Traditionally, how proper is a lay spiritual director?

[xzereus]

I have been told by many traditionalists that the only proper spiritual director is a priest. This makes sense to me, but it has become difficult in practice.

I am a lay person, yet I find others often seeking my counsel. I know that I am not worthy of offering this counsel, but they always seem to be so desperate. They normally have talked to countless priests, but the priests often give generic advice that ends up being ineffectual and unhelpful. On the other hand, I am normally told that what I had to say was exactly what they needed to hear, or at least that it is helpful advice. I also have noticed in myself the peculiar ability to not allow hearing the sins of others to affect my view of them. I feel that I can see all of the good aspects of the people separate from the bad, as if I can see who they should become and the things that are holding them back without at all thinking less of the person.

On top of all this, I find great joy in giving advice to others. I fear that this is just pride in disguise, and that I enjoy giving counsel because it makes me feel wise and useful, but I do not know whether or not this fear has an basis in reality. Though I have not been asked to be a spiritual director in so many words, I find that I am nearly always the first person who is consulted on any spiritual or moral matter by these people. I don’t know of this relationship is appropriate with me as a layman, but I also don’t know what to do with those who say that I am helping them. Should I turn them away and tell them to just keep asking priests?

 

[hope19]

I have been told by many traditionalists that the only proper spiritual director is a priest. This makes sense to me, but it has become difficult in practice.

I am a lay person, yet I find others often seeking my counsel. I know that I am not worthy of offering this counsel, but they always seem to be so desperate. They normally have talked to countless priests, but the priests often give generic advice that ends up being ineffectual and unhelpful. On the other hand, I am normally told that what I had to say was exactly what they needed to hear, or at least that it is helpful advice. I also have noticed in myself the peculiar ability to not allow hearing the sins of others to affect my view of them. I feel that I can see all of the good aspects of the people separate from the bad, as if I can see who they should become and the things that are holding them back without at all thinking less of the person.

On top of all this, I find great joy in giving advice to others. I fear that this is just pride in disguise, and that I enjoy giving counsel because it makes me feel wise and useful, but I do not know whether or not this fear has an basis in reality. Though I have not been asked to be a spiritual director in so many words, I find that I am nearly always the first person who is consulted on any spiritual or moral matter by these people. I don’t know of this relationship is appropriate with me as a layman, but I also don’t know what to do with those who say that I am helping them. Should I turn them away and tell them to just keep asking priests?

I think a priest is always the best, but a lay person can do the job also.

hope19

 

[PaulfromIowa]

Many spiritual directors are not clergy, religious brothers and sisters, Opus Dei members, etc… However, I would think that anyone presenting himself as a spiritual director should always have the permission of his pastor or bishop.

 

[Cat]

Many spiritual directors are not clergy, religious brothers and sisters, Opus Dei members, etc… However, I would think that anyone presenting himself as a spiritual director should always have the permission of his pastor or bishop.

I agree.

In our diocese, laypeople are enrolled in a rather rigorous program of classes and “formation” (I believe it’s a two-year commitment), and when they successfully complete this program, they can serve as “Spiritual Directors.”

It seems to me that if a bishop, by virtue of the authority given to him by the Church, is able to grant a layperson permission to serve as a Spiritual Director, we should not question this.

I have never acquired a Spiritual Director, but my gut tells me that as a woman, I would prefer to have a woman as my SD. There are a lot of hormonal issues that we women deal with, and I think women understand these issues better than men! JMO, and I could be wrong–God might have a different idea for me and I accept that. But like I said, just going with my gut, a woman seems like a better idea for me.

 

[agnes_therese]

I have been told by many traditionalists that the only proper spiritual director is a priest.

Why?

