Top Ten Signs You're a Christian

[Blade_and_Blood]

I thought this was really funny. I know it’s suppose to be an insult by Atheist, but I couldn’t help commend them for being 90% accurate. Comments are encouraged! Be gentle, though.

From Atheist Empire Website:

TOP TEN SIGNS YOU’RE A CHRISTIAN

10- You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of your god.

9- You feel insulted and “dehumanized” when scientists say that people evolved from lesser life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt

8- You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Trinity god

7- Your face turns purple when you hear of the “atrocities” attributed to Allah, but you don’t even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in “Exodus” and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in “Joshua” – including women, children, and trees!

6- You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

5- You are willing to spend your life looking for little loop-holes in the scientifically established age of the Earth (4.55 billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by pre-historic tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that the Earth is a couple of generations old.

4- You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs – though excluding those in all rival sects – will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet you consider your religion the most “tolerant” and “loving”.

3- While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in “tongues” may be all the evidence you need to prove Christianity.

2- You define 0.01% as a “high success rate” when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

1- You actually know a lot less than many Atheists and Agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history – but still call yourself a Christian

There’s more “funny” stuff here: atheistempire.com/entertainment/humor.php

Ironically Yours, Blade and Blood

 

[dzheremi]

TOP TEN SIGNS YOU’RE A CHRISTIAN

10- You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of your god.

“Outraged” is not the word I would use. Everyone must follow their own consciences. I feel that those who feel that their consciences lead them away from God are most certainly misled, but I am not “outraged” by it. Jesus himself told us that this would happen.

9- You feel insulted and “dehumanized” when scientists say that people evolved from lesser life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt

This is not a Catholic attribute. Is this list only intended for “young Earth” creationist evangelicals?

8- You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Trinity god

I don’t laugh at polytheists, and the Trinity is not three Gods. Nice try, atheists.

7- Your face turns purple when you hear of the “atrocities” attributed to Allah, but you don’t even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in “Exodus” and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in “Joshua” – including women, children, and trees!

What God does is what God does. What people do in the name of God (whether they call Him Father, Allah, or anything else) is another matter, and yes I am offended when people commit murder, torture, and other atrocities in the name of God, whether they are Christians, Muslims, Hindus, etc.

6- You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

As far as I know, most Greeks these days are Eastern Orthodox Christians, so I don’t know what pre-Christian myths have to do with anything. But yeah, I have no problem with any part of the story of Christ’s miraculous birth, life, death, and resurrection. No Catholic would.

5- You are willing to spend your life looking for little loop-holes in the scientifically established age of the Earth (4.55 billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by pre-historic tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that the Earth is a couple of generations old.

Like “point” 9, this doesn’t apply to Catholics, or at least it doesn’t need to.

4- You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs – though excluding those in all rival sects – will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet you consider your religion the most “tolerant” and “loving”.

All people may be saved through the Grace of God and only through the His Grace. Catholics are not guaranteed to go to heaven simply by virtue of their being Catholics.

3- While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in “tongues” may be all the evidence you need to prove Christianity.

Ahhh…I have never seen this in any parish that I have been in as a Catholic, and I did not see it in any church I went to as a Protestant youth. I am not going to say it can’t happen, but I am very skeptical of claims of it, and certainly do not see it as “evidence” of anything other than the belief of those who engage in it.

2- You define 0.01% as a “high success rate” when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

The efficacy of prayers, like that of elections, is not be determined by whether or not you are happy with the results. Or does the person who made this list not recognize that we can ever want what is not best for us? (through selfishness, greed, misguidedness, etc). Prayer is an action of the faithful, not merely a list of desires that we lift up to the sky because we see God as a Santa Clause-like figure.

1- You actually know a lot less than many Atheists and Agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history – but still call yourself a Christian

Well, well, well…someone is mighty sure of themselves! I don’t know every atheist in the world, but since I take the teachings and history of my faith very seriously, I am at least willing to try to learn for the purposes of growing more in it, rather than to win arguments or prove myself smarter than anyone else. Maybe none of us really know much about anything and we’re all just trying to make sense of the world through whatever means makes the most sense to us? I guess that would not provide atheists with a means to feel smugly superior to us religious people who stubbornly cling to our traditions, including mysteries which we do not even pretend to understand.

No matter where you stand on God and the Church, and on what grounds you stand there, you are still making a decision. I am happy enough with mine to not need it to be validated or appraised by outsiders. Can the person who wrote this list say the same?

Blade and Blood, will you kindly send my post to the person who sent you this list?

 

[Blade_and_Blood]

Blade and Blood, will you kindly send my post to the person who sent you this list?

