Transgender friends

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A few of my online friends identify as transgender males (though being biologically female), and I was wondering how to go about treating them as my sisters in Christ without driving them away at the same time. I’m afraid that when trying to discuss why their decision in changing their gender is wrong, I’ll be labelled a “transphobe” and they’ll block me out of their lives entirely. So I’ve chosen to never bring up the topic and refer to them the way they want to keep the status quo. At the same time, it feels wrong to do so, as if I’m enabling this harmful behavior without doing anything to help them. This issue has led me to have many questions, like: In what way should I address them? Should I continue to refer to them in their preferred names and pronouns? In prayer, should I use their “deadname” and pronouns, or the ones they currently identify as? Most importantly, how can I do more outside of prayer to push them in the right direction without harming our friendship?
 
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If they’re your friends, you should call them what they want to be called. If you don’t feel you can do that, then better to end the friendship.

As for “pushing them in the right direction”, gender dysphoria is a condition best handled by medical and mental health professionals. It’s not something where you can just make suggestions that they should stop being trans.

I personally think if I make a choice to be friendly with a trans person, my job is to be friendly, kind, and have pleasant social interaction with them, not to lecture them about their life choices or try to push them to do something different. I leave that stuff up to them, their doctor, their clergy, and God. Some other Catholics disagree and think it is our job to point out everyone’s sins. I would say if you do that, then you better also be pointing out all the sins your non-trans friends make as well. Pretty soon you’ll just be going around lecturing people on their sinfulness and getting into a lot of areas that aren’t your business unless perhaps you’re super close to the person (like they are your biological sister or something).

If the basis for these friendships is that you both like some video game or band or share funny memes or whatever, then fine, focus on that. If the basis for these friendships is that these folks want to discuss in great depth their decisions about being trans, then maybe this is not the friendship for you.
 
the only way for me to “deal” with “transgenderism” and the sexuality alphabet soup is to pray for the freedom and deliverance of those trapped in it. And at this point in history, is there honestly anyone who is not somehow touched by this whole issue? Friend, family member, co-worker, fellow church member? Don’t ignore, be hateful or disrespectful. The entire matter is only complicated by selfish desire. I use selfish in the purist sense; one’s thought and desire for self first and foremost. God made two genders male and female. Anything outside that is not of God. You cannot and will not change the mind of a transgender as the world under the devil’s influence has been successfully presenting any same sex attraction as normal behavior deserving acceptance as normalcy for too long and holds out anyone who expresses any thing contrary as full of hate. Be Jesus to them. Pray for them, love them, be kind and leave the understanding of it to God. He’s really the only one who does or can.
 
Since they’re “internet friends” and not IRL, I would stick to the subject that brought you all together (fandom, hobbies, whatever), and not even engage in gender discussions.

You don’t know who these people actually are, only what they portray themselves as.
“Transgender” has come to mean several different phenomena, and in some cases, “whatever the person wants it to mean in the moment”.

I would walk away from any attempts to steer online conversations into gender ideology.
 
Yeah, I’ve known people who identify as transgender to some degree, but have no interest in modifying their body, and continue to date the gender they’d date if they weren’t transgender.
 
You pretty much have two choices. Treat them the way they wish to be treated (and that includes addressing them the way they wish to be addressed), and accept them the way they are, or don’t.

If you wish to remain friends with them, go with the first option. The second option will most likely end the friendship in short order.

By going with the first, you aren’t enabling anything. You don’t really have a say in the decisions they make with the hand they are dealt.

Love all people. That is what I try to do and it works well for me. I don’t take on responsibility for changing the minds of others. If I am living my best life, I am setting a good example for those who are struggling.
 
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For starters, your= are mis-characterizing the whole matter.

they are not friends, they are acquaintances, who may or may not be friendly.

If you keep your discussions to non-gender dysphoria, you should have no problem.

If you get into gender dysphoria, then you are getting on thin ice somewhere; either in reality or in your reaction to their dysphoria. It really isn’t all that complicated.
 
JMMJ said:
Treat them the way they wish to be treated (and that includes addressing them the way they wish to be addressed), and accept them the way they are
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The problem is that the way they are and the way they wish to be addressed are most of the time two different things.

It is an impulse to help another afflicted by a false sense of reality; and indeed, we are struck with a fear that, without aiding them, they will succumb to all sorts of further such senses. Knowing that evil succeeds when good men do nothing, it seems a duty to try to aid them in love and charity. Wedded to truth, how can we let a falsehood go? Or act as though a falsehood is true? Is it not love that acts?

But alas! How does one go about this? Normally a recourse to therapy would be a nice way to help one with a false sense of reality in such a manner, but nowadays therapy often includes dangerous, expensive surgeries that rather indulge and aid in the false sense of reality.

This is why it is difficult. Prayer is the best thing we can do, and try to talk in love if one senses it is right.
 
JMMJ said:
When grandma thinks it is 1948, we go along with it.
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I have luckily never had this happen to me, at least not in a long time (and cannot say how I would act in such situation), but it isn’t right to compare someone who is losing their capability to reason and someone who is otherwise able to reason for the most part.
 
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Yes, I do believe most people would try to make grandma realize, “wait, no, it’s 2019” at least at first, as maybe she’s having an “episode”. But now I am getting off topic.
 
You could probably get away with adressing them by using second person pronouns.
 
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Call them by their preferred names and pronouns, and treat them how they’d want to be treated. If you’re still bothered, then pray for them.
 
Address them by their current name, the name they call themselves now. Names are inherently neither male nor female, they’re just names. Witness the many names that are popular with both genders (Casey, Tyler, Morgan, etc.)

In regards to pronouns, there’s no problem using the second-person pronoun (you) when communicating with them since you is gender-neutral to start with.

In regards to using third-person pronouns when referring to them when communicating with others, it’s best to avoid them and instead use their actual name (the name they currently are using for themselves).
 
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Being kind to others? Loving people regardless of their status in life? What a radically Christ-like thing to do 🙂
 
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