 

[hazcompat]

Co-Workers in the Vineyard of the Lord
A Resource for Guiding the Development of Lay Ecclesial Ministry

Discernment of a Call to Lay Ecclesial Ministry

Among the baptized, all of whom are called to serve the mission of the Church, some experience a further specific call to lay ecclesial ministry. The call may come in a dramatic moment. More often, it comes over time, as the person grows—within the community of faith—in love for God and a desire to do his will. One begins to consider that the graces received could now be put in service to the Church. A period of discernment begins.
Discernment of a call to lay ecclesial ministry is a process that requires prayer, dialogue, and evaluation. It is both personal and communal, involving family and friends as well as colleagues and mentors. For married lay ministers, their spouses’ participation is important, since ecclesial ministry significantly affects the marital relationship. Adolescent children might also be included in the process, since they will be affected by a parental commitment to ecclesial ministry.
A variety of experiences may characterize the initial period of discernment, including increased sacramental and liturgical practices, retreats, days of prayer and recollection, and individual or group spiritual direction. Pastors, parochial vicars, deacons, lay ecclesial ministers, teachers, and advisors all play an important role in the discernment process. These connections to the Church provide a supportive environment in which one can decipher, test, and strengthen a call to lay ecclesial ministry. In effect, the discernment becomes not only personal and communal, but ecclesial as well.
Mentoring, formal or informal, can be especially helpful. An experienced Church minister introduces the prospective lay minister into the ministerial workplace. A mentor passes on more than skills. He or she presents an understanding of the particular culture in which the ministry will take place, including the challenges and the opportunities. The mentor helps the prospective minister to develop realistic expectations about ministry, including the limits of what can be accomplished. This can prevent the burnout that results when actual experience 63 Thirty percent of parish ministers say they were led to ministry as a response to God’s call; 27.3 percent report that they were motivated primarily through a personal invitation by the pastor or other parish leader (DeLambo [2005], 72). fails to meet expectations. By sharing their own stories of progress and accomplishments, sacrifices and frustrations, mentors prepare new ministers to make an informed commitment to ministry.
Throughout the discernment process a person needs to ask: What talents, virtues, and limits do I possess that indicate my ability to serve God’s people through a commitment to lay ecclesial ministry? Lay persons with a call to lay ecclesial ministry possess certain dispositions, which are further developed during the formal preparation process. These include
• Being in full communion with the Catholic Church, able to minister joyfully and faithfully within the hierarchical communion that is the Church
• The desire to serve the Church and its mission, which proceeds from love of God and God’s people
• A commitment to regular personal prayer, frequent participation in the Mass beyond the Sunday obligation and in the other sacraments, especially the Sacrament of Penance
• Zeal to live a Christian life, and willingness to live and teach as the magisterium teaches
• Emotional maturity, including the ability to sustain friendships and professional relationships and the management and appropriate expression of both anger and affection
• The intellectual gifts needed for the specific ministry
• A commitment to good communication and conflict resolution skills

The publication National Certification Standards for Lay Ecclesial Ministers Serving as Parish Catechetical Leaders, Youth Ministry Leaders, Pastoral Associates, and Parish
Life Coordinators addresses these and related qualities as they are developed through ministry formation programs. The standards are a resource that can be helpful in identifying prospective lay ecclesial ministers as well as in setting goals for the formation and certification of those who are completing programs.

The standards were developed by the National Association for Lay Ministry, National Conference for Catechetical Leadership, and the National Federation for Catholic Youth Ministry; were approved by the USCCB Commission on Certification and Accreditation in 2003; and were published jointly by the three organizations.

www.usccb.org/upload/co-workers-vineyard-lay-ecclesial-ministry

Peace

 

[Cricket2]

I have been told by many traditionalists that the only proper spiritual director is a priest. This makes sense to me, but it has become difficult in practice.

I am a lay person, yet I find others often seeking my counsel. I know that I am not worthy of offering this counsel, but they always seem to be so desperate. They normally have talked to countless priests, but the priests often give generic advice that ends up being ineffectual and unhelpful. On the other hand, I am normally told that what I had to say was exactly what they needed to hear, or at least that it is helpful advice. I also have noticed in myself the peculiar ability to not allow hearing the sins of others to affect my view of them. I feel that I can see all of the good aspects of the people separate from the bad, as if I can see who they should become and the things that are holding them back without at all thinking less of the person.

On top of all this, I find great joy in giving advice to others. I fear that this is just pride in disguise, and that I enjoy giving counsel because it makes me feel wise and useful, but I do not know whether or not this fear has an basis in reality. Though I have not been asked to be a spiritual director in so many words, I find that I am nearly always the first person who is consulted on any spiritual or moral matter by these people. I don’t know of this relationship is appropriate with me as a layman, but I also don’t know what to do with those who say that I am helping them. Should I turn them away and tell them to just keep asking priests?

