Traditional roles for men and women

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Lisa44

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Hi everyone,

I am new to the Catholic Church having come from a very atheist upbringing.

I was wondering what are the Catholic viewpoints on women working outside the home? Do Catholics tend to have more traditional marriages than non-Catholics? Does the Church have any viewpoint on the subject?

I am a housewife and would hate to have to work outside the home, however, I hardly know any women who stay home.

What I would like is support for my decision to stay home but if it is wrong of me to not have a job/career then I would also like to know that too.

Thanks
 
Hi Lisa;

Welcome to the forums…and most of all…to the faith!!!👍 Nice to meet you.

The Catholic ‘view’ is that one should always put one’s marriage and family (of course God comes first before these two things) first. There is nothing morally wrong with a woman having a career outside of the home. There is nothing wrong with you choosing to not have a career outside of the home. In fact, we should always ask God where does He see us as having the most impact? And follow His guidance, not our desires. It is a noble vocation to be a stay at home mom (I did this for years) and a noble vocation to be a housewife. I like the term domestic engineer better. lol:p If you are truly serving God with all of your heart, mind, and soul…then, you are fulfilling the vocation He has blessed you with. But, for some women (I now work out of the home), God also might have a different vocation in mind. It is what works for your family.

But, to answer your question, it is moral to do either, as long as God and one’s family comes first, always. That holds true for men too. Men shouldn’t be putting their careers before their family time either. Hope that helps.

God bless, and again, welcome!🙂
 
whatevergirl said:
But, to answer your question, it is moral to do either, as long as God and one’s family comes first, always. That holds true for men too. Men shouldn’t be putting their careers before their family time either. Hope that helps.
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I think this is an important point.

The idea is to put the marriage first. (And bearing and raising children is typically a “part” of marriage.)

This means that work, whether by the man or the woman, is in service to the marriage and to the Church as a whole. In general it is best for children if a parent is home with them. Often it is good for a couple’s relationship if one partner assumes the “job” of “making” the home. Tradition and physiology usually have the woman take the majority of the inter-home responsibilities while the man takes the extra-home responsibilities.

But sometimes that means a woman will work outside the home. And sometimes that means the Dad will stay home with the children. Sometimes it means someone other than the parents handle the majority of childcare and/or home care. Often it means some kind of combination of the possibilities.
 
Jeanne–thank you for this link–I had never read that…that’s terrific! I miss Pope JP2.😦
 
Oh I forgot, I would also reccomend the book “The Privlage of Being a Woman” by Alice von Hildebrand. It’s published by Ave Maria University’s press, but I think amazon has it. It’s a short read, but it’s one of my favorite Catholic books!
 
Jeanne_dArc said:
Oh I forgot, I would also reccomend the book “The Privlage of Being a Woman” by Alice von Hildebrand. It’s published by Ave Maria University’s press, but I think amazon has it. It’s a short read, but it’s one of my favorite Catholic books!
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I had the opportunity to hear Alice von Hildebrand speak two years ago at a Catholic women’s conference. She was amazing. I’ve never read her book but I would recommend it based solely on her talk. 👍
 
I second the book!

You need to do what you are called to do! I don’t have any kids yet, but I work a lot of hours and travel a lot. However, my husband is a stay-at-home spouse. He freelances and takes care of the home, because he feels God called him to support my career and handle the housework.

Every person is different! I thrive on working 60 hours a week at the office, and Nathan thrives on writing, playing with the pets, and cooking dinner [which he does very well!].
 
whatevergirl said:
Hi Lisa;

Welcome to the forums…and most of all…to the faith!!!👍 Nice to meet you.

The Catholic ‘view’ is that one should always put one’s marriage and family (of course God comes first before these two things) first. There is nothing morally wrong with a woman having a career outside of the home. There is nothing wrong with you choosing to not have a career outside of the home. In fact, we should always ask God where does He see us as having the most impact? And follow His guidance, not our desires. It is a noble vocation to be a stay at home mom (I did this for years) and a noble vocation to be a housewife. I like the term domestic engineer better. lol:p If you are truly serving God with all of your heart, mind, and soul…then, you are fulfilling the vocation He has blessed you with. But, for some women (I now work out of the home), God also might have a different vocation in mind. It is what works for your family.

But, to answer your question, it is moral to do either, as long as God and one’s family comes first, always. That holds true for men too. Men shouldn’t be putting their careers before their family time either. Hope that helps.

