Too old to have kids?

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Contra_Mundum_1

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I’d love to hear your opinion about the question of women’s age and getting pregnant.

When do you think a woman is too old to have a baby?

I’m turning 36 next month. I have a son who will now turn 2 (also next month) and a baby girl who is 6 months old. My husband and I would like another child but I’m seriously starting to wonder if I will be too old soon. We have just moved abroad and have no family close who could help. We don’t know at this point where we will live in 3-4 years time. I have my hands full with the two little ones and can’t imagine getting pregnant in the next 2-3 years, unless I want to have a nervous breakdown. That would make me 38-39 years old, maybe even 40. I know many women have a baby at that age but I’m not a Hollywood star, or a supermom type that can handle it all.

This makes me really sad because I’d love to have another baby, but time is not on my side. (My assumption here is that I would have no problems conceiving, but of course, I can’t know that). I guess this is what happens when women marry late. C’est la vie, I can’t do anything about it now.

What say you? Are the 40s really the new 30s when it comes to having babies? Should they be?
 
My mom had twins (naturally) at 38. 🤷 She had one more pregnancy after that but it was ectopic. (though I guess when I think about the birthdays, she had really only turned 38 a month before she gave birth).

I was born when my mom was 35. So too old? I think that as long as your body lets you, you are not too old. 😛
 
25 with my first, 33 with my second, 45 (when I became pregnant and when I gave birth) with my third.

Yes, the 1st was easiest, 2nd was almost as easy, and 3rd has been albosultely wonderful! I have not had as much energy, but as an older mom, I also have not been as stressed out as in my younger days.

I agree, as long as your body lets you have a baby, you are not too old:)
 
My mom had me at 39, and trust me she’s no Hollywood star or do it all supermom. But she was a fantastic mom and I loved it that she was a bit older. She had a bit more experience and patience than my friend’s moms. I grew up very poor because she left my alcoholic father when I was an infant, but I wouldn’t change a thing.
 
When you are no longer fertile. That’s God’s natural way of saying you’re too old!
 
My mom was 40 when she had me, my grandmother had my youngest uncle at 48 and that was in the 1940s when nobody was telling her she was too old to get pregnant. She and my grandfather just let nature take its course. I think personally, society is quick to tell us we shouldn’t get pregnant at a later age and we buy into it much too easily. If a woman is healthy and fertile, then nobody should be telling her she can’t and shouldn’t try to get pregnant at any age. As long as she’s prayed and discerned that having a baby at an advanced age is God’s will for her, what business is it for anyone to tell her she shouldn’t?
 
Contra_Mundum said:
I’d love to hear your opinion about the question of women’s age and getting pregnant.

When do you think a woman is too old to have a baby?

I’m turning 36 next month. I have a son who will now turn 2 (also next month) and a baby girl who is 6 months old. My husband and I would like another child but I’m seriously starting to wonder if I will be too old soon. We have just moved abroad and have no family close who could help. We don’t know at this point where we will live in 3-4 years time. I have my hands full with the two little ones and can’t imagine getting pregnant in the next 2-3 years, unless I want to have a nervous breakdown. That would make me 38-39 years old, maybe even 40. I know many women have a baby at that age but I’m not a Hollywood star, or a supermom type that can handle it all.

This makes me really sad because I’d love to have another baby, but time is not on my side. (My assumption here is that I would have no problems conceiving, but of course, I can’t know that). I guess this is what happens when women marry late. C’est la vie, I can’t do anything about it now.

What say you? Are the 40s really the new 30s when it comes to having babies? Should they be?
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We just had our 13th (Maria Therese) 9 weeks ago, Wife is 42, I’m 48 (And not BALD,…yet). 😃
 
I had my youngest when I was 43, and would have been happy to have had more afterwards 🙂

Right now you are very busy with your young ones, but you will be amazed at how fast they grow! Even if you got pregnant pretty soon, they would be almost a year older by the time the baby was born.

I learned this the hard way–my oldest was still 1 when I got pregnant so I fretted about needing a twin stroller for them, but by the time my 2nd was born, she no longer wanted or needed to be in the stroller! She was also very helpful with the baby, bringing me things when I was nursing and the like, and saying to the baby: Don’t worry, your mommy will be back soon when I was out of the room and he started to cry!
 
I don’t think there’s any one age that’s “too old” to be having kids. Every person, every marriage, every family is different.

Pray about it a lot, and give yourself some time. You’ve got a baby and you just moved yourself and your family to a new country; slow down, woman. 🙂 Don’t stress and obsess about it, and have good conversations with your husband about it. Make sure you get good medical advice (from a live professional, not anonymous voices on the Internet) about your body and additional pregnancies.