Please don’t turn anyone away. You never know what kind of help you could be to them, especially if they are in difficult circumstances. You can always advise them that you are only a lay person, but are glad to suggest something that could help them in their current situation.

I too have been asked for a lot of advise over the years. I don’t put myself out there as someone to give advise or counsel others, but if people to seek my help I listen and do my best. If they have concerns about a sin I tell them what I might do, and suggest they go to confession. Sometimes people just need to talk out problems so they can sort things out, and having someone to talk to is of great help to them. Of course it always important that you keep things confidential.

Over the years I have heard some pretty difficult things, but by being honest, open and keeping their concerns confidential, I have been entrusted with many issues. I never pretend to know better than the Church, always refer them to the Priest when appropriate, and even the law if necessary. It is strange sometimes to know that people trust you so much as to share their deepest problems, but it is also something to be very humble about. I say continue to be open to helping those who seek your advise, remain prayerful about it, and never violate a trust. It may be part of God’s will that you are there to help others.

 

[Neofight]

I have been told by many traditionalists that the only proper spiritual director is a priest.

You got some very good answers from others…the point I would like to make is advice from a “traditionalist” usually has no more validity than advice from anyone…what you received was more than likely opinion…certainly nothing wrong with it, but then again, everyone has opinions!

 

[hazcompat]

the link should be

www.usccb.org/upload/co-workers-vineyard-lay-ecclesial-ministry-2005.pdf - 336k 2011-04-21

Peace

 

[xzereus]

Thank you all for your replies. They have put me at ease to some extent on the issue.

If they have concerns about a sin I tell them what I might do, and suggest they go to confession. Sometimes people just need to talk out problems so they can sort things out, and having someone to talk to is of great help to them.

When people speak to me, they typically seem to already know what they need to do, they just aren’t sure how to do it. The situations I’m more talking about are situations where the person knows what is right and what is wrong, goes to confession for it, but can’t seem to get past it. Does that still seem like an OK type of advice to be giving? I certainly would never give my opinions on definitive matters such as morals and faith and would always defer to the Church, but some of the “hows” are less definitive and need to be catered to the individual’s needs and lifestyle.

 

[SuscipeMeDomine]

There are formation programs for spiritual directors that last two or three years. The one I was involved with had a mixture of priests, religious, and laypeople. Over the span of the program (in my case, three years) you will have a good opportunity to discern whether this is something you are really being called to.

I think spiritual direction is too important to simply jump into it without any background or training. It’s one thing to chat with a friend about spiritual matters. It’s something else to hold yourself out as a spiritual director and meet with people regularly. Looking at it from the other side, if I were looking for a spiritual director I would want someone with training and experience.

You might start by praying about it and talking with your own director to discern whether this is a direction you should go.

 

[pianistclare]

You might indeed enquire about enrolling in Lay Ecclesial Ministry classes. They do take 2 years. I finished the coursework 5 years ago and it was fantastic. Also many of my friends have gotten a Masters in Spiritual Direction, which involves of course, a thesis. Also a good option.
Many people only WANT to speak to a priest. I think that is the real difference.
My own Spiritual Director is a layman and he is wonderful.
Peace.

 

[Deo_Gratias42]

Why?

The priest has the graces that come with his priesthood and the office of spiritual director is most appropriate to him as he holds the office of confessor. Furthermore, he has the intense theological background in moral theology that are usually lacking in the laity.

My spiritual director is a priest and is strongly against regular lay people acting as “spiritual directors” and is very critical of these “intensive spiritual direction lay formation programs”.

Being someone’s spiritual director is a major responsibility that should not be taken lightly. The spiritual director is accountable before God for the soul he is directing. If he misdirects the soul, it’s his soul that is held accountable.

The traditional purpose of spiritual direction is to guide the directee to holiness and perfection in the spiritual life.

 

[pianistclare]

The priest has the graces that come with his priesthood and the office of spiritual director is most appropriate to him as he holds the office of confessor. Furthermore, he has the intense theological background in moral theology that are usually lacking in the laity.

My spiritual director is a priest and is strongly against regular lay people acting as “spiritual directors” and is very critical of these “intensive spiritual direction lay formation programs”.

Being someone’s spiritual director is a major responsibility that should not be taken lightly. The spiritual director is accountable before God for the soul he is directing. If he misdirects the soul, it’s his soul that is held accountable.

