Trapped in hartred

  • Thread starter Thread starter Nata
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
Nata,

You really need to channel some of your anger to your husband, not just the other woman. He is manipulating you. You probably don’t feel like you are in control, but he is working hard at keeping you off balance.

He needs to cut off his contact with her - anything less than that is dishonest.

FWIW, I would bring it up to her husband. I doubt the knows - otherwise this could continue.
 
The problem is that this women told us that her husband knew that she’s cheating and pregnant. But she ask us not talk to her husband. She told us that her husband willing to accept her and the baby as long as her husband never knew who’s the real father is. That’s the situation.
…
Click to expand...
I think she is lying.
Anyway. Try to walk in the light. Put everything in the open. Tell her husband and speak to him to hear him in his own word. Tell the priest about what is going on.

I think it was St. Josemaria Escriva who said, “any one who keep the truth in secret, is an ally of the devil” or something like that.

So expose the truth. And let God work from there…

God bless
 
I wouldn’t tolerate any of it. I’d leave and try to create a new life for my child and I. This situation is not fair for you or your son. There’s no telling how much worse it can get. Do you have any parents or siblings who you can rely on for support should you break free from this mess?
 
Yes I think that Hatred is a normal emotion and I feel that it sometimes seems reasonable. HOWEVER, it is not right and it is a negative emotion. that SOB in red tights and tail LOVES hatred and he thrives in it. Jealousy envy I feel comes from hatred. Hatred of one’s self or situation or our feeling of being passed over from whoever.
I have a problem with hatred. My mortgage is behind (lost my job and the economy) I am getting calls everyday and evening 12 calls a day… But at the same time the big three are getting all kinds of help and handouts yet I keep getting the phone calls . I start feeling hatred in my heart and visualize the mortgage company going broke. I hate them I hate the fact that the big three and the banks getting a helping hand while I am going under. Yes I feel hatred and I HATE banks with a PASSION!!! So I feel that it is a normal emotion but one we must try to turn over to God and ask for his help to get out of that mindset. I have a hard time with hatred. Scoob
 
  1. Make sure the priest knows what is going on.
  2. Demand that your husband change his contact info immediately. Most cell service providers will change the number once for no additional charge.
  3. Start initiating a move to another parish if not to another town altogether.
  4. Take out a restraining order against the woman if necessary.
  5. Most important, pray for her soul. She obviously needs it.
 
You are not crazy. Your husband is manipulative and completely wrong. He should be responsible to you. You’re the one he wronged. Both she and he should have to pay for their actions. That means her husband has a right to know, you can cease contact with her, and change your contact info. If he was afraid of ruining someone else’s life, he shouldn’t have had an affair because he ruined yours. You should take control and lay down the law. If he doesn’t like it, he can accept the consequences.
 
juliasmith said:
  1. **Make sure the priest knows what is going on.**2. Demand that your husband change his contact info immediately. Most cell service providers will change the number once for no additional charge.
  2. Start initiating a move to another parish if not to another town altogether.
  3. Take out a restraining order against the woman if necessary.
  4. Most important, pray for her soul. She obviously needs it.
Click to expand...
Everyone has given you good advice. I would add a few more points.

See #1 above. Not only do you need his help and guidance but this woman (and your husband) is using her position as a leader in your parish to keep meddling in your life. No one who is doing what she is should be allowed to keep a position as a leader at the parish.

See #2 above. There is no reason this woman needs to speak to your husband for ANYTHING. The excuses he gave you are ridiculous. There is nothing your Church group does that could be considered an emergency and if she goes into labor, this is not your problem. Change your number and don’t let her have it. Your family is your first consideration.

As for your anger, it will be hard to really address it until you get this woman out of your life and insist your husband break off contact with her. With counseling, you and your husband can work through your emotions but not if she is still hanging around.
 
Norseman82 said:
It’s too bad you are not in Chicago; I’d be happy to find a gym with an open spar night and explain it to your husband with a 16-oz glove.🍿 And I would bring enough popcorn for everybody and watch!😃
Click to expand...
 
TravisandJill said:
Oh my I dont know what to say. 😦 I am sorry you are going through this. Maybe just talk to your priest and let him know your situation. I would definetly tell the other lady’s husband whats going on. And you really need to be more strict with your husband. Tell him its her or you. He can’t have both.

Maybe if you talk to your priest he will advise you if you have grounds for an anullment, its worth a try anyways. Sometimes a seperation is the best!

The other advice I have is to not sleep with him until he had been checked and cleared for STD and he has confessed and REPENTED of the affair.