Don’t try to compare your life, your marriage, and your children with others. No one occupies your shoes but you. Just because cousin Sally and her husband have 11 kids and Sally was 48 when the youngest was born doesn’t mean you’re called to have kids in your 40s and beyond. The reverse also is true. That every couple you know has two or three children doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have four, five, six, however many children you and your spouse feel is in God’s plan for your family.

Luna
 
Contra_Mundum said:
I’d love to hear your opinion about the question of women’s age and getting pregnant.

When do you think a woman is too old to have a baby?

I’m turning 36 next month. I have a son who will now turn 2 (also next month) and a baby girl who is 6 months old. My husband and I would like another child but I’m seriously starting to wonder if I will be too old soon. We have just moved abroad and have no family close who could help. We don’t know at this point where we will live in 3-4 years time. I have my hands full with the two little ones and can’t imagine getting pregnant in the next 2-3 years, unless I want to have a nervous breakdown. That would make me 38-39 years old, maybe even 40. I know many women have a baby at that age but I’m not a Hollywood star, or a supermom type that can handle it all.

This makes me really sad because I’d love to have another baby, but time is not on my side. (My assumption here is that I would have no problems conceiving, but of course, I can’t know that). I guess this is what happens when women marry late. C’est la vie, I can’t do anything about it now.

What say you? Are the 40s really the new 30s when it comes to having babies? Should they be?
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women have babies all the time in their later 30’s and 40’s. The older you are actually the more mature you are. This idea you are too old and shouldn’t have any more does not come from God.
 
I would also say you’re not too old.

I was 42 years old when i met my wife - she was 34. We married 2 years later - and had our first child 1 year after that.

I just turned 53 and my wife will soon be 45. We have a 7,6,5 and 3 year old.

Yes they keep us hopping. We are just about out of the diaper stage with the 3 year old. I think the worst part of not being able to sleep through the night is nearly behind us.

While the kids get into their little rifts - they are a great source of entertainment to each other. They learn and laugh and challenge each other. Many have asked us how we do it. When we see parents of single children, we don’t know how the parents do it. When we see families of teenagers, elementary kids and toddlers - we don’t know how they do it.

You know what - No matter what it’s configuration, your family is a blessing. We all find ways to deal with the challenges. And no matter what - your family is a great source of energy and pride.

Can you handle another? I don’t know. But I don’t think our family would be any easier on us without our last child - it would only be different.

At 36, you seem quite young to us. (But what do we know - we’ve been sleep deprived for 7 years now;)
 
Looking back, my Dad’s younger brother was born their mother was 41; when I was born my Mom was 39 (her first born).🙂
 
Happy3Mom said:
25 with my first, 33 with my second, 45 (when I became pregnant and when I gave birth) with my third.

Yes, the 1st was easiest, 2nd was almost as easy, and 3rd has been albosultely wonderful! I have not had as much energy, but as an older mom, I also have not been as stressed out as in my younger days.

I agree, as long as your body lets you have a baby, you are not too old:)
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Thanks to the OP for starting this thread . This is something I have been grappling with for a long time…we had a vasectomy after 2 children when I was only 27 ( funny I wouldn’t have said only back then because I was exhausted!! Later i was diagnosed with Graves disease) this was before we knew it was wrong ( in-fact my in-laws modeled that for us and I thought they were saints and I was not Catholic back then so I truly was ignorant and my husband was well…cradle Catholic and took all his Church teaching from his parents) and I only found out that the vasectomy was wrong in the recent years (yes been to confession and all that). We are a military family so we honestly thought that we simply could not keep moving with more children ,later I met super people with 7 kids living in a typical old Army house of about 1000 sq’ and their house was full of joy so I realized how wrong we had been!
The thing is that I am 45 now and I have been praying for a while that if God wants us to have more children that He would reverse the vasectomy .( I just can not bring myself to ask my husband to go through that surgery again - he had alot of complications and pain), but I have been wondering if I am just too old. However I can see with Happy Mum ,that I would be much more calm with a baby now because I am not so wound up about raising a child since it is no longer an unknown…having successfully gotten at least 2 though HS. 😃
 
shainski said:
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At 36, you seem quite young to us. (But what do we know - we’ve been sleep deprived for 7 years now;)
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:rotfl::rotfl:

My brother in-law just had # 7 but one is in heaven and one drinking beer @ college already 😃 so that makes 5 at home, he was very concerned that he would at least be born before his 50th birthday. When we saw them at our daughters graduation party he said the same kind of thing …too funny.
 
