Towards a personal Catholicism

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losh14

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thought that might get your attention…

this post is motivated partly by a feeling of spiritual doldrums, and partly by reading this article tonight on the causes for defection from the Church:

ncronline.org/news/hidden-exodus-catholics-becoming-protestants

No, I’m not considering leaving the Faith, but I think I’m in the same boat as many who do and I feel like whatever I need to do to help myself is something that would help these folks as well.

Here’s where I am. I’m a cradle Catholic who, at a time when I was drifting ran into a Protestant Bible Study and was challenged to either remain Catholic or follow the Bible. I picked up Dave Armstrong’s “BIblical Defense of Catholicism”, David Currie’s “Born Fundamentalist, Born Again Catholic” and a few others, and went back to the Bible Study making a substantial case for Biblical Catholicism. A few actually went to Mass with me after that, and the group leader (who later became a dear friend) finally stopped telling me that maybe I needed to get baptized again and admitted that maybe - just in my case - an infant baptism was enough. Yeah, that’s supposed to give you a chuckle.

That was nearly ten years ago. I’ve spent substantial time and effort in apologetics, and while it was tremendously rewarding at first, assuaging my doubts and helping me contend with the oddest assortment of people who would randomly approach me and demand answers of my faith, it’s lost its fulfilling feeling. I’ve read all of Ignatius of Antioch’s epistles, plus a substantial amount of other works, primary and secondary. I’ve read works by Akin, Madrid and Aquilina.

And again I’m hungry. I take this as good - the more you grow, the more faith you need. It’s probably to a small extent some envy of my Protestant friends and this intensely personal relationship they speak about. More than that, it’s a feeling of distance from God that I very much want to overcome - part of that is this very academic knowledge of Him that I’ve cultivated, but also that my need to rely upon Him in this time of uncertainty has grown.

So I’ve started reading Boudreau’s “The Born Again Catholic” which is good - I’m not wowed yet but I’m not all the way through either. I had considered Chan’s “Crazy Love” but felt best sticking with a nihil obstat and an imprimatur.

Thanks for reading - now the questions:
  1. Do you feel this way, have you felt this way? Am I alone in this?
  2. What else can I read? What prayers or spiritual discernment could help me know God better in a real and intimate sense?
I know a lot of you will say the Eucharist - and this is hard. I found out last year I have celiac disease. I end up saying an act of Spiritual Communion more than I receive the Blood, and I miss the full reception, I really do. Perhaps this part of the dance, that the Lord wants me to chase Him another way so I’ll not take the Eucharist - nor His Presence - for granted.

Thanks for your thoughts and prayers.
 
Maybe it’s time to do some reading about prayer. You could start with Dubay’s Fire Within and move on to the writings of the saints he introduces in the book, like Teresa of Avila and John of the Cross.
 
I think the dryness you describe has hit all of us in varying degrees at some time, and I heard Mother Theresa had a dry spell for a very long time. I can only say what has helped me…When I can muster the discipline, I get up an hour early and pray. I start with meditating on the mysteries of the rosary, and then meditation and contemplative prayer…talking to God and beholding Him with all the love I could muster in my heart. I may have used reading to spur thoughts, and then give it time. I try not to fall asleep, but if I do, it seems I wake up feeling very joyful. Maybe you could find ways that work better for you, but give prayer time.

Also, about communion, they have come out with gluten free communion wafers… or you could have the merest particle of a wafer since the smallest piece still has the full amount of the body of Christ as a full sized wafer. Maybe you could just consume the precious blood?..of course you would discuss this with your priest.

Blessing!
 
One problem for myself has been that my faith was based on knowledge and hadn’t grown much towards its real intended goal, which is love for God and neighbor. 1 Cor 13 speaks of this matter, of course, about knowledge versus love, that is.

In the end, God alone satisfies, rather than knowledge about God, and God is love. And anything less will leave us with less than the happiness we’re made for. Meanwhile it’s a struggle. In one sense it has nothing directly to do with the Church, who’s role is to tell us about and move us towards God (which is the very reason why there can be no valid reason to leave the one and only Church Jesus established, BTW); it has everything to do with how far we’ve made it along towards the goal she sets forth.

