Torn between obligations/choice

[need_to_know]

I am a Law student from England discerning a vocation to the priesthood.

Someone I know from church - ‘jeff’ - works in media/film stuff at my university. This department runs a project filming at the biggest music festival in the UK. We are the only people apart from the BBC allowed to do this. Other students at the uni do this and earn credit towards their course. The university has recently wanted to sort out their ‘legal position’ regarding this in relation to Intellectual Property law (copyright of music performances, etc.). Around about October/November last year I was in a meeting with this guy as we are in a church group together and he asked if I could help - they have been looking for a Law student to help with this. I agreed, and I have met with someone else at the university to discuss what I would need to do. Obviously we are now almost six months on.

Today I received an email from a Vocations Director from another diocese, but whom I know am in contact with. He has booked a retreat center in Rome for a week over the end of June/beginning of July for the closing of the Year of St. Paul. We also may get to go to First Vespers of the Feast with Pope Benedict, and if not will almost certainly be able to go to the Sunday audience. Also going on this trip would be many other young men my age, most whom I will have met before, who all have tremendous faith and I find an inspiration in my own discernment. Overall, this would be an incredible experience and very useful in my own spiritual development. Fr. needs to know soon who can make it as many of the people he thought would attend cannot make it for a certain reason and he needs to make sure he can make up the numbers.

Now, of course, I have to make the decision (and soon) of whether to let down the people at uni and go to Italy. I am not sure if they can now find someone else to do it, if ‘jeff’ will look bad for me having let the department down and if this will be bad for me in the long run - it would have been good to have on my CV and I may not have the chance again if they do not think I will be reliable. However, to be honest, as far as my discerning goes I am leaning more towards ‘priest’ than ‘anything secular that I will need a Law degree for’.

Any ideas on what I should do? My sister (who is not Catholic) says, ‘come on, it’s Italy!’ I need some more balanced advice

 

[need_to_know]

Sorry, I forgot to add that the Rome trip is planned for the exact same time as the music festival I am supposed to go to.

 

[dfroom208]

The best way we share God’s love with others is through our example. We don’t need to be coistered to worship God, to pray to him to, to offer sacrifice. We can sanctify the secular work that we do everyday. If you made a promise, you may do Him a disservice by not following through.

 

[kyria]

If you were my child I would tell you to finish your law degree first. God is still going to be there, and God might be calling you now to get you ready to work for Him at a later date, but it might be that he wants you to also use your law degree in someway when you become a priest.

If you can be committed to what you are doing now, then it might go towards your abilities later to be committed in a deeper way to serve the Lord when you finish your degree.

I know the degrees I did before God called me have given me something that has assisted me in my journey with the Lord. They have shaped me personally and in strength. The work I also do now has shaped me. When my children grow up maybe I can do something more for Him. But the reality is I have a committment now as a parent. But that does not mean I’ve moved away from the Lord, and it doesn’t mean I don’t find other means to keep that spiritual development and discernment happening.

God gets us ready does that make sense? and it isn’t necessarily always in the spiritual way.

But someone who can meet their obligations now, I believe, can show great worth to the Church and meeting the obligations of serving the Lord in greater ways at a later date. And yes sometimes this means making a choice. If I had my choice now I would go off and live in a cave and sit and be with the Lord all the time. But I have children to raise, and the Lord knows that. And meeting my obligations now has given me strength, committment, situations where I am constantly learning about the Lord and love, PATIENCE and learning to listen to the Lord and not rush off, and many other things, that I hope one day, might assist me to do greater works for the Church and God.

But if you are feeling really stuck put it up to God. That works pretty much for me all the time.

You might not be able to go on such a retreat again, but maybe later God will send you to something greater or somewhere else when the time is right. See what God is telling your heart.

 

[need_to_know]

Thanks for your replies.

The thing is that my helping out the group of music/media students at the music festival is only indirectly related to my degree. I will not obtain any credit towards my bachelor’s degree from doing this. Only a couple of people from the law department even know I am doing this. I fully intend to complete my degree regardless of what I might go on to do afterwards. It simply would have been a fun and interesting thing to do.

