Too Modest to Tell Father

[MomandWife]

Hello,

If I have a sin that I am too modest to tell Father in the confessional, will I not be forgiven? Specifically I am asking about the sin of personal gratification…

I am extremely shy, extremely modest, and never speak of these things to others. I feel like I would fall over dead if I told father about the “m word.” I could never even tell my husband, but less another man. I would really rather die. I want to be forgiven because I am sorry, but I honestly do not think I could make the words come out of my mouth to tell a man about personal gratification.

Do I have to tell him, or can I just say something like, “And other sins that I may not have mentioned?” This is just too embarrassing and too personal to talk about. I think I might rather spend eternity in Hell than tell Father that I’ve gratified myself.

 

[Miriam1947]

Go to a priest in another parish. That might make it a bit easier on you. You can also go behind the screen.

 

[Leon_Bloy]

You have to tell him - just grit your teeth and spit it out. He has heard it all, I assure you.

You can also use other euphemisms to explain it, but you have to make sure he knows what you mean. There are lots of expressions. The state of your soul is an important thing, isn’t it?

 

[japhy]

If I have a sin that I am too modest to tell Father in the confessional, will I not be forgiven? Specifically I am asking about the sin of personal gratification…

You’re not too modest to commit the sin, nor are you too modest to tell the internet you’ve committed the sin, using the expression “personal gratification”. If necessary, use that expression in the confessional.

This is just too embarrassing and too personal to talk about. I think I might rather spend eternity in Hell than tell Father that I’ve gratified myself.

I think you are over-reacting. This is what Satan wants: he wants you to have enough (false) courage to commit the sin and not enough (real) courage to confess the sin; he wants you to prefer death to honesty.

 

[marty1818]

To intentionally withhold a mortal sin in confession is a mortal sin and you are not forgiven. Unfortunately, masturbation is a common sin so you should not worry or be embarrassed about confessing it because the priest has heard it many times before. If you are worried about anonymity, go behind the screen. If you have particular difficulty with the word “masturbation”, you can always confess “impurity with self”, which is the same thing.

 

[Miriam1947]

Or you can go to another parish with a priest who is not your usual priest.

This way you confess, are forgiven, and can breathe.

 

[anp1215]

Go to a priest you don’t know, go behind the screen, and think to yourself that the priest has heard this exact same sin (from women as well as men) hundreds, if not thousands of times. He won’t think anything of it. He has no idea who you are. You don’t need to go into detail. Just say “self gratification 3 times” or whatever.

Get right with God and you will feel a thousand pounds lighter when you come out of the confessional.

 

[Robertanthony]

Hello,

If I have a sin that I am too modest to tell Father in the confessional, will I not be forgiven? Specifically I am asking about the sin of personal gratification…

I am extremely shy, extremely modest, and never speak of these things to others. I feel like I would fall over dead if I told father about the “m word.” I could never even tell my husband, but less another man. I would really rather die. I want to be forgiven because I am sorry, but I honestly do not think I could make the words come out of my mouth to tell a man about personal gratification.

Do I have to tell him, or can I just say something like, “And other sins that I may not have mentioned?” This is just too embarrassing and too personal to talk about. I think I might rather spend eternity in Hell than tell Father that I’ve gratified myself.

Hi MomandWife, welcome to CAF! I like your euphemism, I think it’s very creative, I would just complete it with “sexual” or perhaps “impure” to make sure the Confessor knows what you’re referring to without having to use the m word. I know you can! It’ll take a second to say and you’ll be relieved and at peace for a long time.

 

[ChibiViolet]

You could write down the sin on a piece of paper and hand it to the priest.

 

[jreilly]

I agree, if you can’t find it in you to go to your priest, go to another church - but do go, and go soon. The more you wait, the bigger hurdle you are putting up; just go. Best of luck, you can do it!

 

[Corki]

Go to a priest in another parish. That might make it a bit easier on you. You can also go behind the screen.

Seconding this. I have been there. Go behind the screen, close your eyes and picture Jesus welcoming you back into his arms. Then just blurt it out, in clinical terms, and be forgiven.

 

[Deo_Gratias42]

Furthermore, you don’t have to say the “m” word. You can confess this sin as “an impure act with yourself.” This is what a number of priests have said to confess it as, and it is what it’s referred to as in a number of examinations of conscience.

 

[TheBriman]

i have similar issues. i work in my church office on the weekends so i see the priests every week. as you can imagine, i cant go to confession with them. whenever i have something i really dont want to say to a priest, any priest, i go to a parish where i know there is a screen between us. Then i just keep reminding myself that in order to be forgiven, i have to tell him. I just keep reminding myself that he cant tell anyone because its against his vows. And finally i say to myself that i owe it to God to confess my sin to prove to Him that i am truly sorry.

 

[MomandWife]

Thank you for the support! Our parishes don’t have a screen option… I need to call around to other parishes within driving distance to see if anonymous confession is offered! The last time I went, I was surprised to be automatically face to face so I could not divulge all.

 

[Corki]

Thank you for the support! Our parishes don’t have a screen option… I need to call around to other parishes within driving distance to see if anonymous confession is offered! The last time I went, I was surprised to be automatically face to face so I could not divulge all.

You might want to call the chancery. The right to an anonymous confession is protected by canon law. While face-to-face can be an option, no one should ever be forced to confess this way.

 

[Deo_Gratias42]

You might want to call the chancery. The right to an anonymous confession is protected by canon law. While face-to-face can be an option, no one should ever be forced to confess this way.

 

[fiona8757]

Thank you for the support! Our parishes don’t have a screen option… I need to call around to other parishes within driving distance to see if anonymous confession is offered! The last time I went, I was surprised to be automatically face to face so I could not divulge all.

When you do find a priest to confess to, be SURE to mention not only this sin you are ashamed of, but to tell him if you concealed it in the confessional at any time, and if you went ahead and received Our Lord aftterwards in Holy Communion. To deliberately conceal a sin in confession is the sin of sacrilege, and to receive Our Lord after concealing a sin in confession is also sacrilege. The pain and humiliation of confessing is actually one of the penances involved in the sacrament of “penance”; however, your parish is SUPPOSED to allow you the option of a screen, and you certainly may go to a different parish, different priest. I have done so a number of times in my life. But remember the more painful the confession, the greater the joy at having confessed it! It truly IS like having a weight lifted from one’s shoulders!

 

[CB_Catholic]

If you can’t find a church with a confessional with a screen, and you are that embarrassed, you could always wear a mantilla that covers your face., or a hat with a veil. No, I am not joking.

 

[LittleHannah]

~The Priest is ‘‘Another Christ’’. Think of Christ beside him. Remember the Priest is there in the place of Christ. If Christ Himself were in a Confessional and the Priest in another your Sins are equally forgiven. Don’t be scared of the Priest even though I now its hard to admit to another human being what you’ve done, but thats how Christ wanted it to be done. God bless you.~

 

[MissBorgia]

it is Satan’s glee to separate us from Jesus in the sacrement of Confession. I think the veil over the face is a good idea.