Too old to have kids?

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Contra_Mundum said:
I’d love to hear your opinion about the question of women’s age and getting pregnant.

When do you think a woman is too old to have a baby?

I’m turning 36 next month. I have a son who will now turn 2 (also next month) and a baby girl who is 6 months old. My husband and I would like another child but I’m seriously starting to wonder if I will be too old soon. We have just moved abroad and have no family close who could help. We don’t know at this point where we will live in 3-4 years time. I have my hands full with the two little ones and can’t imagine getting pregnant in the next 2-3 years, unless I want to have a nervous breakdown. That would make me 38-39 years old, maybe even 40. I know many women have a baby at that age but I’m not a Hollywood star, or a supermom type that can handle it all.

This makes me really sad because I’d love to have another baby, but time is not on my side. (My assumption here is that I would have no problems conceiving, but of course, I can’t know that). I guess this is what happens when women marry late. C’est la vie, I can’t do anything about it now.

What say you? Are the 40s really the new 30s when it comes to having babies? Should they be?
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I had my first when I was 34, second at 36. I got :mad: when I saw “Advanced Maternal Age” on my chart with the first one! Humph!

If I hadn’t gone into premature menopause at 40, we might have had another one. As it was, God said, “You’re finished!” 😦 I wasn’t quite ready to hear that…

Sometimes I wish I were younger, but as you say, there’s nothing I can do about it now. I’m actually old enough to have grandchildren if I’d gotten married in my 20’s. But the cool thing is that my sons have kept me young and interested in current happenings. My younger son and I share a love of music and I like hearing what he’s listening to, and composing.

I think if you want another child, you should go for it. I don’t think you will regret it, but you WILL miss the babies you DON’T have…
 
Contra_Mundum said:
I’d love to hear your opinion about the question of women’s age and getting pregnant.

When do you think a woman is too old to have a baby?
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It depends on the person. If you are older than 40, it is best to consult with a doctor.
 
robwar said:
women have babies all the time in their later 30’s and 40’s. The older you are actually the more mature you are. This idea you are too old and shouldn’t have any more does not come from God.
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The concern with having kids at an older age has nothing to do with lack of maturity. It’s about whether or not the woman’s body is still compatible. There are more risks involved for the mother and the child when the mother is of an older age.
 
TheRealJuliane said:
I had my first when I was 34, second at 36. I got :mad: when I saw “Advanced Maternal Age” on my chart with the first one! Humph!
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You were statistically much more apt to have problems if you give birth near or after 35, especially if it is for the first time. Many of these can be dealt with far easier earlier than later, so it was better your health care providers all remembered to be especially vigilant.
 
EasterJoy said:
You were statistically much more apt to have problems if you give birth near or after 35, especially if it is for the first time. Many of these can be dealt with far easier earlier than later, so it was better your health care providers all remembered to be especially vigilant.
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Oh, I realized that. It was just rather a shock to see it written on my chart in big letters like that. I didn’t feel I was an “advanced age,” maternal or not. NOW I feel every year of my age, but at 34, I still felt young and healthy.

We got married late. The funny thing is, my mother had me when she was 36. Back in 1957, that was pretty darn old to be having your 2nd child. I had my 2nd when I was 36 too.

I am actually deeply grateful that I got pregnant with no problems and that both of my sons were healthy.
 
Thank you all for your replies!

It was a pleasure to read all of them. I think my main concern is not being pregnant at 40 and giving birth, but what happens when I’m well into my 50s and looking after teenagers. I’m afraid I will have no energy at all and be so out of touch with young people.

Your replies are so positive and encouraging. It is obvious that children bring so much joy and keep us all young at heart. I will pray about this and leave it in God’s hands. For now I have the two little troublemakers to keep me busy 🙂
 
Contra_Mundum said:
Thank you all for your replies!

It was a pleasure to read all of them. I think my main concern is not being pregnant at 40 and giving birth, but what happens when I’m well into my 50s and looking after teenagers. I’m afraid I will have no energy at all and be so out of touch with young people.

Your replies are so positive and encouraging. It is obvious that children bring so much joy and keep us all young at heart. I will pray about this and leave it in God’s hands. For now I have the two little troublemakers to keep me busy 🙂
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My dh and I are 53 now and our children have been out of the nest for six yrs.!

Please don’t worry about having teenagers in your 50’s. I see many couples in their 50’s picking up their teens from high school and junior high. I am so jealous!!
I think your children will keep you in touch with young people so you probably won’t have to worry about that either.

It is hard being empty nesters! My two boys do come visit but it is just not the same. We miss them soooo much! Yes, I believe our children are our greatest blessings here in this world.

My dh and I went and got a Welsh Corgi puppy because we were so lonely for our kids. We plan on getting another one too.lol.