God bless, and again, welcome!🙂
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Beautiful post whatevergirl! It was worth quoting it just so we get to see it again.

Lisa,
I have never been able to stay at home and quite honestly, I don’t know if I would or not because it was never an option. I have raised 3 beautiful children on my own for the most part and now that I am remarried, with my dh. I still work because we need the income to support our expensive private school habit… God has put me in some interesting positions at work and I know that He has used me to bring his love to others in the workplace. He has also used others to teach me or change me in some big ways.

God always comes first, but my dh and children come next… not my employer or my paycheck. I am thankful that I have a boss that understands this and unfortunately he seems to understand this too much sometimes too… but maybe God is teaching me something about his love and mercy when I think the boss is too understanding.
 
I’m a Stay-at Home Dad of 3 kids. I love it and my wife loves it too.
(I’m a better cook then her anyways 😉 … that’s why she says she keeps me:D )

Some may say I’m “Hen-Pecked” … but I say, “Yes, and pecked by a good Hen!!”👍

If you are drawn to stay at home with and for your family… that is your work… I’ll admit the pay check doesn’t do much for the checking account but my paycheck comes in knowing that I am the one who is raising my children and I am the one teaching them right from wrong and not a daycare or babysitter. If needed I would go back to work outside the home and put our younger children in daycare and I would have to be vigilant of what they are learning. But if it is possible I truely believe that children are better off with one parent that stays home. It makes for a much more stable home environment for the kids too.

So, I have to say that I love my JOB!

Paul
 
Paul, I love your response!

I just copied and pasted it into an email and forwarded to my husband, and he emailed me back saying he agrees completely!

It is good to know that there are other men who choose to stay home!
 
Thanks for your responses, they are interesting.

It appears that Catholics are no different from non-Catholics in their career/family choices.

I would have thought that they would be different, I don’t know why? I guess because the baptist people I know and the Mormon people I know are more ‘old fashioned’ in their family roles. So I was “assuming” that Catholics were too. But perhaps not.

Its interesting. Thanks everyone.
 
Just a little piece of trivia…
The word “catholic” means “universal”… and if you really dwell on the concept of being “universal” you’ll see that it means “all encompassing”…
Like it says in the gospels… we are all very unique members of the body of Christ… we cannot all be hands or hearts or legs… we are all unique… but ALL part of the body of Christ… the universal, Catholic faith…

If we were ALL stay at home moms then we wouldn’t be very universal, would we? 😉
 
I must second the ‘do what you are called to do’ sentiment.

My mother and grandmother, wonderful women as they are, would’ve both been absolutely miserable - and made their children likewise - had they been permanent SAHMs. There were other factors too - grandparents weren’t well off, and my parents had five children (which even in those days a single income would’ve been a huge stretch) so the extra income helped in both cases.

In fact great-granny was the one who noticed how ill-suited grandma was to SAHM-dom and after a few years of it advised her to go to University and then out to work for her own sanity as well as the childrens’! And each did very well with studies and career, Mum being a doctor especially has done immeasurable good by working.

At the same time I can honestly say that both do have a vocation to motherhood and have raised some fantastic kids, with help from friends and family. Yet to be seen whether yours truly counts among them, but then even the best families have ‘black sheep’ 😉
 
Em_in_FL said:
Just a little piece of trivia…
The word “catholic” means “universal”… and if you really dwell on the concept of being “universal” you’ll see that it means “all encompassing”…
Like it says in the gospels… we are all very unique members of the body of Christ… we cannot all be hands or hearts or legs… we are all unique… but ALL part of the body of Christ… the universal, Catholic faith…

If we were ALL stay at home moms then we wouldn’t be very universal, would we? 😉
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That is by NO means ‘trivia’ 😉

You basically took the words out of my mouth, but I’ll restate your point a bit differently:

Sects (sorry to be blunt) like the Baptists and Mormons, not having the source of Truth that is Christ as head of their church, of necessity become attached to a culture, time, and place. Therefore, they become obsessed with things like ‘traditional’ gender roles that are really only traditional to a VERY limited culture, space, and time.