The traditional purpose of spiritual direction is to guide the directee to holiness and perfection in the spiritual life.

Of course we have encountered this as well. The Lay Ecclesial Ministry program is NOT a Spiritual Direction program. It is a program which properly trains people how answer the many questions people have when they come to the parish and the priest is busy…Administrative Assistants, DRE’s etc. No LEM is trying to replace a priest or have anyone believe that they know more than a priest.
The Spiritual Direction programs as I said before are Graduate Theology degrees in Pastoral Theology & care which focus on Spiritual Direction. Very few people go for it, for the reasons you cite, and schools are very cautious whom they admit to the programs.

 

[hope19]

I agree.

In our diocese, laypeople are enrolled in a rather rigorous program of classes and “formation” (I believe it’s a two-year commitment), and when they successfully complete this program, they can serve as “Spiritual Directors.”

It seems to me that if a bishop, by virtue of the authority given to him by the Church, is able to grant a layperson permission to serve as a Spiritual Director, we should not question this.

I have never acquired a Spiritual Director, but my gut tells me that as a woman, I would prefer to have a woman as my SD. There are a lot of hormonal issues that we women deal with, and I think women understand these issues better than men! JMO, and I could be wrong–God might have a different idea for me and I accept that. But like I said, just going with my gut, a woman seems like a better idea for me.

I agree that a SD should be approuved by a Bishop.
And yes, a woman could more understand those things.

hope19

 

[Deo_Gratias42]

I agree.

In our diocese, laypeople are enrolled in a rather rigorous program of classes and “formation” (I believe it’s a two-year commitment), and when they successfully complete this program, they can serve as “Spiritual Directors.”

It seems to me that if a bishop, by virtue of the authority given to him by the Church, is able to grant a layperson permission to serve as a Spiritual Director, we should not question this.

I have never acquired a Spiritual Director, but my gut tells me that as a woman, I would prefer to have a woman as my SD. There are a lot of hormonal issues that we women deal with, and I think women understand these issues better than men! JMO, and I could be wrong–God might have a different idea for me and I accept that. But like I said, just going with my gut, a woman seems like a better idea for me.

My spiritual director is a priest, thus a man, who doesn’t even have sisters, yet he seems to be able to understand “women’s hormonal issues” just as good, if not better, than most women I know. I’m telling you, that grace of state really has its benefits.

 

[commenter]

When your spiritual director is a priest, he can also be your confessor. When your spiritual director is not a priest, he or she probably doesn’t have the training, and certainly doesn’t have the sacramental qualification, to consider that area. I don’t mean that spiritual direction and that sacrament are the same thing, but they certainly overlap. The inability to fully address this is so significant that I don’t think what happens without a priest is really spiritual direction.

My preference is that the term “spiritual director” be reserved only for priests. That said, there is room for a lay person to be trained as a spiritual mentor, or guide, to facilitate spiritual growth. In this case, I can readily see the value of a woman with a woman, a married man with a married man, elderly person with another elderly person. Just develop another term for it.

 

[quantum_star22]

I have been told by many traditionalists that the only proper spiritual director is a priest. This makes sense to me, but it has become difficult in practice.

I am a lay person, yet I find others often seeking my counsel. I know that I am not worthy of offering this counsel, but they always seem to be so desperate. They normally have talked to countless priests, but the priests often give generic advice that ends up being ineffectual and unhelpful. On the other hand, I am normally told that what I had to say was exactly what they needed to hear, or at least that it is helpful advice. I also have noticed in myself the peculiar ability to not allow hearing the sins of others to affect my view of them. I feel that I can see all of the good aspects of the people separate from the bad, as if I can see who they should become and the things that are holding them back without at all thinking less of the person.

On top of all this, I find great joy in giving advice to others. I fear that this is just pride in disguise, and that I enjoy giving counsel because it makes me feel wise and useful, but I do not know whether or not this fear has an basis in reality. Though I have not been asked to be a spiritual director in so many words, I find that I am nearly always the first person who is consulted on any spiritual or moral matter by these people. I don’t know of this relationship is appropriate with me as a layman, but I also don’t know what to do with those who say that I am helping them. Should I turn them away and tell them to just keep asking priests?

