Tortured by Past

[living_water]

I am desperate to hear God and know that He hears me. I feel desperate for hope.

Before I became Catholic, 4-5 years ago, I had repulsive sin in my life that I did not realize was as serious as it was. I studied the occult, and now, in retrospect it is so deeply sinful I can barely stand to say it out loud. I also talked to psychics. I have repented of these sins, and they are not in my life, but thinking of them is tortourus to me.

I also had sex outside of marriage and was a very unhappy person. I am deeply ashamed of the choices I made. At the time I thought I was like everyone else in the world, and maybe I was. There were some other things in my life that led to terrible consequences, such as financial problems I have been straightening out for 2 and a half years, and not moving forward at work when I should have been able to. I don’t want to go into too much detail, but it felt like negative things came into my life just out of nowhere. I know it is superstituous and some people don’t believe this, but at the time I wondered if my life were cursed.

I go through periods of intense fear when I think about this time in my life. The fear tortures me. I think, the past will never truly be in the past. There will still be punishments and consequences for my past actions that I cannot escape. I feel constantly anxious, afraid that disaster will strike me, and the disaster will be related to judgments I have brought on myself.

I pray, God, please let me be free, please save me from reaping the worst consequences of the sins I sowed, but everytime I pray this prayer I think, “who are you to expect such a thing from God? That is not how God works and you will reap all of the sins you sowed.” I am also tormented by thoughts that “all of this relgion stuff is not real, there is no real God, look at all of the unanswered prayers and evil in the world, who are you to be spared?”

I have just had another spell of these kinds of torturing thoughts, and now I really need others to intercede for me, even though it is on the Internet.

Thank you for listening and praying.

 

[Mini_gerbel]

 

[teadough]

(((prayers)))

May the Lord guide and direct you to a understanding of Him that will bring you a new sense of hope. May He wash all of your troubles away.

Lord,Jesus. I ask that you please bring new life into this Child of yours.

 

[BarbaraTherese]

Talking with Father in Confession or by appointment I am sure will be of great help in re establishing Christ’s Peace in your soul…Keeping you in daily prayer…

 

[Mary_ann_R]

Living water, Our God is a loving and merciful God! He loves you and made you for himself. Do not believe the lie that you are unworthy of His mercy. It simply isn’t true! There is nothing that Satan likes more than us despairing and believing that God couldn’t possibly love or forgive us. Here is a link to Fr. Corapi’s Spiritual 911. Read and pray this. It is very powerful!! I will be praying for you. God bless you.

fathercorapi.com/PDF/911.pdf

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord with thee. Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us, sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen.

 

[Diana_Lynn]

Dearest living water,

God has heard you, and wants you to remain close to him. Your past sins can and will be forgiven by God, as He is truly a loving and merciful God, who wants you to forgive yourself as well.

Some of our most shameful mistakes, are those that bring us closer to God, and forgiving ourselves is a crucial part of our healing. It is not the mistakes we make themselves that are most important, it is the lessons that come from them.

You have repented your sins, and sought forgiveness from God, have faith in Him! It is through our faith, not through signs, that God’s miracles are granted. Some of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers. Have faith in his Will - it is his Will that be done, not ours. Only he knows the great design for us, and we are not wise enough to question such a grand design.

It is in our darkest moments of fear, when we must put our troubles in God’s hands, and have complete faith that His love for His children is unconditional, and all powerful. You asked “who am I to expect such a thing from God?” You are his beloved child. And with your faith and loyalty, one of his soldiers in the war against evil. Who are you to him? You are everything!

I pray for you tonight, and each day, that God will enter your heart, and remind you of his eternal love for you, putting your worries to rest in his strong and capable hands. I pray that you find it in your heart to forgive yourself for all your mistakes, as God forgives.
You are in my prayers, living water.

 

[mom4truth]

I agree with Fr. Corapi’s 911 prayer. I received a miracle from it! Remeber, Jesus came specifically for sinners! He loves us! Please don’t give up or give in to despair. I will keep you in daily prayer. God bless you.

 

[living_water]

Thank you all for your prayers. I asked one of our priests after Mass today for an appointment for confession.

Thank you for Fr. Corapi’s 911 prayer. Ironcially, in the preface to the prayers it is mentioned that he received this from Mother Teresa. She is my patron saint.

 

[stove]

J†M†J
I will pray for your intentions in my rosary tonight.

God Bless
In Jesus through Mary
Steve

 

[Mary_ann_R]

Thank you all for your prayers. I asked one of our priests after Mass today for an appointment for confession.

Living water,

I’m glad that you were able to get an appointment with the priest. Believe me when I tell you that posting Fr. Corapi’s 911 prayer was God inspired. You want to talk about ironic, after I finished posting, I turned on EWTN and there was Fr. Corapi, as big as life and take one guess what his talk was about…“GOD IS MERCY!” LOL … I just love Our Lord so much…He never ceases to amaze me!