Only since the workplace has been separated from the home has this been an issue at all, and this has not even been the case for a full century for the vast majority of people on the planet! The Church has existed for 1975 years, OTOH 😃 . Only in the countries and social strata that actually ALLOWED for a parent to not bring in income has this even been an issue. Again, very limited, on the whole. In my country, peasant women work VERY hard out in the fields, and city women and their families would starve if those women were unemployed. Throughout much of the world’s history, only the aristocracy, later the bourgoisie, and later the well-educated, could afford one of the spouses not working. That’s a tiny minority.

If the Universal Church decreed things like mothers not working for the survival of their families, it would sentence the vast majority of humanity, past and present, to death!

Seeing it from that perspective, it seems only natural that there should be women, like LilyM mentioned, that are strongly called to vocations apart from their motherhood. My mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother were like that too, and, well, so am I. :o Unlike them, I will be fortunate enough to be paid enough to enable my husband to be a SAHD. 👍

Do what you are called to do and try to make sure that your choice is made in the best interest of you family, and not a result of selfishness, vanity, and others’ expectations - and this could theoretically happen with either choice, actually.
 
Lisa44 said:
Thanks for your responses, they are interesting.

It appears that Catholics are no different from non-Catholics in their career/family choices.

I would have thought that they would be different, I don’t know why? I guess because the baptist people I know and the Mormon people I know are more ‘old fashioned’ in their family roles. So I was “assuming” that Catholics were too. But perhaps not.

Its interesting. Thanks everyone.
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Many good responses here and I don’t argue with what many have presented because the Catholic Church recognizes the contribution of women and men to society. Several of the other posters here are working mothers who I know through this forum to be faithfilled Catholic women. The fact that the Church canonizes women such as St. Gianna Molla (mom who was a physician) and St. Joan of Arc, reminds us that the Church calls us to discover our own unique paths to holiness.

All that said, I am a stay at home Catholic mom. There are many of us. The Blessed Mother was likely a stay at home mom. If you are looking for support in your decision, then you’ve got it. 👍

I was once a working mother and we fell into a lifestyle that “needed” me to support it. I gradually cut back and eventually quit. We had to tighten our budget a little but surprisingly not as much as many would think. A second income costs something too in terms transportation to work, childcare, taxes, etc. Had I continued to work, it that would likely have "cost us"a few children. My family would likely be drastically smaller as what I made wouldn’t cover the cost of child-care for seven children. We didn’t imagine a large family when we got married or when I stopped working, and I certainly didn’t expect to find myself homeschooling, but God had other plans for us.

From the Catechism 2367: “Married couples should regard it as their proper mission to transmit human life and to educate their children…” The Catholic teachings allow couples to discern family matters in prayer, but the Bible and the Church teachings remind us that children are blessing. Marriage and motherhood are noble callings from God.
 
im a stay at home dad of 1, will be 2 on friday.

i love it, i get more out of doing stuff at home and cooking and all that than i would at work. my wife likes to work at a job, i hate it and complain endlessly. lol. plus she can make more money than i can, so there’s lots of pluses for the “role-reversal”

i know one other stay at home dad in the area. i think the only thing that sucks is that as men we are un-welcome to hang out with stay at home mom play groups. oh well.
 
Lisa44 said:
I would have thought that they would be different, I don’t know why? I guess because the baptist people I know and the Mormon people I know are more ‘old fashioned’ in their family roles. So I was “assuming” that Catholics were too. But perhaps not.
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I know what you mean about ‘expecting’ traditional family roles - it’s taken a bit of thinking on my part to work out a possibly reason why the traditional family roles aren’t that important.

It seems to me that actually what the bible and the church teach on the matter of roles only ever seems to be about the husband as the head of the family [Please do tell me if there’s something I don’t know about!] - which, as I understand it, is largely to do with taking responsibility for the good of the family. This in no way presupposes any particular ‘job’ whether outside or inside the home.

Seems weird, yet sensible!
 
maize said:
im a stay at home dad of 1, will be 2 on friday.

i love it, i get more out of doing stuff at home and cooking and all that than i would at work. my wife likes to work at a job, i hate it and complain endlessly. lol. plus she can make more money than i can, so there’s lots of pluses for the “role-reversal”

i know one other stay at home dad in the area. i think the only thing that sucks is that as men we are un-welcome to hang out with stay at home mom play groups. oh well.
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aw–maybe you could find some men who are stay at home dads, and form a group? I think it’s outstanding of you both to come to such a conclusion that works best for your family.
 
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