Too Strict & Correctness

[CRATUS]

As much as people on here love to correct, see it as a virtue. Of course, you should be happy someone cares enough about you that they point out your sins. What if what the other person is pointing out is not even a sin? I think people take this fraternal thing WAY TOO FAR. It is supposedly out of love. I know particular family members who think wearing anything above the ankle to church IS PROVOCATIVE & TEMPTING THE PRIEST. While I do find loving that some parents like to tell their adult children what is wrong in their relationships IT CAN BE OVERSTEPPING THEIR BOUNDARIES. I do not think a woman looking at the latest issues of US Weekly magazine should be yelled at the same way someone who is intentionally spreading rumours about co-workers or friends.
I come from a strict household. It get annoying. I come from a household where if I accidentally stubbed toe and said “D***” my father would react like I broke all ten commandments.

 

[pianistclare]

LOL

I see it the other way around.
Your threads are very black and white. Either it’s cool, or it’s not.
Just sayin’.


Sometimes people “correct” because there’s a bigger picture, and a deeper message, not to be nit-picky.
But yeah, there are some like to slap folks around. But I ignore them.

 

[CRATUS]

LOL

I see it the other way around.
Your threads are very black and white. Either it’s cool, or it’s not.
Just sayin’.


Sometimes people “correct” because there’s a bigger picture, and a deeper message, not to be nit-picky.
But yeah, there are some like to slap folks around. But I ignore them.

I know I am very black and white. What is the bigger picture or deeper message with corrections like the ones I listed above?

 

[pianistclare]

Regarding cursing:

Cursing is a habit that gets ingrained and may lead to other sins, like being judgmental, being angry (over nothing) being harsh with people, etc. It makes the person uttering the curses look ill-educated, foolish, and not a good candidate for employment. Which could be a huge problem. It can cause people to avoid you, or ask their family to steer clear of you because it sounds like a person who has to curse to make their point isn’t very smart.

Things like that. A mature person doesn’t swear much, or at all even for many reasons:
taking the Lord’s name in vain, looking just plain ignorant, and not wanting to put forth a bad image. Some of this is just good sense.

That’s the big picture for just one of those things. Once incident might slip out. Forming a habit, is problematic.

So many of the things that God (and our families) teach us, are meant to give us the best opportunity for thriving, and also so that we may be taken seriously, respected, and faithful to Gospel values.

 

[pianistclare]

Cont.

I doubt if someone said that showing an ankle is a temptation to the clergy.


But dressing provocatively is a bad choice in any case.

 

[AnneElizabeth]

As much as people on here love to correct, see it as a virtue. Of course, you should be happy someone cares enough about you that they point out your sins. What if what the other person is pointing out is not even a sin? I think people take this fraternal thing WAY TOO FAR. It is supposedly out of love. I know particular family members who think wearing anything above the ankle to church IS PROVOCATIVE & TEMPTING THE PRIEST. While I do find loving that some parents like to tell their adult children what is wrong in their relationships IT CAN BE OVERSTEPPING THEIR BOUNDARIES. I do not think a woman looking at the latest issues of US Weekly magazine should be yelled at the same way someone who is intentionally spreading rumours about co-workers or friends.
I come from a strict household. It get annoying. I come from a household where if I accidentally stubbed toe and said “D***” my father would react like I broke all ten commandments.

Hi Cratus, Iron sharpens iron. Correction, even if it is strict, is good. Everyone has different ideas, and even though the strictness might not be very charitable (which the Gospels say we need to have in order to be good efficient Christians) it gives a glimpse into just how far the human psyche can go when reasoning. We all have different experiences and we come up with answers to those problems that life throws at us according to what we know.

I can remember a certain saint saying something that seemed way too far and harsh, but he was the one hearing confessions, not me. I figured he knew a few things more than what I saw out in the open, so I should take heed to his statement. … My point being, everyone -EVERYONE- has different modes of thinking and believing and behaving. There might be something very valuable there to glean. … or maybe not. Just thank the person and take the concern to the Lord in prayer.

 

[InNomineDomini]

What if what the other person is pointing out is not even a sin?

I’ll be quite frank with you, Cratus: I don’t really mind being corrected. It’s one of the things I love about being Catholic, in fact. I don’t have to gaze at myself in the mirror, and tell myself how wonderful I am. I actually have to challenge myself and hold myself to a standard. (Patrick Coffin should be listed as a source for this line of thinking.)

But if someone takes fraternal correction to an extreme, why not pray for them, that they find peace of mind? Why not gently urge them to go about things in a more merciful manner? Why not simply ignore them if need be?