So, my dilemma is not a matter of doing/not doing something on which my education/future depends but the potential of letting anyone down.

 

[catharina]

I am a Law student from England discerning a vocation to the priesthood.

Someone I know from church - ‘jeff’ - works in media/film stuff at my university. This department runs a project filming at the biggest music festival in the UK. We are the only people apart from the BBC allowed to do this. Other students at the uni do this and earn credit towards their course. The university has recently wanted to sort out their ‘legal position’ regarding this in relation to Intellectual Property law (copyright of music performances, etc.). Around about October/November last year I was in a meeting with this guy as we are in a church group together and he asked if I could help - they have been looking for a Law student to help with this. I agreed, and I have met with someone else at the university to discuss what I would need to do. Obviously we are now almost six months on.

Today I received an email from a Vocations Director from another diocese, but whom I know am in contact with. He has booked a retreat center in Rome for a week over the end of June/beginning of July for the closing of the Year of St. Paul. We also may get to go to First Vespers of the Feast with Pope Benedict, and if not will almost certainly be able to go to the Sunday audience. Also going on this trip would be many other young men my age, most whom I will have met before, who all have tremendous faith and I find an inspiration in my own discernment. Overall, this would be an incredible experience and very useful in my own spiritual development. Fr. needs to know soon who can make it as many of the people he thought would attend cannot make it for a certain reason and he needs to make sure he can make up the numbers.

Now, of course, I have to make the decision (and soon) of whether to let down the people at uni and go to Italy. I am not sure if they can now find someone else to do it, if ‘jeff’ will look bad for me having let the department down and if this will be bad for me in the long run - it would have been good to have on my CV and I may not have the chance again if they do not think I will be reliable. However, to be honest, as far as my discerning goes I am leaning more towards ‘priest’ than ‘anything secular that I will need a Law degree for’.

Any ideas on what I should do? My sister (who is not Catholic) says, ‘come on, it’s Italy!’ I need some more balanced advice

Really, this is a no-brainer.
You already gave your word to a friend - and a group is depending on you.

Keep your promises!

 

[BSHoop96]

Thanks for your replies.

The thing is that my helping out the group of music/media students at the music festival is only indirectly related to my degree. I will not obtain any credit towards my bachelor’s degree from doing this. Only a couple of people from the law department even know I am doing this. I fully intend to complete my degree regardless of what I might go on to do afterwards. It simply would have been a fun and interesting thing to do.

So, my dilemma is not a matter of doing/not doing something on which my education/future depends but the potential of letting anyone down.

Can you talk to Jeff and see if there is the possibility of someone else stepping in at this late date?

Do you know another law student who would be willing and that you could fill in as to what has already transpired?

Do you actually have to be at the concert to give them advice on where they stand as far as intellectual property law?

How crucial/critical are your services?? You might possible be told it’s not that critical as it has only been recently that they have decided to sort this out.

My decision would be based on the answers to these questions.

If it does not leave Jeff and the group in a bind…let me think…music festival…pope??..music festival…pope??

 

[need_to_know]

Can you talk to Jeff and see if there is the possibility of someone else stepping in at this late date?

Do you know another law student who would be willing and that you could fill in as to what has already transpired?

Do you actually have to be at the concert to give them advice on where they stand as far as intellectual property law?

How crucial/critical are your services?? You might possible be told it’s not that critical as it has only been recently that they have decided to sort this out.

My decision would be based on the answers to these questions.

If it does not leave Jeff and the group in a bind…let me think…music festival…pope??..music festival…pope??

There probably would be many students willing to do this. I am a first year student and I haven’t actually done the unit in IP law; many people in their second year
will already have done this.

I don’t think I would need to be at the festival, so long as the people filming get the right forms signed by the right people, etc.

I’m pretty sure my services are not essential; the uni have been doing this for about 8 years in the same way.

I am pretty sure that another student could do what I am supposed to do (if not better). My dilemma is essentially that I have this obligation/promse vs. what could be the opportunity of a lifetime. Previously I saw the chance to help out with this as an exciting opportunity but now I’m seeing it as more of a bind and a burden. And I hate the fact that I’m seeing it that way.