I will be praying for you. God Bless you.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord with thee. Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us, sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen.

 

[living_water]

Mary ann R:

Believe me when I tell you that posting Fr. Corapi’s 911 prayer was God inspired.

You have given me a great deal of faith, thank you for telling me this!

Last night I was praying for a miracle because of something in my life that I fear is a judgement from God.
Diana Lynn:

It is through our faith, not through signs, that God’s miracles are granted.

And while I was praying, I felt compelled by the words, “have faith”. This is confirmed in what you said to me. God truly works through you who pray here. Thank you.

 

[Traditional_Ang]

I am desperate to hear God and know that He hears me. I feel desperate for hope.

Before I became Catholic, 4-5 years ago, I had repulsive sin in my life that I did not realize was as serious as it was. I studied the occult, and now, in retrospect it is so deeply sinful I can barely stand to say it out loud. I also talked to psychics. I have repented of these sins, and they are not in my life, but thinking of them is tortourus to me.

I also had sex outside of marriage and was a very unhappy person. I am deeply ashamed of the choices I made. At the time I thought I was like everyone else in the world, and maybe I was. There were some other things in my life that led to terrible consequences, such as financial problems I have been straightening out for 2 and a half years, and not moving forward at work when I should have been able to. I don’t want to go into too much detail, but it felt like negative things came into my life just out of nowhere. I know it is superstituous and some people don’t believe this, but at the time I wondered if my life were cursed.

I go through periods of intense fear when I think about this time in my life. The fear tortures me. I think, the past will never truly be in the past. There will still be punishments and consequences for my past actions that I cannot escape. I feel constantly anxious, afraid that disaster will strike me, and the disaster will be related to judgments I have brought on myself.

I pray, God, please let me be free, please save me from reaping the worst consequences of the sins I sowed, but everytime I pray this prayer I think, “who are you to expect such a thing from God? That is not how God works and you will reap all of the sins you sowed.” I am also tormented by thoughts that “all of this relgion stuff is not real, there is no real God, look at all of the unanswered prayers and evil in the world, who are you to be spared?”

I have just had another spell of these kinds of torturing thoughts, and now I really need others to intercede for me, even though it is on the Internet.

Thank you for listening and praying.

Living Water:

If you don’t have a Spiritual Director & Regular Confessor, you should get one, these are the type of issues you need to talk over with someone who is wiser than I ever will be. But, I can see that you do need healing and that Satan, the Adversary of the People of God, the Thief who comes to steal steal, kill and destroy, has been giving you a hard time…

First, Remember that most of what’s going through your head right now are lies because the talk is from him (you let him in when you engaged in the occult - As I did). The Devil is a Liar and the Father of Lies, and he uses Lies “salted” with grains of truth to deceive even the elect and to steal our peace, our joy, and even our salvation.

Don’t let him. Tell him to get lost - In the Name of our Lord Jesus Christ. and, Daily ask for the protection of St. Michael the Archangel:

Saint Michael the Archangel,
defend us in battle.
Be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil.
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray;
and do Thou, O Prince of the Heavenly Host -
by the Divine Power of God -
cast into hell, satan and all the evil spirits,
who roam throughout the world seeking the ruin of souls.
Amen.

And to your Guardian Angel:

Angel of God,
my guardian dear,
To whom God’s love
commits me here,
Ever this day,
be at my side,
To light and guard,
Rule and guide.
Amen.

And, then the Prayer of the Publican - The Desert Fathers used this one as their constantly:

“Lord Jesus Christ,
Son of the Living God,
have mercy on me,
a sinner.”

Repeat as a Mantra, breathing in and out (In one line, Out the next) until the name of the Lord Jesus blocks out all else. 30 min. 2x/day should start to clear your head of Satan’s Lies.

And, There’s always Our Mothers lap - Recommended by Fr. Corapi:

“Immaculate Heart of Mary,
I put my trust in you.”

Same breathing pattern as above - try repeating for 15 min. 2x/day. Both of these have been very helpful for me.

I strongly recommend that you don’t try doing these while driving, but that you do try doing these while in front of Our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament. Speaking of the Sacrament, If you aren’t receiving daily, you might try to see if there’s any way you can. I know it’ll be difficult, but it will be worth it even if you can only make it 2 or 3 extra times/week in addition to Sunday.

The reason I went on so long is that during the 20+ years I was gone, I’m pretty sure I did everything you did and more. It’s not a good idea to describe these sins as it might cause some brothers and sisters to stumble. I do need to let you know that the Lord has forgiven and delivered me from this addictive sin. I want you to Read Romans 8 - Here are some excerpts (continued on the next post):

Your Brother in Christ, Michael

 

[Traditional_Ang]

Reply to Living Water - Excerpts from Romans 8, con;

*There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set me free from the law of sin and death. For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do: sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, He condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the just requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit…

For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the spirit of sonship. When we cry, “Abba! Father!” it is the Spirit himself bearing witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs, heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with Him in order that we may also be glorified with Him.