But seek first the kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given you besides. Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself. Sufficient for a day is its own evil. Matt. 6:33-34

The decision about whether you as a couple have a serious reason to avoid conception is an on-going one. If you are at the emotional bursting point right now and can reasonably predict you’d have a break-down or suffer serious physical consequences if you were to get pregnant right away, that could be a sufficiently serious reason to use NFP to avoid pregnancy. Maybe in six months or a year or even more, though, you’ll see that it is more serious that you be open to more children, which is the default attitude in the absence of serious reasons to avoid having additional children. Yes, maybe then you’ll not be able to get pregnant, but pregnancy never guaranteed to anyone at any age.

Pray so as to know how to be most faithful today, whether it is more faithful to avoid or more faithful to be open. Do the planning and work for the future that is your duty today–the Lord did not mean that farmers ought not plant their fields or plan where to house their harvests before the day came to bring the grain in!–but otherwise let tomorrow take care of itself.

(Although relatively rare, natural conception and healthy childbearing has been reported in women as old as their early 50s. Although the chances of a non-viable pregnancy do go up substantially after 40, healthy pregnancies are certainly possible into a woman’s 40s.)
 
I was 41 when I had my youngest, who is now 7. My other children were 15 & 13 when the youngest was delivered to us as a precious gift from God. I am not disputing that you are busy/overwhelmed with your little ones now, but as another poster pointed out, they grow more quickly than you can imagine. My regret is that because it took us so long to come around to being open to life, our youngest doesn’t have the experience of having siblings for playmates. Our children are wonderfully close and love each other very much, but our youngest doesn’t have the same opportunity our older two had–creating memories together as friends. You probably wouldn’t be in this situation if you waited just a few years, but I just want to encourage you by saying that being open to what God wants to give you is so wonderful.

Kathy
 
shainski said:
I would also say you’re not too old.

I was 42 years old when i met my wife - she was 34. We married 2 years later - and had our first child 1 year after that.

I just turned 53 and my wife will soon be 45. We have a 7,6,5 and 3 year old.

Yes they keep us hopping. We are just about out of the diaper stage with the 3 year old. I think the worst part of not being able to sleep through the night is nearly behind us.

While the kids get into their little rifts - they are a great source of entertainment to each other. They learn and laugh and challenge each other. Many have asked us how we do it. When we see parents of single children, we don’t know how the parents do it. When we see families of teenagers, elementary kids and toddlers - we don’t know how they do it.

You know what - No matter what it’s configuration, your family is a blessing. We all find ways to deal with the challenges. And no matter what - your family is a great source of energy and pride.

Can you handle another? I don’t know. But I don’t think our family would be any easier on us without our last child - it would only be different.

At 36, you seem quite young to us. (But what do we know - we’ve been sleep deprived for 7 years now;)
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So you’re in your 50’s and have young children and love it apparently. This is a subject I worry about a lot since my husband is 10 years older then me. He will be in his 50’s and I will still be fertile. We have been married for 14 years now, and at the time, the age difference didn’t bother me. But now, it is something I worry about quite a bit. I would love to have 4 more kids, but can he handle it? 🤷

My best friend in high school was the youngest of 12 kids and her mom was well into her 40’s when she had her. They were an amazing family and did a great job raising her; there is absolutely nothing wrong with a woman in her 40’s having kids.
 
MrsFlapjack said:
So you’re in your 50’s and have young children and love it apparently. This is a subject I worry about a lot since my husband is 10 years older then me. He will be in his 50’s and I will still be fertile. We have been married for 14 years now, and at the time, the age difference didn’t bother me. But now, it is something I worry about quite a bit. I would love to have 4 more kids, but can he handle it? 🤷
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I would guess if you asked most people of any age - they would wonder if they could handle 4 children. Most parents wonder if they will be able to handle their first child.

The advantage is that most people think that I’m younger than I am. I don’t think it’s because I look young, but because everyone else my age has college kids or grandkids. So if I’m carting around my own children - they think I’m 10 years younger.

Even though I don’t think of 50s as being old - I’m happy that I have children close in age. I’m in good health, but I’m happy that my kids will have each other should something ever happen to me or my wife.

There are days that i think i can’t handle it. There are days that I wish i just had 3 minutes of solitude to take a sip of coffee before someone jumped on my knee. There have been countless days as I knelt before a child in his/her bed at night that I wished I could invent a teleporter so that i could get out of the room without waking the child. (And then i put myself in the future by 20 years when all the kids have moved out and I realize that someday - i would give anything to have one of these beautiful days back - yes even one of the days that I am exhausted. Even the days when the house is hopelessly in disarray or the kids have let me down - or i have let them down).

Then i know how blessed i am.

Could your husband handle it? You’ll never know unless he tries.
 
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