The website is presented under the list. It is not one person. I like it though. The people there are reasonable-- some are extremist, but it’s easy to deal with. It’s not a forum, but you are able to comment freely… curse words and all.

 

[cob]

haha I loved the “21 Actual Announcements Taken From Church Bulletins”…such little typo/punctuation mistakes can mean things completely different

 

[inJESUS]

Am a Christian and none of the above applies to me . I call it Top Ten Signs of Ignorance.

 

[bpbasilphx]

7- Your face turns purple when you hear of the “atrocities” attributed to Allah, but you don’t even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in “Exodus” and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in “Joshua” – including women, children, and trees!

**Whoever wrote this obviously did not actually read Exodus, because all the babies of Egypt were in fact NOT slaughtered.

Daughters, for example, survived.**

 

[MarcoPolo]

Some atheists are very self-conscious about their intellect and have to come up with stuff like this.

 

[Steadfast]

Sounds like an attempt to humorously critique Fundamentalsim rather than Christianity per se.

One wishes the person who put so much work into making the list might have been as diligent in defining his target.

 

[Blade_and_Blood]

Sounds like an attempt to humorously critique Fundamentalsim rather than Christianity per se.

Yeah. They generalize as much as we do. Not every Atheist is hardcore as we think; Not every Christian is an extremist.

Try not to take this personally. It is intended to be a harmless joke, even though an Atheist would like to see angry faces on a Christian in response to this. This goes for everyone who comes by this thread.

Ironically Yours.

 

[Blade_and_Blood]

Am a Christian and none of the above applies to me.

A little something I’ve learned from my past: Never describe yourself. Your personal definition tends to be bias.

 

[Muslim_Woman]

(Please Note: This uploaded content is no longer available.)

Salaam/ Peace

… I couldn’t help commend them for being 90% accurate.

haha funny . 2/3 points are true for Muslims also

You laugh at Hindu beliefs

I asked Christians in other thread if they can understand Hindu’s Trinity concept.

You actually know a lot less than many Atheists and Agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history – but still call yourself a Christian

It reminds me of a news -Americans get an ‘F’ in religion

few funny lines: More than 10 percent think that Noah’s wife was Joan of Arc. Only half can name even one of the four Gospels, and – a finding that will surprise many – evangelical Christians are only slightly more knowledgeable than their non-evangelical counterparts.

Widespread Ignorance About Religion Among Americans

USA Today

usatoday.com/news/religion/ 2007-03-07-teaching-religion-cover_N.htm

Sometimes dumb sounds cute: Sixty percent of Americans can’t name five of the Ten Commandments, and 50 percent of high school seniors think Sodom and Gomorrah were married.

Stephen Prothero, chairman of the religion department at Boston University, isn’t laughing. Americans’ deep ignorance of world religions — their own, their neighbors’ or the combatants in Iraq, Darfur or Kashmir — is dangerous…

New Book Examines American Ignorance About Religion
The Washington Post

washingtonpost.com/wp- dyn/content/article/2007/03/01/AR2007030102073.html

The United States is the most religious nation in the developed world if religiosity is measured by belief in all things supernatural, from God and the Virgin Birth to the humbler workings of angels and demons.

Americans are also the most religiously ignorant people in the Western world. Fewer than half of us can identify Genesis as the first book of the Bible, and only one-third know that Jesus delivered the Sermon on the Mount.

 

[underdog]

The number one sign that you are a Christian.

1. You love God in Christ.

 

[survive]

It looks like an oversimplified mishmash of various denominations. Some don’t sound like anyone. I have yet to meet a Christian who was persuaded of the Gospel by the sight of someone speaking in a tongue, least of all without interpretability, or one who gets a sub-1%-rate of answered prayer. Most Christians I know get a majority answered prayer rate, and some of our prayers are up against pretty steep odds.
I also don’t know any who fly in the face of science. I know some people of a range of religions as well as atheists and agnostics who simply don’t pay attention to science because they’re more interested in other things. I know hardcore fundamentalists who accept minority scientific theories. They are mostly pretty good at backing these up. I know some people, Christian, New Age, pagan and atheist, who think all of modern science is a case of overanalyzing the mystery of reality or some such thing, and that we ought to stop thinking so much and just feel. I don’t agree, because feeling without thinking is like breathing out and never breathing in. Thinking without feeling is the reverse error.:coolinoff:
The difference between “coming from pond slime” and “made from dirt (or slime)” is that in the first case it’s just an accident that happened to some pond slime, and in the second it’s a purposeful use of that same matter to contain the breath of God and be human.
Christians aren’t known for equating tolerance with love, either. We tend to be known for equating tolerance with indifference, and caring with love. At least where I hang out.
Of course, all this is to analyze a joke.