I’m very sorry that you came from a household in which you felt constricted, and as if your folks were not merciful enough. I will be sure to pray for you when I’m next in church.

 

[CRATUS]

Cont.

I doubt if someone said that showing an ankle is a temptation to the clergy.


But dressing provocatively is a bad choice in any case.

Lol. An exaggeration. Sometimes it feels like I am always being told I can’t do, I’m not good at this, blah & blah &blah. What am I good at then? I can get overwhelming. Don’t you think?

 

[pianistclare]

Lol. An exaggeration. Sometimes it feels like I am always being told I can’t do, I’m not good at this, blah & blah &blah. What am I good at then? I can get overwhelming. Don’t you think?

Well, depending on how old you are…you don’t necessarily have to be an expert in anything at the moment. Maybe now is the time for experiencing and learning.???
Something tells me you’re not an old fossil like me.

 

[CRATUS]

Not old yet. Somedays I want to know what it is like to be happy and not always worrying, stressing or angry at myself that I am not good at this, that, etc. At least I am trying. It can be frustrating to be always corrected is my point. At least, I care enough to consider what you have to say. I could just not listen at all. I could be way worse. It can be exhausting here what I am not good at all the time. I know what I am not good at. Tell me what I am good at it. A good friend, parent, etc should be able to tell you both your strengths and weaknesses. I could talk about everything I am bad at all day. It has not helped me become a better person. Sure, there is a lot I could change, I one day will. I will like to feel happy one day. Not miserable.

 

[pianistclare]

You’re likely not going to like this…but just be happy.
It’s more of a decision to be positive. Really. You know how there are people who survive all kinds of tragedy and bad situations and they somehow exude peace and joy?
Yeah.
It’s like that.
Count blessings, be cheerful, work at it. Try to overlook people who annoy you, try to see the good in people. Do more community service. When you look outside of yourself you see a lot of good in the world, and that fact alone is satisfying.
People respond positively to positivity.

 

[CRATUS]

Hi Cratus, Iron sharpens iron. Correction, even if it is strict, is good. Everyone has different ideas, and even though the strictness might not be very charitable (which the Gospels say we need to have in order to be good efficient Christians) it gives a glimpse into just how far the human psyche can go when reasoning. We all have different experiences and we come up with answers to those problems that life throws at us according to what we know.

I can remember a certain saint saying something that seemed way too far and harsh, but he was the one hearing confessions, not me. I figured he knew a few things more than what I saw out in the open, so I should take heed to his statement. … My point being, everyone -EVERYONE- has different modes of thinking and believing and behaving. There might be something very valuable there to glean. … or maybe not. Just thank the person and take the concern to the Lord in prayer.

I listen. That does mean I am always grateful. Why do you say it is a good? Do you not believe sometimes people violate others’ privacy/personal boundaries when correcting other adults? Perhaps some like to feel better about themselves when listing out all your shortcomings?

 

[pianistclare]

I listen. That does mean I am always grateful. Why do you say it is a good? Do you not believe sometimes people violate others’ privacy/personal boundaries when correcting other adults? Perhaps some like to feel better about themselves when listing out all your shortcomings?

People can only violate your boundaries if you allow it.
You can choose to ignore them and chalk it up to nosiness, busy-bodies, or ignorance.
But what you cannot do, is lash back or be resentful.
Jesus had a lot of people misunderstand Him. He didn’t mind.
Take it in the spirit it’s given, anyway. If they truly believe they are helping you, don’t get all bent if you don’t want their advice. It’s just advice. Take it or leave it.
When giving advice, it’s often necessary to use a current example as an example of what not to do. It’s not an indictment, unless one is uber-touchy.

 

[CRATUS]

People can only violate your boundaries if you allow it.
You can choose to ignore them and chalk it up to nosiness, busy-bodies, or ignorance.
But what you cannot do, is lash back or be resentful.
Jesus had a lot of people misunderstand Him. He didn’t mind.
Take it in the spirit it’s given, anyway. If they truly believe they are helping you, don’t get all bent if you don’t want their advice. It’s just advice. Take it or leave it.
When giving advice, it’s often necessary to use a current example as an example of what not to do. It’s not an indictment, unless one is uber-touchy.

Maybe I am not humble enough to receive corrections well. Either I take it too hard. I could just brush it off, but I usually do not. I can be draining though being around people who seem to find fault in everyone and everything. There is a fine line between correction, observation and judgment. For example, if a woman is dressed somewhat provocatively you don’t tell her she looks like ****, ***** or any other word. Even sleazy is too much.
I used to give people the benefit of the doubt in their correction. Some people are jealous and insecure so they pick at you. I do not trust correction outside of my family and closest friends. I will listen to older lady or older man correcting me. I do not trust women or men around my age correcting me at all. I think they have ulterior motives.

