Dear friend,
I see that you’re struggling with the virtue of hope, from some of your posts, I am as well. Will pray for you. It’s not too late, to answer your question. Think of
St Augustine, St Mary Magdalene, St Margaret of Cortona, St Ignatius of Loyola (who had a criminal record before his conversion), Bl Charles de Foucald, all of them were great sinners before their conversion, but they all became extremely holy saints. You may have scrupulosity, I’m not sure, try to consult with a trustworthy priest at a local Catholic Church.
All the best,
Andrew