies_Irae_1]

Thank you. I need to find a parish where confession is anonymous or at least can be. Last time I went (years ago) there was no option like in the movies where you could be behind a screen or drape. You walked in and the priest was just sitting there. It would definitely be better not to have to say these things face to face.

What if I have loads of mortal sins? Should I write them all down? I’m talking years and years of missing Mass, cursing, gossiping, disrespecting my husband, ignoring my duties, questioning the existence of God, attending invalid marriages, occasionally drinking too much… Birth control, self pleasure. I’m going to be in there forever!

It really won’t take that long in the confessional. All you have to say is (I am going by the sins you listed) :
I missed mass on Sunday and Holy Day of Obligation x times a month (or all the time) for x years
I cursed/used foul language every day/x times per week, for x years
I drank too much alcool x times a week/month for x years.
etc.

It’s really not complicated. I was away from confession for 20 years and it didn’t take that long, maybe 20 minutes.

 

[Deo_Gratias42]

It really won’t take that long in the confessional. All you have to say is (I am going by the sins you listed) :
I missed mass on Sunday and Holy Day of Obligation x times a month (or all the time) for x years
I cursed/used foul language every day/x times per week, for x years
I drank too much alcool x times a week/month for x years.
etc.

It’s really not complicated. I was away from confession for 20 years and it didn’t take that long, maybe 20 minutes.

My confession from 10 years took only 15 minutes, and the priest took up most of the time addressing every.single.sin I committed.

 

[Burdensome1]

My suggestion is to call a couple of parishes and just ask if they have the option of confessing behind a screen. Most do. Find out the times.

Make up your mind that you are going to do it. Make your list. Print out the “how to go to confession” script from brokenhalo or another website.

Go to the Church at the time. Get in line. If you want, let others go in front of you and be last.

Go in, kneel down behind the screen. Say very clearly “Father, I am extremely nervous. I have not done this in a long time and I will need your help.”

When you get to the sin that you can’t seem to say out loud, say “Father, I cannot say this out loud. It has kept me away from confession for a long time. It is a sexual sin that does not require a partner. I have done it numerous times, too many to recollect” (if that is an accurate assessment of your situation).

In all likelihood, the priest has heard this hundreds of times and will guide you along.

Good luck.

 

[poche]

You have to tell the truth. May the embarassment of having to say that keep you from doing this again.

 

[isidora99]

I’d rather die than tell some priest that I’ve pleased myself. This is keeping me from confession. The thought of sharing something so intimate and private makes me sick. Can I just call it “impurity” and leave it at that?? I do not see how being specific with an elderly man about such acts is helpful.

You say you would “rather die”, but would you rather go to hell than spend a few moments feeling embarrassed in the confessional? Look at it this way, if you die with unconfessed mortal sins you might end up in hell. Also consider that at the Final Judgement the sins of those in hell will be revealed for ALL to see. So your choice is either tell these sins to ONE person, a priest who is there to help you and forgive you (and will never again speak of anything you told him), or to have your sins revealed to all of humanity at the General Judgement. Seems like a pretty easy choice. Go to another parish and a priest you’ve never met before if that makes it easier, but don’t delay any longer!

 

[Elizium23]

You have a right to a proper confession behind a fixed grille. This is enshrined in Canon Law. Any parish that does not provide confessionals with a grille is violating your rights, and you should be very suspicious about the other activities in that parish as well. It is important that the faithful know our rights and stand up for them. It is our right and duty to identify and correct liturgical abuses as they occur. The lack of proper confessionals is a travesty and a serious abuse. I will pray for you and hope that you can find a good parish that respects your rights and upholds their obligations.

 

[jmcrae]

Thank you. I need to find a parish where confession is anonymous or at least can be. Last time I went (years ago) there was no option like in the movies where you could be behind a screen or drape. You walked in and the priest was just sitting there. It would definitely be better not to have to say these things face to face.

What if I have loads of mortal sins? Should I write them all down? I’m talking years and years of missing Mass, cursing, gossiping, disrespecting my husband, ignoring my duties, questioning the existence of God, attending invalid marriages, occasionally drinking too much… Birth control, self pleasure. I’m going to be in there forever!