 

[pianistclare]

Maybe I am not humble enough to receive corrections well. Either I take it too hard. I could just brush it off, but I usually do not. I can be draining though being around people who seem to find fault in everyone and everything. There is a fine line between correction, observation and judgment. For example, if a woman is dressed somewhat provocatively you don’t tell her she looks like ****, ***** or any other word. Even sleazy is too much.
I used to give people the benefit of the doubt in their correction. Some people are jealous and insecure so they pick at you. I do not trust correction outside of my family and closest friends. I will listen to older lady or older man correcting me. I do not trust women or men around my age correcting me at all. I think they have ulterior motives.

I understand.
We have some irascible people at church.
But, perhaps, they realize you don’t take advice well, and therefore tend to hound you?
Could be the case. Maybe smile, and nod (while in your head thinking “yeah, no way jose”)
Maybe they’ll leave you alone if they think they’ve hit pay dirt.

 

[ynotzap]

As much as people on here love to correct, see it as a virtue. Of course, you should be happy someone cares enough about you that they point out your sins. What if what the other person is pointing out is not even a sin? I think people take this fraternal thing WAY TOO FAR. It is supposedly out of love. I know particular family members who think wearing anything above the ankle to church IS PROVOCATIVE & TEMPTING THE PRIEST. While I do find loving that some parents like to tell their adult children what is wrong in their relationships IT CAN BE OVERSTEPPING THEIR BOUNDARIES. I do not think a woman looking at the latest issues of US Weekly magazine should be yelled at the same way someone who is intentionally spreading rumours about co-workers or friends.
I come from a strict household. It get annoying. I come from a household where if I accidentally stubbed toe and said “D***” my father would react like I broke all ten commandments.

As a young orphan boy, I was exposed to a lot of physical discipline, and strictness. It kept me out of a lot of trouble, but it didn’t change my boyhood nature, only suppressed it, which produced it’s own problems. It was the only life I knew, no family life at all. When I married I adopted four children, three hers, and one from Catholic Welfare. You might have guessed it, I used strictness, and correctness. I really wanted my kids to be good, because I knew it would lead them to a happier life, than one that was allowed to roam free, with no discipline. I failed to be as tolerant as I believe I should have been. I did my best to be just, and understanding, but I still failed. Kids will be kids, and thank God they are pretty resilient. What I didn’t realize was that unless there is a real conversion in one’s life you can expect them to be spiritually handicapped, and they can’t give you what they don’t have. I demanded from them what I expected from myself, and that was unfair to them. That’s when I learned, there is only one Savior, and it wasn’t me. So even though I loved my children, and tried my best to do them right, I was helpless to change them. Consequently, I was frustrated, and they also experienced frustration because they couldn’t satisfy my demands on them, they and I experienced much anger, It was my faith in Jesus Christ that revealed to me what was wrong, no one else could, we tried. I had a supreme lesson to learn that only God can change a person for the better, especially to live as a Christian. When I learned this, I had to say “through my fault, through my most grievous fault…” Then I was given the tolerance and understanding of human nature I so badly needed. It is stated in Holy Scripture " what father does not discipline the son he loves…" and again it states " fathers do not aggravate your children…"

 

[CRATUS]

I guess my overall point is that sometimes people need to be gentler with corrections and not make assumptions. Believe it or not, not everyone knows what they are doing maybe wrong. No need to make a mountain out of a molehill. There are far worse people out there. People make mistakes. I guess I see the other side, nip the problem in the bud before it grows into a huge tree. Oh well, it is just my experience. Sometimes I do not think little errors warrant some of the harsh correction they receive.

 

[Rosebud77]

Not old yet. Somedays I want to know what it is like to be happy and not always worrying, stressing or angry at myself that I am not good at this, that, etc. At least I am trying. It can be frustrating to be always corrected is my point. At least, I care enough to consider what you have to say. I could just not listen at all. I could be way worse. It can be exhausting here what I am not good at all the time. I know what I am not good at. Tell me what I am good at it. A good friend, parent, etc should be able to tell you both your strengths and weaknesses. I could talk about everything I am bad at all day. It has not helped me become a better person. Sure, there is a lot I could change, I one day will. I will like to feel happy one day. Not miserable.

This comes with age… it is something I myself have just arrived at and the freedom is awesome. Apart from the one person who has the right to correct me, I do not give a ***** what anyone thinks of me and no longer put myself in a situation where they can nag at me. Of course I live a fairly solitary life now which helps … You need to limit contacts who can get at you, like avoiding colds and flu! Like not eating foods you are allergic to