The Pope/music festival choice is an easy one but on the other hand, as other people have pointed out, I have made a promise and thus have an obligation which I should keep (as a matter of principle) - I understand this.

 

[catharina]

. Previously I saw the chance to help out with this as an exciting opportunity but now I’m seeing it as more of a bind and a burden. And I hate the fact that I’m seeing it that way.

The Pope/music festival choice is an easy one but on the other hand, as other people have pointed out, I have made a promise and thus have an obligation which I should keep (as a matter of principle) - I understand this.

Other people? That would be I?

My point is that you gave your word - as you would do as a priest, a husband, a lawyer. All of these are expected to keep promises, to stand by their word. You gave your promise last Autumn. Now in Spring, you have a new and more exciting invitation. Granted that Jeff is your friend from a group at Church. He might understand your dilemma. However if the university is filled with non-Catholics, would others feel the same? That is, other students who given been reason to believe that they can count on you, would they “understand?” Common etiquette says we honor our promises.

What say you? As the mother of an adult son, I know what my advice to him would be.

 

[BSHoop96]

There probably would be many students willing to do this. I am a first year student and I haven’t actually done the unit in IP law; many people in their second year
will already have done this.

I don’t think I would need to be at the festival, so long as the people filming get the right forms signed by the right people, etc.

I’m pretty sure my services are not essential; the uni have been doing this for about 8 years in the same way.

I am pretty sure that another student could do what I am supposed to do (if not better). My dilemma is essentially that I have this obligation/promse vs. what could be the opportunity of a lifetime. Previously I saw the chance to help out with this as an exciting opportunity but now I’m seeing it as more of a bind and a burden. And I hate the fact that I’m seeing it that way.

The Pope/music festival choice is an easy one but on the other hand, as other people have pointed out, I have made a promise and thus have an obligation which I should keep (as a matter of principle) - I understand this.

Of course you have made a promise and you have the obligation. But if you can either take care of it (without actually being at the festival…that was a perk, right?) and make sure the forms are signed, whatever…then you have fulfilled that obligation. If you also find someone else willing to do it (and possibly be more knowledgable because of being second year) then you have also taken care of their problem. I’m sure they don’t need YOU to do it…they just need it done.

Don’t beat yourself up over this. As long as you do not leave them high and dry I am sure they will understand. Surely if they know you at all they will will be happy for you to have this possibly once in a lifetime opportunity. Don’t fret about it so…there may be no need. Talk to Jeff. Don’t feel so guilty. It may all work out just fine.

 

[BSHoop96]

Other people? That would be I?

My point is that you gave your word - as you would do as a priest, a husband, a lawyer. All of these are expected to keep promises, to stand by their word. You gave your promise last Autumn. Now in Spring, you have a new and more exciting invitation. Granted that Jeff is your friend from a group at Church. He might understand your dilemma. However if the university is filled with non-Catholics, would others feel the same? That is, other students who given been reason to believe that they can count on you, would they “understand?” Common etiquette says we honor our promises.

What say you? As the mother of an adult son, I know what my advice to him would be.

This group has been going on for eight years and decide this year they need to do this. Obviously the world hasn’t come to a screeching halt in the previous years for lack of this. Yes, he gave his word and said he would do it. He can do it without attending the festival, which from my understanding was probably a perk because he was helping, or he can find someone else to do it. The important thing is that it gets done and he doesn’t leave them high and dry.

 

[catharina]

This group has been going on for eight years and decide this year they need to do this. Obviously the world hasn’t come to a screeching halt in the previous years for lack of this. Yes, he gave his word and said he would do it. He can do it without attending the festival, which from my understanding was probably a perk because he was helping, or he can find someone else to do it. The important thing is that it gets done and he doesn’t leave them high and dry.

Apparently you know far more about “this group” than I do.