I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us…

Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with sighs too deep for words. And He who searches the hearts of men knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.

We know that in everything God works for good with those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose. For those whom He foreknew He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, in order that He might be the first-born among many brethren. And those whom He predestined He also called; and those whom He called He also justified; and those whom He justified He also glorified.

What then shall we say to this? If God is for us, who is against us? He who did not spare His own Son but gave Him up for us all, will He not also give us all things with Him? Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies; who is to condemn? Is it Christ Jesus, who died, yes, who was raised from the dead, who is at the right hand of God, who indeed intercedes for us? Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? As it is written,
“For your sake we are being killed all the day long;
we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.”
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.*
Rom 8:1-4, 15-18, 26-39 RSV 2nd Catholic Ed.

As I said, I’ve done what you’ve done and gone through the torture you’re going through. That particular sin has a pull like none other, So you can rely on my prayers.

I hope this helps.

Your Brother in Christ, Michael

 

[Traditional_Ang]

Thank you all for your prayers. I asked one of our priests after Mass today for an appointment for confession.

Thank you for Fr. Corapi’s 911 prayer. Ironcially, in the preface to the prayers it is mentioned that he received this from Mother Teresa. She is my patron saint.

Living Water:

I wrote mine 1st without reading the whole thread - Something about having had the problem, so I didn’t read this…

I’m glad to see that you made the appointment. I do think you might want to feel Father out about becoming a regular confessor and soiritual director. This thing will take some work.

But you’ve made a very important 1st step. Congratulations.

Your Brother in Christ, Michael

 

[living_water]

Michael,

I am very thankful to have you as a brother in Christ, and deeply appreciate your prayers!

This is very helpful for me! I will be taking all of your suggestions and using them.

Thank you!!

 

[Renato]

Living Water:

I’m praying for your strength. If you have not confessed this big stoen of your chest I would reccomend doing it, it will free you up.

Prayerfully,

Renato

 

[Diana_Lynn]

Keeping you in my daily prayers, livingwater!
May God keep you close to his heart, and shelter you with his love.

 

[wgholland]

Living Water,

I have been Catholic all of my life. However, I have not always been saintly and have done some very regretable things. Have confessed them timely and finally undertaken living Catholic for the past 10 yrs or so.

Please take consolation that the Lord does forgive us and it is grievous against the Holy Spirit to think otherwise. Just that fact, can help you see how the enemy works. The Lord welcomes each of us, no matter what our past, to come to Him and sin no more.

Moreover, I loved the 911 strategy and may consider using it. See I have been continually haunted as well by my sins and my past like a slideshow going on in my head…people, situations, choices, all like a viewfinder with random purpose. It has been ramped up lately I suspect with the onset of Lent.

See last Good Friday, the enemy took me down and I cried most of the day at my own life. I called my spiritual director in panic b/c of the unworthiness of who I was…the important thing is that is not who I am today. And it is just the enemies’ continued efforts to put distance btwn us and God…to convince us that He’d never receive us back as the poor pitiful souls we have become, that their is no way back.

And so I will get to my prayer, but first know that you are not the only one being attacked, you have company. You might gain some insight though that this time of Lent is a time for our own insight and retrospect and that can often give the enemy an opportunity to mess with our heads. It is good to reflect on our need for the Lord, but try not to dredge up every past item comparing it for judgement. There are temporal effects of sin, and with the strength of Christ you can face those. The spiritual effects are gone. That is why Christ died for us.

I am so glad to join you during this Lent, please let me hold your hand and pray:

Father in Heaven,

we pray for Living Water at this moment. We so eagerly want to please you we ask that you would bring special peace to this child of Yours. Bring a special calmness to this week during Lent, that reflection would not be an open-day for the enemy to beat us up. We ask for the strength that you had against the enemy in the desert and for clarity in purpose this Lent. We can get too many projects for Lent and complete none, also a wile of the enemy. As we make our journey back, please grant to each of us the knowledge that we are Yours each step of the way.

In Jesus’ name we pray…Amen.

 

[jnnywren]

God has heard you Living Water your past is just that your past, god has already forgiven you past deeds you now need to forgive yourself, and by staying on gods path you are a better person already, we all make mistakes at one time or another and learn by them, god bless you will pray for you

 

[wgholland]

Had to get back again b/c I was struck by a prayer I found, it is for lent;

Divine Savior,
transform me into yourself.
May my hands be your hands.
May my tongue be your tongue.
Grant that every faculty of my body
may serve only to glorify you.
Above all, transform my soul and all its powers
that my memory, my will,
and my affections
may be the memory, the will, and the affections of you.
I pray you to destroy in me
all that is not of you.
Grant that I may live
but in you and by you and for you,
that I may truly say with St. Paul,
“I live, now not I,
but Christ lives in me.” Amen.