C
CosmoRose
Guest
I am 25 years old, married for4 and a half years and almost7 months pregnant. my husband and i have gone through periods of problems in our marriage, but recently things have escalated to a point where i am not sure if i can go on being married to him. most of our problems center around his relationship with his mother, for lack of a better term, he is a sterotypical mama’s boy and she is the epitome of a “mother in law”. i cant recall a time 'when my feelings or wants have been placed above hers and i cant even begin to count the number of times she has belittled me or made me feel worthless or inadequate in front of him, and he has done nothing to support me. he had become increasingly cold and distant, clinging ever more to her. on several occasions, with increasing frequency i have temporarily moved back to my parents house because i couldnt handle being around him. gradually, the lack of concern for my feelings grew into controlling behavior (dictating what i should wear, telling me i needed to find a new psychologist (she was turning me against him),pressuring me to be intimate when he would do something nice for me, checking my emails, phone etc). eventually these stressors began to build up and i started to feel very very depressed. we tried marriage counseling with our priest, but eventually he stopped going, though i continued to talk to the priest regularly.
one night this past summer, he made me feel so awful with his hurtful words and he ran off to hang out with friends leaving me alone. iwas so depressed that i cut my arms very badly with a blade. he scoffed at my actions saying they were for attention and left for his friends. i called my mother when i realized what i did and she rushed over. we went to speak with the priest, and later with my doctor, and i made the decision to voluntarily admit myself to a behavioral hospital to get treatment.
while at the hospital my husband showed little support. he called and said i wasnt trying hard enough and demamded to know where i saw myself in 6 months. when he came to visit, he was cold, distant and spiteful. he admitted he acted this way because his mother had told him to do so. upon being released, i agreed to a family meeting with him, where he only belittled me and made me cry in front of the social worker. when i was released i stayed with my mom for several weeks. i was not ready to go home, but my mood was much better when i was at her house and away from him.
a few weeks later, i suspected i was pregnant and when i told him he said it was a ploy so i wouldnt leavehim. he made a comment that we could part ways andhe would cut me a check for half of our assets. i was shocked. he then spent the night at his friends house, got drunkand passed out. the next morning i took a test and confirmed the pregnancy. he wasnot excited at all.
he later demanded that we see a marriage counselor even though i was advised by my doctors to work on me first. the counselor refused to work with us because of his attitude. he waited a long time to tell his parents about the pregnancy and told me to tell his mom that we were telling her first, before my parents. this was the only time in our relationship she showed any concern for me… i was appalled. my husband began to insist i be a stay at home mom, which i would love to do… but as the pregnancy progressed thingsgot worse.
the hormones have mademy depression worse… he has become increasingly cold and spiteful. he stopped doing any work around the house (baby’sroom, roof, installing railings onan old unsafe staircase), refused to takeout garbage or clean litter boxes ( A nono for pregnant women). he has taken all of my pay checks and my parents have had to buy maternity clothes and baby items for me.
worst of all he began to accuse me of being unfit and has told me and mutual friends that he will fight with everything he has to get thebaby away from me. he says will support the child but not me.
when i finally went to part time at work (for medical reasons) he became even more emotionally and verbally abusive. mymom had t o take me to a hospital for a panic attack and abdominal cramping. i had to have an ultrasound to check the baby, and thankfully itwas ok. he showed no concern whatsoever. a few weeks later, he accidentally sent me a text messgae meant for someone else saying he was leaving. i suspect it is for another woman. since then he has refused to see our counselor, has taken items and money from the house, moved to his mom’s, and shut off my utilities. myparents are paying my bills (my half of the mortgage, car, groceries, etc) and i am forced to work full time against drs orders. i am on my dads health insurance, which i will lose if they find out how much i am working. i feel like this unborn child has been abandoned and am appalled that he thinks he is acting like a good man and father. i have contacted an attorney to get spousal support from him, and am now at the point wherei need to decideto sign the papers to file for divorce.