Jill
Click to expand...
Ditto to that… I’m praying for you.
 
Support your own interests with any attorney. Be certain that, in the event that the alleged child is your husband’s, you will not be personally economically impacted in any way. This is something you can do today. In your shoes, I would blow this whole thing wide open. The other woman should not be permitted to control the dissemination of information. Your husband is also culpable for this offense and should be held accountable. The other husband may or may not know, but I believe it is imperative that he become aware of his wife’s entanglements and how she and your husband have thrown all of you under the bus for a romp. That stinks.

Life with the child and without the trifling “husband” would be better than living a lie for the rest of your life. Again, just an opinion, but I would never accept this situation, nor would I be willing to try to “rebuild trust” with my spouse. In my life, this would be game over.

capt
 
captbackfire said:
Support your own interests with any attorney. Be certain that, in the event that the alleged child is your husband’s, you will not be personally economically impacted in any way. This is something you can do today. In your shoes, I would blow this whole thing wide open. The other woman should not be permitted to control the dissemination of information. Your husband is also culpable for this offense and should be held accountable. The other husband may or may not know, but I believe it is imperative that he become aware of his wife’s entanglements and how she and your husband have thrown all of you under the bus for a romp. That stinks.

Life with the child and without the trifling “husband” would be better than living a lie for the rest of your life. Again, just an opinion, but I would never accept this situation, nor would I be willing to try to “rebuild trust” with my spouse. In my life, this would be game over.

capt
Click to expand...
Yes I agree with you. Adultury is one offense I cannot deal with. It would be over…I would take my child and move on. Let your husband clean up his own mess
 
captbackfire said:
Support your own interests with any attorney. Be certain that, in the event that the alleged child is your husband’s, you will not be personally economically impacted in any way. This is something you can do today. In your shoes, I would blow this whole thing wide open. The other woman should not be permitted to control the dissemination of information. Your husband is also culpable for this offense and should be held accountable. The other husband may or may not know, but I believe it is imperative that he become aware of his wife’s entanglements and how she and your husband have thrown all of you under the bus for a romp. That stinks.

Life with the child and without the trifling “husband” would be better than living a lie for the rest of your life. Again, just an opinion, but I would never accept this situation, nor would I be willing to try to “rebuild trust” with my spouse. In my life, this would be game over.

capt
Click to expand...
If this was the US, UK, Australia, that might be true. And it might be a real wake up call for her husband in that situation.

However, Nata does not live in the US. So she has to go a little more slowly than we might here. And that is not necessarily a bad thing. After all, she lives in a place where a DNA test can cost over $1000…

Divorce is nasty, period. I’ve been through that, and a decree of nullity. As a Catholic, if her marriage is salvagable, I must recommend that she try.

But I do not recommend that she allow her husband to see this woman, and I do not think she should be friends with her. I do think she should go see her priest, now, today, this minute if possible.
 
Dear all thank you so much for your kind support…

I already demand DH not to contact her in anyway, ignore her if she tried to contact him and refer her to me if she create an emergency situation. I even set up his yahoo messanger to ignore hers. But…

This morning I just found out that DH and her start talking via ym again. I’m so crushed. I don’t know what to do. Part of me want to confront DH, then come to her, slap her face, tell her to back up and announce to everybody including her husband about what she did.

But there’s other things that stop me.

First, the counselling. I really hope this counselling can help DH come to his sense. So, I’m afraid if I act now, he will back up and refuse to come. I really do want to save our marriage.

Second, I’m afraid if I bring this up to public, it will humiliate DH and make him run to her more deeply. What if her husband really leave her after that, then she will definitely come to DH. Once DH told me that if her husband leave her then our family have to help her, at least let her stay in our house. I refuse, and DH said, " Do you have a heart to leave her also? She have no where to go. Just help her as a friend." At that time I’m so mad that I told DH that if she have to stay then I will definitely will go. Then we stop talking.

Third, my DS. Once my DS crying in his bed after see us shouting each other. When we asked what’s the matter, he just shake his head and asked us to hug him. It really make me very sad and feel guilty.

I already contact my priest to set on a meeting but he haven’t reply yet. My counselling session started this weekend. Nothing I can do right now.

Arggghhh… Now I just feel very angry, hurt, sad, and helpless. I cry in my pillow and pray Our Father, Hail Mary and Glory be over and over again just to calm down.

This things make me hate her more and more…
 
As the child of a woman who was cheated on, my only regret is that she didn’t leave my dad earlier. I know it is cliche, but I’d rather come from a broken home than live in one. You don’t deserve this emotional abuse and neither does your son.
 