I am praying for you to be able to make a good Confession in the near future.

You can go to a priest who doesn’t know you.

 

[klm120861]

Personally, I would recommend finding a priest you trust. I can understand being too embarrassed to confess, but if you made an appointment in his office, it might be easier. Also, it would give you time to relax, to have him guide you through it. I have made confessions in the office and in the confessional. To me, it’s a lot easier in the office. I find the confessional…threatening, I guess. My mind goes blank and I want to be anywhere else. And it’s the same priest, so location shouldn’t matter, but there you are. Also, if it makes you more comfortable, you can find a blind, deaf priest who doesn’t know you. That works, too.

Believe me, there is absolutely nothing you can’t confess. Trust God to help you. He’s just waiting to erase you sins and pour his mercy into your life. You just have to give him permission to do it. You have to confess it. (Also, I do hope you aren’t receiving the Eucharist with this unconfessed sin in your life. That adds the sin of sacrilege to everything else.)

I am praying for you for courage, dear one.
Kris

 

[JuantheTuba]

You just told us:shrug:

 

[GangGreen]

Just say “I’ve masturbated x times” or if you used pornography “I’ve masturbated to pornography x times.” Honestly the priest has heard it from hundreds (if not thousands) of people throughout his life as a priest and odds are even confessed it himself at some point. Priests have really heard just about anything you can throw at them: fornication, masturbation, adultery, drunkenness, theft, piracy, jealousy, anger, selfishness, hatred, violence, you could go on and on.

The key is trying to work to stop it. If you do it often or even somewhat regularly it’s not easy to quit. Confessing the sin over and over many times is the best way to give yourself a clean slate and try to stop. If you don’t confess your sins it often turns into a snowball effect. You figure you’re already in a state of mortal sin so what’s one or two more times? Confess as soon as possible and work on stopping. It may take months or years, but we must constantly work to remove these vices from our lives.

Once you’re done give thanks to God. Just think of how wonderful a God that allows you such an easy (even though it’s nerve-racking) way to wipe away all of your sins and start all over.

 

[Lapey]

Thank you. I need to find a parish where confession is anonymous or at least can be. Last time I went (years ago) there was no option like in the movies where you could be behind a screen or drape. You walked in and the priest was just sitting there. It would definitely be better not to have to say these things face to face.

What if I have loads of mortal sins? Should I write them all down? I’m talking years and years of missing Mass, cursing, gossiping, disrespecting my husband, ignoring my duties, questioning the existence of God, attending invalid marriages, occasionally drinking too much… Birth control, self pleasure. I’m going to be in there forever!

Sounds like me about 12 years ago, except I had a wife to disrespect rather than husband. I also used to fear going face to face, but now it is easier that way and with a priest I know. It gets easier each time you go, go often go regular, go anytime there is an opportunity and go with a humble and contrite heart God will do the rest!

As a post script, and this may sound harsh but it is absolutely true, you have to go and confess these sins, because if you do not you will surely die; in the worst way. As God told Adam and Eve;

“The woman answered the snake: “We may eat of the fruit of the trees in the garden; it is only about the fruit of the tree in the middle of the garden that God said, ‘You shall not eat it or even touch it, or else you will die.’”

We will all die physically, but only the non-repentant will die spiritually.

 

[peterorigenes]

I’d rather die than tell some priest that I’ve pleased myself. This is keeping me from confession. The thought of sharing something so intimate and private makes me sick. Can I just call it “impurity” and leave it at that?? I do not see how being specific with an elderly man about such acts is helpful.

During my long life I have often tried telling the priest in detail but that did not work very well. One priest said: just say impure thoughts, don’t specify.

As you say, being specific does not help anyone. To think so is rather a psychology trend from the 50s and 60s. Rather, use Francis de Sale. Natural life and natural man is full of passions and impure impulses to the last day on earth. Perfection and beauty is in the combat, and then you have to see them arise in order to combat them, not try to stamp them out.

Peter