OLHope, are you talking about avoiding rumours just to avoid them, or in terms of scandal? I don’t think avoiding scandal goes as far as having to stay in separate hotels. I think for that, one hotel but two rooms is already enough and taking friends along would be somewhat like caving in to gossipers… excessive, if you ask me.
You might have instigating friends.
Avoiding both, that is why it is frowned upon in family, in the church, cohabitation is wrong, but why, for what reason? I used to think this was a great idea because then you could know the other persons behaviors and bad habits in advance without having to marry them. My pastor states, that the other person will always have them, but that is the test and stress of a marriage, that you can endure it, after a while you have kids, that keeps you off track, and you get used to the silly habits.
I do not think that having two rooms(same hotel) will fix or help this either, just throwing out another scenario. It could be the same as having one room. If OP says to parents that he is going on a weekend trip to Vermont, and his gf is going with him. If his parents are strict or disapproving, they will not simply allow or condone it. So he says, ok well, it will be alright because we got seperate rooms!!! Oh well then, the parents will think, oh ok, nothing wrong with that, that proves they were separated… Uhhhh , nah uh!
My situation is not any better if he actually parks the car to see her up at the other hotel. Either situation can be touted in scandal/hearsay as one maybe staying over by the other ALONE to themselves, very interested in each other and NOT married…, and that is how dirt starts…, however many people especially teens are of the mindset that they can do sa-hoo many things that are not sex(making out/other disgusting deviances not worth mentioning).
Having the friends there (hopefully just as religious), would help because then they were all together when doing things. So they go to Vermont, all four of them get ready at the same time, him in his room, her and her friends in her room, they go out to walk on the street windowshopping all at the same time, they all eat together at the same time… initially you spend all your time together and poop out to sleep at your rooms together with no alone time…, this is hiring yourselves a babysitter, this is archaic, whatever…, it works (if you have the right set of friends). Now this is something my family did in generations past. Except the friends had to be brothers and sisters and/or cousins (they were sure to tell on you).
All of this stems from so many generations of skepticism and false persecution based solely on suspicion and lack of trust(not that all of it was not properly understood, we all know many people in these circumstance deviant, in fact most do, we just come to accept it in society). Taking you back since the times of Verona. Most homes with daughters usually have balconies to meet a courting gentleman. YEP, lock up your daughters gentlemen, TRUST in no one. And that was the way it was. Architecture made it difficult to scale your way to a window, and most balconies were above a busy room downstairs, like the kitchen, WHERE btw, all of your family heard any conversation.
Now today, there is still this 95-98% skepticism in any person who cares about this still. The church does, why do you think they ask you outright about your living arrangements when you marry. Roughly 50-60% of pre cana couples are cohabitating, and it is their job to stop it. Vehemently, but what can the church do if they do not listen to them? Turn away more Catholics at a tender time in our history? Many disapproving parents say YES, many have shook down a priest and disgraced him for going on with it.
Like someone else stated, just do the day trips, there’s tons of stuff to do when you do the research. Spend time with the friends in the group, or ask a friend in town if you or her could bunk with them…, there are so many ways. Not all of them will ease some people, but what can you do.
Lastly, telling most people that you went with her alone on a weekend or week vacation is still frowned upon, then if conversation even gets to the arrangements, well you are screwed, I mean let’s say jay is 27 like his name might suggest (Im the master of suspicion, hahhaha), and his future gf is also 27, when their parents ask them where they went and an “Ohhhh…, but dont worry we didnt do anything” slips or anything to that effect…, no matter what, the reception to that is always a furoughed brow…,chances are good that they will have to resort to arguments that teens engage in. Two 27-year olds are old enough to understand why it is not right. I think it is what it really boils down to. We all have free will. When the OP does finally date, he should consult his pastor about it, or figure out how they make arrangements for that kind of stuff for say…, an engagement encounters weekend (like pre cana, more intensive).
Well I guess that’s why we’re human!!!
I love my fiance and this baby but man do I hate myself for being so irresponsible! I do feel ashamed…