Nata,

You want to save your marriage. You have no marriage. You have a relationship with a man who is selfish and immature, but it is not a marriage.

Just where do you live? Do you truly believe that this other woman has conceived your “husband”'s child? She sounds like the kind of woman who would invent this sort of drama to pull a man closer to her, and then, when the time is right, claim that an unfortunate miscarriage occurred.

The bottom line as I see it is: get out, find a new Catholic community where you can thrive, raise your child in a loving environment characterized by truth, and keep moving forward. It sounds like your “husband” is unwilling to let go of his side dish; let them pursue it right into the dust. By that time you will have begun your recovery and the door will be closed to him. He does not deserve your love or loyalty. Get out.

capt
 
Forget about the woman and focus on your husband. A stranger or even a friend does not have the moral duty to you that your husband does.
Its not for any of us to say: Go and tell that adulteress about what she has done but for you to stand up to your husband. He is the primary adulterer to you. Are you afraid to realise HE is the one who has cheated on you? is is safer for you to direct your just anger at the woman?
Do you have any selfrespect … and do you understand that your husband has willingly slept with another woman, comitted adultery, gotten her pregnant and lied to you repeatedly?
This should be your concern.
Are you angry… place it at the person who has wronged you most. You are clearly from another culture than the American and think somehow the main responsibility rests with your female friend and somehow your husband is not responsible but has been seduced, but this is not so, and you have to be honest to your self about it.
I’d say you should seperate your self from your husband, try to built up your own life and respect for your self and let him earn your trust again over an extensive period of time, if he so desires. He needs to seriously clean up his act.

Grace
 
Nata said:
…

This morning I just found out that DH and her start talking via ym again. I’m so crushed. I don’t know what to do. Part of me want to confront DH, then come to her, slap her face, tell her to back up and announce to everybody including her husband about what she did.
The person who needs to be slapped is your HUSBAND.
…

Once DH told me that if her husband leave her then our family have to help her, at least let her stay in our house. I refuse, and DH said, " Do you have a heart to leave her also? She have no where to go. Just help her as a friend." At that time I’m so mad that I told DH that if she have to stay then I will definitely will go. Then we stop talking.
WHAT ON THE EARTH CAN YOUR HUSBAND SAY SUCH NON-SENSE??? Extremely selfish and unreasonable! I cannot even comprehend why he can TELL you such a thing after he’s done such wrong things to you, your DS, and God. If he truly felt bad about what he did and was willing to work on his marriage, he wouldn’t be telling you to take care of “the other lady.” Sorry, I just can’t get him at all…and I am getting angry!! I admire you so much for not spilling it to the public (I would have spilled it all over out of anger if I were you.) and still trying to keep your wedding vows even after hearing those “stupid” requests of your husband.
…

Arggghhh… Now I just feel very angry, hurt, sad, and helpless. I cry in my pillow and pray Our Father, Hail Mary and Glory be over and over again just to calm down.
I think you are doing the right thing here. Keep praying…especially for your DS.

…
Click to expand...
 
Here is a website that might help: wifeboat.com/

You are in my prayers. 😦

*Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with Thee. Blessed art Thou among women and blessed is the fruit of Thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen. *

Come Holy Spirit, come by means of the powerful intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, your well beloved spouse. Come Holy Spirit, come by means of the powerful intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, your well beloved spouse. Come Holy Spirit, come by means of the powerful intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, your well beloved spouse.

For the sake of his sorrowful passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world! For the sake of his sorrowful passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world! For the sake of his sorrowful passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world!

O Mary, conceived without sin, pray for us who have recourse to thee!
Sorrowful and Immaculate Heart of Mary, pray for us!

*Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with Thee. Blessed art Thou among women and blessed is the fruit of Thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen. *
 
Forget the legalities, just leave. Move out and go live with your parents or a friend until you can get on your feet.

Stop letting him put the guilt of what might happen to him and her on you. They are the ones who got naked and sweaty in the sack and destroyed their marriages. The shame is THEIRS not yours! Let them live in it… they deserve it.

Honey, your husband is a total loss. He doesn’t care about you. Accept that reality and move on. Parent your child, concentrate on him and his needs. Leave your husband to his fate. Make everything legal and official when you can, but DO get a lawyer, protect your rights, set up child support, etc.

If either one of these people cared about their children and families, they would not have done this to any of the innocent parties. Let them reap what they have sown and worry about YOURSELF.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top