 

[ralphinal]

To me, and this is fairly common, the top ten signs you are an atheist:
10. Everyone who has faith is an idiot to be made fun of.

1. Everyone who does not think like you is an idiot to be made fun of.

8 to 1. Please refer to numbers 9 and 10.

Being an atheist does not make you smarter or better. Many atheists who hold this view are willing to force others to hide their faith but will scream bloody murder if they must be exposed to someone elses. If I so choose to beleive in God, leave me alone.

 

[underdog]

Psalm 53:1

The fool says in his heart, “There is no God.”
They are corrupt, doing abominable iniquity;
there is none who does good.

 

[Eucharisted]

1. You celebrate the Eucharist on Holy Days of Obligation, paritcularly Sunday
2. You listen to God in His Word at least once a day
3. You act charitably toward others, especially when it’s unsual to do so
4. You give alms to the poor and needy
5. You confess your sins to God through a priest in preparation for Holy Communion
6. You give material aid to the Church when it is needed
7. You give thanks in every circumstance and pray without ceasing
8. You fast on the appropriate days and make spiritual sacrifices every day
9. You have complete trust in God’s infinite mercy
10. You deepen your knowledge of Jesus Christ whenever you can, panting after Christ as a bride pants after her groom

 

[underdog]

1. You celebrate the Eucharist on Holy Days of Obligation, paritcularly Sunday
2. You listen to God in His Word at least once a day
3. You act charitably toward others, especially when it’s unsual to do so
4. You give alms to the poor and needy
5. You confess your sins to God through a priest in preparation for Holy Communion
6. You give material aid to the Church when it is needed
7. You give thanks in every circumstance and pray without ceasing
8. You fast on the appropriate days and make spiritual sacrifices every day
9. You have complete trust in God’s infinite mercy
10. You deepen your knowledge of Jesus Christ whenever you can, panting after Christ as a bride pants after her groom

It sounds like legalism and works righteous to me. Can you support your presuppositions with Scripture references?

 

[dzheremi]

Can’t you stop harrassing Catholic faithful in even one thread? Since when is acting charitably, praying ceaselessly and giving alms “legalism”? You would do well to follow #8 on Eucharisted’s list yourself.

And Sola Scriptura is not a Catholic doctrine, so please stop asking that we abide by it.

 

[underdog]

Can’t you stop harrassing Catholic faithful in even one thread? Since when is acting charitably, praying ceaselessly and giving alms “legalism”? You would do well to follow #8 on Eucharisted’s list yourself.

And Sola Scriptura is not a Catholic doctrine, so please stop asking that we abide by it.

Do you agree with those 10 items to be a Christian? Are you saying that if you do not agree with these 10 items that you are not a Christian. Legalism are requirments apart from divine revelation to be a Christian.

Originally Posted by Eucharisted
10. You celebrate the Eucharist on Holy Days of Obligation, paritcularly Sunday
9. You listen to God in His Word at least once a day
8. You act charitably toward others, especially when it’s unsual to do so
7. You give alms to the poor and needy
6. You confess your sins to God through a priest in preparation for Holy Communion
5. You give material aid to the Church when it is needed
4. You give thanks in every circumstance and pray without ceasing
3. You fast on the appropriate days and make spiritual sacrifices every day
2. You have complete trust in God’s infinite mercy

1. You deepen your knowledge of Jesus Christ whenever you can, panting after Christ as a bride pants after her groom

 

[dzheremi]

Do you agree with those 10 items to be a Christian? Are you saying that if you do not agree with these 10 items that you are not a Christian. Legalism are requirments apart from divine revelation to be a Christian.

What difference does it make if I agree with them or not? I didn’t write that list. As a Catholic, I’d say that’s a reasonable list, but my opinion doesn’t change the fact that your accusations of “legalism” are way off base, rude, and uncalled for.

I am most certainly NOT saying that you need to agree with that or any other list of anyone’s “top 10” things that make one a Christian. I am not saying you aren’t a Christian, or that anyone who would not agree with every point of that list is not a Christian. Unlike you, sir, I do not pretend to judge other people’s souls, so I cannot say who is “really” Christian or not. For me, the summation of the bare essentials of what it means to be a Christian are found in the creeds, which I affirm weekly at mass. They’re good enough for me, and they’ve been good enough for the Church for over a thousand years now, but I recognize that they don’t make an eye-catching list for people to post on the internet.

Whether you are a recipient of any “divine revelation” or not, you are being very rude. That’s all.