Touching the Dead at a Funeral

[PoliSciProf]

This is (or perhaps was) quite a common practice among an older generation of Catholics. I was routinely encouraged to do so as a sign of respect and to get closure when I was a child. It was done at the Funeral Home, not the Church.

 

[ElizabethPH]

In my youth, among certain ethnic groups, no funeral would have been considered complete without a hysterical, shrieking woman trying to jump into the coffin, while relatives physically restained her and offered smelling salts.

Those who eschew such histrionics are considered to be emotionally defective.

When my father died; my Nana would not let go of the casket at the funeral…she hugged it as best she could and wouldn’t let go. I still cry when I remember that.

 

[SwizzleStick]

To me if I were at a funeral where no one kissed the diseased I would think it strange. I can’t imagine not giving them a kiss good-bye.

But, this is done at the mortuary, maybe during the wake or final visitation in the morning before closing the casket for the final time, not at the actual funeral at Church, right?

 

[ElizabethPH]

But, this is done at the mortuary, maybe during the wake or final visitation in the morning before closing the casket for the final time, not at the actual funeral at Church, right?

correct SwizzleStick…sorry about that. I meant to say at the viewing or wake. Often I don’t distinguish the differences and refer to all of it as a funeral; when officially the ‘funeral’ would be the burial itself or the interment.

 

[dianaballein]

I have been to non-Catholic funerals where they do kiss the loved one goodbye, open casket, right there at the church during the service…but I, too, have never seen an open casket at any Catholic Mass funeral.

 

[SwizzleStick]

correct SwizzleStick…sorry about that. I meant to say at the viewing or wake. Often I don’t distinguish the differences and refer to all of it as a funeral; when officially the ‘funeral’ would be the burial itself or the interment.

Okay, now it is clear to me, thanks.

 

[Shoshana]

In my youth, among certain ethnic groups, no funeral would have been considered complete without a hysterical, shrieking woman trying to jump into the coffin, while relatives physically restained her and offered smelling salts.

Those who eschew such histrionics are considered to be emotionally defective.

This happened in our parish church when an italian couple lost their only adult child to suicide.

I did not witness it as I was at my dad’s funeral.

 

[Holly3278]

I see nothing wrong with it as long as it is done respectfully. As another poster said, I am sure that Mary lovingly held her Son when He was handed to her from the cross.

 

[jprioli]

As a Deacon who frequently conducts wake services (ie, the Vigil for the Deceased), I take time during the Concluding Rite to do this.

After the words, “Blessed are those who die in the Lord; let them rest from their labors for their good deeds go with them,” I turn toward the deceased.

At this point in the Rite, there is a rubric that says, “A gesture, for example, signing the forehead of the deceased with the sign of the cross, may accompany the following words.”

What I do is, sotto voce, speak to the deceased. I remind him of the signing of his forehead that happened in Baptism when he was claimed for Christ while I sign his forehead a final time. I pray along the lines of “may the angels of God meet you, and bear you to Him.”

Then I turn back to the people assembled and say, “Eternal rest grant unto him…”

Regards,
Deacon Joe

 

[dianaballein]

That is beautiful, Deacon Joe

 

[lizaanne]

I have never seen an open casket at a funeral mass. At the mortuary is where the casket is usually opened for the viewing. Before Mass and the funeral.

The last three or four Catholic funerals I’ve been to over the past two years, all at different Churches in the Detroit area, all had open casket viewing in the Church immediately prior to the Mass.



~Liza

 

[dianaballein]

Well, it just goes to show you that even with this, there is no specified right answer. It sounds like it’s up the Parish, and/or up to the family.

 

[Sarabande]

As others have said, I think it depends on the person. There is no right or wrong answer. When my grandfather passed away, our family had a viewing the evening of his death (he passed away in the morning) and the memorial service the next day since he was to be cremated.

I didn’t want to go to the viewing. It was my first real experience with death, having lived 16 years prior without it. But I went and I’m happy I did. Since everything was handled so quickly, they didn’t need to put makeup on him. He only looked like he was sleeping. I remember after saying a prayer, I touched his hand, then kissed his forehead on the bruise that developed after falling and hitting his head that morning when his heart stopped. I then took my finger and ran it over his eyebrows one last time. (When I was girl I used to love running my finger over his dark eyebrows.) Doing all of that helped me say goodbye.

Having cantored for many funeral masses, most of the ones I’ve done, they have an open casket viewing at the church prior to the mass. (Sometimes they also have one at the funeral home the night before and then one at the church the morning of.) I’ve see many where the close relatives and friends will either kiss the forehead or touch the hands of the deceased. It’s not uncommon.

 

[maryj]

Kissed both Mom and Dad before they closed the casket at the church, not the funeral home.

 

[nannygirl]

Kissed both Mom and Dad before they closed the casket at the church, not the funeral home.

My ethnic group not only kisses them, we also take a picture of them lying in the casket…

 

[ElizabethPH]

My ethnic group not only kisses them, we also take a picture of them lying in the casket…

Going through my grandmother’s pictures I found a lot of pictures like that. I don’t know that anybody in my family does that anymore. We are of Irish decent. And I really don’t know if it is a ethnic thing or just something that was commonly done back when.

 

[nannygirl]

Going through my grandmother’s pictures I found a lot of pictures like that. I don’t know that anybody in my family does that anymore. We are of Irish decent. And I really don’t know if it is a ethnic thing or just something that was commonly done back when.

I think you’re right. It was more likely something that was done back when. We’re of Serbian descent and the pictures we have are very old, too.

 

[Diak]

It is still very much a part of our Ukrainian Catholic (Byzantine) funeral rite to have the Final Farewell/Last Kiss before the casket is closed and taken out of the church for the trip to the cemetary and final burial.

During the Parastas (an adaptation of Matins for the Dead) it is very common for a steady stream of mourners to process for a kiss of the deceased.
Fr. Deacon RLB

 

[BrothersKeeper]

My Brother Joey’s Funeral was held on June 19, 2012 in Cebu City Philippines at San Isidro Church. His casket was opened during Absolution/Commendation for Blessing with incense and holy water. The casket remained open so the funeral service attendees, about 300 people, could approach Joey’s casket to pay their final respects and say their final goodbyes.