i feel being away from him is in the best interes tfor m mental health (which is amazingly stable with him out of the picture) andfor the well being of my child. is it wrong to get divorced when you are in an abusive marriage? If we did divorce i would fight for sole custody…i feel ive been on my own this whole pregnancy. At this point, i just want whats best for my unborn child? my father and brother are both great male role models, but the idea of a broken family is heartbreaking. my parents are able to help me and are more than willing. i just feel so torn. we were married in the church, i was raised irish catholic and my heart is breaking! ADVICE PLEASE
one night this past summer, he made me feel so awful with his hurtful words and he ran off to hang out with friends leaving me alone. iwas so depressed that i cut my arms very badly with a blade. he scoffed at my actions saying they were for attention and left for his friends. i called my mother when i realized what i did and she rushed over. we went to speak with the priest, and later with my doctor, and i made the decision to voluntarily admit myself to a behavioral hospital to get treatment.
while at the hospital my husband showed little support. he called and said i wasnt trying hard enough and demamded to know where i saw myself in 6 months. when he came to visit, he was cold, distant and spiteful. he admitted he acted this way because his mother had told him to do so. upon being released, i agreed to a family meeting with him, where he only belittled me and made me cry in front of the social worker. when i was released i stayed with my mom for several weeks. i was not ready to go home, but my mood was much better when i was at her house and away from him.
a few weeks later, i suspected i was pregnant and when i told him he said it was a ploy so i wouldnt leavehim. he made a comment that we could part ways andhe would cut me a check for half of our assets. i was shocked. he then spent the night at his friends house, got drunkand passed out. the next morning i took a test and confirmed the pregnancy. he wasnot excited at all.
he later demanded that we see a marriage counselor even though i was advised by my doctors to work on me first. the counselor refused to work with us because of his attitude. he waited a long time to tell his parents about the pregnancy and told me to tell his mom that we were telling her first, before my parents. this was the only time in our relationship she showed any concern for me… i was appalled. my husband began to insist i be a stay at home mom, which i would love to do… but as the pregnancy progressed thingsgot worse.
the hormones have mademy depression worse… he has become increasingly cold and spiteful. he stopped doing any work around the house (baby’sroom, roof, installing railings onan old unsafe staircase), refused to takeout garbage or clean litter boxes ( A nono for pregnant women). he has taken all of my pay checks and my parents have had to buy maternity clothes and baby items for me.
worst of all he began to accuse me of being unfit and has told me and mutual friends that he will fight with everything he has to get thebaby away from me. he says will support the child but not me.
when i finally went to part time at work (for medical reasons) he became even more emotionally and verbally abusive. mymom had t o take me to a hospital for a panic attack and abdominal cramping. i had to have an ultrasound to check the baby, and thankfully itwas ok. he showed no concern whatsoever. a few weeks later, he accidentally sent me a text messgae meant for someone else saying he was leaving. i suspect it is for another woman. since then he has refused to see our counselor, has taken items and money from the house, moved to his mom’s, and shut off my utilities. myparents are paying my bills (my half of the mortgage, car, groceries, etc) and i am forced to work full time against drs orders. i am on my dads health insurance, which i will lose if they find out how much i am working. i feel like this unborn child has been abandoned and am appalled that he thinks he is acting like a good man and father. i have contacted an attorney to get spousal support from him, and am now at the point wherei need to decideto sign the papers to file for divorce.
i feel being away from him is in the best interes tfor m mental health (which is amazingly stable with him out of the picture) andfor the well being of my child. is it wrong to get divorced when you are in an abusive marriage? If we did divorce i would fight for sole custody…i feel ive been on my own this whole pregnancy. At this point, i just want whats best for my unborn child? my father and brother are both great male role models, but the idea of a broken family is heartbreaking. my parents are able to help me and are more than willing. i just feel so torn. we were married in the church, i was raised irish catholic and my heart is breaking! ADVICE PLEASE