Raising our boys was the most rewarding time in my life so far. I wanted more but my dh did not. Now, too late he wishes we had had more children too 😦
 
For me, I think it’s too old – but that’s just me. It’s a decision you have to make for yourself with all of circumstances present.

For me, it’s a moot point as I’m single and with no prospects for marriage (I’m 42) so even if I were to find someone tomorrow, once I got to know them, discerned if this were a match and became married, I’d easily be 43 or 44 before even trying to have a baby. For me, it’s just not something I want. I don’t want to be getting social security when my child(ren) graduate high school. I always thought I’d be a stay-at-home mom and have a house full of kids, with the older ones starting to graduate high school by now and would be getting ready for the empty nest syndrome.

Now, I’m fully prepared to admit that if I did meet someone and my circumstances changed, I’d probably think about it differently; but for right now I don’t think I’d be wanting to contemplate babies.
 
Contra_Mundum said:
Thank you all for your replies!

It was a pleasure to read all of them. **I think my main concern is not being pregnant at 40 and giving birth, but what happens when I’m well into my 50s and looking after teenagers. I’m afraid I will have no energy at all and be so out of touch with young people. **

Your replies are so positive and encouraging. It is obvious that children bring so much joy and keep us all young at heart. I will pray about this and leave it in God’s hands. For now I have the two little troublemakers to keep me busy 🙂
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Quoting St. Paul:

“Have no anxieties about tomorrow.
Today has plenty of its own.”

God gives the grace with the job!
 
Contra_Mundum said:
Thank you all for your replies!

It was a pleasure to read all of them. I think my main concern is not being pregnant at 40 and giving birth, but what happens when I’m well into my 50s and looking after teenagers. I’m afraid I will have no energy at all and be so out of touch with young people.

Your replies are so positive and encouraging. It is obvious that children bring so much joy and keep us all young at heart. I will pray about this and leave it in God’s hands. For now I have the two little troublemakers to keep me busy 🙂
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Oh, that! The world is now full of teens whose parents have grey hair (and not just the kind you get from having teens). We had our kids when I was about 35 and my husband was in his early 40s, and we find there are quite a few people our age with kids the same age as ours.

The chances of fraternal twins rises with age, too. Don’t worry, the first two years are the hardest. 😉
 
I’m 38 now, and my youngest is 2. We’re not likely to have more, but it has less to do with my age than with my hormonal difficulties. (They are severe enough that a hysterectomy is on the table.) We’ve got 6, and I remember when I had three children 3 and under. Then we were “done” because we were at the time Protestants and didn’t know any better. When we converted we realized that we had no particular reason NOT to have another baby, so we did. Again. And again. Once more I had 3 under 3, and I was ten years older than the first time around. But it was fine. Sure, it was a whirlwind, but they don’t stay that small. 😃
 
I just thought of another example of older “parents” this morning. My mom has some very good friends who are in there middle sixties and have been a foster placement family for nearly 25 years now. Perhaps it’s different, since the kids aren’t really theirs, but at any given time, it is not uncommon for them to have 5-6 kids in their house. The ages stretch from babies all the way to teenagers. Sometimes, the kids will stay with them for only a few days or weeks, but they have had some stay for years also. Just thought I would mention it.
 
shainski said:
There are days that i think i can’t handle it. There are days that I wish i just had 3 minutes of solitude to take a sip of coffee before someone jumped on my knee. There have been countless days as I knelt before a child in his/her bed at night that I wished I could invent a teleporter so that i could get out of the room without waking the child. (And then i put myself in the future by 20 years when all the kids have moved out and I realize that someday - i would give anything to have one of these beautiful days back - yes even one of the days that I am exhausted. Even the days when the house is hopelessly in disarray or the kids have let me down - or i have let them down).

Then i know how blessed i am.

Could your husband handle it? You’ll never know unless he tries.
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this is a most beautiful testimony and had me in tears , thank you.👍
 
TheRealJuliane said:
Oh, I realized that. It was just rather a shock to see it written on my chart in big letters like that. I didn’t feel I was an “advanced age,” maternal or not. NOW I feel every year of my age, but at 34, I still felt young and healthy.

We got married late. The funny thing is, my mother had me when she was 36. Back in 1957, that was pretty darn old to be having your 2nd child. I had my 2nd when I was 36 too.

I am actually deeply grateful that I got pregnant with no problems and that both of my sons were healthy.
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Maybe because at 34 you *were *young and healthy.

My mom had been saying for 35 years that she was “older” when my sister was born, She was 34.

When comparing, I was almost 32, almost 35 and almost 40 when I had my three.

My grandmother had my father at 46 (in 1934) Two of her sisters had babies that year. They were 44 and 42.
 
I hope not! I am 34 and hope to have at least one or two more. My grandmother continued having hers well into her late 30s, and my MIL was 36 when she had my DH.
 
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