My point is in reference to his ongoing relationships with the other students who have gotten to know him. If he satnds as a Catholic among many non-Catholics (very possible in a UK school) then would they accept his break-away status with equanimity as he takes off for Rome? Or are they dependent on him and his good will as a “helping” Catholic? It seems to me that there MIGHT be matters relevant to example and evangelization in place as he moves among the students he’s been assisting. His leaving them and such related issues behind, I have to wonder “Hmmmm?”

 

[BSHoop96]

Apparently you know far more about “this group” than I do.

My point is in reference to his ongoing relationships with the other students who have gotten to know him. If he satnds as a Catholic among many non-Catholics (very possible in a UK school) then would they accept his break-away status with equanimity as he takes off for Rome? Or are they dependent on him and his good will as a “helping” Catholic? It seems to me that there MIGHT be matters relevant to example and evangelization in place as he moves among the students he’s been assisting. His leaving them and such related issues behind, I have to wonder “Hmmmm?”

I know about the group because he informed us that they had been doing this for eight years and decided this year to do something about the property law issue. It’s obviously not a terribly vital issue to them or they wouldn’t have waited eight years and then accepted the help of a first year student who hasn’t even taken the property law class yet.

Ah, but you say…the point isn’t how big or important the issue is but rather how dependable is your word? I think your basic point is great (be dependable and do what you say you will). However, I think that you are blowing this particular issue way out of proportion. It’s not as if the whole student body is waiting with bated breath to see if this Catholic (if they even know he’s Catholic) is going to turn his back and leave the media group hanging with a serious legal problem. In any case, he has other ways he can move forward to assist them as I suggested earlier.

I see no point in us further arguing this point as we have all given him several suggestions. The fact that he is on here worrying about it shows that he is honorable about his word. Let’s not guilt him into beating himself up over this and cause him to feel responsible for being the Catholic example to the whole Uni. Most students would probably think nothing about him passing it on to an older student or simply getting the paperwork signed and not attending the concert.

I mean it’s not as if what he rather do that weekend is go to the Bahamas and lay on the beach and drink beer. I think the fact that this young man is willing to give up the biggest musical festival in the UK to have an opportunity at a Retreat and an audience with the Pope is a much bigger evangelization moment.

 

[Spirithound]

Catharina and BSHoop both give very good viewpoints.

I would like to ask you two questions:

1. What did you promise to do at the music fest?
2. What exactly are you expected to do at the music fest?

(they overlap, but answer them both anyways )

 

[need_to_know]

Catharina and BSHoop both give very good viewpoints.

I would like to ask you two questions:

1. What did you promise to do at the music fest?
2. What exactly are you expected to do at the music fest?

(they overlap, but answer them both anyways )

Thanks everyone for your replies, especially catharina and BSHoop96. With regard to something that was brought up, none of the other students know I am a catholic and I have only met a few of them briefly.

Spirithound, I have not, as such, promised to do anything at the festival itself. To be honest the guy who organises it (not the person from church but another university employee) has been quite vague. What I think am meant to be doing is drafting documents, etc. and doing a bit of liaising with bands’ management. I suppose ultimately I only inferred that I would be at the festival (the media/music student do go). If I do go to the festival it would be to get performers to sign release forms if this still needed to be done.

I will see the guy from church on Thursday as we are both involved in a church group. I may get to discuss it with him then.

 

[Poor_Clare_tobe]

Thanks for your replies.

The thing is that my helping out the group of music/media students at the music festival is only indirectly related to my degree. I will not obtain any credit towards my bachelor’s degree from doing this. Only a couple of people from the law department even know I am doing this. I fully intend to complete my degree regardless of what I might go on to do afterwards. It simply would have been a fun and interesting thing to do.

So, my dilemma is not a matter of doing/not doing something on which my education/future depends but the potential of letting anyone down.

Perhaps you could speak to a few of your mentors? both in Religion and in university? Write down the pros and cons of both things??? Pray and make a decision? On the one hand it is good to follow through on projects… On the other hand trips to Rome to conclude Holy Years do not happen often. Again I would speak to both your priest and someone for your music festival. Both decisions carry pros and cons so perhaps help from outside sources familiar with you and with both projects would help?