From what I understand, it was Vatican II which empowered the laity to partake in ministry and teaching. Teaching was regarded as an authority which belonged to the clergy: priests, bishops and above all, the pope. In the Council of Trent, it is clearly stated that the role of laity is to obey, not to teach. The twenty third session of the Council of Trent, Chapter IV, has this to say:

But, forasmuch as in the sacrament of Order, as also in Baptism and Confirmation, a character is imprinted, which can neither be effaced nor taken away; the holy Synod with reason condemns the opinion of those, who assert that the priests of the New Testament have only a temporary power; and that those who have once been rightly ordained, can again become laymen, if they do not exercise the ministry of the word of God. And if any one affirm, that all Christians indiscrimately are priests of the New Testament, or that they are all mutually endowed with an equal spiritual power, he clearly does nothing but confound the ecclesiastical hierarchy, which is as an army set in array; as if, contrary to the doctrine of blessed Paul, all were apostles, all prophets, all evangelists, all pastors, all doctors

Notice that the part in bold clearly indicates that not all are qualified to teach. This is why people have expressed concerned with empowering the laity.

 

[pianistclare]

When your spiritual director is a priest, he can also be your confessor. When your spiritual director is not a priest, he or she probably doesn’t have the training, and certainly doesn’t have the sacramental qualification, to consider that area. I don’t mean that spiritual direction and that sacrament are the same thing, but they certainly overlap. The inability to fully address this is so significant that I don’t think what happens without a priest is really spiritual direction.

My preference is that the term “spiritual director” be reserved only for priests. That said, there is room for a lay person to be trained as a spiritual mentor, or guide, to facilitate spiritual growth. In this case, I can readily see the value of a woman with a woman, a married man with a married man, elderly person with another elderly person. Just develop another term for it.

???
Develop another term?
Spiritual Directors do not offer anything remotely similar to confession.
Spiritual Director give you advice on developing your spiritual life, not solving your personal problems. I’ve had both, lay people and ordained priests as Spiritual Directors. Both simply recommended Scriptures to meditate on and great books, retreat opportunities, etc. Advice for relationships. But they never counseled me as a confessor.
I’m not sure what you’re inferring?

 

[xzereus]

From what I understand, it was Vatican II which empowered the laity to partake in ministry and teaching. Teaching was regarded as an authority which belonged to the clergy: priests, bishops and above all, the pope. In the Council of Trent, it is clearly stated that the role of laity is to obey, not to teach. The twenty third session of the Council of Trent, Chapter IV, has this to say:

But, forasmuch as in the sacrament of Order, as also in Baptism and Confirmation, a character is imprinted, which can neither be effaced nor taken away; the holy Synod with reason condemns the opinion of those, who assert that the priests of the New Testament have only a temporary power; and that those who have once been rightly ordained, can again become laymen, if they do not exercise the ministry of the word of God. And if any one affirm, that all Christians indiscrimately are priests of the New Testament, or that they are all mutually endowed with an equal spiritual power, he clearly does nothing but confound the ecclesiastical hierarchy, which is as an army set in array; as if, contrary to the doctrine of blessed Paul, all were apostles, all prophets, all evangelists, all pastors, all doctors

Notice that the part in bold clearly indicates that not all are qualified to teach. This is why people have expressed concerned with empowering the laity.

While I am of the opinion that priests are spiritual directors are highly preferable, I do not think that the quote you have included here at all includes a statement that all are not qualified to teach. Even if it did, no one believes that all are qualified for teach, only that some other than priests are. I don’t believe that this quote really supports the notion that only priests can be spiritual directors, only that not everyone can be.

As for the other concerns, I do think it would seem that being a priest should be a highly profitable for being a spiritual director, but not an absolute requirement.

commenter:

My preference is that the term “spiritual director” be reserved only for priests. That said, there is room for a lay person to be trained as a spiritual mentor, or guide, to facilitate spiritual growth. In this case, I can readily see the value of a woman with a woman, a married man with a married man, elderly person with another elderly person. Just develop another term for it.

Saint Francis de Sales, in “Introduction to the Devout Life,” does not make a distinction between these terms. He uses them interchangeably. I also think it worth noting that Saint Francis does not declare as a requirement or even mention whether or not a spiritual director should be a priest. The only thing of note is that he uses only the word “man,” never a gender neutral term or “woman.” His requirements boil down to the following:
Saint Francis de Sales:

He must be full of charity, of knowledge, and of prudence