Like you say, hunger and thirst play a good role in us, informing us that we haven’t yet arrived at that goal. And part of the understanding to be had is that, in this world, whether we like it or not, full satisfaction, which can come only from full, immediate knowledge (direct intuitive experience) of God can fully satisfy. Meanwhile creation has to do some groaning while being transformed, some suffering and doldrums along with the joy that God also provides us with-sometimes surprises us with- in this world of His. We should cultivate this joy as we come in nearness to Him but the struggle’s not over with until the next life-and sometimes I think certain theologies-like the one you mentioned-are actually settling for too little-they may lack the vision we receive through the CC which causes us to realize that our thirst is far from quenched.
 
baltobetsy said:
Maybe it’s time to do some reading about prayer. You could start with Dubay’s Fire Within and move on to the writings of the saints he introduces in the book, like Teresa of Avila and John of the Cross.
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This is excellent advice. 👍 It’s good to study the faith to be able to give a reasonable defense of one’s Catholicism, but to really enter into the faith more deeply and draw into a more intimate union with Christ it’s vital to develop a mature life of prayer.
 
losh14 said:
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Thanks for reading - now the questions:
  1. Do you feel this way, have you felt this way? Am I alone in this?
  2. What else can I read? What prayers or spiritual discernment could help me know God better in a real and intimate sense?
.
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  1. yes at times it is where all Christians must come at some point as their faith matures and leaves off relying on intellect and emotion and enters the deepest recesses of the soul.
  2. Stop reading, start loving. Find someone to serve. Start looking for the face of Jesus, especially in the materially and spiritually poor and needy.
 
Great advice above…

The problem is one that I have run into as well and I’ve come to this conclusion for myself.

I made apologetics too much of the center of my spirituality. Partly it was because I was learning so much, but eventually it became something I was “preaching” and “defending” more on an intellectual - first person removed - sort of level. I began to feel too disconnected with what I was defending - It wasn’t a part of me.

Apologetics needs to come from the life of faith and not be in any way seperated from it. Our first job is to grow closer to Christ. To grow in holiness, and to become perfected (Mt 5:48).
The Church is filled with many wondress treasures for helping us to do this. So we need to take advantage of these many gifts. Learn about them and select the ones that best fit our own spirituality.
Then - and only then - can we truly share with others out of our abundance.

The envy you mention of others, “intensely personal relationship they speak about”, is a sure sign of this. I felt it too. That is when I purchased the book in my signature. I was always drawn toward the more spiritual, mystical aspects of the Church and this book fed me on that level and so much more…Perhaps it can do the same for you.

Peace
James
 
francesj, thank you for the book suggestions. They’ll go on my Amazon list.
francesj said:
IAlso, about communion, they have come out with gluten free communion wafers… or you could have the merest particle of a wafer since the smallest piece still has the full amount of the body of Christ as a full sized wafer. Maybe you could just consume the precious blood?..of course you would discuss this with your priest.
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This is an ongoing issue that hopefully we’ll resolve shortly. We’re between parishes - and without getting into it I’ve learned to do a little two-step around the paten when my wife goes to receive and just head for the chalice. Sometimes I get up there and there’s none left, or the chalice isn’t offered that day (common on Saturday nights for some reason - speed it up maybe?). But I suppose I’ll have to sit down and talk with him, and I’ve heard other celiacs say that their pastors have them bring their own gluten-free hosts up and be part of the Eucharistic Rite, which would be a very intimate experience I think.
 
puzzleannie said:
  1. yes at times it is where all Christians must come at some point as their faith matures and leaves off relying on intellect and emotion and enters the deepest recesses of the soul.
  2. Stop reading, start loving. Find someone to serve. Start looking for the face of Jesus, especially in the materially and spiritually poor and needy.
Click to expand...
Annie, your second point made my heart jump. Why aren’t I serving? I think of a local show on our EWTN affiliate where a Catholic evangelist - a doorknocker in North County - spoke about his conversion and his desire to evangelize total strangers, and of all the love he had given to the neighborhoods he visits.

You’ve given me something very specific to pray on, thank you.
 
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